Work Text:
The desire to not exist is a strange one.
you still feel sorrow, anger, embarrassment, disgust, wonder, peace, hysteria, awe, boredom, resentment, outrage, envy, relief, contentment, grief.
grief is an odd feeling.
you may feel grief for a lost pet, a loved one no longer here, a late friend, even yourself.
you grieve who you once were. a baby, a toddler, a child, and now, a teenager.
not quite an adult, not quite a child, still figuring out yourself.
you don't know what love is, yet you long for it.
you spend your days doing nothing of importance, you wake up, you get out of bed, you get dressed, you brush your teeth, you go to school, you hang-out with your only two friends with an end, you ignore your homework, you grieve yourself despite being alive, you eat, you brush your teeth again, you hide your feelings, your past, your desires, you hide yourself from those you know will accept you, you sleep, you repeat five times over, you spend your days doing nothing of importance, you wake up, you get out of bed, you get dressed, you brush your teeth, you go to school, you hang-out with your only two friends with an end, you ignore your homework, you grieve yourself despite being alive, you eat, you brush your teeth again, you hide your feelings, your past, your desires, you hide yourself from those you know will accept you, you sleep, you repeat five times over, you spend your days doing nothing of importance, you wake up, you get out of bed, you get dressed, you brush your teeth, you go to school, you hang-out with your only two friends with an end, you ignore your homework, you grieve yourself despite being alive, you eat, you brush your teeth again, you hide your feelings, your past, your desires, you hide yourself from those you know will accept you, you sleep, you repeat five times over, you spend your days doing nothing of importance, you wake up, you get out of bed, you get dressed, you brush your teeth, you go to school, you hang-out with your only two friends with an end, you ignore your homework, you grieve yourself despite being alive, you eat, you brush your teeth again, you hide your feelings, your past, your desires, you hide yourself from those you know will accept you, you sleep, you repeat five times over, you spend your days doing nothing of importance, you wake up, you get out of bed, you get dressed, you brush your teeth, you go to school, you hang-out with your only two friends with an end, you ignore your homework, you grieve yourself despite being alive, you eat, you brush your teeth again, you hide your feelings, your past, your desires, you hide yourself from those you know will accept you, you sleep, you repeat five times over,
you grieve for those you have met, you grieve for those you never met, you grieve for those you have yet to meet, you grieve for those you will never meet, you grieve those you will meet, whether it be in days, weeks, months, or years.
you loathe me, you loath him, you loath her whom you never met, you loath them who you did, you loath yourself for whom you will never truly meet.