Archive of Our Own

If you ask Eunseok where it all started, he would probably point you to the menace that is Anton Lee. Well, actually, Eunseok would have to take you back seven years in time to show you where it all really started, but that’s besides the point right now. If you asked Eunseok where all of this started, he’d point to Anton. At close proximity, in the form of a fist. 

Eunseok loves Anton, he really does. He’s like a soft-spoken puppy. Anton is cute, he’s adorable, everything a maknae should be, and all that jazz. He is, however, also too curious for his own sake. Eunseok and Anton get along quite well, which is ironic because he’s the longest trainee amongst the group and Anton had been barely one year into training before debuting. None of that matters right now, though.  

The problem starts with Anton opening his big mouth and talking to Sungchan in that same soft tone that no one can deny from talking. From there, the problem spirals into Sungchan’s overthinking, so bad that it leads to Sungchan storming into Eunseok’s room at nearly one in the morning. 

They should all be asleep. They have had a day full of schedules and tomorrow is the first day of comeback preparations. They should all be asleep, but Eunseok isn’t. Neither is Sungchan, apparently. He looks up from his computer, eyes wide and mildly sheepish at having been caught awake so late. 

Normally, Sungchan would either be asleep or he’d be storming into Eunseok’s room with a mockingly stern glare and ordering him to sleep. Eunseok would roll his eyes and remind Sungchan he’s not the leader of the group, he shouldn’t fret too much about that stuff. Eunseok’s a big boy, he can handle that much himself. 

But Sungchan doesn’t even care for the excessive gunfire echoing through Eunseok’s low volume, only staring at him with those wide, helpless eyes like always. 

Eunseok only stares back in silence. 

“Do you think we’re good?”

Eunseok frowns despite himself. 

“Uh.” He looks at the computer screen, sighing shortly before turning it off hastily. Eunseok turns on the chair to look at Sungchan again. He looks petrified, standing by Eunseok’s bedroom door, hands behind himself on the handle. “Like— we as in Riize?” Eunseok asks awkwardly. 

“No,” Sungchan says quietly. “Like. Us.”

“Us?”

Sungchan nods his head silently before flopping into Eunseok’s bed. Jung Sungchan is much larger than he’d like to be. It’s quite adorable, if you ask Eunseok. Even at fifteen years old, Sungchan had seemed to be painfully unaware of how big he is compared to others. He’d play fight and always win, try to squeeze into gaps between trainees because he thought he’d fit comfortably. Even now, Sungchan curls himself into Eunseok’s bed and tries to make himself small. It would be cute if it wasn’t worrying to Eunseok. 

“Chan-ah?”

“Well.” Sungchan splutters for a moment, almost as if he is hesitant to tell Eunseok. “It’s not Chanyoung’s fault,” he says quickly, shooting Eunseok a tentative look. “He was just asking.”

“You’re not telling me,” Eunseok cuts in, too impatient.

“He just asked, like,” Sungchan sighs. “About us.”

Eunseok stares at Sungchan blankly. He gives in, far too weak at the hands of Sungchan. Eunseok crawls onto his bed, shifts around Sungchan to lie beside him until their bodies align. Sungchan’s response is automatic, reflexive, instant in the way he wraps his arms around Eunseok and buries his face in the soft black hair on his head. Eunseok sighs softly and waits. 

“Like us being a couple.”

Eunseok, for however much he really wants to look Sungchan in the eyes, doesn’t move. He lets Sungchan tighten the embrace, hide his face some more from Eunseok and lets him continue speaking. 

“I think he’s just curious now that he’s dating Wonbin.”

“What does that have to do with us?”

Sungchan laughs, even though Eunseok wasn’t really trying to be funny. 

“It made me think,” Sungchan says, clearly more comfortable now because he’s not muffling the words into Eunseok’s scalp. “About how we don’t do anything romantic.”

Eunseok pulls away from Sungchan’s hold. Not enough to be entirely untangled, but enough to look at Sungchan’s face. 

“Huh?”

“You know,” Sungchan looks shy now, and Eunseok stares right at him. It’s nice not being the one that’s flustered for once. “We don’t, like, go on dates, or whatever.”

“Sungchan, we’ve been trainees since we were fifteen,” Eunseok says quietly. “You debuted once right after we got together and then we broke up.” 

“Okay, but we got back together like two months later.”

Eunseok softens, a hand coming up to pat over Sungchan’s soft hair. He didn’t mean to be so blunt, or well, maybe he did, but he didn’t mean to upset Sungchan. He knows Sungchan doesn’t like to think about that part of their past, but Eunseok had to deal with it in a very different way. Sungchan got to busy himself with debuting in an established group and Eunseok had to deal with missing out— again. And it’s not even that he missed out on debuting, he had to miss out on Sungchan. On their first real chance of being together. It had been a total of five months in 2019, from one monthly evaluation to Sungchan being told he’ll debut in another group. 

They had broken up then, too unsure and too scared to risk it all for whatever secret kisses they had shared. 

Eunseok had hidden it away with aiming to be the top trainee at every evaluation, wasting his days away with training and practice and anything except for looking at Sungchan onstage. 

“We’re idols,” Eunseok says simply. “We don’t—it’s not easy. We can’t be an average couple.”

“I know.” Sungchan flops onto his back and blinks at Eunseok’s ceiling quietly. “It’s just,” he cuts himself off, whispering quietly to himself. “I don’t know. It’s stupid.”

“What did Chanyoung say?” Eunseok asks, too curious, but also knowing Sungchan is waiting for a sign to continue explaining himself. 

“He didn’t even say anything,” Sungchan laughs bitterly. “He was asking me about dating advice.”

“Chan-ah,” Eunseok calls. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Sungchan promises. “It’s just— don’t you ever want to be romantic?”

Eunseok blinks at him silently. “What?”

Sungchan looks at him, bambi eyes softening. 

“We went to Paris,” Sungchan says suddenly. “And the nicest thing we did there was walk around a gallery. And that was only nice because I got to be with you for it.”

“We were in Paris for two days,” Eunseok adds. “And my jet lag was bad, but if you wanted to— to go out together, you could have said.”

“Like,” Sungchan twists around again, fidgety as always. “What about LA? We were there for weeks.”

“Your jet lag was bad. You hadn’t slept for practically twenty-four hours.”

“Japan?”

“Okay,” Eunseok tries to mediate. “What about Lisbon? We shared the hotel room for the whole week and a half.”

Sungchan goes quiet and thinks about it for a moment. 

“But it’s not just about the—the overseas stuff. What about everyday?”

“I don’t get it,” Eunseok admits. “You don’t— am I not showing you enough affection?”

“Yeah,” Sungchan sighs. “No?” He sighs again. “I don’t know.”

“I do love you, Sungchan,” Eunseok says seriously then. “Like. I am in love with you.” 

It’s not something they don’t say to each other. To be honest, Sungchan is probably the person who hears Eunseok say those three words the most. Eunseok means it differently with Sungchan, and Sungchan means it the same way for Eunseok. They just don’t say it in words very often, not anymore. It’s in the silent offering of Sungchan’s jacket to Eunseok when he gets cold sweats in practice. It’s in Eunseok looking at Sungchan when making a stupid dad joke, waiting to hear his laugh. 

“I know,” Sungchan replies softly. “Wonbin calls Chanyoung these cute nicknames, though.”

Eunseok looks at Sungchan before his face begins to twitch with humour. “Is this about him saying Chanton that one time? You want me to call you Chanton?”

Sungchan sighs, untangling himself from Eunseok’s lanky grip. 

“Forget it.”

“No,” Eunseok calls after him hastily, arms reaching out. “Sungchan. Wait.”

 He barely gets a grip on Sungchan’s waist but it’s enough for his boyfriend to turn back around in defeat. Sungchan sits upright at the end of Eunseok’s bed, his back hunched over. Eunseok sidles up behind him, hugging Sungchan gently from behind. It’s not as awkward as it might look, Sungchan is actually pretty easy to bundle up in his arms. 

“I’m sorry,” Eunseok says then. “What do you want from me? You want nicknames?”

“I want…” Sungchan fades off into his thoughts and Eunseok waits silently. “Romance, you know,” he mumbles eventually. “Like. Chanyoung and Wonbin, they’re sickeningly sweet and—and—you know?”

“Chanyoung and Wonbin have been dating for, like, three months,” Eunseok supplies. “They’re in that honeymoon phase. And it’s kind of annoying.”

“That’s what I’m saying,” Sungchan huffs. “We didn’t have that!”

“Sungchan, we’ve been dating for nearly five years.” When Sungchan doesn’t respond or even lift his head, Eunseok shifts to sit beside him. “Are you really upset about this?”

“I’m just saying,” Sungchan repeats. “We don’t do things like a normal young couple.”

“What do you want me to do, dude?”

Sungchan turns to Eunseok in panic. “Not call me dude for starters!” 

Eunseok laughs despite himself. He does try to stop it, he really does, but there’s something about the panic and pure bewilderment in Sungchan’s eyes that sets him off. It’s only a quiet, teasing snicker anyways, but Sungchan glares at Eunseok like he’s pointing and laughing. 

“We should break up.”

Eunseok chokes on his snickering. He looks at Sungchan, mostly amused and cheeks still warm. When Sungchan’s face doesn’t budge from its serious expression, Eunseok’s heart stops cold in his chest. 

“What?”

“I said we should just break up.”

“Sungchan,” Eunseok says. “Be serious.”

“I am. Deadly serious.”

“Dude, you can’t—”

“Stop calling me dude!”

“What’s the problem?!”

“You,” Sungchan says, eyes tracing Eunseok’s features like they do whenever he’s coming up with an idea. Eunseok holds his breath, it’s never quite straightforward with Sungchan and his ideas. “You gotta be more romantic.”

“Okay,” Eunseok placates. “Okay, I’ll try to stop calling you dude.”

“No, like, we should break up and you should win me back by being romantic.”

“Are you kidding?”

Sungchan shakes his head easily. He looks at Eunseok, seemingly pleased with his decision and Eunseok wants to bash his own head in. Actually, he thinks he might just go upstairs and bash Anton’s head in. He watches Sungchan stand up, eyes following him like a lost puppy. 

“Wait, wait,” Eunseok calls. He rushes to stand up too, catching Sungchan before he walks out of Eunseok’s room. Sungchan stops immediately, letting Eunseok wrap his fingers around his wrist even though they’re technically broken up right now. “Is this legit? Like. You’re breaking up with me? For real?”

“Well, no,” Sungchan gives in. He places a palm over Eunseok’s cheek carefully, thumbs rubbing at the rosiness on his face adoringly. “Obviously I’m not breaking up with you, ever. Unless I die.” Sungchan pauses. “Actually not even then. If you dated after I die, I’d haunt you.”

“I wouldn’t.”

“But I am breaking up with you. Metaphorically?”

Eunseok shakes his head in disbelief. 

“In the name of love,” Sungchan clarifies. “Spontaneity or whatever.”

“So you are breaking up with me?”

“Sure.”

“You’re twisted,” Eunseok says darkly. 

“It’s all in the name of love… dude.”

“Can we still kiss?” Eunseok asks plainly. Sungchan blinks at him in surprise. 

“Oh.” He shrugs his shoulders. “But we’re broken up.”

Eunseok responds in the form of dropping his head into Sungchan’s chest in defeat. 

“Can I kill Chanyoung?”

“No,” Sungchan laughs. “He’s like our son. You can’t kill him.”

“Can I at least kiss you now?” Eunseok asks shyly. “Just once. God knows if we’ll ever get back together.”

Sungchan takes Eunseok’s face into his large hands, placing a simple kiss to his lips. Eunseok presses deeper, acting fast because he knows Sungchan will be sly with it. But if Eunseok is one step ahead, Sungchan is two. He pulls away quickly, laughing softly at Eunseok’s forlorn expression. Sungchan kisses his nose once before moving away properly. 

“Goodnight, Eunseok.”

He lets Sungchan leave without giving a response. Eunseok stands in his bedroom, weirdly choked up over their fake break up. He sighs heavily, flopping onto his bed and reaching for his phone. 

Friday 17 January 

1:54AM

BlackShadow:

Anton Lee 

You are lucky. 

Your life will be spared this time. 

Anton Chanyoung Lee

?

What?

??

Hyung???

Eunseok sits in the corner of the practice room, knees pulled to his chest and hair flopped over into his eyes. Shotaro is next to him, making noises and comments, Eunseok isn’t really listening. It doesn’t take long for Shotaro to notice something is off with Eunseok, having been the unofficial buffer between the two of them for almost three years now. 

When Sungchan bustles into the practice room with Sohee and Anton, Shotaro nudges Eunseok. 

“Your boyfriend’s here, now,” he teases. “You can look alive.”

“We broke up,” Eunseok says, eyes still stuck to Sungchan and the way he’s handing out drinks for everyone. 

Shotaro freezes, eyes widening in a way that would be comical if Shotaro were not fundamentally adorable in everything he does. 

“What?!” 

Eunseok looks away from Shotaro quickly. The exclamation had been loud enough to get the attention of everyone in the room, which includes some staff members who do not know about their relationship. Though, Eunseok reminds himself, there isn’t a relationship anymore. 

“What?” Shotaro asks again, still scandalised, just with a whisper. 

Eunseok shrugs his shoulders. “He said I wasn’t romantic enough. So he broke up with me.”

“What?” Shotaro repeats and Eunseok begins to wonder if he’s a broken robot. 

“What?” Eunseok wonders out loud. 

Shotaro stares at him. “Sungchan,” he says, pointing at said man on the other side of the room. His eyes are still stuck to Eunseok, though. “Jung Sungchan. You’re saying he broke up with you?”

Eunseok shifts in his seat. He shrugs his shoulders blankly.

“What’s so hard to believe about it?”

“The fact that you’ve broken up,” Shotaro answers simply. 

“Yeah, well,” Eunseok sighs. “Take that up with Chanyoung.”

“What?” 

It’s almost funny: how lost Shotaro is. Eunseok would feel bad with how vague he is being if he was not so preoccupied with thinking of ways to be romantic. He scoffs to himself, burying his head in his hands and laughing quietly.

“Are you okay?” Shotaro asks, a hand on Eunseok’s shoulder.

Eunseok doesn’t move. He waits quietly, then in an even quieter voice, he asks: “is he looking?”

Shotaro doesn’t respond immediately, but he soon hums in affirmation. Eunseok lifts his head suddenly, eyes meeting Sungchan’s before he can look away. Eunseok sends a wink his way, heart fluttering at how quickly Sungchan looks away instead of actually responding. 

“Do you think we’re sickeningly sweet?” 

“Oh,” Shotaro actively thinks about the question. “Sometimes,” he answers. “I mean. I’m always in between you two so… I probably just notice things better than others.”

“Hm.”

“But are you being serious?” Shotaro asks, eyes jumping from one end of the practice room to the other. “About breaking up.”

“Ask Sungchan.”

He half expects Shotaro to get up and ask right at this moment, but he doesn’t. He sits up, though, looks over at Sungchan with curious eyes, but he doesn’t actually get up. 

“What does Chanyoung know?” Shotaro asks.

“Chanyoung asked Sungchan for relationship advice,” Eunseok explains simply. “Sungchan spiralled.”

“Ah.”

Shotaro nods like it all suddenly makes sense. The worst part is, Eunseok gets it. It does make sense for Sungchan to jump to a conclusion from his overthinking. He just didn’t think it would make Sungchan break up with him. 

Even now, as Eunseok watches Wonbin fawn over Anton gently, he wonders if he had really neglected Sungchan that much. He gnaws on his lip unknowingly, too lost in his thoughts to notice Sungchan walking over with a cup. He doesn’t notice until there’s ice cold being pressed against his cheek. Eunseok jumps back, gritting his teeth to stop himself from swearing in front of everyone. 

Sungchan looks down at him with those imploring eyes like always. His hand is outstretched, the ice cold drink in his hands as a peace offering. Eunseok keeps eye contact as he takes the drink, sighing softly before looking away to take a long sip. 

“Stop staring at them.”

Eunseok avoids Sungchan’s gaze. “I wasn’t staring.”

He vaguely feels Shotaro’s hesitant eyes on them, becoming too flustered to do anything about it. Eunseok keeps his head down, already knowing the red tips of his ears will give him away. 

“Wait,” Shotaro says, looking at Sungchan with a frown. “He said you broke up with him.”

“Mhm.”

“Why are you…” Shotaro makes a gesture towards the direction of where Sungchan has buried his hand into Eunseok’s hair comfortingly. He points at it helplessly. Sungchan only keeps patting over Eunseok’s hair softly. “Is this some kind of Korean couple thing I don’t get?” Shotaro asks bluntly. 

“No,” Eunseok answers just as bluntly. “And couple items are really not hard to understand.”

It had been Sungchan’s idea. It’s always Sungchan’s idea, but Eunseok is always the fool that follows him. Calling it an idea is a compliment, really. It was more of a dare from Sungchan, for the two of them to show up to practice in matching t-shirts. T-shirts with Sungchan wearing tank top, that is. The members spent the entire day making fun of them, but Sungchan had seemed to preen with each joke. 

Eunseok hasn’t worn the damned thing since, but it’s folded very neatly beneath all the other clothes he had stolen from Sungchan over the years.  

Shotaro looks at them both carefully before nodding his head. “It’s a Sungchan thing,” he says, more to himself than anyone else. “That makes sense.”

“Yeah,” Eunseok mumbles. 

“What?” Sungchan looks down at them both with wide, blank eyes. “What does that mean?” He questions. “A Sungchan thing?”

Eunseok stays silent and Shotaro only shrugs his shoulders vaguely. Sungchan looks at them in despair, confusion painted over his frown. He turns around helplessly, looking at everyone else. 

“Guys,” he calls. “What’s a Sungchan thing?”

“Like, when you do something only you would think of,” Sohee explains pretty easily. 

“What?” Sungchan asks. “Isn’t that more of Eunseok’s image?” He deflects. “An Eunseok thing makes more sense.”

“Maybe you got it from him,” Anton cuts in, voice soft as ever. “They say over time you start to resemble your lover.” 

Eunseok glares at him from across the practice room. 

“Be careful about what you say around people,” Eunseok says, maybe harsher than he means to because Anton shrinks into himself silently. 

“There’s no staff around,” he mumbles to Wonbin helplessly.

“Hyung, he’s just being nice,” Wonbin defends. 

“Jung Sungchan isn’t my lover,” Eunseok admits. The silence that encompasses the practice room is enough to make heat prickle through his skin and show up in the form of red blooming over it. “Not anymore,” he mumbles stupidly. 

The first reaction he gets is Shotaro’s comforting hand on his shoulder. The second is Sohee’s loud laughter. Eunseok looks at him darkly. It takes five seconds of lonely laughter for the reality to hit Sohee, he pauses abruptly, eyes wide and neck popping forward like a bird squawking in shock. 

“You’re being serious?”

Sungchan’s hand has stopped moving, but his fingers are all tangled up in Eunseok’s overgrown hair. He looks at their reflection in the mirror and understands why everyone is struggling to believe them. He sighs again. 

“Ask Sungchan,” he deflects simply. 

Sungchan pulls his hand away instantly, looking far too bewildered. Eunseok almost scoffs in disbelief. 

“I—it’s in the name of love!” Sungchan clarifies quickly and loudly. Eunseok drops his head in defeat. 

“You broke up with him…” Wonbin says, voice gravelly and confused. “For love?”

“Yeah.”

“Wait, wait.” Sohee puts his hands forward as if he can grasp the situation in his hands. “Are you saying you don’t love Eunseok hyung anymore?” 

Eunseok frowns, unable to stop the ugly feeling from tugging on his face until he’s looking at Sungchan unhappily. Sungchan’s eyes flick to his frown, his own eyes tinted with some deep longing that only Eunseok can pluck out from beneath the regular bambi-esque yearning. Sungchan shakes his head lightly, still looking at Eunseok earnestly. 

“No,” he mumbles stupidly. “I do.”

“So you broke up because you love him?” Wonbin asks. 

“Yeah,” Sungchan says, whatever sadness he felt is completely erased now.

Eunseok looks at Shotaro helplessly. 

“You gotta help me, man,” he begs. Eunseok keeps his voice low, only directed to Shotaro because he knows Shotaro will get it. 

The oldest member only pats Eunseok’s shoulder weakly before clapping his hands loudly. 

“Let’s practice!” He urges the rest of the group, standing up quickly. 

Eunseok moves slowly, letting Sungchan stride over to his position without any worry. He watches Anton and Wonbin exchange long glances before untangling themselves from where they’ve been sitting on the sofa. Wonbin is silent but gentle in the way he brushes Anton’s hair out of his eyes, Anton is certain in the way he places a reassuring hand on Wonbin’s chest. Eunseok bites on his lip and looks at Sungchan’s reflection in the mirror. 

Would Sungchan like that? Eunseok wonders to himself. Sungchan’s hair is never as long as Anton’s, he keeps it at a length where it won’t fall into his eyes so much. He doesn’t like to be touched when he’s all sweaty from practice or the gym. Eunseok watches Sungchan, focusing on the way he counts the steps in his head, the lyrics silently tumbling out of his mouth between the counts. He barely registers his lack of awareness, his miscalculated steps, until he knocks into Anton clumsily. 

Everyone’s footsteps falter into stuttered echoes and then quietness. Shotaro looks at Anton and Eunseok, half hesitant because he’s always soft with Anton and maybe, just for once, he’s feeling a bit bad for Eunseok. 

Still, he points at Anton and while panting, blames it on him. The poor boy doesn’t even argue Eunseok’s unfair allegation, only apologising quickly before jumping back to his starting position. Eunseok thinks Anton owes him that much at least, it technically is his fault Eunseok messed up the choreography. 

Eunseok fully tunes out after that. He’s pretty good at it, too. It doesn’t take a lot of his effort to drown out Shotaro’s mumbling or Wonbin’s grumbling, Eunseok has been doing it since before they were in the group. What he has always been bad at, however, is ignoring Jung Sungchan. For however much Eunseok prides himself on being stone-like, stoic, and level-headed, it all goes flying out the window where Sungchan is concerned. 

It used to annoy Eunseok at first. It used to bug him to the point he would actively avoid Sungchan entirely; he had been seventeen and falling in love with the guy he’d hang out with everyday. Sungchan would never need to know, Eunseok would convince himself. Soon one out of the two of them would debut, or they’d debut together but by then Eunseok would be able to ignore the weird fluttering in his chest whenever Sungchan smiles innocently. 

Sungchan has never changed. When Eunseok first met him, he was this fifteen-year-old lanky kid who spoke way too fast for how much he’d stutter on his words, and he spoke way too much about football for Eunseok to even pretend to care. He used to have awfully overgrown hair that would get in the way and he’d always complain but he never cared to cut it. 

Every morning before dance classes, Sungchan would show up in his football shirts and long hair, sneaking Eunseok a strawberry milk even though there were at least six other guys with them. He would give Eunseok that sweet, toothy grin and bump shoulders softly. 

“We’re the only ones the same age,” he had explained to Eunseok quietly. “Friends.”

Sungchan’s hair isn’t that long anymore. It’s enough to sweep over his forehead and curl up just before his eyelashes can get tangled up in the lengths. Eunseok likes to push the hair aside when Sungchan falls asleep beside him, in a hotel room or in the car ride back to the dorm. Sungchan always forgets how much it irritates him while he sleeps, and Eunseok never forgets.

His hair hangs off his forehead as he stands over Eunseok, looking down at him with those naturally helpless eyes. Eunseok barely glances up at him, content to stay curled up by the wall of the practice room. 

“Hey.”

Eunseok blinks at Sungchan silently. His gaze shifts from Sungchan’s eyes to his outstretched hand. He’s holding some sort of energy bar, at least, Eunseok presumes that much. Sungchan’s grip covers most of the packaging. 

“What?” 

Sungchan doesn’t even flinch at Eunseok’s blank tone, probably chalking it up to tiredness and exhaustion. He’s not wrong, but Eunseok is also feeling a little too much like that seventeen-year-old boy dealing with his unrequited crush for the first time all over again. He stiffens unconsciously when Sungchan falls to sit beside him, all huffy and excessive in every move he makes. Eunseok looks around the practice room, eyes honing in on Anton and Wonbin, wondering if this is what Sungchan really wants.

“You know,” Sungchan starts, voice gentle like it always is when he talks to Eunseok. “You don’t have to be so harsh on him.”

Eunseok scoffs. “You broke up with me because of what he said to you.”

“That’s not–” Sungchan purses his lips, twists in his seat and looks at Eunseok expectantly. “Eunseok.” He waits until Eunseok finally looks him in the eyes. “It’s not a break up,” he argues weakly. “It’s like– a test.”

“We’re either dating, or we’re not, Sungchan.”

“Come on,” Sungchan urges, nudging Eunseok a little too harshly than he had meant to. 

Eunseok lands on his palm, leaning downwards enough that Sungchan crawls over to him. He’s half-looming over Eunseok, eyes serious and focused. Eunseok shifts awkwardly, looking around in case someone has noticed the sudden shift in their positions.

“Sungchan.”

Sungchan doesn’t say anything, only continues to watch Eunseok in the eerie silence. He tilts his head curiously, brown eyes twinkling with something Eunseok has never quite understood about Sungchan. Still, Eunseok knows where that look in Sungchan’s eyes leads to, and he holds his breath in anticipation. Silently, he moves backwards, pulling Eunseok with him.

“You could have kissed me,” Eunseok mumbles, only half-pathetically. “There’s no staff around.”

“You’re supposed to be wooing me,” Sungchan reminds Eunseok, head still tilted curiously. “You’re really bad at it.”

“I–” Eunseok frowns. “I’ve known you for nearly ten years,” he defends. “What is there to woo?”

“Wow,” Sungchan feigns being stabbed in the chest. Eunseok rolls his eyes. “Thanks, Seok-ah. I love you, too.”

Eunseok tuts, nudging Sungchan’s foot with his own weakly. “You know I love you,” he murmurs softly. “Don’t be like that.”

“I’m just asking for you to be a little more spontaneous,” Sungchan explains gently, brushing a hand through Eunseok’s hair. The touch lingers because Sungchan is always too invested for his own good, rubbing some strands of hair between his fingertips before tucking it back. He runs his fingertips over Eunseok’s sharp features, pouting cutely. “Not for you to parade it around that I’ve broken up with you.”

Eunseok moves Sungchan’s hand away from his jaw, taking it into his own and pressing it to his lips slowly. 

“But Sungchan,” he mumbles against the back of his hand. Eunseok looks at him while kissing his hand once more before dropping it thoughtlessly. “You did break up with me.” Sungchan only pouts some more. “Besides,” Eunseok sighs. “Romance isn’t something you can come up with overnight, you know.”

“What?” Sungchan perks up. Eunseok almost laughs at how easy it is to get a reaction out of him. “What do you mean?”

“I mean,” Eunseok takes Sungchan’s face into his hands and pulls him in closer, just enough so he can talk quietly. “I can be romantic, Jung Sungchan. Just when you least expect it.”

“Wait–” Sungchan’s voice is only half-intelligible from where Eunseok is having a field day squishing his cheeks together. He blinks at Eunseok sweetly, bambi-eyes wide and manipulating. Eunseok almost gives in, almost leaves a light kiss on Sungchan’s nose, but he doesn’t. Sungchan’s face blooms into a pretty flush of pink. “Eunseok–”

He laughs quietly, letting go of Sungchan and standing up from his seat on the floor. Eunseok grabs the energy bar and waves it around.

“Thanks for this,” he tells Sungchan lightly, far too amused.

“Song Eunseok,” Sungchan warns, hastily standing up too. 

“Practice is starting again,” Eunseok says, walking away before Sungchan can even say anything more. 

In Eunseok’s defence, he thinks being pretty open with his emotions is already romantic enough. He’s not like Sungchan or Anton, he doesn’t think it matters whether the other members know how much he appreciates him through words. Eunseok is good at standing at the back and protecting everyone by watching them from behind. He’s good at telling Sungchan how he feels, because Sungchan makes it easy for Eunseok. Sometimes, Sungchan doesn’t look like he is always listening, and that’s easier for Eunseok. 

But he is always listening, because every time Eunseok finishes talking, Sungchan will pat his head and ask if he wants to talk more or order some food. 

Sungchan understands Eunseok.

He thought that in itself was pretty romantic. 

Apparently, it is not.

It’s only been three days since Sungchan decided to ‘break up’ with Eunseok, and each day is starting to irk Eunseok more and more. At first, Sungchan hadn’t been so picky. He would let Eunseok lean on him in the car, he’d let Eunseok pull him into his arms in front of the camera during their post-practice logs. Now, though, Sungchan will hesitate before moving to another member just to deprive Eunseok of his boyfriend who is pretending not to be his boyfriend.

If you ask Eunseok, it’s all very stupid.

Sungchan has been tired all day. Eunseok can tell from how he’d woken up, barely talking and only drinking coffee first thing. Wonbin is always too sleepy to understand what anyone else is doing, but Eunseok’s pretty good with his Sungchan radar, so he could tell instantly. All day, Sungchan has been slower than normal, less talkative and definitely less excitable. Eunseok hadn’t even noticed how the perfect opportunity had finally landed itself right in his hands until halfway through the day. 

He’s been handing Sungchan snacks and sweet drinks throughout the day, just to keep his general energy up. He’s been making more jokes than usual, just to make Sungchan laugh. Hell, Eunseok even made a rookie mistake in practice just so Sungchan could feel better about being slow to learn some moves. Eunseok hadn’t registered how this would look to anyone else until Shotaro pulls him aside during a break in practice.

“I know you’re trying to be romantic and all,” he starts, whispering carefully. “And I’m rooting for you, really, but be careful.”

“What?” Eunseok looks at Shotaro simply.

Shotaro widens his eyes as if Eunseok is meant to understand what he means. “The snacks and jokes,” he tells Eunseok. “You keep looking at Sungchan and patting his head.”

“I pat everyone’s head,” Eunseok says.

Shotaro looks at him unimpressively. “Eunseok,” he says. “Just be careful, please. We have dance teachers from outside today.”

“Yeah,” Eunseok sighs. “Sorry, I’ll reign it in.”

“Thank you,” Shotaro smiles. “But otherwise, how’s it going?”

“What?”

“The– the romantic stuff!”

“Oh.” Eunseok shrugs his shoulders carelessly. “I don’t know,” he admits. “I’m, like, trying to be more attentive or whatever.”

“What about gestures?” Shotaro suggests. “You’ve been giving him a lot of snacks today.”

“Wait. Is that– do you think that’s because of the–” Eunseok pauses. “I was doing that because he’s been tired all day. Not because of the–the romance thing.”

“Oh,” Shotaro says lightly. “Could’ve fooled me.”

Eunseok stays quiet, silently wondering if Sungchan is getting more tired and annoyed because he thinks Eunseok is overdoing the romance thing today. Maybe Sungchan just wants a normal day because he is so tired. 

“I mean, maybe he doesn’t see it that way,” Shotaro tries to placate.

“Yeah,” Eunseok mumbles. “Maybe.”

Eunseok doesn’t ask. He thinks it would be a lot worse if he straight up asks Sungchan about it because then he’s stuck between being the guy who still didn’t think of the romantic gesture or being the guy who used Sungchan’s exhaustion as an excuse for the romantic gesture. Eunseok doesn’t bother dwelling on it, already becoming too exhausted for it himself. 

It’s only when they get back to the dorm that he jumps back into the romance thing.

Wonbin has gone up to have dinner with Anton tonight, leaving Eunseok and Sungchan to themselves in their dorm. 

“Do you wanna wash up first?” Sungchan asks, voice quiet and sleepy.

Eunseok shrugs his shoulders. “You can, if you want.”

“Hm.”

“I’ll order us some food,” Eunseok suggests.

Sungchan nods his head, barely lifting it. Quietly, he slides up next to Eunseok where he is standing in the small hallway of their dorm. Eunseok looks over his shoulder, pleasantly surprised when Sungchan’s arms pull him in close from behind. He drops his face into the space between Eunseok’s neck and shoulder, mumbling softly before hiding there in silence. 

“Chan-ah?” 

“Hm.”

“You okay?”

Sungchan doesn’t move, only pulls Eunseok in tighter and twists his face away so he can look up at Eunseok sleepily. It should be uncomfortable, the way Sungchan has shrunken himself to fit over and in Eunseok’s hold at the same time, but he seems perfectly content like this. Eunseok wonders where the romance in their lives is lacking when he gets to hold Sungchan like this.

“Thanks for today,” Sungchan mumbles. The words are jumbled together in his tiredness, his eyes barely open and his face is so close to Eunseok’s he can feel Sungchan’s nose brushing against his own.

It’s so, so tempting, Eunseok thinks. He hasn’t kissed his boyfriend in three whole days, hasn’t been so close to him in two, and Eunseok is a weak man at the hands of Jung Sungchan. 

“Chan-ah,” he whispers. Sungchan only flickers his eyes in response. Eunseok tries not to think about how he’d only have to tilt downwards half a centimetre to kiss Sungchan. “Let me kiss you,” Eunseok requests.

Sungchan makes a weak noise, a tired sound of protest but also something longing cracking out through the back of his throat. He looks at Eunseok, deer-eyed and yearning. Eunseok looks back at him, just as helpless.

“Hm?” Eunseok prompts.

Sungchan closes his eyes. “We’re broken up,” he reminds Eunseok. “Romance.”

“Sungchan,” Eunseok whispers gently. 

“One,” Sungchan whispers back, eyes already closed. “Just because you’re being really sweet today.”

“I’m sweet everyday,” Eunseok mumbles before leaning downwards slowly. 

He takes his time kissing Sungchan now that he knows how serious his boyfriend is being about this fake break up. For all Eunseok knows, he could wake up tomorrow and Sungchan will be back acting as if he doesn’t love Eunseok. He presses his lips flatly against Sungchan’s own, breathing deeply and simply enjoying the warmth of his boyfriend. Sungchan, despite being verbally against it, reciprocates the kiss quicker than Eunseok expects. He presses back lightly, melting further against Eunseok and sighing happily.

Before Eunseok can register it, Sungchan pulls away.

“Gonna take more than some snacks and jokes,” Sungchan mumbles against Eunseok’s lips.

“Sungchan,” Eunseok practically pleads. 

Sungchan looks at him, somehow more energetic than he has been all day. He finally untangles himself from Eunseok, seemingly pleased with himself.

“Order something nice, hm? I’m going to wash up.”

Eunseok stands there, forlorn, wishing the ground would swallow him whole at this point.

“I’m ordering all your least favourite foods,” he threatens Sungchan, calling across the dorm.

All he gets in response is Sungchan’s light laughter followed by him calling Eunseok cute before the bathroom door slams shut. Eunseok is halfway to opening the delivery app, his thumb hovering over the icon, before he decides against it. Though they are both tired, Eunseok knows nothing makes Sungchan feel better other than some home cooked food. Eunseok sifts through their refrigerator and cupboards, looking for all the things he might need for a simple and quick dish. 

The table is set up by the time Sungchan is out of the shower, a towel around his neck and hair dripping into his eyes. Eunseok looks at him from where he is setting down a plate.

“What happened to ordering in?”

Eunseok looks at Sungchan. “Home cooked food helps you sleep better,” he reminds Sungchan. “And Wonbin texted to say he’s staying with Chanyoung for the night. So… I thought it would be nice.”

Sungchan takes a seat at their small table, looking at Eunseok sweetly. 

“Even if I fall asleep in the middle of dinner and faceplant the food?”

“I’ll carry you to bed and wash your face again while you’re sleeping.”

“And they say chivalry is dead,” Sungchan teases.

Eunseok waits for him to take the first bite of food, content to just watch Sungchan fuel himself up. The dim lighting from the main room of their dorm illuminates the space just enough for them to be able to see, but it’s also still dim enough to keep the sleepy haze over their heads. Sungchan makes a small noise of appreciation, immediately digging in for more food, barely glancing at Eunseok.

“You’re not hungry?” He asks, mouth half full.

Eunseok shakes his head weakly, finally taking a bite of his own food. 

“You’re like the BFG.”

Sungchan frowns, mouth moving around in a pout because of course he is pouting at Eunseok while eating. Eunseok feels his mouth tug up into an endeared smile, the kind that bunches up in the apples of his cheeks–the kind only Sungchan can evoke.

“The who?” He asks innocently, blinking curiously. Eunseok holds back the sigh of adoration. 

Sungchan is beautiful, Eunseok thinks. He thinks Sungchan is beautiful all the time. He is beautiful onstage, all dolled up in makeup and fancy stage outfits. He is beautiful offstage too, in his relaxed clothes and barefaced. Eunseok thinks Sungchan is most beautiful like this: face red with warmth and rough cleansing, hair half dry and in this old baggy t-shirt he’s had for years. Sungchan is beautiful, waiting patiently for Eunseok to continue speaking, eyes shining with gentleness and purity.

“The BFG,” Eunseok repeats softly. “Chanyoung mentioned it once. The big friendly giant. ” 

“What is that?”

“It’s from a book.”

“Is that your idea of a cute nickname?” Sungchan asks, head tilting with the question. “Calling me a giant.”

“Well, it’s not a lie,” Eunseok mumbles over a mouthful of food.

“Hey,” Sungchan whines. “I call you nice things all the time and all you come up with is a big giant? Really? That’s weak, especially for you, Black Shadow.”

“Big friendly giant,” Eunseok points out. “That’s a nice thing. Besides,” he says, “your way of flirting was to refer to me as Silver Stone for two years straight.”

“You almost earned yourself a goodnight kiss,” Sungchan reveals. “That’s revoked now.”

Eunseok squints at him, mildly betrayed. “Sungchan,” he tries. “Wouldn’t you sleep so much better with me?”

“Nah,” Sungchan says easily. “The food is enough. I could knock out right away.”

He uses that as his cue to get up from the table, leaving Eunseok stranded for the nth time in nearly four days. He watches Sungchan giggle, satisfied with himself. Eunseok scoffs in defeat.

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah,” Sungchan smiles, leaning down to press a quick kiss into Eunseok’s hair before actually walking away.

“Have you even packed?” Eunseok calls after him. “Our flight is in the morning!”

“I know!” Sungchan answers. “Love you, Silver Stone!”

Eunseok falls back into his chair with the confession, mumbling the words back even though Sungchan isn’t really able to hear him.

It’s a short flight from Seoul to Osaka, short enough for Wonbin to agree to trading seats with Eunseok so he can sit next to Anton. The youngest member barely questions the change, only making one confused noise in acknowledgment before settling into the seat and plugging his headphones in. Eunseok, almost immediately, tugs on the wire so it falls out of Anton’s ear.

He turns to Eunseok in surprise.

“Hyung?”

“You’re sharing a room with Sungchan, right?” 

Anton nods his head softly.

“Switch with me.”

“Okay,” Anton agrees easily. 

Eunseok looks at him, a little stumped. He sort of expected to have to explain himself, but then he figures Anton wouldn’t like to ask Eunseok why he wants to share a hotel room with his boyfriend. He blinks at Anton before nodding his head quickly.

“Thanks.”

“Is this about him breaking up with you?” Anton asks.

Eunseok scowls. “It’s not a real break up.”

“Yeah, but– you know what I mean.”

“Chanyoung,” Eunseok says then, turning in his seat to face the younger boy. “What did you even ask him?”

“Me?” Anton asks, painfully oblivious that it makes Eunseok want to smash his head into a wall. “What does it have to do with me?”

Eunseok balks at Anton. “You’re kidding, right?”

Anton shakes his head. “No,” he says, voice soft as ever.

“You talked to Sungchan,” Eunseok says, voice quiet in case anyone else can hear. “About– dating.”

“Ohhh,” Anton nods his head as if he suddenly remembers. “Right. I did.”

Eunseok waits, growing impatient. “What did you say, Chanyoung?”

“Just, like,” Chanyoung shrugs his shoulders dumbly. “Fitting in time for dates, and stuff. Just out of curiosity, you know?”

“Chanyoung,” Eunseok sighs. “Have you ever once seen Sungchan and I going on a date?”

“Well,” Chanyoung pauses. “No? Not really? But I never really paid attention,” he answers. “I only care a bit now because of Wonbin.”

Eunseok closes his eyes tiredly, falling back into the headrest of the airplane seat. 

“Do you think I can be romantic?” Eunseok asks. “Now, I mean. We have three days in Japan. Give me ideas.”

Anton does not answer immediately. Eunseok cracks an eye open and waits silently.

“Hyung, shouldn’t you be able to come up with that stuff?”

He glares at Anton. “This is your fault,” Eunseok reminds him. “You should repent.”

“Repent,” Anton echoes stupidly. “I don’t know, what would you normally do?”

“Stay in the hotel room,” Eunseok answers easily. “Sleep, or watch movies. Play games.”

“With Sungchan hyung?”

Eunseok nods his head as if it’s the simplest thing in the world.

“Why don’t you plan to take him out?” Anton suggests. 

“Where?”

“Literally anywhere,” he sighs. “You can speak Japanese enough to go out alone. It’s not like you’ll struggle.”

Eunseok purses his lips and considers it. He spends the rest of the flight thinking over ways to be spontaneously romantic in Osaka, thinking of ways Sungchan would want him to be romantic, right until they pull up to their hotel. Wordlessly, Anton trades his keycard with Eunseok, giving him a small smile of encouragement. Eunseok pats his head in appreciation.

Sungchan, like always, is full of energy after getting off a plane. Eunseok is quiet behind him, waiting for Sungchan to have noticed everyone else has gone off to their own rooms and Eunseok is with him.

“Oh,” Sungchan says, quiet but surprised. “Where’s Chanyoung?”

“He wanted to share with Wonbin,” Eunseok explains. “Traded with me.”

“Ah,” Sungchan nods his head exaggeratedly. “Young love.”

Eunseok stares at Sungchan carefully. He watches Sungchan fumble with the keycard to the hotel room in three different ways before he finally manages to get it open. He makes a show of it too, like Eunseok hadn’t had to help him figure it out in the end. 

“There’s two beds,” Eunseok deadpans. 

Sungchan turns around, looking at the two single beds. 

“Well,” he smiles at Eunseok sweetly. “Good thing we don’t need to share.”

Eunseok almost falls to his knees in despair. 

“Sungchan,” he nearly begs. “We have a hotel room to ourselves,” Eunseok tries.

Sungchan has the audacity to look scandalised.

“Eunseok,” he shakes his head sadly. “What do you take me for?”

“My boyfriend,” Eunseok grumbles, far too fed up with this game now. “My extremely good-looking boyfriend who I want to make full use of a hotel bed with.”

“Men only want one thing,” Sungchan laments in disappointment. 

Eunseok fights the urge to rip his hair right off his scalp.

“How much longer are you going to do this?” Eunseok asks, finally giving in to his desperation.

Sungchan raises an eyebrow. “Really?”

“Yes, really,” Eunseok mutters. “I’m dying here, Sungchan.”

“Your attempts at being romantic have involved a total of three things,” Sungchan defends, crossing his arms over his chest. “That’s giving me snacks, making me dinner, and calling me a giant.”

“Jesus,” Eunseok rolls his eyes. “Sorry, I didn’t realise I needed to smother my boyfriend–of five years, by the way–with pet names or flowers.”

“I didn’t ask to be smothered!” Sungchan argues back. “It would just be nice,” he sighs exasperatedly. His voice dies down to a shy mumble, his eyes avoiding Eunseok’s gaze all of a sudden. “To feel like… like a normal couple.” 

“Sungchan,” Eunseok murmurs, taking one step closer and taking another when Sungchan doesn’t move away. He reaches for Sungchan’s face, flicking away some of the strays of hair so he can look into Sungchan’s pretty brown eyes. “Nothing about us has ever been normal,” he soothes. “But I love you,” Eunseok whispers tiredly. “I really love you. I love you enough to know what exact temperature you like your coffee, what brand of protein shakes you think has the right mix of sweetness and flavour. I know that you like to sleep with no lights on because you prefer the dark, that you hate waiting for me to finish playing games before bed. I remember your birthday over my own parents’.” Eunseok sighs softly. “I love you and I know you, Jung Sungchan, better than I know anything else.”

Sungchan sighs, mirroring Eunseok’s tired stance with his own. He looks at Eunseok carefully, clearly trying to come up with the right words.

“It’s just–” he stops short, taking a deep breath. “It wouldn’t hurt, is all,” he admits. “To be more than the easygoing couple,” Sungchan whispers. “I like that we don’t need to talk to know what we’re thinking. I like that stuff about us, I like how well we know each other. But it wouldn’t hurt to surprise each other every now and then.”

“You don’t like surprises,” Eunseok fills in. Sungchan, despite himself, laughs weakly. “And you can’t hide a surprise to save your life. It would never work.”

“I can try,” Sungchan says. 

“Chanyoung said I could take you out,” Eunseok admits. “For a date.”

Sungchan blinks at Eunseok. “So why didn’t you?”

“Because–” he looks at Sungchan carefully. “Because I don’t want to have to prove myself to you,” he answers truthfully. “Not suddenly after all this time. I want you to know how much I love you, not through dates abroad or pet names,” Eunseok says. “But just because.”

“I do know,” Sungchan smiles. “Of course I know.”

“Then why put me through this,” Eunseok groans, falling into Sungchan’s arms. He presses all his weight there, just to be annoying. 

Sungchan huffs with the weight of Eunseok’s slumped over body, wrapping his arms around him securely. 

“It’s fun,” Sungchan giggles. 

“It’s hell,” Eunseok grumbles.

“It was kinda funny,” Sungchan continues. “Watching you look like a kicked puppy whenever I’d deny your attempts at flirting– which, by the way, is different to being romantic.”

“Glad my heartbreak was entertaining for you,” Eunseok huffs, digging a finger into Sungchan’s side.

His boyfriend yelps at the contact, swinging Eunseok around as a reflexive response to make him stop poking Sungchan. Eunseok falls back onto one of the beds, pulling Sungchan down with him. He sinks into the soft mattress, blinking up at Sungchan expectantly.

“You weren’t really heartbroken,” Sungchan says softly, eyes softening as he gazes down at Eunseok. “Were you?”

Eunseok fiddles with the material of Sungchan’s jumper, not in the mood to admit how upset he really was. Sungchan frets at the silence, his hands sliding up Eunseok’s shoulders to gently trace the lengths of his cheekbones. 

“Eunseok-ah?”

“Hm,” Eunseok looks up at Sungchan earnestly. “It was stupid,” he tells Sungchan.

Sungchan nods his head immediately. “I’m stupid,” he agrees with Eunseok, clearly trying to make his boyfriend feel better. He pats over Eunseok’s hair softly, kisses his cheeks lightly. “I’m a bad boyfriend. The big stupid giant.” He cracks a smile, eyes twinkling with satisfaction.

“You’re not a bad boyfriend,” Eunseok frowns, poking Sungchan’s chest weakly. “You’re just an idiot. But you’re my idiot.”

“I can live with that,” Sungchan whispers, the words already melting into thin air as he breathes them into the deep kiss he leaves on Eunseok’s lips. 

Eunseok, instinctively, presses himself closer to Sungchan. He has been craving this for the better half of a week, forgive him for being a little needy. If Sungchan is surprised by how much Eunseok is giving, he does a good job at hiding it. Sungchan soaks up everything Eunseok gives, hands roaming over his clothes until they plant themselves on the mattress beside Eunseok’s head to have better balance. Eunseok pulls himself against Sungchan’s body, heart hammering inside his chest with each press of Sungchan’s lips over his own. 

“You’re so easy,” Sungchan whispers to Eunseok, voice tinted with awe. 

Eunseok uses all his brain power to give a response in the form of his hand pinching Sungchan’s waist. He barely trusts his voice to give a firm response, far too focused on trying not to make embarrassing noises just from a couple of hot kisses. He kisses back quickly, tugging on Sungchan some more until suddenly Sungchan moves off of Eunseok and a wave of cold takes the place of his boyfriend.

Eunseok looks at him, face flushed and chest heaving.

“Do you want this bed?” Sungchan asks, voice thick with want but he looks at Eunseok simply. When his boyfriend doesn’t verbally respond, Sungchan climbs off the bed and throws his bag onto the other one. 

“Sungchan,” Eunseok says, quiet and careful. “What the fuck?”

“Hm?” Sungchan looks up from his phone.

Eunseok looks at him darkly. “What the fuck?” 

“Come on,” Sungchan smiles, definitely amused. Eunseok thinks his boyfriend is sadistic. “Just try being romantic for these three days,” he compromises. “We’ll go back to normal after this,” he promises. “You got three days to wow me, Song Eunseok.”

Eunseok falls back into the bed silently, heart still racing and slowly slipping into that ache he’s been trying to ignore for days now. He thinks over Sungchan’s words, thinks over his goofy smile and how he might mean well but, honestly, Eunseok is so tired of this. He sighs.

“Sungchan,” he calls quietly, looking over at his boyfriend. Sungchan looks back, waiting for Eunseok to continue. “We’ll go back to normal in three days?” He asks slowly. 

Sungchan nods his head. 

“Even if I fail to wow you,” Eunseok clarifies. 

Sungchan frowns, but eventually he nods again. “Sure.”

“Okay,” Eunseok says decisively. He ignores Sungchan’s questioning noise, practically jumping up from the bed and grabbing his bag. “I’ll see you in three days.”

It’s dramatic, because tomorrow they have a fan-con event so he’s definitely not going to avoid Sungchan for three days, but Eunseok sticks with it. Sungchan looks at him, utterly lost. 

“What?”

“I’m not chasing you around,” Eunseok tells him. “I’ve been waiting five days. Three more won’t kill me.”

“Eunseok—”

“It’s fine,” Eunseok tells Sungchan. “I just…I can’t pretend to be broken up while sharing a room with you, okay? Just—give me the three days.”

“Wait,” Sungchan calls, but he doesn’t say anything more. Then, he looks at Eunseok and asks: “are you really mad?”

Eunseok scoffs. “No,” he admits. “I’m upset, Sungchan.”

“Seok-ah—”

“It’s fine,” Eunseok repeats. “I’ll be fine. Just,” he shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t know what you want from me. I’ve tried. I love you, that should be enough.”

“It is,” Sungchan reassures, voice rising in his panic. “It is enough, I’m sorry, Eunseok. Come on.”

“I’m going to swap back with Chanyoung,” Eunseok tells Sungchan quietly. 

“Eunseok,” Sungchan says helplessly. “Come on.”

“I can’t do it, Sungchan,” Eunseok mumbles. “It’s not a joke to me anymore.”

“It was never a joke to me,” Sungchan says then, frowning even more. 

Eunseok looks at him carefully, taking a decisive breath and finally walking out of the hotel room. He already expects Anton and Wonbin to be annoyingly clingy as he knocks on the hotel room door. They have been in Osaka for a total of four hours now, and in that time Eunseok has argued with his boyfriend twice and made out with him once in between. He drops his forehead onto the door in exasperation, waiting against the wooden door for Anton or Wonbin to finally open it. 

From leaning against the door, he can hear them mumbling from inside. It’s nothing clear enough for him to fully comprehend, but it’s enough for Eunseok’s heart to clench and wish that he and Sungchan would go back to normal— their normal. Not whatever the hell Sungchan wants for them to be. There’s some quietness and then the rustling of blankets before the door clicks open slowly. 

Eunseok stands upright just in time so he doesn’t go toppling into Wonbin. 

“Oh,” Wonbin says lightly. He looks at Anton behind him and steps aside for Eunseok to come in. 

Anton shuffles around in the bed, sitting up comfortably and watching Eunseok trail over to the bed and pause. 

“Were you guys—”

“No,” Anton says quickly, cheeks burning. He pats the bed gently, silently letting Eunseok know it’s safe to sit on. “We were just talking. What’s up?”

Eunseok watches Anton cling to Wonbin, making space for Eunseok to crawl into the other side of the bed. He does so quietly, letting Anton drop his head onto Eunseok’s shoulder. 

“We argued,” Eunseok admits begrudgingly. 

Wonbin lifts his head then, looking at him with wide eyes. 

“You and Sungchan hyung?”

Eunseok nods his head slowly. “I’m just—I don’t know what more he wants from me,” Eunseok mumbles.  

“The romance thing?” 

He nods his head again. “I’ve been dating him for a long time,” Eunseok complains. “What’s his problem?” He turns to Anton. “Why did you go to Sungchan for relationship advice?”

“I don’t know!” Anton defends. “You guys are the only people I trust enough to ask about that stuff.”

Eunseok huffs, only pretending to be annoyed with Anton. He cannot really fault him for that argument, because they all know it’s the truth. He pinches Anton’s cheek, not enough for it to hurt, but enough for it to be annoying. 

“Come to me next time,” Eunseok grumbles. 

“I will,” Anton whines, moving away from Eunseok and closer to Wonbin. “I didn’t think Sungchan hyung would do something like this.”

“The first thing about Jung Sungchan is that you can never predict what he’ll do,” Eunseok mumbles. 

“You know,” Anton blinks at Eunseok sleepily. “I only asked him how you guys do it.”

“Do what?”

“Date,” Anton mumbles. “Like– when we’re all so busy and tired all the time. But you two, it’s, like…so natural. It;s just–it’s nice. You’re the most normal couple I’ve seen–for however not normal our lives are.”

Eunseok stares at Anton. “I’ve been back and forth with Sungchan since I was fifteen,” he reminds the two younger members. “This wasn’t easy at first. It just looks easy now.”

“Do you want me to talk to hyung?” Anton offers.

“No,” Eunseok answers. He rolls out the bed and moves to the empty, untouched second bed in the room. “I’ll talk to him tomorrow. But I’m staying here tonight.” He fixes them both with a stern look. “No funny business.”

“Hyung!” Anton’s face blushes immediately, looking at Wonbin with wide eyes. “We– that’s–”

“Chanyoung’s alarm is set for six in the morning,” Wonbin tells Eunseok, almost as a forewarning. “He wants to swim in the hotel pool in the morning.” 

“Better sleep early, then,” Eunseok replies. 

Sungchan has not been able to sleep. He hasn’t been able to even sit still, actually. Ever since Eunseok had stormed out of the hotel room, Sungchan has been pacing back and forth in despair. He never meant to upset Eunseok, or to make him angry. Sometimes Sungchan packages how he feels in a lighthearted joke so he doesn’t have to deal with the overwhelming spiral of his emotions. 

Sometimes, Sungchan goes a bit too far. 

He calls Shotaro first. It takes a while for him to pick up, obviously. It is nearly two in the morning and chances are no one except for Sungchan is awake right now. He calls Shotaro, calling twice before the older member finally picks up. Immediately, Sungchan debates hanging up. He stumbles over an opening sentence, struggling to put it into words after stewing over his thoughts for hours on end. Eventually, Shotaro grasps what Sungchan is trying to say.

He murmurs some encouraging words through the phone, voice drifting in and out of sense with how sleepy he is. Sungchan soaks in the advice like a parched sponge, filling up with Shotaro’s words until he becomes heavy with the regret of hurting Eunseok. He sighs tiredly, heart aching. The call ends with Shotaro whispering to Sungchan to get some sleep because it’s late. He hangs up pretty soon after that, and Sungchan sinks further into the mattress with the lingering defeat. 

Wednesday 22 January

11:04PM

Chanyoung

Hyung 

Eunseok hyung is sleeping in our room tonight

Thought i would let you know

Jung Sungchan

Is he okay?

Chanyoung

He is sleeping

But i think he is okay

3:34AM

Jung Sungchan

Chanyoung

Are you awake

Wednesday 22 January

3:34AM

Jung Sungchan

Bin-ah

Are you awake

Sungchan holds his breath as he waits, silently praying that someone miraculously checks their phone.

Wednesday 22 January

3:42AM

Wonbinnie

What’s up?

Jung Sungchan

Can i come to your room?

Wonbinnie

Eunseok hyung is asleep you know

Jung Sungchan

Wonbin

I am coming to your room

Five mins

Let me in

Sungchan really isn’t beyond waiting outside a hotel room door at nearly four in the morning. He is in some basketball shorts and a t-shirt and he really hopes there is no hotel staff around to see him looking so haggard. Sungchan chews on his lip, the impatience eating in from the inside. He checks his phone every few seconds, stuck in the irrational fear that Wonbin had fallen asleep in the three minute walk down the hallway. He stares at the messages, watches the small 1 next to his im here message disappear in real time. 

The hotel room door opens really slowly and Sungchan looks at Wonbin helplessly.

“You look awful,” Wonbin whispers simply.

“Come back to me when you and Chanyoung have your first fight,” Sungchan answers, tone rougher than he had planned. 

Wonbin, of course, doesn’t take it to heart. He only opens the door wider, letting Sungchan in.

“I’m going to sleep,” he tells Sungchan. “If you and hyung wake up to talk, go outside and do it.”

Sungchan’s eyes land on Eunseok’s curled over form, tuning out Wonbin’s quiet muttering to focus on his boyfriend. He slips under the covers, hesitantly and not as comfortably as he’d like so as to not wake Eunseok up. They should talk, and Sungchan already knows they will talk, but right now, he just wants to sleep. So he slides up behind Eunseok, easily pulling him back into his arms. Sungchan feels his entire body give into the exhaustion, the weight of being soaked in despair is squeezed out of him when Eunseok unconsciously tucks himself further into Sungchan’s hold.

Anton’s alarm rings two hours after Sungchan falls asleep. He is completely knocked out, face buried in the back of Eunseok’s neck and breathing deeply. Eunseok, having years of practice with becoming attuned to Anton’s alarm, opens his eyes as soon as he hears the sharp sounds. He feels the weight of something holding him in place, stopping him from stretching over to turn off the alarm. Eunseok also has had years to familiarise himself with Sungchan being attached to him. He sinks back into the hold, turning around to be able to face Sungchan while he sleeps.

The alarm is still going, an awfully annoying shrill in the back of Eunseok’s mind, but he chooses to stare at Sungchan instead of dealing with it. Silently and softly, Eunseok pushes the hair off Sungchan’s face. He watches the way Sungchan’s eyebrows twitch with the touch, but he doesn’t wake up. Eunseok exhales in relief, his heart finally beating in sync with Sungchan after days of being pushed away. 

“Took you long enough,” Eunseok whispers, the words simply getting lost in the air between them. He burrows himself further into Sungchan’s arms, hiding his face and shoving Anton’s alarm sounds further away. 

It takes another few hours for Eunseok to wake up again. This time, there is no alarm blaring and Sungchan is not a familiar weight beside him. He shuffles around curiously, half-wondering if he had dreamt Sungchan sleeping next to him. Before Eunseok can convince himself that’s what happened, his eyes land on Sungchan. 

Sungchan, who is awake, lying in bed on his phone.

He looks at Eunseok simply, eyes softening. “Good morning,” he smiles gently.

Eunseok is still partly annoyed with Sungchan, so he turns over and pretends to go back to sleep. It’s quite funny, the way Sungchan frets over him and immediately moves to pull Eunseok closer with all his strength. Eunseok opens his eyes but doesn’t move, silently acknowledging that the younger two members are no longer in the room.

“Eunseok-ah,” he practically whines, voice dipping into genuine desperation. “Babe.”

“What?”

“I’m sorry,” Sungchan mumbles. His voice vibrates through his chest against Eunseok’s back, the sensation makes his entire body tingle with warmth. Sungchan lets his lips linger against Eunseok’s neck, whispering the apology once more.

“Now you’re sorry?” 

“Seok-ah,” Sungchan begs. 

“You know what Chanyoung said to me?” Eunseok asks, turning onto his back so he can look at Sungchan carefully. Sungchan only looks back at him quietly, a small questioning hum that comes from the back of his throat is all the response Eunseok gets. He blinks at Sungchan. “He said he only went to you because we’re the only couple he trusts.”

“Eunseok,” Sungchan whispers. “I didn’t realise how much I’d been pushing you away,” he starts. “I’m sorry, really. I love you.”

“Chanyoung thinks we’re a normal couple,” Eunseok mumbles, maybe still slightly insecure over what Sungchan thinks of their relationship. “That’s why he went to you.”

“We are,” Sungchan agrees hastily, voice bleeding with reassurance. “We are so normal. I was–I wasn’t thinking. I promise, I don’t need you to prove anything to me, and I never meant to hurt you.”

“I know you didn’t,” Eunseok mumbles. 

“Say it back,” Sungchan whispers shyly. He nudges Eunseok gently.

Eunseok smiles, sighing dramatically. “I love you, Jung Sungchan.”

“Good,” Sungchan smiles, the remaining weight of concern on his shoulders lifting instantly. 

“Was that romantic enough for you?” Eunseok asks, enjoying the way Sungchan groans and drops his head into the pillow. He laughs, poking at Sungchan until he finally looks at Eunseok again. “Seriously,” he continues. “I can go shout it from the balcony if you’d like.”

“I said I’m sorry,” Sungchan whines.

“I haven’t even started,” Eunseok laughs. “I’m thinking of kissing Wonbin onstage just to get back at you and Chanyoung.”

“You wouldn’t,” Sungchan says, suddenly serious.

Eunseok stares back, trying his hardest to keep a straight face.

“I don’t know,” he exaggerates, making a show of thinking about it. “Maybe the fans would think I’m romantic if I did that.”

“Okay, I get it, I suck.” Sungchan sighs, dropping his entire body weight onto Eunseok just to make him huff in annoyance. Eunseok shoves at Sungchan’s large body but doesn’t actually make any effort to push him off. Sungchan relaxes into the touch, practically melting into Eunseok.

The quiet takes over for a while, so much that Eunseok briefly wonders if Sungchan has fallen back asleep. 

“Hey,” Eunseok calls quietly. “You’re not forgiven, you know.”

Sungchan hums to show he heard Eunseok, but it’s far too offhanded to mean anything more than that. Eunseok drops his head back into the pillow weakly, because they both know Eunseok will forgive Sungchan before the end of the day.

“Are we back together now?” Eunseok asks, genuinely curious.

“Hm.” Sungchan hugs Eunseok tighter. “We’re never breaking up again.”

Eunseok laughs loudly. “What happened to spontaneity and romance?”

“We already have that,” Sungchan mutters softly. “I’m just the idiot who couldn’t see it sooner.”

“Yeah,” Eunseok agrees. 

Sungchan whacks Eunseok on the chest. “That’s where you say no, Sungchan, you’re not an idiot. I love you.”

“I’m not a liar,” Eunseok teases. “But I do love you. And I’m never letting Chanyoung talk to you about relationships ever again, by the way–”

Sungchan shuts Eunseok up in the form of a sudden, breathtaking kiss. 

He smiles at Eunseok smugly. “Spontaneity,” he whispers.