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It’s been a few months since Jun-ho started dating No-eul. They still acted a lot like before, except for holding hands and adding hearts to their names in contacts. He liked it that way, their relationship wasn't pushy and rushed. She stayed at his flat on weekends, his mom was overjoyed with it, they ate dinners together and everything was just… Right. Well, maybe except the fact that he was still searching for the island, even though No-eul told him multiple times to stop because of how dangerous it was. It sometimes led them to small arguments, Kang couldn't stand how obsessed with the games Jun-ho was, but deep down she knew it wasn't what he cared about. It was the Frontman – his brother – Hwang In-ho. Jun-ho always said she wasn't the one to judge, as she was desperately searching for someone too. Her daughter. That way they both stop talking and slowly apologize. From their perspectives, obviously the other was always in the wrong, it was stupid to even start arguing, they knew it.
‘The weather on the sea worsened, so I’m back on land quicker than usual, wanna go somewhere?’ he texted her, hoping she could use her phone for a second. However he was left on ‘delivered’ for minutes, so he decided to just go to the fair and find her. It couldn't be that hard, right?
Little did he know. The fair was huge and the park it was in was even bigger. Finding No-eul in a stupid costume would take him forever. He tried calling, but she probably left her phone in the changing room. With a deep sigh, he started walking around, sometimes trying to reach her again.
“Excuse me” he came up to a man painting a portrait. “Do you know where that parade with those colorful animal-like mascots could be?” The painter looked at him curiously, but didn't ask any questions.
“Should be in the main part of the fair, where the loud music comes from” he answered, pointing with his brush.
“Thanks” Jun-ho bowed and practically ran in the direction the painter showed him.
As he started getting closer, the music got louder, hurting his ears a bit. He understood now why No-eul sometimes asked him to repeat what he said when they're sitting next to each other. Spending every day in this chaos definitely wasn't good for anyone's ears. He looked around again, but that ridiculously big, pink bunny costume was nowhere to be found, his messages were still unread and calls unanswered. Annoyed, he pushed through some people blocking his view, hoping to see the parade, which resulted in hearing things he wouldn't want children around to hear. Finally, he caught a glimpse of hot pink with the corner of his eye, but when he turned around, it was just someone’s shirt, which made him even more irritated.
‘To your right’ his phone vibrated with No-eul’s message. He turned to that side dramatically, still not seeing anything. ‘My bad, it was actually your left’ she cleared up, Jun-ho turned again. He finally saw her, almost giggling. She wasn't in the costume, but in her casual clothes, probably finished her shift. What a prankster she was, he thought, still kinda annoyed.
“You’re not funny” he groaned, walking up to her. “I thought I was going blind or crazy. Or both. How on earth are you working here every day? I’d go insane” she intertwined their hands, pulling him away from the loud music and crowd.
“I ask myself the same. You said you wanted to go somewhere. Any plans?”
“Eh, not really. A walk home and a movie? I need to tell you about the island we found today… It wasn't the one, but it was gorgeous. Captain Park said he goes fishing there from time to time, but there's so much more to it. Flowers, even a small waterfall, a beautiful forest, I was in awe. I even took some pictures for you, I’ll show you when we get home. I wanted to bring you a bouquet, but it wouldn't be as pretty after hours on the boat…” even though Jun-ho was rather a listener than a talker, once he got comfortable with No-eul, there were times he couldn't stop talking, just ranting about anything. And she liked to listen, especially when he got passionate about something.
Usually it was the search mission, which she wasn't a fan of, but exploring the islands made Jun-ho happy, so she dealt with it.
The beginning of their relationship felt weird. Jun-ho knew she killed people, he should've arrested her, but instead he decided to date her. He sometimes pointed it out to her, jokingly saying he's actually just trying to get more information from her, but the reality was much different. He really wanted her, hiding that was hard, but he thought he wasn't obvious with it. Surely he was too optimistic about his ability to lie to her, because when she asked him out, she started with the words “I know you think you're slick, but you really aren't”. After that, he realised why he got caught so easily on the island. He wasn't a good liar, after all, especially in a place he didn't know the rules of and was there not only illegally, but also unknowingly to the boss. And so what she killed? He did too, disguised the dead body as himself and dressed up as that man. Not much better.
As they were walking in silence, that wasn't uncomfortable or awkward anymore, No-eul thought about everything.
She loved him, really, but she was scared. She needed money, what she was making wasn't enough, even with what Jun-ho has been adding. It felt wrong to even agree to keep his money, but he always insisted, saying he wanted her to be happy and find her child. Kang knew she'd have to either work two jobs or be a guard again. She promised Jun-ho to never do it, but if she couldn't make money quickly, she'd have to. And if he found out that she's still considering it, he'd leave, at least that's what she thought. He was so fixated on finding the island, always so stressed out about it, he seemed to relax a little only when they spent time together. She couldn't do it, but if she had to, she would.
“We’re home!” Jun-ho announced when they entered the apartment.
“Dinner is in the kitchen!” his mom answered from her room.
“Hungry?” he asked, after they washed their hands and went to the kitchen. No-eul nodded.
When Jun-ho was heating up the food, she stared at the pictures on the table. In-ho. He was still loved, cared about, missed, cherished. The brothers’ mother was probably going out of her mind.
“He was a policeman. How did he even end up as the Frontman? It keeps making me sad. What could've happened?” she murmured. Young In-ho was smiling at her from the photo, as well as Jun-ho and their mom. They seemed so happy.
“That’s what I want to ask him” Jun-ho put their plates in front of her and sat down. “But he's so… Far away. I miss him. He looks different now. I mean, of course he does, it's been some time, but… It just feels like he's not who I know. Not only physically. He's so different, it hurts” he ate his food with tears forming in his eyes, but he blinked fast to get them away. What happened to In-ho for him to just shoot him? Sometimes even looking at the scar made him feel it all over again. The betrayal he felt the moment the Frontman took off his mask, the pain in his shoulder after he refused to go with him. Maybe he should've? Maybe he'd talk to him, convince him to just come back? He couldn't turn back time, but he could ask ‘what if?’.
No-eul’s heart broke once again, seeing him like that. Betrayed, full of sadness and regrets. She knew how pure his intentions were, how vulnerable he was, it hurt her. The world was against him, while he wanted to give it his best.
“You know I don't want you to search for that island, because I’m worried for your safety, not because I don't want you to find him, right?” she put her hand on his, slowly running her fingers over it. “He, in fact, isn't who you know, remember. I know it's hard, but that's the truth. If you find him, it won’t be easy to even get him to talk to you normally” Jun-ho sighed, playing with his chopsticks, but he relaxed his muscles, feeling her touch.
“I know, I know. Mom blames herself. I keep trying to tell her it's not our fault that he… Disappeared, but she doesn't listen” he whispered. “And I’m not crazy to tell her about the games. She’d never recover. It's best if she thinks he's just missing. Not controlling deadly games” he giggled without any happiness, laughing his misery and anger off.
Every now and then, he'd scream at In-ho in his mind, calling him selfish and ungrateful, but he didn't even mean that. He didn't know his motives yet, but he knew he wouldn't leave just because. There had to be a reason and he’ll get In-ho to tell him, no matter what.
They ate, holding hands, but not continuing talking. Whenever the topic was In-ho, it felt like a very heavy stone fell on both of them. No-eul had a feeling that Jun-ho felt the stone in his heart all the time. If he wasn't talking about the island, he was thinking about it, she knew it. The look in his eyes told her everything. It was draining him, but he had hope, he didn't want to give up ever, convinced he’ll make it. It's been more than a year since he woke up from the coma and he spent all that time on that same task. Almost every day he went sailing with Captain Park and every day he found nothing. An endless cycle of ‘just one more day and if we don't make progress, I’ll stop, it's pointless’. He didn't actually believe his own statement, he was more than sure it wasn't pointless. He appreciated No-eul’s concerns, he really did, but he couldn't just give up. Just like she couldn't give up searching for her daughter.
He knew how tiring it was for her. Everyone told her that her child is dead, that they can't do anything. Nobody actually believed that she could be alive, that it's possible to find her. He also wasn't certain about it, but cheering No-eul up was his priority. And, he couldn't lie, he really wanted her to find her daughter.
Deep down, one of his dreams was to help her raise her. He never told her, afraid she'll take it the wrong way, but he was serious about it. So even though she refused to use his money, he insisted, telling her that he cares too, that he wants to help. Now both of them were saving parts of their salaries and adding them together. He was saddened with the entire In-ho situation, but she was a mother who lost her baby, he was sure she was struggling more than him. All while she thought he was struggling more than her.
After washing the dishes, they sat down on the couch and turned on the TV, wanting to watch something, but out of nowhere, nothing appeared interesting. Jun-ho seemed more clingy than usual, hugging her arm as if his life depended on it. They let a random series play in the background, but none of them paid any attention to it, both hyper-focused on each other. They weren't really touchy in day-to-day life. Sure, they held hands and hugged, but that was it. She never felt him clinging so close before. It wasn't a bad feeling, just new. And she wondered where it came from. He liked taking things slow and she didn't disagree.
“You’re pretty” he uttered quietly. “I love you”
Suddenly they were even closer, she could feel his hair on her forehead. Jun-ho grabbed her face with both his hands, letting go of her arm. His lips touched hers for a split second and he backed away awkwardly. She could tell he was nervous he just crossed a line.
“Jun-ho…” she smiled brightly, that's something that was rather rare from her. She caressed his cheek with her thumb, showing him her softest side and leaned in for an actual kiss. Even with eyes closed, she could feel him smile too, as she pressed her lips against his. A few seconds later, they stopped and looked at each other, almost giggling. “You’re acting as if we're teenagers” she pointed out, amused.
He was so awkward, it made her melt. Usually, people like that just irritate her, but Jun-ho was adorable with it.
“I haven't kissed anyone in years, let me be…” he rolled his eyes, grinning. He really needed that, she figured out. He needed that closeness.
“But you're gorgeous, how come you have not dated before?”
“Oh, I have. In highschool”
“That’s… Quite a long time ago” he looked at her with offense, half jokingly.
He felt at peace. Even after an exhausting day, she always put him in a good mood, even after he couldn't stop thinking about In-ho, her presence made him calm. Everything about her was ideal for him. She listened as he talked, hugged him as he cried, held his hand when he was lost and kissed as he was too nervous to do it first.
“So, can I see the island you talked about earlier?” She knew what would make him happy and always did exactly that. And so did he.
Overjoyed with her question, he pulled out his phone and started showing her the pictures. She had to admit, it really was pretty. If that's how the journey looked, maybe she’ll go with him one day? He suggested it once or twice, but stopped after she clearly stated her opinion about the mission. Seeing him so happy made her remember why she fell for him so hard. If he wanted to do something, he wouldn't give up until he got it. He had a purpose, a plan. And he stuck to it, even with limited resources.
And that was incredible.
Jun-ho appreciated her more than anyone. They shared struggles, and at the end of the day, they understood each other the best. And loved each other the most. Not as if they had any other options, but even if they did, they'd still choose themselves.