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It’s only an innocent comment. Of course, Zane’s too good to mean it any other way, but despite how much information is in that head of his, he doesn’t always think things through. Especially when it comes to emotions and nuance and people, because that shit is hard and Kai knows better than anyone that it’s tough to get a good handle on other people’s feelings. Or your own. They’re messy and chaotic and don’t always make sense, but dealing with that his whole life might just be why Kai knows. Why he sees it coming a mile away when Zane walks, totally unaware, straight into a trap.
“I do not think there is anything wrong with you the way you are, Jay.” There’s gentle reassurance in his tone, but it’s not getting through. Sitting slouched on the floor, back to the couch, Jay bristles up like a hedgehog. From where he’s perched a ways over on the arm, Kai has the perfect seat to watch his face sour before he whips around to level a stare at Zane.
“Do you want a list of all the things wrong with me?” Jay asks, not angry but definitely a little too riled up and heated. “I can give you a list.”The earlier downcast slump to his shoulders is gone, but the determination he grinds into the set of his jaw is almost worse. It’s one thing for Jay to feel a little sorry for himself after a rough day of training where everyone seemed to be hitting breakthroughs when he was stuck at a wall; that’s normal for him. They’re used to it. It’s another for him to get all fired up and matter-of-fact about putting himself down.
It makes Kai’s chest prickle with sparks wanting to kindle. Frustration trying to take hold. He blows out a breath and listens.
“I… do not think a list will be necessary,” Zane says, a little baffled and unsure of himself. There’s something in the quiet shutter of his eyes, the confused blinking back at Jay, that sounds like him trying to figure out where he went wrong.
Jay barely even seems to hear him. “I’m sure I can’t get through all of it or we’d be here all day, but I can at least give you some ideas.” He starts ticking off items on his fingers. “First off, I’m smaller and weaker than the rest of you. Even Lloyd and Nya, and they’re younger. No matter how much I try to bulk up, I’m always too scrawny. My memory is trash and I get distracted all the time, so it takes me twice as long to learn things, and even when I do finally get them down, there’s no telling when I’ll forget again.”
Zane looks a little stricken, holding a hand out helplessly towards Jay, but it just hovers there, like he’s afraid reaching out and touching him might make things worse. From the other end of the couch, Cole just looks sad and a little tired, gazing down at his folded hands in his lap. His knuckles turning a shade too light gives away the pressure in his grip. Kai grits his teeth, fire stoking up in his chest. The more Jay says, and the more adamant he is, the hotter the flames burn.
“Do you want to hear some of the personal stuff too?” Jay doesn’t wait for an answer, though Kai’s sure everyone in the room would have told him no. He barely even takes a breath before he launches into more, eyes blazing.
“I don’t think it’s any secret that everyone thinks I’m annoying. I’m too loud and I talk too much and I never know when to stop, even when I’m boring someone to death, apparently. I’m horrible under pressure and I have the mental fortitude of a snack size candy bar, so no matter what happens, I’m always the first one to crack. The only one, actually. You don’t see anyone else losing their minds when everything goes to crap, it’s just me!”
With each finger Jay counts out, Kai feels the flames rising higher and higher. They swallow up his ribs, one at a time, with angry, shimmering heat, pressure building up. Still, aside from Jay’s increasingly agitated—and increasingly loud—list, it’s quiet in the room. Everyone is stunned or cowed into silence. Or, in Kai’s case, he feels like he’s choking on smoke. His fingers clench slow into fists at his sides, breath coming harsh but deliberately measured.
“Not to mention the fact that my elemental powers are the only thing keeping me from being useless around here. Nya and Pixal can do everything I do with machines and tech but better. Cole’s stronger, Zane’s smarter, and Kai never backs down from a fight. All I’m good for is a cheap joke every now and again, and even then most of them aren’t that funny. I see you guys rolling your eyes, you know. But I still can’t help myself and tell them anyways.”
An itch starts up under Kai’s skin, and it doesn’t take him long to pinpoint the urge driving it. He wants to punch Jay in the face. Sitting here, listening to this, he hates it. As much as he might have fun picking on Jay sometimes, it’s always teasing, always in good fun. Hearing someone tear Jay apart with so much righteous conviction burns. Doubly so because it’s Jay who’s doing it, so sure he’s worth nothing he’s more than happy to announce it all to his family. The people who love him.
It burns.
“If you want to get shallow about it, I can do that too. Most of the year I’m so pale I look like I’m sick, then in the summer I burn tomato red the second I forget to put on sunscreen. My hair is always a mess no matter what I do with it. And don’t even get me started on my stupid freckles—“
He doesn’t get to say a word more. Something in Kai snaps, and before he even knows what he’s doing, he’s jumped off the arm of the couch, stomped over to Jay, and grabbed him by the collar. There’s fire in his chest, in his veins, and all he wants to do is drive the idea that nothing Jay just said about himself is true so far into his thick skull that he never forgets it again.
“Kai,” Zane says, tone somewhere between warning and soothing.
Somewhere in his periphery, Kai sees Cole get to his feet.
Kai still isn’t thinking right, though, pulse roaring in his ears, chest tight, jaw clenched. So he fists his other hand tight in Jay’s hair, and kisses him like his life depends on it.
It’s hungry and hot and biting, and for the blissful amount of time thoughtless frustration and desire burn out rational thought, it feels incredible. The only thing in his mind is the need to make sure Jay knows. Make sure Jay understands, all the way down in the depths of his bones. And just as much so, he’s happy to shut up the word vomit of every bad thing Jay could think to say about himself, because he couldn’t stand to hear it anymore.
What he hears instead is Jay whining against his mouth when a canine catches and pulls at his bottom lip.
That clears Kai’s head real fast. Roughly, he pulls away from Jay, dropping the hold on his hair and his collar. Still, there’s just enough residual heat smoking through him that, before he gets too far, he levels a hard stare at Jay, strong and intense. He’s panting a little, passion and sizzling anger and a lack of air burning up his chest. “Quit talking bad about yourself,” he says, voice pitched rougher, lower than he intended. That, the way he sounded in his own ears, rattles him the rest of the way back to thinking with his head and not so much his blazing heart.
Awareness prickles in ice cold as he stumbles back a few steps. Suddenly, he’s keenly aware of Zane and Cole both staring at him, definitely a little stunned. Their unwavering attention brings something warm like shame up the back of his neck, Cole’s especially. In that instant, it feels like every little moment of Cole-and-Jay, of best friends, of laughing and shoving each other over late night video games and the two of them curled up together after a nightmare, comes back to Kai. It makes him feel like a colossal jerk.
Averting his gaze, he looks down to Jay, who’s still sitting on the floor, and First Master that is so much worse. Kai’s pretty sure he short circuited the poor guy’s brain. Jay’s face is pink and splotchy, flushed all the way down his neck. His hands have twisted up in the fabric of his pants. But it’s the way he’s looking at Kai, mouth agape, lips tinged red and wet. His eyes are a little glassy and huge, everything and nothing going on behind them at once. He seems a little breathless too.
Heat coils in Kai’s gut, but it isn’t anger or frustration this time. The feeling of Jay’s mouth, surprised but soft and obliging nonetheless, is etched into his brain and he wants to dive back in for more.
The realization brings a warm flush to his own cheeks; he brings a hand up and presses the back of a wrist to his lips on some impulse he doesn’t understand. His heart pounds a little too hard in his chest and, irrationally, he’s afraid everyone can hear it.
In the end, it’s Cole that breaks the strange, tenuous silence blanketed over the room. He lets go of an exhale, scrubs a hand back through his hair, and sits down from where he’d frozen when Kai lost his damn mind.
“So - what the heck just happened here?” he asks.
Kai really wishes he knew the answer to that, but he’s nearly as in the dark as everyone else. He just followed the impulse that rose up, even if that led him straight to a bruising kiss—with Jay of all people—that he’d never really thought about before and now he can’t stop thinking about.
But he looks at Cole, feels a twinge in his chest, and stumbles back another step or two. He needs to clear his head, and it’s easier to do that farther from Jay, farther from everyone. Scrubbing hands through his hair, Kai wrecks the gelled spikes. Watching him, Jay makes a strangled sort of noise in his throat and flushes a shade darker.
“I don’t—“ Kai starts, finding himself at a bit of a loss. “It was just an impulse, I guess?”
Emotions are confusing. He wishes they made more sense, but Kai has always been an act first and think second kind of guy. This feels like one of the times it gets him in trouble. You don’t just kiss your teammate, hot and intense, and walk away like it was nothing. That’s the kind of situation that changes things. His stomach squirms a little with the thought of all the shit he could have just gotten himself into. All because stupid, protective instincts flared up and he just couldn’t listen to Jay put himself down anymore.
Cole squints at him a little bit, like he can’t quite puzzle something out. Then he opens his mouth to say something, but it’s Zane who speaks up first.
“Jay, breathe,” he says. And this time, he does reach out. His hand settles gentle but firm on Jay’s shoulder, thumb splayed out to skim the side of his throat. It seems to rattle Jay out of whatever whirlwind is raging in his head.
Jay chokes a little over a breath, startling when Zane first touches him but leaning into it a beat later. Kai knows firsthand how good the cool of Zane’s hands feels against overwarm skin, memories of a nasty fever resurfacing at the back of his mind.
“Yeah, yeah, got it. Don’t worry about it, I’m all good,” Jay wheezes, sounding anything but good. He’s still red in the face and breathing a little funny, but it’s much more the usual Jay fluster than whatever huge-eyed haze he was in before.
With a fond smile, Cole chuckles a little. He stretches out his legs far enough that he can nudge Jay’s hip with his heels. “Real convincing there, Sparky,” he replies, warm.
Something unsettled in Kai smooths down at the normalcy in the exchange. These are still his friends, his family. The reminder, obvious as the blue in the sky, smacks him square in the chest. Running one final hand back through his hair, he pads back to the group gathered up around Jay. With Cole and Zane up on the couch to his left and behind him respectively, there’s plenty of room for Kai to flop down on the floor on his right. He keeps a respectable distance just for a moment, in case Jay would rather shove him off and keep some space. But, Jay just seeks him out instead, glancing over with wide eyes, expression thoroughly addled.
Grinning a little, Kai throws an arm over Jay’s shoulder with familiar ease, pulling him in close. He ruffles a hand through messy curls, though something flips a little in his stomach when he remembers just how it felt to grab Jay by the hair and kiss him. For the moment, he shoves the feeling down.
“My bad, I didn’t mean to overwhelm you. You were just seriously pissing me off,” Kai says, tone a little lighter and more casual than he feels.
At that, Jay pulls away just far enough to gape at him. Something like disbelief is written all over his face. “So you kissed me?” he asks, stunned.
Kai shrugs, feeling his own face heat a little. He doesn’t get embarrassed easy, but that little outburst of his was enough to do it.
“I don’t know. It seemed like the right thing in the moment. You’re impossible to shut up when you get on a roll, so I just thought…” he says, trailing off. Really, Kai didn’t think. That’s the whole problem.
Thankfully, Zane chimes in before he can say anything stupid to justify himself. “While it is not the method I would have chosen, I cannot deny that it was effective. I really did not mean to set you off that way, Jay,” he says, gentle and apologetic.
“Yeah, it was getting pretty tough to listen to,” Cole adds in. He lounges back farther on the couch, getting comfortable again.
Jay must have some sense in that frazzled head of his, because he doesn’t try to argue that he was just stating facts or telling the truth. He goes a little pink again, gazing down at the hands he’s knitted together in his lap. Jay at a loss for words never stops being a novelty, but soon enough, he manages to find some.
“I didn’t realize it bothered you guys so much,” he says, rubbing at the back of his neck.
Arm still snug around his shoulders, Kai pulls him in just a little bit closer. Some of that protective fire from before surges up again. It isn’t quite the demanding blaze, though, but more driving flicker instead. Fueling the urge to make sure Jay understands just how loved he is.
“Of course it does,” Kai insists. “I don’t care who it is; I don’t want to hear anyone talking bad about the people I care about. I mean, how would you feel if I stared bashing Cole. Not just friendly teasing, but really tearing into him?” Kai asks.
And, of course, Jay takes the bait, hook, line, and sinker. He bristles a little, squinting suspiciously at Kai. “Why are you even asking? You know I’d be angry.” Even just at the idea, little jolts of static electricity skip across Jay’s skin. A few spark out and sting where they hit Kai.
“That’s how we all felt listening to you, Motormouth,” Kai says.
Slowly, the sparks die out and understanding flickers to life in Jay’s eyes. Leave it to him to not get the issue until his best friend is the one under fire, not himself. Still, Kai is glad to see him coming around. Maybe they can cut this habit of his before the roots get too deep.
“Agreed,” Zane says, and Cole hums something approving too.
For a moment, the thought seems to be processing in Jay’s head. He chews at his bottom lip a little, and Kai can practically see the gears turning.
Just when Kai thinks they’ve successfully put out whatever fire he started, things settling comfortably back into normalcy, Jay pushes out of his hold. And when Jay looks at him, there’s a jittery sort of nervousness sparking in bright eyes. That knocks something loose in Kai’s chest, sets him on edge. Still, the intensity in those eyes keeps him quiet. Sometimes he forgets the thunderstorm Jay has tucked inside his chest, the wild, electric power.
“Was that the only reason you kissed me? Just to make me stop?” Jay asks, and there’s something so dangerous along the edges of his words. Kai could say yes, simple and easy, and everything would go back to normal. Yet, his throat goes dry and smoky and he can’t bring himself to lie. Because that’s what it would be now. A lie.
Ask him yesterday what Jay was to him, and he’d say a sworn brother. A teammate. A pain in the ass, occasionally.
All of a sudden, he isn’t so sure of the answer anymore. He isn’t sure where the desire came from, when platonic love twisted into something else, but now he can’t help but see it. Feel it.
“No,” Kai eventually answers, bold and impulsive to the end. He licks over his lips, wonders if he’s making a horrible mistake.
The word is slow to compute in Jay’s head, but Kai sees the moment it does. A fresh blush stains his face pink, but he doesn’t duck his head or cough up a sheepish laugh the way Kai might have expected. Instead, he just keeps Kai’s gaze, an electric energy in the air. Kai half expects blue sparks to start crackling around them.
Thankfully, Zane breaks up some of the tension before anyone does anything too stupid. And Kai was on the verge of doing something stupid. His hand itches to bury back in messy curls.
“This is beginning to feel like a conversation Cole and I are not meant to be a part of,” Zane says, just a little unsure.
“Glad I’m not the only one who was thinking that,” Cole says in agreement. “I’m happy to clear out if you two want to figure some things out.” He moves to get up, ruffling an affectionate hand through Jay’s hair on the way, and maybe that’s why. Maybe that simple little Cole-and-Jay moment turns some gears in Kai’s head.
He’s already on a dangerous path, and he’s never been one to think things through. Easier to listen to his heart and charge in headfirst, consequences be damned. He’ll face them later if and when they come, but in this moment, all that’s occupying his head are the ways the four of them in this room have always just clicked. It’s Cole pulling him into the snuggest, warmest bear hug of his life that he isn’t sure he can live without now that he’s felt it. It’s Zane holding his hand in the dark to guide him down unfamiliar streets after he boldly and confidently got them lost at three in the morning. It’s Jay telling stupid jokes until he’s laughing so hard he can’t breathe just because he needed cheering up after a rough day.
It’s the four of them getting way too into video game tournaments, milkshakes and popcorn late into the night, until they wake up Wu and scatter like kids caught with their hands in the cookie jar.
Kai can’t help but hope he’s not the only one who would happily live forever in those moments. And if the other little moments he catches glimpses of sometimes mean anything…
He’s seen how Jay and Zane get wrapped up in a project together, chatting animatedly until time has slipped away from them. Or how Zane and Cole work warm and easy with each other in the kitchen, little impromptu lessons. And then there’s Jay and Cole and best friends and lightning drawn to grounding earth and—
Hope glows bright as the sunrise in Kai’s chest.
“Wait,” he calls, catching Cole by the wrist before him or Zane get the chance to bail.
Then, suddenly, all eyes are on Kai, and he realizes he has precisely zero ideas on what to say. Feelings well up in his chest, but they don’t come with easy words to convey them all. For a second, he just looks from one pair of eyes to the next, Cole’s warm and wondering, Zane’s glowing with curiosity, and finally he lands back on Jay. Bright, electric, and intense.
Maybe that’s the spark he needs.
“Kai?” Cole asks curiously.
Taking one deep breath to steady himself, Kai dives in before he can lose his nerve. “Jay, I kissed you because I like you and you’re awesome and you never fucking see it. I mean, you’re a dork, but in the best way. I’d kiss you any day of the week, and I have no clue when that started, but I mean it. You rock, dude.”
In an instant, Kai is sure that’s the best thing he’s ever said, because Jay absolutely beams, toothy and bright and utterly unabashed. His cheeks flush, eyes crinkled at the corners, excited little static sparks crackling off of him. It makes Kai breathless, helpless to fight the grin creeping across his own lips.
But he isn’t done yet.
He turns to Cole, tugging him down to the floor by the wrist. Cole goes to one knee, something soft and pleased already shining in his eyes. Maybe he already knows what Kai wants to say. Or maybe seeing Jay so happy is just infectious. Maybe it’s a little of both.
“I know fire’s my whole thing, but no one’s as warm as you,” Kai tells Cole. “I don’t know how you do it but you’re always there, anytime I need you. And you make it all so easy.”
Cole smiles, shakes his wrist loose from Kai’s grip to sling an arm around his shoulder. The weight of it, the way Cole rocks him in close, is so comfortable. It’s easy, just like it always is with him. Proving Kai’s point.
“You think so, Fireball?” Cole asks.
Kai just grins all the wider. “You know it.”
Then he tips his head back to search out Zane. The nindroid is still standing behind him, the top of his head bumping Zane’s legs. Blue eyes regard him quizzically, some kind of understanding just starting to smooth Zane’s expression. There’s a fondness there too.
Kai drinks it all in, savors the glowing feeling in his chest. “Do I even need to say anything?” he asks. Zane may not be the most in touch with his emotions, but he’s sharp and perceptive. Kai trusts that he’ll pick up the pattern here, even if he misses the hearthfire warmth in his gaze.
“I believe I understand where you are going with all of this,” Zane says. But his eyes shutter, narrowing just slightly, and an indulgent smile crosses his lips. “I would not stop you from telling me how you feel regardless, though.”
Jay’s answering laugh lights up a part of Kai’s brain. Maybe it’s late to realize it, but it’s a sound Kai wishes he could hear more of. Jay spends so much time make other people laugh, brightening the world for them. They should really return the favor more often.
“Fishing for compliments?” Jay asks, a little devious and a whole lot amused.
In return, Zane tips his chin up a little. “Of course not,” he sniffs. After a beat, though, he still glances down to where Kai leans against his legs, expectation in those bright eyes.
“Come on, we’re fire and ice. The hothead and the voice of reason. It just makes sense,” Kai says. Then, “and you’re brilliant, Zane. Probably the biggest heart around, too, even if you can’t always figure out how to express it.”
Warm fuzzies swarm Kai when Zane grins something small but endlessly affectionate and appreciative down at him. He’s still got Cole pressed close to his side, arm snug around his shoulder. And he can hear the happy, excited crackle of sparks still occasionally popping from Jay’s skin.
The sunset streams citrus and strawberry colored in through the window, setting the room awash with bright warmth. Basking in it, Kai pulls in a deep breath, something sentimental surging up to clog his throat all of a sudden. There’s one thing left he needs to say, but when he glances from face to face, the familiar smiles that are all haloed in sunlight overfill his heart. First Master, he feels like years and years of big, sappy crushes on these three flew right over his head just to barrel into him full force now. How did he never notice?
Kai makes a valiant attempt to clear his throat and sound mostly like himself when he manages to get the word out. “I think you guys are it for me. Don’t know how it took me this long to realize it, but man, I love you. All of you.”
There’s one beat of held breath before Cole crushes any nerves right out of him. Strong arms wrap around Kai’s middle and squeeze. He feels like his ribs might cave under the pressure, but it’s perfect, and he hugs back just as fierce.
“I think you took the words right out of my mouth,” Cole says, tucked in against his throat.
“Hey, no fair! I want a Cole hug too,” Jay chimes in, scrambling to his feet. He trips over Kai’s legs in his effort to get closer, then wedges himself right in the middle of them. Always willing to indulge him, Cole pulls Jay in and kisses his temple.
“Plenty of hugs to go around, Bluejay,” he huffs, amused.
Kaij just laughs, curly hair winding up in his mouth, and tips his head back to find Zane again.
“What are you thinking in that clever head of yours?” he asks.
Zane gives a considering hum. “While this situation may have gotten off to a rocky start, I am glad it turned out the way it did. You were brave to admit your feelings.”
Kai’s insides go a little sugary and sticky at that. He feels like taffy, the subtle shine of pride in Zane’s eyes too sweet to handle. So he doesn’t handle it, just flushes and buries his face in the back of Jay’s head because it’s close and he can. He hears Zane’s entertained little laugh and wonders, not for the first time in the last ten minutes, how he never realized he had a crush—or three—sooner.
“Wait, does this mean I can kiss all of you?” Jay asks. And when he turns, his face is suddenly all Kai can see. Bright eyes, constellation freckles, and the dorkiest smile.
So, Kai kisses the corner of his mouth, short and sweet. “Sounds cool to me.”
“Best idea I’ve heard all day,” Cole answers, ruffling his hair.
All eyes fall on Zane after that, looking for that last bit of approval. “There should probably be a longer conversation about all of this. But, yes, that is more than alright with me.”
Jay grins sparkler bright and everything feels right with the world.