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Erwin sighed as he watched his boyfriends come towards the vehicle, bickering amongst themselves and flailing the CDs in their hands very pointedly. It seems it was going to be another one of those beginnings to their road trip. Not that he decidedly disliked his boyfriend’s behavior, but he hadn’t slept in days and their constant back and forth was going to be a VERY slow start to this entire affair. As the door opened, their muffled voices more clearly filtered in, giving him more of a vantage on what part of the argument they had found themselves within the confines of.
“-like I want to hear that shit for the umpteenth time-” Levi’s voice was gruff from starting Testosterone and bordering on breaking. He’d been complaining the past few days about feeling under the weather, like a cold was oncoming. But Erwin knew from personal experience this was nothing more than simply a testament (test-, ha - like testosterone, oh did Erwin crack himself up) to the fact that his voice would deepen very soon. Erwin had no doubt it would please Levi, and he wondered idly how deep his boyfriend’s voice would get. He already had a deep enough voice by itself, but paired together with the T treatments there was no doubt that he would gain a deep baritone or high bass.
“At least-” Miche began, mustache twitching slightly; “It has some class.”
“Class? Did you just call that pandering shit CLASSY-? That’s like saying Adam Lambert is avant garde.”
Erwin pouted from the driver's seat as he started the engine; “Hey! I like Adam…” He said, causing the two to gaze at him.
“Of course you do, Mr. Pastel Pink wearin’ ass-”
“He’s not groundbreaking, but Erwin ain’ wrong, he’s good.” Miche interjected pointedly, looking back at the shortest of the three with a smirk.
“You don’t get an opinion.” Levi snorted; “Not until you listen to something besides Queen for five seconds of your life.”
“You dare insult our lord and saviour Freddy Mercury?” Miche feigned shock and disgust, but his eyes were twinkling as Erwin pulled onto the main highway.
“Children, please.” Erwin chuckled, taking one hand off the wheel to rub at the pounding in his forehead. “Don’t make me separate you.” Miche chuckled while Levi flicked a paper wad at his shoulder. “Hello? Driving? Trying not to get us killed?!” Erwin reminded the short man, swiping off the paper and returning both hands to the wheel.
“Speaking of killers, what about Killer Queen?” Miche suggested, looking over his shoulder.
“Please. I’ve heard that song more times in the past week than I have my own thoughts.” Levi scoffed; “Try again, mustache.”
“Well, what's your suggestion, short-round?”
“Obviously, Submission.”
“The sex pistols? AGAIN? Of all the people to criticise re-listening to music-!” Miche said, flabbergasted.
“Fine, then Cut the Chord.”
“SHINEDOWN?”
“YES, SHINEDOWN, because lord knows YOUR ASS can’t tell good-”
“Children.” Erwin said with a chuckle; “Inside voices.”
“I am not a child.” Miche said pridefully, “I’m not even a minor.”
“By two months-” Levi scoffed.
“Better than a whole year off, tiny child-” Miche said smartly, smugness written across every inch of his face.
“Call me tiny one more time and I’ll shove my boot so far up your ass you’ll need surgery to shit again-”
“Until you both start acting like adults I’ll continue to call you children.” Erwin pitched in, only to make them both round on him now.
“So what do you suggest, then, Mr. So-very-mature?” Levi snorted.
“Avril Lavigne.”
“Fuck no-” Levi said simultaneously as Miche.
Erwin pouted; “I’m the driver!”
“You’ve lost talking privileges just for that suggestion.” Miche snorted, flicking and grabbing Erwin’s ear.
“Did I not just say I’m driving here?!” Erwin exclaimed, laughing as he tugged his ear away from Miche’s grasp. “Besides, Avril Lavigne is very popular, thank you.”
“On vogue doesn’t mean good, blondie. You of all fucking people should know that, considering that blend of fucking obnoxious pink and black.”
“It is not obnoxious!” Erwin pouted again, “It’s called ‘pastel goth’ and I’d thank you for respecting my life choices.”
“Sure…..when they’re respectable.” Levi said capitally.
Erwin merely pouted so loud you could have screamed the visual look into sound waves and redirected; “Why not just turn on the radio?” That way there’s no more arguments about CDs went unsaid.
“98.5 is the Hawk.” Miche suggested, starting to turn it to that.
“No fucking way I’m listening to rock from the 80’s nonstop. At least turn to a station that has some modern music.” Levi rolled his eyes, leaning forward to try and push Miche’s hands out of the way of the knob and incidentally leaning on poor Erwin.
“I’m still driving!” He recalled, pushing Levi back.
“Front seat chooses the music, passengers who keep fucking with the driver shuts their cakeholes-” Miche said smugly.
But Erwin quickly corrected him; “Did you not just grab my ear?”
“Incidental details.”
“It is an incident if we get into an accident.” Erwin sighs; “How about just simply turning it to 94.3....”
“No.” They both say, glaring.
“Talk about mainstream pandering.” Levi chuffs; “I think I'd rather listen to Nickelback than that modern pop shit.”
“It’s not modern pop, it’s synth rock, dear.”
Miche shakes his head; “No, for once I agree with short-round, it sounds pop-like.”
Erwin raises an eyebrow; “Didn’t Queen take inspiration from pop later in their career?”
Miche scoffed; “Don’t besmirch them.”
Erwin pressed onwards; “And didn’t Freddy Mercury often take inspiration from pop artists in his stage prescience?”
“...”
“That’s what I thought.” Erwin chortled.
“Exactly why I say go with a harder station. What about 99.2?” Levi suggested.
Erwin rubbed his forehead; “Actually, I’d like to interject I have a terrible headache and would rather not listen to Liquid Metal the entire way down…”
“Weak.” Levi said, rolling his eyes and leaning into his palm irritably.
“Liquid should only be saved for workouts.” Erwin responds, turning off onto the interstate with concentration in his eyes despite the conversation.
“Nah, I ain’ in the mood for that either.” Miche shrugs.
“Weakest.” Levi said, throwing another ball of paper from the back end, this time at the blond with the mustache. He huffed and leaned back, messing with the piercing in his ears as he contemplated the next move.
Erwin finally suggested; “What about Bon Jovi?”
Miche shrugs; “We listened to that last night.”
Levi opens his mouth to argue; “Not the worst shit, but go off.”
Miche snorts; “Mr. I hate anything soft likes Bon Jovi?”
“The fucker actually writes real lyrics. Besides, his compositions aren’t the worst mainstream bullshit I’ve ever heard.”
“Bon Jovi is mainstream?” Erwin said sadly, only for them both to give him a dry look.
—--
It has been a very long trip. Needless to say it didn't go well, as all their trips didn't. There was misfortune everywhere they went, but Erwin often kept them together in reminding them their time together was precious and someday they would laugh at such unfortunate scenarios.
After Levi piled in first he said: “I’m changing this to fucking metal before mustache gets in here and listens to some Beatles garbage.”
Erwin chuckles: “Darling, he doesn't like things *that* old. He simply prefers the 80’s.”
“Tch, yeah: aka A million years old.”
“Are you gritchin’ again, short round?” Miche piled in soaking wet after the fall in the lake, Erwin saying: “Didn't you towel off???”
“Your precious Toyota seats ‘r fine, Vinnie.” He patted him on the shoulder: “More importantly, Short round needs to back down. I let him listen to metal on the way down-”
“FOR TEN MINUTES- You had the rest!”
After a sigh Erwin realized it was going to be a very long trip of bickering if he didn't intervene: “I knew you two wouldn't be easy, so I grabbed a few compromises.”
They both raised their eyebrows, Levi squinting and Miche twisting his lip doubtfully until his mustache lifted. He's been getting one ever since he turned 16 and it really was good looking on him (even if Levi insisted it looked like a rat crawled there and died every now and again). “Prince?”
“Fuck no. Mainstream bitch ass.” Levi grunted.
Erwin sighed, “Paramore?”
Miche scowled: “Too new.”
“What about Ozzy?”
They both hesitated. Miche finally cleared his throat: “It's not Road to Nowhere for the umpteenth time….”
“No, no, I do love that song, but I’ve grown weary.” Erwin took one hand off the wheel long enough to gesticulate while he spoke, hand flitting. “I was thinking Mama I’m Coming Home.”
They both sat in silence for a few minutes as Erwin started the car and headed towards the gravel road, before Levi muttered; “It’s better than most bullshit….”
And Miche chuckled; “I think that's Levi talk for ‘i like it’-”
“Like is a damn stretch….I just…can live with it.”
Erwin pushed the CD in with a chuckle, as the song began hefting through the air and drifting about.
Times have changed and times are strange
Here I come but I ain't the same
Mama, I'm coming home
Strangely, it felt like an homage to what their trip was all about in the first place. Miche was graduating soon, this spring break would be their last before he went off to college. As a result it was nice to finally have him with them one last trip before long time separations. Before he knew what was happening, Erwin began to sing; “You took me in and you drove me out, yeah, you had me hypnotized, yeah. Lost and found and turned around; by the fire in your eyes…”
Levi took his hand, grunting silently as if understanding the meaning. He didn't smile, didn't get all soft or goo goo eyed about it…but he did join in. “You made me cry, you told me lies, but I can't stand to say goodbye. Mama, I'm coming home…”
Miche understood the assignment, but unfortunately in his typical form he has to be goofy about it. And so he belted it out like a madman and made them both flinch. “I could be right, I could be wrong! It hurts so bad it's been so long! Mama, I'm coming home!”
Erwin chucked good naturedly, but Levi groaned and over the music muttered: “We were having a moment here…”
“And so was I, short round.”
Erwin just smiled as his boyfriends fell into another bout of bickering. His eyes softened…
If he has to come home, he hoped he would be to th
em. No matter where the roads took them, he decided….just as he heard Ozzy drop out the famous line. And as he drifted onwards on the highway he decided it didn't have to be later that he would smile at their misadventures.
'Cause mama, mama, I'm coming home