Chapter Text
It wasn't his own fault, really; it was the fault of his doctor, who wasn't willing to prescribe months upon months of medication during the time they would be on tour. It had been so long that he didn't even remember his body was capable, but three missed injections, unfortunately, brought it all rushing back, literally and figuratively.
It had been, what? Fifteen years since the last time, maybe even longer. And just like he didn't the last time, the first thing he did was call out for his brother.
He had been a teenager, and a young one at that, and now, at the age of thirty-two, he had forgotten just what it felt like. He had forgotten the dull, aching pain that never seemed to cease, the nausea, all of the blood.
Their hotel rooms were directly beside each other, with a door joining them together that locked on either side.
For convenience, they always kept them unlocked unless one of them had a girl with them or had a particularly drunk night out.
Noel was barely able to walk to the door, nearly doubled in half and making the most pitiful grimace anyone had ever seen, and knocked on the door leading to Liam's room. It was propped open, and it pushed even further open from the gentle force of the knock.
"Li?"
"Yeah?"
Noel couldn't tell quite where Liam was responding from, but he could hear the television playing in the background. He sat on the ground, crossing his arms over his lower stomach as he awaited more of a reply than "Yeah."
"Waddya want?"
Liam was standing in front of him, a towel wrapped around his waist and hair still dripping wet.
"Ah, fuck me," the younger man said gently. "Really? Already?"
He knew exactly what was happening. He had been with many women before, and it wasn't his first time having to help someone on their cycle, and even if it had been, he was so in tune with his brother that it was painfully obvious what was going on. He had also been on the receiving end of many of Noel's rants about his medication and overheard many unhappy phone calls where he shouted and then begged for a prescription to be sent to him. He wasn't, however, expecting Noel to be in so much pain.
His face had gone completely pale, and either from the emotional shock or the physical discomfort of severe cramps, he was crying just enough that it was noticeable.
"Hey, look, mate. Let's get you into bed, yeah? It'll feel better." Liam didn't really know if it would feel better, but it was probably more comfortable than being in a near-foetal position on the itchy hotel carpet. "D'you need me to go out? For-"
He cut himself off.
It was a sore subject for Noel, for obvious reasons, and not that he had ever thought about it, but he wasn't sure exactly what to refer to it as.
"Yeah."
He told the older man he needed to get himself dressed so he could go out, but first, he put a towel under him, knowing he probably only had a wad of toilet paper wadded up in his underpants and was liable to bleed on the sheets. He pulled the blankets up to Noel's shoulders and closed the blinds, just leaving the bedside lamp on at Noel's request.
Liam got himself ready in what seemed like record time. He was dressed and out the door in what seemed like fifteen minutes. There hadn't even been enough time for his hair to dry.
Before leaving, he checked on Noel again.
"D'you want any snacks or anything?"
He had already decided to bring back both pads and tampons, just in case, and mostly for not wanting to upset Noel by asking directly.
"Just some paracetamol."
Noel was gagging from the pain, and Liam had to turn away, very briefly, to hide the grimace on his face growing from seeing his brother in pain. He caressed Noel's face with the back of his knuckles as he pushed the trashcan closer to the bed with his foot, just in case.
He knew Noel was lying about snacks, of course.
It wasn't weird or uncomfortable for Liam at all. It wasn't like anyone at the shops thought he was buying them for himself, and even if he had been, they were all a bunch of cunts for being so judgemental about it anyway.
It was just a box of tampons, nothing to be embarrassed about.
He grabbed some crisps and some sweets, not knowing which type Noel would prefer. He always liked savoury foods more, but Liam assumed it made taste buds change in some way. He also grabbed some peppermint tea, or something like that. He had sheepishly asked the closest female attendant if she had any advice. The best advice she could give was to get peppermint tea, a massage, and a heating pad for his girlfriend.
He nearly found himself correcting her, saying it was for his older brother, thank you very much. But nobody really knew except them and their family, and they had all sworn themselves to secrecy.
If it got out to the public, Noel would kill him. And it would be a living hell for all involved.
A trip to the chemist was next, where he got paracetamol and the closest thing to a heating pad he could find.
He denied a bag, finding a way to shove it all into the black grocery bag he held in his free hand.
When he returned to the hotel room, unlocking the door with the spare key he and Noel always exchanged, he found Noel sitting on the floor, once again clutching his stomach with one hand and the trashcan tightly pressed against his bare chest.
"D'you want a shower first?" There was quite a lot of blood, and he was right in assuming Noel would leak directly through his boxers and onto the towel he had laid down for him. It wasn't a suggestion, or even a question really; it was more akin to a gentle command. "I'll go get the water running and get your things ready."
He knew Noel was in no state to get up from the floor and pick out his own underwear, or even a shirt and sleep trousers.
He started with turning the tap on, making sure the water was hot enough to soothe him but not hot enough to burn.
He laid out both the package of pads and the box of tampons he had bought, not wanting to directly ask or tell Noel what was there.
"Here," he said gently after having filled a cheap hotel-grade coffee cup with water, handing him two paracetamol.
He helped Noel up and to the bathroom, letting the older man hold onto his arm for support. He left the door cracked just enough for Noel to call out if he needed him, but not enough to see him. The poor man deserved some sort of privacy.
While Noel was in the shower, he picked his clothes for him. A tighter pair of underwear, knowing that whichever product he chose, it would be better than loose boxers, an ill-fitting jumper that he could've sworn belonged to him not too long ago, and a pair of lounge pants.
He brewed the peppermint tea, the best he could, and added a packet of complementary sugar. It wasn't quite hot enough, but it was all the same, really. Truthfully, he figured the heating pad would work better.
It sat plugged in beside the bed, awaiting Noel's return.
Liam placed all of the snacks he had bought, the crisps and sweets, on the bedside table and turned the television on. It was playing some bullshit program that neither of them would really care about, but it was more to break the silence than anything.
"Li?"
"Yeah?"
"Need help."
Although he didn't know what exactly he needed help with, he gently knocked on the door before letting it slowly open, revealing Noel with a towel wrapped around his waist.
"Just sit there," Noel said. "I just need you."
He swiftly shut the door.
Liam figured it was more for emotional support than anything, and as Noel swiftly shut the door, he sat on the floor, pressing his back against the cool wood. He assumed Noel was doing the same on the opposite side and that he had chosen to use a tampon so he didn't have to think about it every single time he went into the bathroom.
Noel was trying his best; he really was.
Liam could hear him wincing, more from the emotion of it all instead of any pain of using one.
"I don't like it, Liam."
"I know, our kid. It'll be over soon, though."
He hoped so, anyway.
Noel finally cracked the door open just enough to fit a hand through it, silently asking for Liam to pass his clothes through. Liam could hear the crinkling wrapper and could tell that Noel was adding another product to his underwear, just in case. It never hurt to be extra protected, just in case.
His face was pale, yet again, as he finally emerged from the bathroom.
While Liam had been waiting, he had switched on the heating pad so it was ready to use as soon as Noel was ready to crawl into bed. He had also discarded the towel, throwing it off into the far corner so Noel wouldn't have to look at it.
"D'you wanna get back into bed, or?"
Noel nodded.
Liam helped him climb into the bed, pulling the blanket up to his shoulders, but not before perfectly positioning the heating pad on his lower stomach. He put the pillow under Noel's head, knowing he usually preferred to lie face down, but he was under different circumstances in that current moment.
He offered him the tea, which he accepted and finished before fully lying down.
Between the heating pad, the paracetamol, and the warm shower, he was beginning to feel slightly less awful. Still not good, just less awful.
He opened a packet of crisps and some chocolate thing Liam had bought, offering his little brother a small amount of both. Liam denied both, saying they weren't for himself. Noel insisted and snapped off a small piece anyway and stuck his hand out, giving Liam no choice but to accept it.
"Our kid?" he asked, yet again.
"Noel?"
"Can you just hold me? For a while."
It had been quite some time since they had slept in a bed together, let alone cuddled, and Liam was almost inclined to say no. But he was really under no circumstance to deny Noel anything, and especially not an arm wrapped around his shoulder as he held him close, gently breathing into his neck.
It wasn't until Liam climbed into bed with him that the tears began to flow. He had propped an arm under Noel's head, lifting it just enough for him to see the television. He himself didn't know if it was better to acknowledge it or to try to comfort him.
He gently turned Noel onto his side so he could get a better grip across his shoulders, positioning his other arm under him to press the heating pad further against his lower stomach. He could feel Noel's hitched breaths as he tried to cry quietly, which wasn't working.
Liam pressed a gentle kiss onto Noel's cheek and another to the still-damp mess of hair on the back of his head.
Noel broke the silence first.
"What if everyone thinks I'm a woman?" He began crying louder, but still barely audible. "With me hips and me face and everything."
"Oh, come on, mate. You looked in a mirror lately? Looking like any other lad and everything."
That was a good enough answer for Noel as he reached for another pack of crisps. He asked if Liam had bought any drinks, and he had, which he had put in the little hotel fridge stashed away under the counter.
Some kind of cider, some soda, and a can of lemonade.
He asked what Noel wanted, and he opted for a can of soda and a cider.
He cracked open the can and did his best to open the cider with whatever he had available, which was the underside of the counter. He figured if he chipped off a small bit of it, he could afford to replace it. Either that or their management would.