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It’s 4 in the morning when Dick sits upright in his bed, gasping for breath and letting out a choked sob, clutching at his sheets as he stares forward with wide eyes, his whole body trembling. He can't help the way he lets out pathetic, gut-wrenching cries of panic, his hands coming up to claw at his chest and abdomen.
He writhes in his bed for a moment, glassy eyes fitting around with distrust, with fear and anguish in both his gaze and his sobs. He would feel embarrassed if anyone was here to witness this, but as usual, it was just him by himself.
It was a good 10, harsh grueling minutes of sobbing and panicking, painful sounds of a panic attack, before he could calm himself down enough to even have a proper thought, blinking slowly at the moonlight that seeped through his window, greedily taking deep breathes once his brain properly came back to him.
Bad dream. Nightmare even.
It was about Jason. His younger brother..his sweet, trauma-ridden little brother.
Gods he hasn’t had one of those in a long time. Years, ever since Jason came back they've started going away. But every once in a while he will have a bad moment of relapse in his nightmares.
But the nights previously Jason had an incident during patrol, some thugs got a drop on him and got him good. It was touch and go for a second there and it freaked everyone out bad.
He didn't leave Jason's side for 36 hours. Awake and terrified, watching and making sure he wouldn't have to go through the pain of hearing his pulse drop and him flatline again. He couldn’t. Not like that, God no.
Alfred made him go home. He refused everyone else, and no one could make him leave his baby brother's side..besides Alfred. And even then, he wanted to disagree. But he couldn’t..not to him.
So he went home. Fuck does he regret it now.
His heart finally slows down, but the tears don't stop as he lets himself cry to himself, scrambling out of bed on shaky legs, continuing to tremble as he tries to find his phone, gasping out to catch his breath, feeling his heart flutter with fear as he struggles to find said phone, he can't help but think about Jason. Not knowing if he's okay now.
He had the same dream for years.
It’s always Jason dying in his arms, bloody and fearful, begging for dick to save him, to take care of him one last time. Seeing the light leave his eyes..
Every. Single. Time.
It’s so draining, and hard to relive the same nightmare back to back, but for the nightmares to come back after so many years of them being gone? It's confusing, heart breaking to have to bring back such memories like this.
Usually, it wouldn't affect him as much, not like it did tonight.
But with Jason getting horribly hurt and bleeding out in his arms the other day, almost a replica of his dream..gods it does something to him. It brought back his nightmares.
He lets out a cry of victory as he finds his phone, grasping it as if its his lifeline, using his sleeve to hastily dry his face from his tears, and opens up his phone, holding onto it with a death grip, hands shaking as he looks at his contacts, clicking on tims contact, knowing the teen was most likely still awake, as Tim couldn't sleep for shit.
And luckily, It doesn't take super long for Tim to answer his call.
“You're supposed to be asleep, you know.”
That was what Tim said as soon as he answered the phone, unamusement clear in his voice when he speaks.
“Tim. hey, shit..” He murmured, biting at his own bottom lip as he held his phone to his ear, pacing back and forth on the floor of his room. “Is..How's Jay?”
The phone was quiet for a moment before a sigh was heard from the other side and some ruffling of papers being moved around.
“Jason’s fine, dick. His vitals are the same as they were when you left him, nothing has changed,” said Tim, his voice got clearer and the sound of Tim setting his phone down with a slight thud was then heard. “If they did, you know i would have called you.”
Dick sighs, going over and sitting down onto his bed again, looking out the window as he keeps the phone to his ear, his free hand grabbing at the blankets once again.
“..are you sure he's okay?”
“Yes Dick, I'm sure. I’ve checked on him regularly, he's showing signs of improvement. Get some more sleep, and you can come back to the manor and mother-hen over Jason all you want.”
He huffs out, his grip softening around his phone, laying back in his bed again, frowning slightly as he now moves his gaze up at the ceiling.
“What’s this about dick? Are you okay?” Tim asked, though he sounded tired, he couldn't hide the concern in his voice when he asked dick.
Dick would love to do nothing but go over to the manor, and see Jason. But realistically, he know’s he shouldn’t.
Especially with Tim discouraging him from doing, while annoying, deep sown he understands why.
“I..yeah. I just..had a nightmare again. It was bad.” Dick said as he sighs once more, turning on his side and curling up in his bed, bringing his blankets up.
“Ah, that’ll do it.” Tim sighed out himself, a frown evident in his voice. “You haven't had one of those in a long time, you okay?”
Dick snorts out, rubbing at his face once more with his sleeve, getting the rest of the wetness on his face, no longer crying. “No, not really. But i will be.”
He said, hugging his blankets to his chest, while still feeling shitty, he’s not as bad as he was when he first woke up.
“I’ll come by in a few hours, don't miss me too much,.” he said with a chuckle, but he cant help the way his features softened when he thought about his brother’s genuine concern.
“Yeah, alright. See you later.” Said Tim, huffing out a laugh himself, it wasn't much but it was audible. Tim hung up the phone, leaving dick to sigh once more, plugging in his phone before setting it on the nightstand.
He brings his blankets closer to his chest, letting his eyes close as he tries to get comfortable once again, while he’s still anxiety-ridden about Jason, he knows he will see him in a few hours. That’s enough for him right now..at least enough for him to sleep.
Dick falls back asleep with a heavy heart and thoughts racing but sated for now.