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He should have been happy about finding the file. He knew that – that was the appropriate reaction and there should have been a sense of accomplishment or excitement in him like his friends seemed to have. But Gorgug only felt a weird sense of déjà vu.
Everyone had left already and Gorgug was now sitting in class, his mind only half-aware of what was going on in front of him. So a normal day, really.
Gorgug’s head was almost entirely occupied with the file—with Kipperlily’s file. But he couldn’t really figure out what exactly. Even taunts from Porter did little to make him focus on whatever he had been doing in Barbarian class, and he had never been more thankful for a lack of Artificer class.
That weird buzzing at the back of his mind kept his attention for the last two hours of school, and they continued after the bell range and Porter handed him a list of critiques about his performance that day.
Gorgug crumbled the piece of paper and stuffed it into the pocket of his hoodie. Gorgug pulled his headphones onto his ears and let his constant stream of music attempt to drown out that weird buzzing at the back of his mind. It was a futile attempt, and he kind of knew that, but at least he did something about it. That was usually enough.
The complete derailing of any semblance of a train of thought meant that Gorgug didn’t see Jawbone in the hall. And he didn’t notice him until he bumped into him, knocking a multitude of papers that the guidance counselor was holding.
“Sorry,” Gorgug said as he picked himself up. He helped Jawbone gather the loose papers on the floor.
“Oh, you’re alright, Gorgug! And thanks for this,” Jawbone replied as Gorgug handed him the gathered papers. Gorgug mumbled a half-hearted, “You’re welcome,” and started to walk away, but Jawbone stopped him before he could do so.
“Gorgug, bud, you doing okay?”
“No, yeah, yeah, I’m good.” Gorgug didn’t sound ‘good.’ Jawbone thought as much, and raised an eyebrow at the teenager’s response.
“You sure?”
“Yeah! Well…” Gorgug drifted off as his gaze faded out of focus.
“I’ve got a free twenty minutes if you want to chat about it,” Jawbone offered. Gorgug stared down at the werewolf, and contemplated sitting down and chatting about what he was thinking about. Students passed by, throwing glances of annoyance and curiosity at the seemingly frozen half-orc that took up nearly half of the school hallway.
“I’m good,” Gorgug finally said. “I’ve really got to get home. And, really, I’m okay.”
Jawbone raised his eyebrow again, but he didn’t press the matter any further. Instead, he patted Gorgug’s forearm.
“Well, my door’s always open. Until five, then you can just go to Mordred.”
“Right, yeah.”
“I’ll see you later, Gorgug!” Jawbone cheered. Gorgug smiled and waved Jawbone goodbye, nearly whacking a half-elf in the face. Gorgug quickly scrambled down the hallway and towards the exit.
Even the fresh air did little to clear the weird, nagging feeling in Gorgug’s head. That worried him a bit, but he figured it meant it had become one of those things he had to talk about, which made him a bit annoyed at himself for declining Jawbone’s offer.
Though, he did have to get home, that wasn’t a lie. His dad was making pie and Gorgug loved pie. He had to be there.
When he did finally get to the Thistlespring Tree, the aroma of a baking pie filled the air. Gorgug’s pace picked up rapidly, and he nearly hit his face against a tree branch he was sure hadn’t been there before.
Luckily, he made it inside of his tree house without hitting his head a single time. The house only smelled more like wonderful pie, paired with the sight of Wilma and Digby scurrying around the house doing tasks around the house that Gorgug always tried his best to help with. Especially now that he was a good Artificer kind of.
Gorgug went to announce his entrance, but a sudden bell sounded out through the house that echoed through the building. Then, following the bell sound instantly, was a loud voice that boomed louder than anything Gorgug had heard at home before.
“Gorgug has arrived!” Silence followed. At least, ‘normal’ silence at the Thistlespring Tree, which meant the whir of countless pieces of machinery were very well still audible.
“Oh, guess I have, yeah,” Gorgug mostly said to himself. “Mom? Dad?” he called out as he carefully entered the kitchen.
“Gorgug, hey, bud!” Digby said as he pulled oven mitts off of his hands. “How was school, how was school?” Digby hurriedly pulled two chairs out for him and Gorgug to sit on.
“It was… good, you know,” Gorgug said half-heartedly as he trepidatiously sat down on the chair that was a bit too small for him. The half-orc fussed with his shaggy hair as he continued to talk. “We got a lead with our investigation, I think. The whole Ratgrinder stuff.”
“That’s great, bud!” Digby said, his already beaming smile stretching even further. “What’d you kids find out?”
“Well, it’s a sort of…” Gorgug rolled his tongue around in his mouth, trying to search for the words he wanted to use. “Well, you know Kipperlilly. Copperkettle.”
“The girl running against Kristen?” Digby asked.
“Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, you know how she’s all… evil and stuff. That’s sort of what we’ve been dealing with, you know, the sort of… evil thing. Evil students. Grinding rat.” Gorgug adjusted his headphones as he stumbled around his words. As it usually turned out, Gorgug found talking to Digby — or Wilma — a lot easier than talking to Jawbone.
“I’ve heard, yes,” Digby responded.
“Yeah, well, we found her… okay, well, Riz stole her file from Jawbone’s office, because she’s evil, but in her file there was a lot of stuff… no, okay, let me restart.” Digby smiled patiently as Gorgug tried to order his thoughts correctly.
“Okay. In Kipperlilly’s file, there was a lot of stuff about her being… angry. And that was sort of the reason she was jealous of… well, mostly Riz, but us. The Bad Kids. And it’s like she’s just gotten angrier and… I know that Jawbone tries to help, but I know what I’m like. Rage and all of… those things, and there’s just been a weird buzz in my head all day about that because on one hand she’s being really weird about Riz and his dad, but on the other I mean I kind of get it but I feel bad for getting it because it’s bad and I think I’m mad?”
Wilma had entered the kitchen during Gorgug’s rambling, and now two of his parents were looking at him as he finished up his long trail of thoughts.
After sharing a quick look between each other, Digby was the first of the pair to speak up.
“Well, bud, that’s a lot,” he said with a smile.
“Yeah,” Gorgug said softly.
“Look, hey, not everything’s so cut and dry all the time,” Wilma said comfortingly. “Believe you me, me and your old man here have had lots of times where we’ve gotten off on the wrong foot with some people! Why, that’s exactly what happened with your principal!”
“The guy that hates me?” Gorgug said uncertainty.
“Oh, he doesn’t hate you!” Digby said. “He just gets like that, he’s a man with a lot of thoughts going on all at once.
“But, Gorgug, you don’t have to always feel one way about someone! I mean, your friend Ragh! You didn’t like him much at the start of freshman year did you?”
“No,” Gorgug said quietly.
“Exactly!” Wilma chimed in. “And now you two are best buds! People change all the time! A rival is just a friend waiting to happen.”
“Yeah,” Gorgug said, his tone unchanging.
“Do you plan on talking to her?” Wilma asked.
“I… maybe? I don’t know, I think the plan is sort of… figure out the whole rage crystal thing still. And all that.”
“Well, are you going to stick with that plan?” Digby asked sincerely. Gorgug opened his mouth to respond, but his brain paused as he pondered the question.
“Whatever you choose,” Digby continued. “You have to do it right, bud. And I know you will.”
“Yeah,” Gorgug whispered. “Yeah. Thanks, Mom and Dad.”
“Anytime, bud!” Wilma said jovially. “Now, let’s dig into this pie, huh?”
Despite the continuous thoughts floating around in Gorgug’s head, he and his parents dug into the pie. It was, of course, delicious, and after twenty minutes of various discussion topics, Gorgug retired to his home, taking the last slice of pie with him.
Rather than wallowing in his bed, letting all that had happened that day linger within his mind for hours on end, Gorgug picked up a small ‘wand’ that Adaine had helped him make. With a simple press, a charge within the wand was used and Gorgug cast Sleep on himself.
The next day hadn't been much better for Gorgug. Mentally, at least. Though Barbarian class was still bad, but Gorgug had come to terms with that at that point.
Really, though, he was mostly worried about what he had decided to do. Gorgug wasn’t a stranger to being scared or anxious, but it was more so the singular concept of just… talking to someone who didn’t really like you that made his blood just boil by instinct. It was a similar feeling to what he felt towards Porter, though that was really just feelings of exasperation more than anything.
But those feelings aside, sometimes it felt like there was something that was, beyond anything, just right to do. And dispelling someone’s feelings that you knew were both irrational and yet had some strange basis within it was a right thing to do. At least, in Gorgug’s personal opinion. Surely someone else would tell him differently.
Deep in his thoughts, Gorgug almost didn’t notice a cheerful, recognizable voice on the other side of the hallway. Almost, because it ripped him out of his thoughts and made him remember, ‘Oh, yeah. I need to talk to them.’
Kipperlilly was standing, handing a button to an Air Genasi that Gorgug had maybe seen before, but he definitely didn’t remember their name. Awkwardly, he stopped in the middle of the hallway, giving his brain a second to just, sort of, chill. Someone bumped into Gorgug, and the teenage boy barely moved as they did so. The random student grumbled something about Gorgug constantly getting in people’s ways, but Gorgug barely processed their words as he started to awkwardly make his way towards Kipperlilly.
“So, yeah, you know, it’d just be a great help if you tol-”
“Hey, Kipperlilly,” Gorgug interrupted. Both students turned to look at Gorgug, who stared right back at them.
“Gorgug!” Kipperlilly chirped excitedly. Though, Gorgug could see in her eyes that she was anything but. The Air Genasi looked at Gorgug, obviously annoyed, but he ignored them.
“Hey, yeah, uh, Kipperlilly. Do you think I could talk to you for a bit? For a second just a second just a little chat.”
“Sure!” she replied. Her smile was wide as she turned to the other student, and it stayed there when she turned back to Gorgug. Still, he could see that deeper fire within her eyes that her cool smile couldn’t quell.
The other student seemed to protest, but Kipperlilly assured them it was fine. Gorgug wasn’t as convinced, but he was still leading Kipperlilly down the hallway. He was sure she would’ve asked more questions by now, or tried to stab him or something equally as violent, but surprisingly she followed in near complete silence.
To be completely honest, Gorgug didn’t really know where to go. Nowhere seemed to be a good, isolated place to talk. But then he spotted the Artificer class, remembered that Mr. Hopclap was out that day, and decided it was a fine enough place to talk.
As soon as the pair were in the classroom, Gorgug felt a sharp shift in energy. Sure enough, he turned to see Kipperlilly glaring at him, all hints of a facade gone.
“What are you planning?” she asked. Her eyes themselves were threats, and he was sure the dozens of knives she was definitely hiding on her person were even more deadly.
“Nothing,” Gorgug said plainly. “I just wanted to talk. Swear. You can cast that weird fucking magic truth thing if you need to.”
“You know I don’t have that spell.”
“Well,” Gorgug said, monotone.
Silence fell, and Kipperlilly held eye contact with Gorgug. Or, she tried to, since he almost immediately backed away from her eyeline.
“Look, I just want to talk, and if we end up fighting after we can do that. If you want. But I just want to say some… stuff.” Gorgug made eye contact this time, and it held.
Kipperlilly seemed to ponder the offer completely internally. Gorgug didn’t really know where to look, so he sort of looked off in the corner while Kipperlilly stood silently.
“Okay,” she said sharply. “Fine.”
“Cool, yeah,” Gorgug said as he adjusted his backpack. “Uh, yeah. I just wanted to know if you’ve ever felt… really mad before.” Kipperlilly tensed up at Gorgug’s words, and he had a feeling he had thrown her off a bit. “Like, not just normal mad but in a sort of rage way? Something that just won’t go away.”
Kipperlilly didn’t respond, and Gorgug didn’t really know where else to take the conversation. So, he waited until Kipperlilly finally said something.
“Why do you want to know?”
“Same thing I said before,” Gorgug said plainly. “You know I’ve been a half-orc my whole life?” Kipperlilly didn’t look amused, which was good because Gorgug hadn’t meant his statement as a joke.
“I’ve gone my entire life dealing with rage. Just… this internal rage that’s never gone away. And it makes me mad, which makes me rage more, which makes me angrier, and it's just a really bad cycle for everyone. And I know this is probably a weird thing to say to you, you being Kipperlilly and… against my friends and all that, but I want you to know that you know… rage is pretty bad but it's also not something you can hold in. You know? That’s why we have Barbarian classes. Why haven’t you taken Barbarian classes?”
“What the fuck is this about?” All semblance of a facade was gone from Kipperlilly. There was something familiar in this side of Kipperlilly that he had seldom seen; someone trying desperately not to let their rage consume them, but letting exactly that happen through their suppressant efforts. He knew it all too well.
“I just wanted to… I don’t know, I kind of just wanted to tell you you’re not alone. If you’re, you know… angry about everything. Because I am too and I don’t really think ending the world is a really cool awesome thing to do.
“And, I don’t think you deserve to sort of spiral forever just because no one else knew what it was like to just be angry. And also how to deal with that in a normal cool way and not in a bad evil way. You know.”
“Why do you care?” Kipperlilly said quickly. There was a snarl to her words, but there was also a return of that softness she usually spoke with when she was out and about, campaigning for her presidency. And Gorgug didn’t fall away from eye contact, which he was pretty proud about.
“I mean… mostly because of the stuff I just said. All that. Plus I really just have too much going on right now. Just an absurd amount of shit, and helping you out is just a really good win-win for the both of us.”
“You’re not going to get what you want out of this, Gorgug.”
“Probably not,” Gorgug replied quickly, straining. “But it’s worth a try, probably. Just… maybe consider not being all evil and stuff and just like… punch a wall. Talk your feelings out. Don’t let your anger bubble inside you like it’s a Crockpot. You know?”
“Sure.” Kipperlilly said it snidely, but there was also a bit of a crack in her voice.
“Do you know how I first met my friends?” Kipperlilly’s interest seemed piqued, but she didn’t respond.
“Fabian punched me. And I punched him back and it felt really good and then I felt really bad about it after.”
“This is useless,” Kipperlilly turned to leave, and Gorgug almost let her. But something inside of him knew he couldn’t just let someone continue to suffer from something he himself had to deal with his own life.
“What about Lucy?” he said a bit too loudly. That caught Kipperlilly’s attention instantly,
“You don’t know a fucking thing about her, Thistlespring,” she said sharply.
“Well, no, not really. But I’m sure she knew a lot about you, right? You… you probably talked to her and she was, like, the only person who you thought actually got it and made you feel normal and I sort of have that with my parents-”
“Your parents?”
“Yeah, and I can’t imagine losing that bedrock of your life and I don’t know maybe don’t be evil?”
Another soft pause passed between the two teenagers.
“Do you know what it’s like to want something that you know is both completely insane but completely reasonable in your own mind?” Kipperlilly said quietly.
“I mean not really but I kind of get it, yeah.”
“That’s what it’s like in my head, twenty-four seven.” Gorgug was, admittedly, taken aback by how plainly Kipperlilly said she felt. But, it at least meant he had gotten somewhere. He filed through his memories of different pieces of advice Digby and Wilma had given him to try and implement now.
“Yeah, mine’s like that but it’s just sort of… yelling. The whole time.”
“Does it ever stop?” she asked softly. Gorgug felt a lot more awkward now that the conversation had gotten more personal, though that was what he had wanted.
“No,” he said honestly. “But, you learn how to deal with it. Normal things, non-magical things. I said it before when I don’t think you were really listening, but Barbarian classes could really help. Maybe not with Porter though. I’m sure there’s a better Barbarian out there to teach you. And me.”
“Yeah.” Unceremoniously, Kipperlilly started to depart, and Gorgug did little to stop her. But, before she opened the door out of the classroom, Kipperlilly turned back to Gorgug.
“I’ll give it a try,” she said. Again, her words sounded more genuine than anything Gorgug had heard before, though he really wasn’t the best judge at that. He gave Kipperlilly an awkward wave bye as she left, and then it was him alone in the Artificer classroom.
Instantly, doubt washed over Gorgug, but he quickly pushed it away. Had he single handedly improved Kipperlilly’s life and saved her from the influence of the rage crystals implanted within her? No. But he had nudged her towards the right path, and that was alright. Maybe. He definitely probably shouldn’t ever tell his friends about it, though.