Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“I'm breaking up with you.”

Ivan will regret those words for the rest of his life.

“Mhm, sure you are.”

Till didn’t know Ivan was serious.

Ivan wishes he could take it back. He would trade all the stars in the sky to take it back.

If there’s one thing Ivan enjoys about being an idol, it’s the people he gets to meet. Other celebrities, fans, agents, and even the staff members.

One of these people is his dear friend, Sua.

They met while doing a photo shoot together, and though they didn’t immediately hit it off (she wanted him dead, actually), they slowly became friends after realizing they shared a lot of interests. Gossiping is their second favorite thing to do together after watching garbage television over snacks on weekends.

They enjoy each other's company. Ivan would go as far as saying he almost considers Sua his sister.

Which is why he happily agrees to go out with her and her girlfriend from time to time.

Sua :|
Want to go out with me and Mizi this weekend? She’s inviting a friend of hers too btw

Sure why not?

Ivan arrives ten minutes earlier than he’s supposed to. He kind of wishes he hadn’t because the loud music and the bright lights paired with the dim room are a little overwhelming, but thankfully, Sua and Mizi got here early too.

“Wow. Someone’s all dressed up,” Sua remarks.

He’s really not. He doesn’t think a turtleneck and a suit jacket count as ‘dressed up.’

“I like to look presentable,” Ivan says as he looks her up and down, “and so do you.” She’s wearing a strapless knee-length dress. A very expensive one too.

Mizi looks beautiful too. She’s wearing a black, off-the-shoulder dress and the ends of her hair have been curled.

“Of course I do.” She turns to Mizi, “I have someone to look nice for.”

Mizi blushes, “Sua, you always look nice.”

As cute as they are, Ivan really doesn’t want to watch them flirt for two hours. “So, where is this friend of yours?”

“Oh, he’s already here,” Mizi lights up. “I’ll message him really quick.”

A ‘him,’ huh? “Is he cute?” Ivan jokes.

”No,” Sua makes a face, “he’s gross and ugly.”

“Sua! Don’t say that!” Mizi scolds.“She’s just mad because he had a crush on me for a bit, but he’s really sweet. I think you’ll like him.”

Of course, that’s why Sua doesn’t like him. He can’t blame her, though. If someone was in love with his partner he wouldn’t have the nicest attitude about them either.

Mizi’s phone lights up. She checks it and then starts to look around before her eyes widen. “Wait here,” she says before wandering off.

“Will I actually like him?” Ivan asks.

“He’s not fake if that’s what you’re asking,” She responds. “He’s too honest, actually.”

Too honest? Like Luka’s version of too honest or Sua’s? Because those are not the same.

It isn’t long before Mizi returns with her arms wrapped around a man who’s quite a bit taller than her.

Ivan’s heart nearly stops when he sees him.

“Ivan, this is my friend, Till. He’s an awesome guitar player and his voice is really good! And Till, this is Ivan. He’s an idol and an incredible actor!”

Neither of them move. They only stare at each other.

But as Mizi just said, Ivan is an incredible actor. So he turns on his perfect idol persona and reaches his hand out and smiles as if everything is normal, “It’s nice to meet you, Till.”

Till continues to stare at him for a few seconds before returning the handshake, “Yeah.”

Ivan’s heart is about to explode. It’s Till. The Till he hasn’t seen in four years.

The Till he was in love with for three.

And he looks good. He’s wearing a black tank top with a cropped red jacket. His pants are leather and his ears are filled with piercings. His features are sharper than Ivan remembers.

Sua snorts, “You forgot who you’re introducing, Mizi. They’re both idiots when it comes to talking to new people.”

“I just got here and you’re already at my throat,” Till huffs.

His voice is much deeper too.

Mizi laughs awkwardly in an attempt to prevent a silly argument,” Haha…how about we go find our seats and start ordering.”

Their table is close to the back of the club. Perfect for not attracting any attention. After all, a bunch of celebrities in a public place is sure to cause a ruckus. It’s also not as loud, which Ivan appreciates.

The setup is… inconvenient to say the least. Mizi and Sua are next to each other. They’re seated across from Ivan and Till. Who are also sitting next to each other.

Till is uncomfortable, Ivan can tell because even though the seats aren’t very big, he’s as far away from him as possible.

No one says anything about it because Mizi and Sua assume he’s just nervous, and Ivan knows better than to say anything.

Ivan doesn’t order anything because it’s too late to eat and he only drinks if he has to, but the other three do. He has no knowledge of alcohol, though, so he can’t identify their drinks.

“Since you’re both here,” Sua playfully flicks the lime on the edge of her glass. “I have something to bring to your attention.” She’s got an evil look on her face.

“What career-ending gossip did you hear about this time?” Ivan says, with an equally evil look.

“Well,” she turns towards Till who immediately tenses up. “I heard that there might be something going on between Luka and Hyuna.”

“Hyuna…and Luka?” Till looks at her like she has three extra eyes. “Fat chance.”

“You know her?” Ivan asks, acting as if everything is normal.

Till stares at him before responding, “She’s part of my band. And babysitter.”

“Babysitter?” The three of them say in unison.

Till looks up and fidgets with one of his earrings, “Her words, not mine.”

Okay. He’s not in the mood to talk about himself. Probably because Ivan is here, but it’s really none of his business, so he turns back to Sua,” Are you sure it’s Luka and Hyuna? That Luka?”

Ivan recalls a conversation where he made a joke about Luka’s fangirls and Luka responded with, ‘I have no interest in women. Or anyone for that matter.’

“The center of your group. That Luka. Yes, I’m sure.”

Even Till has a hard time believing that. “Are you sure? That guy is like a grade-A asshole went he wants to be. And he’s obsessed with himself? Hyuna hates guys like that.”

“Yeah,” Mizi looks at Sua with an eyebrow raised. “She has some…choice words about men.”

“Well, you’ll have to take that up with her…” Sua gives them a smug look,” Since I saw a picture of them in her gallery.”

“What!?” They all yelp.

Sua shrugs,” I didn’t see the picture completely because it was from the gallery view.”

Ivan gives her a look that says you are so full of bullshit.

“But,” She holds her finger up in his face.”The person in the picture was definitely a man because he was shirtless. And his hair was ash-blonde.”

“Okay?” Ivan’s still giving her that look.

“And his nails were black,” She motions to Ivan’s hands

The whole group painted them as a way of celebrating their comeback. The fans really enjoyed it, so they’ve been keeping it up for these past few months. Ivan doesn’t like the way it looks on him, but oh well.

“That’s pretty damning,” Mizi jokes.

“Damning indeed,” Sua responds. “So, Ivan. Till. Is my evidence satisfactory?”

“It certainly isn’t impossible,” Ivan really hopes it isn’t true because as someone who knows Luka personally, he thinks he’d be a terrible boyfriend.

“Like hell it was. I’m gonna believe that,” Till huffs. “That’s not nearly enough evidence.”

“Boo, you guys are boring!” Mizi pouts. “Even if it’s not true, it’s fun to theorize.”

“But if it was about you, you’d be more interested,” Sua teases.

Ivan rolls his eyes,” No, I wouldn’t because there’s nothing to say about me. I haven’t been attracted to anyone in years.”

“Sure,” Sua’s eyes accidentally catch on Till’s. He looks in the other direction and squints his eyes. She doesn’t think of much of it. “But whatever you say, Mr. Black Sorrow. We all saw that performance. There’s definitely someone you’re hopelessly in love with.”

Mizi chuckles,” That’s what I told him when I saw it! It reminds me of our first duet together.”

Sua smiles brightly. Now she and Mizi are looking into each other's eyes and it’s very cute, but also very gross.

Their display of affection is interrupted when Till abruptly stands up. “I have to piss. I’ll be back.” He stomps away (in the opposite direction of the bathroom) as the three watch.

“He thinks you’re gross too, Sua.” Ivan says behind a taunting tone. He’s trying to hide the discomfort in his voice. “Isn’t that nice?”

He’s lucky they’re in public or Sua would’ve started strangling him already.

Mizi’s eyes seem to linger in the direction Till walked off in. “Do you two know each other or something? Something was off when you introduced yourselves and Till was squirming the whole time.”

“He kept side-eyeing you. And you were being weird too.”

“Was I?” Ivan says.

Mizi winces and Sua scoots closer to him. “Did you do something to him? Is there bad blood between you two?”

See, Ivan would say he’s a good liar. A great one.

But for some reason, he’s not able to speak. It could be the loud music and the flashing lights that are giving him this totally not suspicious blank stare, but he isn’t sure, and he doesn’t have time to think about it because Sua speaks before he can.

“Oh, my god. You did do something!”

Not recently. They haven’t spoken in four years.

“Sort of…” Ivan doesn’t want to say too much because while it is his business, it’s not only his business, but his great choice of words is not helping his case.

The girls look even more concerned than they did two seconds ago. He can hide it from them as long as he wants, but he’s sure Sua will weasel it out of him at some point.

“It’s not-” Ivan sighs. “...Promise me you won't tell anyone what I'm about to tell you.”

They both nod.

“I’m serious,” he leans in. “If anyone were to find it…would be really bad.”

Ivan takes a deep breath. Maybe the loud music is doing some good because no one else can hear him except for Mizi and Sua, ”Till and I… we’ve known each other since we were little kids.” He left out the part about them dating for six years for a reason.

“What! Seriously!?” Mizi yelps before quickly covering her mouth.

Sua sips her drink. She’s surprised by this information, but intrigued enough to keep her mouth shut,” Then what happened for you to not be on speaking terms?”

”I… won't go into detail, but my father never liked me hanging around him. He’s never been accepting of…our friendship, and after Till’s transition, it only got worse. So I had to break it off. For our safety.”

He remembers that day so vividly. The pain in Till’s voice as he screamed at Ivan to get out. The force he used to push him out the door. The expression on his face as tears streamed down his cheeks.

When Ivan got home that night, he locked himself in his room and cried until he had no more tears.

The Mizi and Sua look at each other and then back at him. “Why don’t you just talk to him? Especially since you were such good friends. Till is a lot sweeter than he makes himself out to be, I’m sure he’ll hear you out.” Mizi says.

Ivan shakes his head,” I…don’t have the right to speak to him anymore.”

They know Ivan’s not telling them something. He’s always been like this.

“I have a question,” Sua says. “What did you mean by ‘after Till’s transition?’”

Ivan opens his mouth to speak, but he’s stopped by the heavy strike that crosses his face.

“I leave for like five minutes and you go and tell my business to the whole fucking world!?”

Still reeling from the pain, he looks up and sees Till standing above him.

He looks pissed.

Till grabs Ivan by the collar. “I told you that if you ever speak to me again I will kill you. Was I not clear enough? Do you want me to do it right now?” His voice echoes in Ivan’s head. It hurts his ears, but he doesn’t let it show on his face. Till doesn’t look like he’s joking either. The fury in those green eyes is enough to tell Ivan that.

The surrounding people are staring at them now. Ivan can feel all the eyes on him.

“It’s a misunderstanding,” Ivan tries to explain as calmly as possible. Of course, that’s the one part of the conversation he heard. Now Ivan just looks like an asshole. More than he did before anyway.

“No. I think I understand quite well,” Till snarls. His voice is even louder than before, and his face is closer too. Ivan feels like his head might explode.

Mizi quickly stands up, putting her hand on Till’s shoulder in an attempt to break them up, “He’s not lying, Till! Really, he wasn’t telling us anything bad!”

Till looks at her for a moment before shooting Ivan a glare and letting go of him. Their eyes are locked on each other for a long moment. It’s like Till is staring right through him.

“I’ll be outside,” he huffs.

Ivan only stares as Till walks out the door.

Mizi is looking at Ivan and then in the direction Till left in. “I’m going to check on him. Wait here!” She says quickly before running after him.

Sua looks extremely concerned.“...How badly did that friendship end, exactly?”

He isn’t able to give her an answer because he’s pretty sure his heart is going to beat out of his chest. In a bad way. The way that makes it hard to breathe and feels like your soul is leaving your body.

In the end, all he can say is,” Bad.”

Ivan doesn’t speak much for the rest of the night. His mind is racing.

He reunited with Till, got slapped by him, and then further damaged their already shattered relationship. All in one night.

He’s still not sure how to feel about it. He knows he definitely deserved that slap for a number of reasons, but now he feels so uncomfortable in his own skin that he might cry if someone touches him again and the pain is definitely not helping.

But he’s a twenty-five-year-old man. A heartthrob Idol. It would be unacceptable for him to cry. So he’ll do so later in the privacy of his own home with all the lights off.

Sua is holding an ice pack to his cheek while Mizi rubs his hand. So much for not being touched. They’re on their way to Sua and Mizi’s apartment.

“I’m so sorry, Ivan. I didn’t know you two hated each other. If I had known- I wouldn’t have invited you both,” Mizi apologizes. She looks really upset.

Ivan doesn’t hate Till, but Till has every right to hate lvan.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” he reassures. “I didn’t think I’d ever see him again, so you have nothing to be sorry for.”

“He really slapped the shit out of you,” Sua winces as she looks at the bruise on Ivan’s face. “I didn’t know there was so much power in that bony body of his.”

“He’s not that skinny. Playing guitar and carrying around amps builds more muscle than you’d think.”

Sua and Mizi look at each other and then at Ivan, who’s as straight-faced as he was before.

“Are you sure he didn’t damage your brain with that slap? Do you want us to see you home?” Sua jokes, but he knows she’s worried.

“I’m the gentleman here, aren’t I? It’s my responsibility to make sure you two get home okay.”

“You’re too sweet, Ivan,” Mizi says. “But we’ll be okay. Besides, it’s not too much of a hassle. Our place is in the same direction anyway.”

Sua sighs, “It’s not like you’re our chaperone or something. Go home.”

Ivan doesn’t protest when they change the route. He’s a little too out of it for that. There is some part of him that feels a little bad, though.

The rest of the ride is a blur. They get to his apartment, he thanks them and goes inside. He takes a shower and gets into bed. He moves like a robot. His head is empty the entire time.

All the way up until he starts to doze off.

It was nice to see him again.

Ivan sits up. Suddenly he’s awake as if it’s the middle of the day.

Till. He saw Till again.

He saw Till again and instead of apologizing, he acted like a total idiot.

Ivan isn’t able to get to sleep. He spends the rest of the night thinking about how royally he messed up.

When he finally does doze off, his alarm rings.

It’s six in the morning.

Chapter Text

Till is woken up by the sound of his phone ringing. He groans and reaches for it, knocking several things off his nightstand in the process.

He looks at his phone and squints at the bright light. It takes a minute to register what he’s looking at, but once he realizes, he only groans louder.

It’s Urak.

Why the hell is he calling so early?

He sits up and tries to mentally prepare himself (as much as a half-asleep person can, anyway) before answering.

He isn’t even able to say ‘hi’ before being yelled at.

“Where the hell are you!?”

Till doesn’t say anything because his brain is still catching up. Doesn’t he have Sundays off?

“Your ass better be down here at ten! Do you hear me!?”

Now he knows for sure that he doesn’t have today off, but for wha-

Oh.

He has an important meeting today.

It was scheduled a few weeks ago, but Till didn’t bother to make note of it.

He looks at the time and winces. It’s 9:42. Shit. Shit. Shit.

“Did you fucking oversleep again?”

“No, no, no,” Till says quickly. Every trace of drowsiness leaves his voice. “I-I’m on my way. Right now, actually.”

Who is he fooling? He knows Urak can sense his bullshit through the phone.

“Don’t forget you owe me. ” Then the call drops.

Till doesn’t want to think about the royal tongue thrashing he’s going to get later. Not that he necessarily cares if he makes Urak mad, he just doesn’t want to hear him bitch and moan for half an hour. ‘I already told you,’ this. ‘You never listen,’ that.

But no matter how badly he behaves, he’ll never get rid of Till. He likes him too much for that.

Till doesn’t bother showering, he just throws on the nearest clean outfit and makes sure he looks decent.

On his way out, he checks his phone. There’s a message from Hyuna.

Thing 1: Are you home?

Me:??? why

Thing 1:Yes or no?

Me: yes why

Thing1: Come outside

Sure enough, he walks out of the lobby and Hyuna’s right there in her car.

“Why are you here?” How the hell did she know he was running late?

”I come all the way here and you’re not happy to see me?” She laughs. “Get in. You don’t wanna be any later than you already are.”

Till is using his phone as a mirror while putting on his eyeliner.

“You could use your camera, you know? Or the mirror on the sun visor...” Hyuna’s looking at him like he’s crazy.

“Too late I already started,” he mumbles. “But you never answered my question. Why’d you pick me up?”

“Well we can’t have such a beautiful celebrity riding around in random people’s cars,” she jokes.

“What’s the real reason?”

She sighs,” That manager of ours called…let's just say he was not happy.”

Called it. Urak is going to beat Till’s ass once they’re alone. “And the sky is blue. Anything else?” He’s squinting now. Maybe he should use the visor, but he doesn’t want to give her the satisfaction of being right. So squinting it is.

“Till you have to stop letting him do whatever he wants to you.”

“It’s not my fault I make his dick hard.” He half-jokes.

Hyuna doesn’t appreciate his comment, “I’m serious. One of these days he’s going to seriously hurt you.”

“Yeah and? You say that like he can get any worse.” Till rolls his eyes,” Besides, I’m the reason he’s as rich as he is. He’s not gonna drop me and I’m not gonna give him a reason to. It wouldn’t be fair to you guys.” ‘You guys’ being her, Issac, and Dewey. He owes a lot to them.

“Don’t worry about us. We’d be fine. We survived without him before and we can do it again. Won’t you at least consider it?”

Before Till can make another snarky comment, his phone lights up, ruining his makeshift mirror.

Mizi <3

I’m still really sorry about last night :(
Can I make it up to you somehow?

Till grumbles. Not at Mizi, but at the thought of last night. He was actually excited to go out for once.

It was like seeing a ghost. He never thought he’d see him again. Not in a million years.

And he was acting like they’d never met too. ‘It’s nice to meet you,’ he said, and he was smiling too. If he didn’t want to associate with Till, then he shouldn’t have stared him down the whole time. It was creepy.

Then when Till decides he needs a breather, he comes back and hears Ivan telling Mizi and Sua his deepest darkest secrets.

Till doesn’t think he overreacted. In fact, he thinks he under-redacted. He should beat the shit out of Ivan right then and there. At the very least it would have made them even.

His thoughts are interrupted by Hyuna clearing her throat, “If you squeeze that pen any harder it’ll explode. Then you’ll really be late.”

He hadn’t even realized he was gripping it so hard. If he goes to work like this he might end up cussing someone out. Someone named Urak. As much as Till hates him, he’s really not in the mood to get slapped first thing in the morning.

He huffs and caps the eyeliner. He’s not in the mood to talk about this, but like he said, he’s not in the mood to get slapped this early. ”Do you remember my ex?” He mumbles.

“You’re gonna have to be more specific, Tilly.”

“Don’t call me-” He huffs again, “Whatever. The asshole.”

She slowly turns to him, lifting her glasses and raising an eyebrow to further emphasize what she said before.

He side-eyes her. He’s not that much of a whore. “The one I knew as a kid.”

“Ohh,” Hyuna says. “The rich one, what about him?”

Till messes with one of his rings and sighs, “I…saw him again. Last night.”

“But I thought you went out with Mizi and Sua?”

“I did. They invited him too.”

“Wait wait what?” Hyuna tries to remain calm since she’s driving, but there’s an extreme amount of confusion in her voice. “How do they know him?”

Till throws his hands up, “I don’t know! He’s some stupid idol now or something! And apparently that Luka asshole in his group!”

Hyuna slams on the break. Thankfully, they’re at a red light but the cars behind them don’t seem very pleased. “I’m sorry, are you telling me Ivan is your ex!?”

“H-how’d you know…”

Hyuna stares at him dumbfounded. “Holy shit this is a scandal waiting to happen…” she whispers. Then, she starts to yell, “Why didn’t you tell me Ivan was your ex?”

The light turns green. Cars are starting to honk at them.

“I-I didn’t know he was an idol!” Till yells back. “I didn’t know he was in the industry! I thought he took over his dad's business!”

“That information would have been helpful like three weeks ago!” She yells over the honking cars. “Do you seriously not know what group we’re meeting with today?!”

Till’s heart drops into his stomach.

There is no way the universe hates him this much.

Because Till was so late, he and Urak didn’t get a chance to talk. Instead, the three of them were immediately escorted into a room. Half of it is made of glass and the other half is made of wood. There’s a door on the wooden side that Till assumes leads to an office.

They’re all seated at a large table in the middle of the room. There are seven people at the table.

Till, Hyuna, and Urak on one side.

And Hyunwoo, Luka, and him on the other.

Hyunwoo looks the way he always does. Sunshine personified. There are very few things that could kill that bright mood of his.

Luka is the same too. Pretending like he’s some aloof, perfect prince. Till hates to admit it, but he kind of is. He’s beautiful and a great performer. Till would be jealous if he wasn’t such an asshole.

Then there’s him. Till doesn’t even want to think about his name. He already has the misfortune of being in the same room as him.

It’s a good thing he doesn’t feel bad about punching him because his cheek looks just fine. And unlike last night, he’s not even sparing Till a glance.

Good. That’s how he prefers it anyway.

The last person is the group's manager, who’s currently shaking hands with a smiling Urak. “We are so honored to have you here with us, Urak”

“As are we,” Urak chuckles. “I apologize again for our tardiness, Unsha.”

Till isn’t stupid. He knows Urak would love to put the blame on him, but that wouldn’t be very professional.

“It’s no problem at all!” Unsha turns towards Till and flashes what Till likes to call ‘The Producer's Smile.’ Fake, money-hungry, and full of ulterior motives. “I’ve spent quite a while studying your music, Till. I hope you’ll show us something good today,” he grins.

“Thank you for the opportunity,” Till says as nicely as he can muster. This guy seriously gives him the creeps.

They begin discussing their plan for the song. As Hyuna called him out earlier, he did not do his research. He has no idea what this group's genre is or what their music usually sounds like.

“May I see what you have prepared?” Unsha asks.

Till would have opened his mouth and said ‘Yes, of course,’ but he can’t.

Because he left his notes and tablet in his bag. The bag he left at home. He also has no recollection of what he wrote so he can’t play it for them either.

Till stares at Unsha with a blank expression. “I-”

Hyuna smoothly pushes a laptop in front of him. It’s open to a login screen.

“...can pull it up right now,” He smiles. He is going to buy her anything she wants after this, even if it drains his bank account.

It’s a good thing he has the same password for everything because otherwise, her efforts would be in vain. He finds the cloud file containing the song (that he threw together in thirty minutes because he was too busy sketching Mizi to care) and flips the screen around. He hits the play button and continues to smile as if all this was planned.

The group listens silently. All of them are expressionless, even sunshiny Hyunwoo. They’re all so serious it’s making him nervous. It’s making Urak nervous too because Till can feel him breathing down his neck.

Maybe Till should have taken this more seriously. He knows he’s good, but maybe not good enough for high-profile idols. And he bullshit his way through it. He shouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t get the job. Only sorry for the beating he’s going to get.

The song ends.

The room is silent.

Urak puts his hand on Till’s shoulder. It takes every ounce of control in Till to not audibly gag. “What do you think?”

Luka is the first to speak.”It’s good.”Wow, a straight answer from the prince is rare.

Hyunwoo follows. “Yeah, like, really good.” There’s a glimmer in his eyes.

And finally, him. “How long did this take you?”

Of course, that’s the first thing he says. “An hour,” Till lies.

He crosses his legs and gives Till a, “Hm.”

Till is going to take that as a compliment even though he’s the last person he wants to be praised by.

“This boy is quite talented, Urak,” Unsha chimes in. “You must have spent years training him.”

Urak lets out one of his gross old man laughs. Now his whole arm is around Till, ”Yes, this one is my Magnum Opus. I have sculpted him to perfection.”

Liar. Urak didn’t sculpt anything. He just gave Till all the materials and told him to figure it out.

“The boys seem to like it, so,” he holds his hand out to Till. “Congrats. You’re on the project. We’ll discuss the lyrics and make further tweaks next time.”

Till is surprised. Flabbergasted, really. He stares at Unsha with his mouth wide open.

“Oh,” he says softly. Hyuna lightly kicks him from under the table and he quickly sticks out his hand. “I-I mean thank you. Thank you, sir.”

There’s no way it was that simple. He half-assed it. There has to be some sort of catch.

“Then, we’ll be seeing you very soon, sir!” Urak jumps out of his seat to shake Unsha’s hand again.

“Yes, I look forward to it,” he says smiling at Till. He then turns back to Urak, “May I speak to you in private?”

Urak nods, “Watch over them, Hyuna.” She gives him a thumbs up.

“We won’t be long, boys,” Unsha says as the two walk out of the room.

The room is almost completely silent now. Till can hear the ticking clock in the background and the sounds of clothes shuffling as they adjust their positions.

Hyunwoo is the one to break the silence, “I didn’t know you were the writer they were considering, Tilly!”

“What did I say abou-” He huffs,” Yeah, yeah, I’m under contract like the rest of you.”

“It was so good! It doesn’t sound like idol music at all,” he beams.

“Um, thank you…?”

“Yes, that was a compliment,” Luka joins in. “It doesn’t sound like idol music at all, and that’s what makes it good. And if your demo sounds like that I can’t even imagine the final product.”

Till laughs awkwardly,” Thank you.” It seems no one can tell that he barely tried.

“Unsha would have said yes regardless.”

Everyone’s attention shifts.

“Are you sure, Vani?” Hyunwoo asks. “You know how Unsha is…”

His eyes meet Till’s, “Yes, but he knows a star when he sees it.” Till is oddly drawn into his gaze. They continue to stare at each other for a few more seconds before Till turns away and huffs.

“What if you were to celebrate with us!” Hyunwoo blurts.

Till jumps“...What are we celebrating?’

“Your song! What else?”

Luka raises an eyebrow, “Shouldn’t we do that after everything’s done? We don’t even have lyrics yet. You know what they say about celebrating too early.”

“And you know what they say about party poopers.” He turns back to Till. “So?”

Till scratches his head. He’s not the biggest fan of parties and if he has to go with him again, it probably won’t end well. “Um, I’ll consider it, but-”

At that moment the door opens and Urak and Unsha walk back in.

They’re both smiling. Double creepy.

Urak walks over to Till and stands over him, putting his hands on his shoulders like he’s his dad or something. “The negotiations are done, so It’s time for us to go.” He turns to the idols,”I look forward to our next meeting.”

The three of them stand up. “As do we,” Luka responds.

They say their goodbyes before exiting the room.

As they do, Till makes eye contact with a certain someone. He tries not to look at him any longer than he has to.

It’s better that way.

The car ride back is silent. Too silent.

There’s never any music on when Urak’s in the car because all he’ll do is talk about how bad it is. That or he’s on the phone and doesn’t want to be bothered by the noise, but he’s not on the phone right now. He’s not even writing anything down. He’s just silently staring at the road as Hyuna drives.

She’s been pretty quiet since the meeting, but usually, she’ll say something to lighten the air. Driving has never stopped her from making conversation, but even she’s silent.

He’s about to get the ultimate scolding, isn’t he?

“Till,” Urak says in an oddly calm tone.

Here it comes.

“...Yes?”

“Congrats on your deal.”

His deal? His deal? Where’s the ‘my?’ Where are the ‘I’s’ and ‘mine’s.’

“He seemed very impressed with your work. Perhaps I should give you more jobs.”

Till doesn’t say anything.

Urak’s sweet tone quickly turns sour, “Maybe then you’ll learn to get up on time.”

Till throws his head back so hard he almost hits the window.” Ugh I knew you were gonna be pissy about that,” he grumbles.

“You’ve known about this meeting for two weeks. Two!” He turns around in his seat and starts to yell in Till’s face. “And it isn’t just this one. You’ve been like this for the past three months. Does all this mean nothing to you!? Do you know how many would kill to be in your position!? I bust my ass for you and this is how you repay me? In laziness? I’ll be ‘pissy’ as long as you give me a reason to be. ”

Till never knows what he’s supposed to say when Urak gets like this. Usually, he’d fight back, but if they get into a screaming match Hyuna will crash the car to shut them up.

A half-assed ”...Sorry” comes out.

That only makes Urak more upset, ”I am this close to ripping up your contract. Is that what you want? Is it?”

“No,” he says, emotionless.

Well, yes actually. Till would love to be free of this disgusting excuse for a man, but the worst-case scenario is he gets blacklisted from the industry, and it won’t just be him. The whole band will suffer.

“Maybe you should turn around, sir. It’s not safe to sit like that,” Hyuna laughs uncomfortably. She knows this conversation isn’t going to go anywhere, if you can even call it a conversation.

He glares at her, but even Urak knows how to take a hint. He returns to his original position and looks up at the rear-view mirror where he and Till make eye contact.“Then start acting like it,” he snarls. “I don’t know what your problem is, but you better get it together. I’m serious.”

No one says another word for the rest of the ride.

It’s times like these Till wishes he had more friends. It would be nice to have someone to talk to. Sure there are the twins, but Hyunwoo’s always busy and it’d be embarrassing to go to Hyuna. He doesn’t want her to know that he’s upset.

But why is he upset? Screaming matches are practically a ritual for Till and Urak, even if this one was one-sided. He wasn't any nastier than usual either. If anything, he was nice.

I am this close to ripping up your contract, is that what you want?

Till would love to scream in that man's face. To sit him down and air out all his grievances. Go ahead, and put the contract in the shredder for all he cares. At least he'd be free from him.

Maybe Hyuna, Issac, and Dewey would be fine, but they love music. He knows it would break their hearts if they were never allowed to perform on a real stage again.

But he doesn’t have a backup plan. If Urak really did let him go he’d probably end up homeless. Till has no job experience outside of music so his chances of finding one outside of the industry are slim. Who would hire a twenty-four year old with a blank resume?

And if he can’t find a job, he won’t be able to help his mom. He’s made sure to give her half of every paycheck he’s earned since he started. He promised he would.

He doesn’t even want to think about how disappointed she’d be.

But he isn’t sure how much longer he can do this. The reason a ‘sorry’ was the best he could come up with was because Urak was right. Till’s drive is starting to wane. He gave all that talk to Hyuna about not giving Urak a reason to fire him when that's exactly what he’s been doing.

He’s been slacking on projects for months now. He loves music. He does. He loves writing melodies and lyrics and playing them on his guitar. The only thing that comes close to that is his love for drawing.

If that’s really the case, why is he feeling like this? Is he as passionate as he says he is if he’s thinking about quitting?

Till screams into his pillow. This is all so stupid. The more he thinks about it, the more upset he becomes. If only he had someone he could complain to without being judged or pitied by.

Someone kind who would listen to him and give him advice.

Someone like Mizi.

No. he can’t ask her. Ignoring the fact that he forgot to answer her text earlier, he can’t make himself look like some depressed junior in need of comfort even if that’s what he is.

His spiraling is interrupted by the ringing of his phone.

He grabs it and stares at the caller ID in pure disbelief. Maybe the universe doesn’t hate him so much after all…

It’s Mizi.

He takes a deep breath before answering it. “H-hello?”

“Till!” She sounds so happy to hear his voice. “Sorry! I know it’s late!”

That’s okay. He doesn’t mind because it’s her. ”Sorry for not answering earlier.”

“It’s no problem at all!” She says. “I was wondering if you were free tomorrow? I wanted to talk to you about something.”

Till chuckles. He’s probably redder than a tomato right now. “That’s really funny ‘cause I have something to talk about with you too…”

She laughs, ”Well that works out perfectly then! How does noon sound?”

“Good.” She can’t see it, but he’s smiling like an idiot.

“Then, it’s a date!”

God, he really loves her.

Chapter Text

Ivan doesn’t deal with loud sounds very well.

He recalls telling his father about the anxiety he felt when he was in a loud room. Being a young kid, he was dismissed and told that what he was feeling was excitement. He knew that wasn’t true, but he felt nothing like this when he was excited, but it wasn’t his place to argue.

Maybe he should have pressed the issue further because the business parties his father would throw every month did not help. More often than not he found himself needing to step away into a quieter room.

During one of these moments, his father came looking for him. When he explained the situation he was once again dismissed. This time was not because he was ‘a teenager who was overreacting,’ though that was definitely part of it, but because that was no way for a future heir to be acting.

And so Ivan tried to ignore it. No matter how much discomfort being in a loud room full of loud strangers brought him, he wouldn’t allow anyone to know. He would smile and act just as polite as he normally would, even if it completely drained the energy out of him.

For a long time, Ivan wasn’t sure how to feel about his father's dismissal of his problem. He thought that he had to be right. It must be an overreaction because, as an adult, he would know best. Wouldn’t he? If he’s older and more experienced, why would he be wrong?

And then, Ivan became an adult and realized his father was wrong about a lot of things.

That night he received a call from him.

Ivan let the phone ring several times before answering. He wasn’t in the mood to talk to him. He never is.

And maybe it’s odd that the older he gets, the more he starts to resent the man he once loved so much, but every time they speak, he remembers why.

He mentally prepared himself before answering. “Hello, father.”

“It makes me sad when my own son won’t answer his phone.” A ‘hi’ would have been nice, but he’d be asking for too much.

“I’ve been busy,” Ivan said, not letting even the smallest hint of emotion show in his voice.

” One of your group members hasn’t even been that active, so how could you be busy?” He’s keeping tabs now, huh? “Unless you call having women swoon over you ‘busy.’

”I do a lot more than that.”

“You could actually do something with your life. Like taking over the family business. I’m ready to retire, you know?”

He doesn’t want to have this conversation, but the last thing he wants is to fall out of his father’s good graces. Again. “I’m sorry, but you’ll have to wait a little longer. My contract doesn't end for another two years.”

He let out a frustrated huff,“ If you hadn't become an idol in the first place I wouldn't have to wait.”

Ivan bit his lip and closed his eyes. He starts to tap his thumb against his finger.

Keep it together.

“You were just starting to get your life on track too,” he sighed. “You finally got over that phase of yours. When you thought you liked men, remember? I was so relieved when you got that out of your head.”

Keep it together.

“I was ready to take you under my wing too, but you decided that auditioning for some talent agency would be better for you.”

“I apologize,” Ivan said in an attempt to shut down the conversation.

“It’s too late for that.” He let out another frustrated sigh,” Listen. I've been patient with you up until now, but I can’t take any more excuses. You need to make up your mind because it’s starting to sound like you don’t care about your family’s legacy at all.”

In truth, Ivan doesn’t know how to feel about his family’s company. His father takes great pride in it. Ivan’s known that since he was little. He’s also known that his father always wanted to give it to him, but Ivan doesn’t know if he wants it. Taking over the business has never been something he could see himself doing.

And when he starts to seriously consider it, the thought terrifies him, especially when he associates it with a man who has never cared about what he thinks.

But that’s his father. As a son, he’s supposed to love his dad. He’s supposed to make him happy, even if it means he has to do things he doesn’t want to, right?

“I expect an answer by the end of the year. I know you'll do the right thing.”

“Yes, father.”

If that was all he wanted to talk about, he shouldn’t have called.

“You know I love you, Ivan,” he says sweetly.

“Yes…I love you, too.”

Ivan doesn’t think it’s normal to cry himself to sleep over something so minor.

He wakes up at three in the morning. He doesn’t have to be up for another two hours, but he isn’t able to fall back to sleep, so he goes through his whole routine. Showering, eating, brushing his teeth and then his hair, getting dressed, and packing all his things for the day.

He finishes around three thirty. It’ll still be a while before he has to go anywhere, so he decides to check social media.

This was a big mistake because the first post he sees is about Till.

@perpetuallyinsane
is he single? asking for a friend…

Attached is a video of Till during one of his concerts. He’s wearing a black tank top with tight black pants and platforms. The crowds cheers excitedly as he sings. He looks happy. He sounds happy.

The overall mood is very bright and yet, watching this makes Ivan feel incredibly shitty. All he can think about is what he did. How he hurt Till. How, two nights ago, he only gave Till more reasons to hate him.

But like he said, Till has every right to hate him, even if it hurts. Even if he wishes he could take it back. All he wants to do is say sorry, but there are no amount of sorry’s that will undo the damage he’s done.

Ivan had been doing pretty good over the past few years. He’d managed not to think about it. To not let it bother him so badly, but the second he saw Till two nights ago, it all came crashing down. His mind has been a mess ever since and his father calling last night didn’t make it any better.

He continues to doom scroll for another thirty minutes, which (shocker to no one) doesn’t make him feel any better. He sets his phone down and decides that he needs to do something else.

This leads to him pacing around his apartment for another ten minutes before deciding that he’s actually going to make himself insane if he doesn’t leave. So, he gets in his car and drives to the studio.

…Where he sits outside for another ten minutes with his head against the steering wheel.

Turns out, putting his playlist on shuffle while ruminating is actually a horrible idea because Black Sorrow starts playing. It’s quite literally the only song of his that he can listen to without cringing, but considering who it’s about, he isn’t sure that’s true anymore. He is the last person Ivan wants to think about right now.

Ivan groans. He needs to go in now or he’ll make himself crazy.

He has a key to the building, all three of them do since they have to be there so early. When he walks in, it’s empty. He knows there’s someone here since the lights are on, but they don’t seem to be around.

He lets himself into the gym, where he sets his stuff down and begins his stretch. He knows he’s supposed to warm up first, but skipping it just this once won’t hurt anything. He’s glad he has work today. He’s ready to focus on something else.

He does his neck, back, and then his arms. He’s starting to feel better. Slowly, but surely he’s starting to feel better. He takes a deep breath and effortlessly lifts his leg over his head. His form is perfect. His head is clearing and his body feels lighter.

“Damn...” A voice says.

When he looks over, he freezes.

Till and Urak are standing in the doorway.

This has to be some sort of sick joke.

“Well, it seems you’ll be in good hands,” Urak says. “I have something to discuss with Unsha,” he then turns to leave the room.

“W-wait!” Till calls. “Aren’t you gonna-”

The door is then shut in his face. “Fucking bitch,” he says under his breath. He then huffs and turns to face Ivan.

Well, this is weird.

“Hi,” Till says bluntly.

“...Hi,” Ivan says awkwardly.

He seriously can't do this right now. Wasn’t he just saying that he doesn’t want to think about Till right now? That includes seeing him and most definitely means not being in the same room as him.

But Ivan is going to act normal because that’s already half of his job description. “You two don’t like each other, do you?”

”That’s an understatement.” Till’s voice is quiet. Probably so no one outside can hear him. “I hope he chokes on his ego and dies.”

Yeah, that was the vibe that he got during their meeting. Everything about the way they interacted was setting off alarm bells in Ivan’s head, especially when Urak touched him.

But he’s clearly not in the mood to talk about that, so Ivan changes the subject. Till has his guitar and a bag with him. “May I ask why you’re here?”

“Apparently, that conversation the old creeps had the other day was about me,” he scoffs. “ Unsha wants me to shadow you guys or something. It’ll help me ‘do my job correctly,’” he makes air quotes with his fingers. “So, I’ll be watching you guys while you practice and stuff.”

“Okay.” That makes sense, but it would’ve been nice to hear that from, you know, his own manager.

Even if he didn’t want to see Till right now, maybe he can apologize. Maybe it’ll help clear his conscience.

But what if Till doesn’t want him to apologize and it’ll only make him mad? What if he slaps Ivan again? He really doesn’t want that.

Till is now looking at him like he’s got two heads.“What?”

Oh great, he was staring. Now he has to say it.

“Before the others get here, I just wanted to say-”

“Tilly! I didn’t know you’d be here!” The door bursts open and Hyunwoo and Luka walk in. One is beaming from ear to ear while the other looks half awake.

There goes his plans.

Luka yawns, looking Till up and down. “Yeah, why are you here?”

“It’s nice to work with you too,” Till says flatly.

“Aw, it’s too early to fight, guys. We just got here!”

Luka starts to take off his jacket,“ No, but seriously. Why is he here?’

“How come every sentence that leaves your mouth is rude?” Till glares.

“How come every sentence that leaves yours is bitchy?” Luka glares back.

“You see, Till is here to observe. Isn’t that fun?” Hyunwoo awkwardly laughs, stepping in between them. “He just wants to see how we do things.”

“Would have been nice to know that ahead of time,” Luka mutters under his breath. He walks over to Ivan, giving Till one more nasty look in the process,” Don’t get in our way.”

Hyunwoo just sighs and shakes his head.

Till watches from the opposite side of the room while they practice. He was offered a chair, but said he works best on the floor, to which Luka looked at him like he was some animal.

Every now and then, Ivan will glance over to see him hunched over his keyboard, frantically typing something or staring at them intensely. He’s only here to do his job. Ivan knows he isn’t here because he wants to be. Not with Luka and Ivan here.

He can’t blame him. He doesn't know how he’s supposed to feel around Till.

They run a couple of songs before taking a break so they can assess the problem areas, but at some point the conversation divulges.

Luka twists off the top of his water bottle. “Don’t you think it’s a little odd that Unsha commissioned a song for us now? Especially since you’ve been so busy lately.”

”Nah,” Hyunwoo shakes his head. “You know how he is. He does what he wants.”

“That’s not the answer I was expecting from you, Mr. Sunshine. I thought you’d say something like ‘Who cares! We get to sing something fun!’” Luka teases.

”You’ve got me down perfectly, Lulu!” Hyunwoo laughs. “I mean… that too, but he is a businessman.”

They both look at Ivan to see what he has to say on the matter, but he’s still incredibly out of it. He quickly shakes his head because he doesn’t know either, but assumes it’s for the reason Hyunwoo gave a minute ago.

At his core, Unsha is a businessman. A rich one too. And if there’s one thing the rich want, it’s to be richer.

Ivan would know, he’s related to someone like that.

“Well,” Hyunwoo claps his hands together,“ whatever the reason, we don’t want to get scolded for slacking. So break time’s over!”

Luka groans,” I swear we just sat down.”

“You have to get out more, Luka.”

“I get out plenty,” he grumbles.

They resume their rehearsal as normal. Till is still observing from his corner. Everything is going well.

On the outside that is.

On the inside, Ivan’s mind is racing like a river.

He thought practice would be a good distraction, and at first, it was. Then Till walked in, and now he’s thinking about his dad again.

He doesn’t hate Till. really, he doesn’t. It’s just that something about him makes Ivan want to crawl out of his skin, and it’s not that he finds Till ugly or anything either. If anything, Till is the most attractive man he’s seen in a while, but something about looking at his face makes Ivan sick.

Attractive. Is that something he should even be saying? He shouldn’t be calling the person he had his messiest break up with ‘attractive.’

He isn’t supposed to find TIll attractive anyway, because that’s not normal behavior for an idol.

“Ivan, that was your cue.”

He stiffens. He didn’t even hear it. “Sorry.” He’ll play it off. Everything will be fine.

“That’s okay. This wasn’t our best run anyway,” Hyunwoo says.

Ivan knows he’s just trying to make him feel better.

He pats him on the shoulder. “Let’s do it again! From the top!”

Luka throws his head back and lets out an annoyed groan.

So, they run it again.

And Ivan misses the same cue.

So, they run it. Again.

And Ivan misses the same cue. Again.

And so, they run it once more and Ivan doesn't miss his cue this time. Instead, he completely messes up a different one by confusing it with the one he just did.

There’s a small “yikes" from the corner.

Okay. So not only is he a horrible son, he’s also a horrible dancer too.

Till is staring now. Of course, he is. Why wouldn’t he be? He’s messed up so many times it only makes sense that those piercing green eyes are staring right through him. Hyunwoo and Luka are staring too.

He hears Hyunwoo sigh. He sounds frustrated. “Okay, how about we take another break?”

*

Now, Ivan’s sitting with Hyunwoo. They’re on a bench right outside the gym. The soft hum of the vending machine makes the quietness of the narrow hall more bearable.

Till is inside with Luka. He isn’t sure what they’re doing. Probably arguing, but Hyunwoo thought it was more important to sit out here with him than stop those two from killing each other.

In other words, Ivan really messed up.

He feels something cold press against his arm. He jumps a little and looks over to see Hyunwoo who’s holding a water bottle. “You okay? You’ve been really distracted all morning.”

Ivan takes it. The icy bottle feels nice against his hands. It’s oddly soothing.” Sorry. I’m just tired today.”

He twists the cap off his own bottle,” I bet I can guess what it is. Something to do with a certain green-eyed guitarist in the corner, right?”

Ivan doesn’t say anything.

“Do you think Till is cute, Vani?” He teases.

“I don’t know,” he says a little too fast. Which is true. He doesn’t.

“Ah, Sorry, didn’t mean to upset you.” He pauses. “Do you…wanna talk about it?”

No. He doesn’t, but he also doesn’t want this to be any more painful than it has to be. ”I…was wondering how he got his start. I’ve never heard of him until recently. He’s good.”

He knows Hyunwoo can tell something is off about his statement, but he lets him get away with it. “Yeah, Till got crazy popular crazy fast,” He laughs. “Which is impressive since he used to be indie. He was a sub for the band before he officially joined them.”

He blinks. He wouldn’t have guessed that in years. “A sub? What happened to the person he replaced?”

“Funny story. That person was me. It was right around the time we started, actually. I thought I could be an idol and play in the band. Boy, was I wrong,” he chuckles awkwardly..“But it wasn’t long before my sister asked if he could take my place. She was so impressed by him, I couldn’t say no. And the rest is history.”

But it wasn’t. Hyunwoo is forgetting the most important part. “Then how’d they go pro?” Ivan asks.

“The way most indie’s do. Urak was at one of their concerts and asked them to sign on.” A sour expression appears on his face, “I don’t know the details, so take this with a grain of salt, but,” he lowers his voice, “Hyuna told me the whole thing was sketchy. Like there was something he wasn’t telling them.”

Based on the little information that Ivan knows about Urak, that sounds about right.

“I suggest you stay away from him. There’s something off about him.”

Ivan agrees. Something about his entire aura is unsettling.

“Can I ask a different question?” The bottle in his hands is slowly getting warmer.

“Of course.”

“What are you supposed to do when you hurt someone?” he blurts.

Hyunwoo looks a little confused, then he starts to laugh. Ivan shrinks a little.

“No, no. I’m sorry,” he laughs while wiping his eyes,” That was just a little out of nowhere. I think I know what this is about now.”

“Do you…?”

“Someone had a fight with his girlfriend.”

For some reason that really flusters Ivan, “I don’t have a-!”

“I know, I know. I’m just joking,” Hyunwoo waves his hand, " but I thought the answer would be obvious. Apologize. What else?”

“What if an apology makes them angrier with you?.”

“Are you one hundred percent sure it’ll make them angrier?”

“...”

“You never know what people are thinking, Vani. Even if you think you do. I don’t know what the situation is or how long ago it was, but it sounds like you’re avoiding them because you’re afraid of the reaction you’ll get.” His words make it seem like he’s speaking from personal experience.” People change their minds when you allow them to think. Give them a week, or a month. Heck, even a day is all some people need to have a different view.” He turns to Ivan,” And if it does make them angrier, oh well. All that matters is you gave them a real, honest apology.”

Ivan would like nothing more than to do that. To give him a real, honest apology.

It wouldn’t fix things. Ivan doesn’t care if it does, he just wants Till to know that he’s truly sorry.

“I see,” is all he says.

Hyunwoo pats him on the back. “I knew something was on your mind. I’ve never seen you so out of it.”

“Yeah, I…I’ve just had a lot on my mind lately,” and he’ll leave it at that. Like he said before, he really doesn’t want to go into it.

“No, I get it. You don’t have to come tonight if you don’t want to.”

Ivan forgot about that. “No, it’s fine.”

“You sure? I think you should go home and cool off after this.”

“It’s okay. I’ll go.” The last thing he wants to do is be left alone with his thoughts. He already did that this morning and it ended in a therapy session in a dark hallway.

“All right,” Hyunwoo smiles. “You’re the only one who knows what’s best for you.” He stands up and reaches for Ivan’s hand, “We better go back or those two might start killing each other.”

Ivan smiles and takes his grasp,” Okay.”

They finish the rest of their rehearsal with no problems.

Ivan doesn’t actually know what’s best for him because he’s really starting to wish he said no.

It’s just a normal old restaurant and yet, for some reason, he feels like he’s at a rave. The lights are too bright and the music is too loud and it sounds like everyone is screaming at the top of their lungs.

He knows that’s not true, but it sure feels that way.

Someone puts a hand on his shoulder and he jumps.

‘Woah, sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you like that.” It’s Hyuna. She looks very pretty, but Ivan isn’t able to say that because his brain is too focused on the fact that she’s touching him.

“It’s fine,” he manages to say.

Then he feels a hand on his opposite shoulder. It’s Hyunwoo. “You can order anything you want, Vani! It’s my treat.”

“Don’t say that to him,” Luka sighs. “He’s a little rich boy. He’ll order things without looking at the price.”

“Don’t be an ass, Luka,” Hyuna lightly hits his arm. “Your family is just as rich.” She turns back to Ivan. “That’s his way of saying don’t let my brother blow all his money.”

Ivan chuckled, trying to hide the discomfort in his voice.,”Don’t worry. I won’t. I know how he is.” He’s not going to order anything anyway. Just the thought of swallowing makes him more uncomfortable.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Hyunwoo says defensively.

“Nothing that you need to worry yourself with.” Hyuna pushes him towards their table.

Thankfully, they have a booth, so there'll be slightly less noise. But not enough to make Ivan feel comfortable.

Luka sits down next to him and the twins are seated on the other side.

“Heard a certain someone paid you a visit today,” Hyuna starts.

Luka scoffs. “Don’t get me started. He sat in the corner. On the floor, and then proceeded to stare the entire time. He even had the audacity to glare at me a few times.”

“That’s what you get for being mean to people,” she snorts.

“It's not my fault he gives me a reason to be. And I wasn’t mean then, I was honest.” He rolls his eyes. ”I called him squirrely because he was.”

“He was nervous because he thought you were cool.”

“Then I guess he thought wrong. I wear glasses and study STEM. Hyuna, I am not cool.”

“With a voice like that, I think you are.”

“Ewwwww,” Hyunwoo says loudly, interrupting their conversation. “Please don’t flirt with my sister in front of me.”

She flicks his shoulder,” Am I not allowed to compliment someone?”

“Yeah, maybe it sounded like one, but it sure didn’t look like one. Ivan saw it too! You were giving him gaga eyes.”

Ivan nods because once again, he was only half-paying attention. He has so many thoughts and feelings zooming around in his head that it’s getting hard to focus on anything.

“I was not making ‘gaga eyes’ at him!” Hyuna’s volume is slowly rising.

“You so were!” Hyunwoo’s volume is already louder than hers.

“You two fight like a couple of kids,” Luka sighs. “Calm down, you won’t have to worry about me marrying your sister.”

“Exactly,” she says. “Now you had us here for a reason didn’t you?” She says to her brother.

He makes a face that says he’s still not done with the conversation, but he lets her change the subject,” Well, originally we were supposed to celebrate our new song-”

Luka interrupts,“Our unfinished song, you mean.”

“-But there was a disagreement,” he side-eye’s Luka who returns the gesture. “So, I thought this would be a good time to tell Ivan and Luka about-”

Suddenly there’s an ear-splitting sound from directly behind them. That entire section of the restaurant goes silent.

“Oh, my goodness! I am so sorry!” A woman says. She’s a waiter and she seems to have dropped all the dishes she was holding.

“That’s gotta suck…” Hyunwoo winces.

“Better over there than here,” Luka says looking at the damage.

“Holy shit. Ivan, are you okay?” Hyuna says.

He wants to say he’s fine, but the words won’t come out. His arms are crossed so tight he feels like they’re about to cramp. He’s shaking. He’s sweating. The room feels like it’s a hundred degrees and the walls are closing in on him. His heart feels like it’s going to explode.

He feels like he’s dying.

So instead of responding, he just stares. Not at her, but through her. It’s like he’s sitting in a void.

A deep, dark, sweltering void.

The void is replaced by a cold feeling.

He looks down to see his hands in Hyuna’s, and in his hands are three ice cubes. He gazes at them and slowly, things return to as close to normal as they can.

Hyuna sighs in relief, “Good.”

They’re making eye contact now. “I-”

“I’ll be back,” she says to the other two before grabbing Ivan’s arm and leading him out of the restaurant.

He doesn’t protest and he isn’t sure he wants to. He’s just glad to be out of there.

She leads him to her car, where she puts all the windows down as they sit in silence. Once again, Ivan doesn’t mind. He’s grateful for the lack of talking. He knows it’ll come, but for right now all he wants to do is bask in it. He wants to embrace this moment that feels as though time has stopped. The one bit of peace he’s gotten during this hectic day.

The quiet is nice. The only sounds are the soothing breeze blowing through the windows and the soft clicking of Hyuna’s lighter as she lights a cigarette. A stark contrast to the loud stuffy building they were just in.

And despite this, Ivan is the first one to speak. “...Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize for having a panic attack,” she blows the smoke out the window.

He looks down at his hands and starts to tap his thumb and finger together, “That’s…never happened before.”

Hyuna glances at him from the corner of her eye. “Go home.”

Her tone is sweet, but her words catch him off guard. “Huh?”

“ I didn’t bring you here to make you feel better. I brought you out here so you could calm down. ” She takes another puff of her cigarette. “I’ve never seen an attack that bad before. It’d be dangerous to have you driving in that condition.”

Ivan doesn’t say anything. He isn’t sure if he's embarrassed or upset. He’s too old to be acting like this.

Hyuna looks like she’s going to say something and then she stops herself. Then she does it two more times before muttering something under her breath. “I’m gonna ask you something and I don’t want you to take it the wrong way.”

He nods.

Hyuna scratches her head, and sighs, ”Okay, are you autistic?”

“What?”

Hyuna blows the smoke from her cigarette out the window,” Nothing. Forget I said that.”

Ivan blinks. “It’s fine, but, uh. No. Do I seem like I am?”

”Ah, don’t worry about it,” she quickly says.

He has no idea what she meant by that, but he doesn’t have the energy to question it. So, he doesn’t.

…

…

“I thought you quit smoking.”

Hyuna chokes. She waves the smoke out of her face as it starts to fill the car. “Well, yeah,” she coughs. “I bet you heard that from Luka?”

He nods.

“He doesn’t like it, so I don’t do it around him. I try not to do it around…another person too. He says it’ll ruin my voice.”

Ivan knows who she’s referring to, but he’s glad she didn’t use his name. “He’s right.”

She smiles, ”Yeah, I know, I know. I’m working on it, promise, but we aren’t here to talk about me. How do you feel?”

“Better,” he says.

“Good. Now go home and sleep. A full eight hours, got it? You can sort through all your issues after.”
He nods. He must have a lot of those if he’s been sat down by both twins in one day.

He goes to open the door, but Hyuna locks it when he touches the handle.

“Eight hours,” she repeats. “I mean it.”

“Okay, okay, I will.” he laughs.

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

When Ivan gets home he feels different. Not in a bad way. More like some of the weight has been lifted off his chest.

His apartment also feels different. Maybe because he hasn’t been here all day, but this also isn’t a bad feeling. More like the space has been cleansed of his negative emotions from earlier.

Hyuna was right. All he needed was to calm down. He thinks he’ll actually be able to sleep tonight.

Then, as he gets into bed his phone rings. It’s… Hyunwoo?

Ivan is overcome with a wave of concern, but he shouldn’t jump to conclusions just yet.

“Ah, sorry. You're going to bed aren't you?” Hyunwoo laughs, but there's something off about it.

“It's fine. I don't think you'd call this late unless it was important.”

“Yeah, actually,” he says slowly. “It is.”

“Did something happen?”

“Uh…well I was going to tell you guys tonight, but then you had to leave- and I didn’t want you to be the last to know so-” He huffs and then he’s quiet for a moment.

He takes a deep breath,” I'm graduating next month.”

“...What?” Ivan whispers.

He can't possibly have heard that correctly.

“I'm ending my idol activities. I’m…quitting, Ivan.”

Ivan feels like a ton of bricks have just been dropped on him.