Chapter Text
Should I?
Touko had been staring at her phone for the last five minutes, internally debating what she should do. Yuu was a person of kind and gentle nature; and no matter what Touko’s wishes were, she’d follow along. This scared her. Should she call? She wanted not much else other than to hear Yuu’s voice again, but what would she think? Would she become overwhelmed? How far could Touko push before Yuu would step away?
Impulsively, she made up her mind.
“Touko.?” Yuu’s voice was soft, and quiet.
”Hi, Yuu!” Touko was smiling, and she was sure it was apparent in her voice.
“..Did you need anything?”
“Maybe I just wanted to talk to you. How are you? How has your day been?”
Yuu chuckled quietly, amused. “I’m okay. It’s been alright, nothing out of the ordinary.”
”Really? Nothing?”
“No, not really. How has your day been?”
”But I wanted to talk about you!” Touko whined into her phone, disappointedly.
”Okay.. well, I guess there’s something that happened recently I could talk about.”
”Tell me about it.”
Yuu rambled on about the past week, what she’d done, what she hadn’t done, who she’d met, how she felt and such. Whatever she talked about, it didn’t matter to Touko. As long as she could listen to her voice. Touko sat at her desk and listened, with her face in her hand and a smile.
In the middle of her sentence, Yuu stopped talking. Touko waited a few more seconds before she continued. “I’m sorry, there are a few chores I have to get back to, but I’ll see you tomorrow, right?” Touko didn’t say anything, but judging by Yuu’s teasing tone, it was safe to say she could feel Touko’s disappointment.
“We’ll see eachother soon, I’m sure. Try to hold out until then, okay?”
“Okay.”
It’s not like they never saw each other. Infact, it was quite the opposite. Whether it be in school or during the student council meetings, they had a lot of time spent together. The specific thing that bothered Touko being that it was all as friends. Of course she didn’t mind the work and such; school was important, so was the student council. It was what she’d been most focused on. But that had changed when she met Yuu. These moments Touko had with her, albeit infrequent, meant so much to her. In contrast to her usual put-on personality, with Yuu she felt she could let all of that go. It was nice. She missed it.
It had been a fairly ordinary day. School was fine, and the student council meeting went as expected. As she came out of the filing room, she noticed Yuu sitting at the table, looking out through the window.
I wonder what she’s thinking about.
“Yuu?” She turned her head around and her gaze met Touko’s. “The meeting’s over. Did you have any work left to do?” She questioned. Head still rested in her palm, and her eyes still looking into Touko’s, she smiled and spoke with a slight teasing undertone. “You were looking at me during most of the meeting, I thought you had something on your mind.” As she got up from her chair to leave, she continued. “Maybe I was being presumptuous. I guess it was nothing after a-“ She was stopped by Touko’s sudden grasp of her wrist. She turned around and looked at her. “Hmm.?” Touko avoided her gaze. “Yuu..” She stepped a little closer.
“I did have something in mind.”
After awkwardly stepping into the filing room, Touko gently pushed Yuu up against the wall and raised her hand to hold Yuu’s chin.
“Do you mind..?”
“Sure, I don’t mind..”
Softly, and ever so carefully their lips met. Yuu’s hand gripped Touko’s skirt, as they kept going. The lights had not been turned on, so it was fairly dark. They slowly but surely moved down to the floor, and while Touko had initiated the action, Yuu held Touko’s shirt collar and led her down until they had both reached the floor. Touko’s knee was nestled comfortably in between Yuu’s legs. The kiss broke up, and they both looked at each other. Yuu was blushing (though, admittedly not as much as Touko), and her eyes were half closed. Every time they did things like this, Touko was always the one to begin, and Yuu would always comply. If Touko said it didn’t worry her, she’d be lying.
How far does her kindness go? If she felt uncomfortable, would she refuse, or keep going?
These troubling thoughts led her to speak up. “Yuu?” The shorter girl looked up. “I want to continue. But if it doesn’t feel right, I want you t- I need you to let me know.” They both stayed still. “It’s okay, I really don’t mind. Do as you like.”
No.
Despite her affirmations, Touko’s worry still lingered amongst her thoughts. Nevertheless, she continued.
Touko kissed her again, as their lips moved in turn with each other. Touko’s hand found itself moving to Yuu’s jersey, before going under it, then under her shirt. Her finger trailed up Yuu’s spine. She let out a noise which served as a kickstart for Touko’s thoughts, as she broke the kiss once again and paused. What was that? She said she’d tell me if anything was wrong. Did I do too much? These thoughts raced around in Touko’s mind as she grew even more tense.
“Touko?”
She attempted to kiss Yuu again, but her lip began to tremble. Yuu took note of this and pressed her hand against Touko’s face in order to lightly push her away. “What’s wrong?” Yuu’s face had now morphed into an expression of concern. Touko, however, hid her face and evaded Yuu’s gaze. Yuu decided to repeat herself. “Touko, what’s wro-“ Touko leaned into Yuu until the sides of their faces were touching. Yuu parted her lips in order to speak, but she stopped mid-way.
Is she-?
Tears had travelled down from Touko’s eyes to the bottom of her face.
Yuu’s expression calmed in realisation. This time she remained silent. By this point the tears had almost dried- and from the warmth of their faces, had become sticky.
“Touko, I won’t pry, but you know you can talk to me.”
This time, she responded.
“When we do things like this, you always just go along with everything. You never protest, never reject me. It worries me.”
With each word her speech quickened.
“-It worries me so much. And then I start thinking. Why would you do something like this with someone you don’t like? Or even worse, what if you do like me? I just couldn’t handle someone loving what I hate, a-and then-“
Yuu’s hand rose to slowly caress Touko’s hair in attempt to comfort her. She sighed into Yuu’s neck.
“You remember what I promised?” Touko raised her head to look at her. Yuu continued. “I helped out with the stage show, and more importantly, my feelings for you haven’t turned into love or hate.”
“Although at some point I really do want to fall in love with you-“
Touko’s eyes widened as she began to speak. “But y-you said-“ She stammered, and her voice had come out all wobbly, as tears started to well up in her eyes again. Yuu put up a finger to her lips, signaling to Touko to stop talking. Touko’s head fell into Yuu’s shoulder, and Yuu continued stroking her hand against Touko’s hair.
Touko wouldn’t ever get this emotional around Yuu, or anyone for that matter- But the situation had brought out all the feelings she had been keeping hidden for so long. Now she was full on crying into Yuu’s shoulder, choking out sobs every few seconds. Yuu simply inhaled and exhaled, in and out, which, as planned, served as a guide for Touko. Soon enough their breathing matched.
A few minutes later, Touko had calmed down. However- she stayed resting in the crevice between Yuu’s neck and shoulder.
“Touko?”
“Mm..?”
“Will you let me love you.?”
Yuu awaited a response, almost eagerly.
“…Okay..” Touko had barely spoken, but her response had left a bitter taste on her tongue.
But, Yuu, that’s the very thing I’m scared of.