Archive of Our Own

There were many things that Park Jimin was proud of.

Jimin was proud of his excellent book stacking ability (very useful in jenga), his necklace collection preserved in drawers, his perfect roundhouse kicks, his dainty colourfully painted nails, his origami skills (ranging from frogs to swans), his high-pitched karaoke vocals, his impressive flexibility, his 'math genius of the group' title (rightfully earned after getting the top score in college), his thoughtful gifts through the years, his neatly laced shoes, his firm stance of no olives on pizzas, and his perfectly imperfect smile.

Jimin was almost even proud of his eyes that reduced his eyesight to nothing upon laughing too much, his weirdly shaped table he splurged on when drunk, his cracked phone case, his ketchup stained tee, his out of the blue purchase of flowers for himself, his chipped tooth after a dance session gone wrong and his urge to hug his plushies during sleep.

What he wasn't proud of was how his heart acted around his friends.

Absolute traitor of an organ, if you asked him.

He had known his friend group for almost eight years. It would easily step into nine in two days' time.

78792 hours— if we're being specific.

They hadn't met on new year's. Not even in that month. But given each of them had joined the group at different times of the year, they had to find a common date and thus, collectively agreed on January 1st as their friendiversary. This was after four hours of discussion at Hoseok's dorm room with five packets of chips and three bottles of carbonated drinks consumed between the seven of them.

(It was more about the fact that they were broke in college and wanting to have a celebration during the holiday season seemed like a better option in terms of cost cutting and cheer doubling over.)

Nine years and four of it was in college.

Varied reasons as to why their eccentric group of seven had been together given how their ages had a five years age gap at maximum — not as big a deal at all. Some had taken gap years,some skipped grades and here they were.

What was a big deal though, was far they had come along. For them to have stuck it this long was a miracle and they were cherishing it every day.

Through fights and flights, relationships and breakups, hiring and firing, they had stayed. The weathered down conditions hadn't deterred them away, always showing for each other during each of their big events. Always making sure to be there during sick days and celebratory dinners alike. Never giving up on each other, they had stayed.

With all that behind them, Jimin and his dumb heart as expected, had fallen far too deep into the enemy's territory.

Romantic love.

Jimin was cautious most days, but some days it slipped between soft hands and even softer stares. It was rare despite how far deep those rivulets of emotions went. And he was proud of the days he could be the normal friend, not constantly thinking of how it would be to have Seokjin ask him for more than just a drink, have Yoongi blush prettily at the compliments, have Jungkook look at him with those wondrous eyes— the same ones with which he saw Namjoon.

But he was their friend.

Just their friend, who could joke about the game, who could pick them up from a bad day at work, who could buy extra Tylenol on bad tummy ache days after eating street side food, who could conjure drinks on whim and most of all, a friend who could hug you tight on days everything felt upside down.

Not more. Never more.

To ever let hands brush like romantics. To ever let lips utter the words like lovers. To ever cheese out with pink high up on their cheeks like saps.

They would never reciprocate and he knew it, but on the rarer days he would let himself dream.

Slipped between soft hands and even softer gazes.

One such day was today.

Taehyung's birthday.

Jimin had volunteered to buy the strawberry fruit cake from the bakery and given his unofficial designation of the cake fairy, everyone yielded pretty quickly. Hoseok had taken upon decorating the empty rooftop of Namjoon's and his apartment building. Meanwhile the rest had helped with other things including gift buying and distracting Taehyung for the day.

(Though the last bit was unnecessary given the boy had been too busy with work to even reply to their birthday texts.)

"Do you think it'll be too cold for us to celebrate here?"
Jimin asked, as he neatly placed the cake box on the stool.

"I mean it is winter, so yeah. But we can bring out a few extra blankets and coats to help if anyone can't survive without an heater."
Seokjin muttered, taking a break from blowing up the purple balloons.

It was exhausting work to blow up balloons, okay?

Especially if you didn't have a hand pump and all of it was sheer manual work to power through.

"I'll get some ear muffs if the winds get too strong."
Jungkook said as he spread the blanket layer on the concrete floor for them to sit on.

Jimin nodded in response, staring at his own hands that had maroon gloves on and held a candle. The same candle had been used for all their birthdays, something clearly special about it or just an unknowing tradition followed through. The pink swirls of wax stared back at him and Jimin could only wonder about how many more birthdays were they going to celebrate.

How many more birthdays would be spent just as the seven of them?

They had gotten boyfriends, girlfriends, partners through the years, done serious and ready to settle while some were flings or friends with benefits. But all that aside, they never brought them to the celebration between the seven of them, however small it might have been. Be it 15 minutes or 300 minutes, they were going to spend it as seven.

Surprisingly so, none of them had gotten into dating this year. Too busy with work and travel to even have romance on their plans. Too occupied to spend time with other people who would need time to learn and connect. Too tired to put their hearts at stake for someone to play with.

The reasons were many and all in good conscious.

But Jimin's...well, his was the only one that differed.

Sure, he nodded along to their jokes about finding love but deep down his emotions were frayed and hopeless. He had never been serious in the past five years, which also marked his realisation of feelings on a random evening of crafting at Seokjin's place.

It was so sudden as Jimin sat smiling wide as Namjoon hot glued his jeans which had Yoongi fixing it while muttering fondly. It was lasting as he stared at Seokjin messing with Taehyung who had the other in a chokehold while Jungkook tickled the oldest. It came to head finally as Jimin made eye contact with Hoseok who just tilted his head confused, but there was so much in those expressive eyes that Jimin couldn't keep avoiding these pesky feelings.

He couldn't let go of them and it felt ingenuine to hold someone in a relationship that was never to be fulfilled when they had better options. He couldn't keep someone else trapped even if some had come forward to have a chance at that love with Jimin. It felt like betrayal despite knowing those feelings were never going to be reciprocated by the people he cared most about.

Flings for most, situationships at best. He could never enjoy that love because he was hopeless and fucked over.

Hopeless in love.

So, how many more birthdays as seven?

Would they even stay as seven?

It was hard, people got older. They got farther. They always do leave at the end. Something comes up, someone leaves. They learn and relearn, they grow out of this.

He wasn't faulting them for that. Hell, he encouraged and cheered for each step they took. He was by their side, pushing them further to achieve what was rightfully theirs. All six of them were so talented and wonderful. They deserved to hold that crown. But he was afraid that in the medley of this, he would eventually have to let go of them.

Selfish, his mind supplied unhelpfully.

Maybe it was the near end of the year or the fact that Taehyung's birthday signified that they were all becoming older, or maybe it was the movie he saw, St. Elmo's fire —a coincidence of seven friends which just exerted Jimin's empty sadness. In spite of categorising the reasons, the problem remained, aka Jimin's fear of losing his friends as they grew older and as the pages were being turned.

Things just wouldn't remain the same.

It didn't matter that they had joked about being together forever when drunk — though serious by nature, people usually forgot their drunken promises. It didn't matter that each of them cared for Jimin in similar fashions, one filled with all their heart. Nothing mattered when Jimin knew that it was impossible for one to love six people, especially when they were close friends at a risk that their friendship would take a hot, never to recover.

They had to fly with their wings bared, after all. So who was he to hold them back?

Even if his emotions overwhelmed him whenever he saw them.

"Jimin-ah, did you hear me?"
Someone called out and Jimin had to blink a few times.

"Hey, you okay? Is it the cold?"

Jimin recognised the voice to be Hoseok's and the wetness on his gloves to be his own.

Blinking a few times and wiping his tears as discreetly as possible, he looked up to smile at Hoseok in a way that could reassure the other he was okay. But Hoseok, the empath who was always so in-tune with the emotions of everyone around him simply stared back, eyes focussing on the tear tracks on Jimin's pink cheeks.

"I am fine."

"You aren't. But I'm not gonna force you. Just sit back and let us do the work. Just stay until we cut the cake and then, you can leave, okay?"
Hoseok said, serious in his words as he placed his hand on Jimin's arm in hopes of providing comfort.

Jimin nodded, not having the energy to argue or reiterate the other's words.

It was cruel, wasn't it?

To have Jimin experience this giddy rush of happiness when he was with them. To have Jimin experience the heartbreaking pull in his gut when the realisation that all of it was some sick dream he was having and never something he could ever experience.

And so, Jimin watched as Hoseok walked away to talk to Jungkook while he was left with the sinking feeling as his about to-be open arms were left hanging. He struggled at the very decision of wanting to hug Hoseok, let his body be engulfed by the older's warmth for mere seconds— by comfort personified himself. But the tug of war within won as Jimin stared longingly at Hoseok's back.

It was cruel, Jimin would agree with all his being.

"Take your places! Yoongi and Namjoon are coming up now."
Seokjin yelled as he came rushing to light the candle in Jimin's hand.

And so, the birthday boy arrived with the widest boxy smile Jimin had ever seen. Namjoon on his right and Yoongi on his left, both carrying the same cheer that Jimin could only wish for to be his. It was infectious in a way that made Jimin's body light up with joy, warm and nice like a spring morning.

Jungkook walked over with Seokjin on tow to smother the birthday boy with hugs. Though, the oldest just watched it unfold between the two youngests. It, of course, led to Taehyung pull an faux unwilling Seokjin closer and tease him about his dress choice which was a sweater with an obnoxiously ridiculous cartoon figure of garfield and a 'a donut a day keeps bad mood away.'

"Hey, it was a gift by me!"
Hoseok retaliated, feeling offended as the other snickered at Seokjin's sweater.

"It wasn't me. It was these two idiots."
Seokjin said, putting his hand up with the impression of a smug guy.

"No hyung, it is wonderful. We just wanted to tease Jin hyung."
Taehyung said, while Jungkook whined about how he didn't even say anything.

As the chaos of them arguing how ugly sweaters are tradition and needs to be worn more often, Jimin watched from a distance. His mind swirled with thoughts of how they were so happy and how he was lucky to be friends with them. He had spent the better part of his teenage struggling to make close friends who didn't judge him for who he was. But now, with six boys who joined him in exposing their vulnerable sides, it wasn't as scary as his younger self had made it to be.

It didn't seem like they had particularly noticed his absence, as his mindless eyes followed their movements. But, oh how wrong he was!

Yoongi was staring back at him with intentful, sharp eyes.

Startling himself for a second, he shook his head only to find everyone else looking at him in anticipation, warm expectation. Jimin spent another second figuring it out until he was reminded of the cake to be brought.

Lighting a candle, he sang 'Happy Birthday!' to Taehyung with others joining in soon.

With the birthday boy cutting the cake after the elaborate song singing and cheering, the seven of them sat nibbling on the pure relish of strawberry cake doused with pistachio cream in the middle. Jimin sat next to Taehyung, their knees knocking into each other as the applesauce cross cross position had them occupying more than what could be accommodated.

"The strawberry is so tangy. We need to try more fruit-related cakes."
Hoseok said, as he took another bite of the cake.

"Yeah. Let's make that the theme for next celebrations. Blueberry is my choice!"
Jungkook said, excited with his choice.

"Aw! Dye your hair blue again during your birthday season then we have a blueberry eating a blueberry."
Jimin added, reminiscing when Jungkook had dyed the tips of his hair bright blue making him more adorable.

"Given, how I'm growing out my hair, it'll look awesome!"
Jungkook said, flipping his neck-length wavy black hair back.

Namjoon patted the other's back while Seokjin weaved his fingers through the lush locks making Jungkook lean in further with a blissful expression painting his face.

"Back to fruits, we can have mango, but Minnie doesn't like it."
Taehyung said, knocking his elbow against Jimin's with a smile.

"Tangerines for Yoongi given how his fingertips are still orange from today's feasting on it."
Seokjin said, pointing at the other's long fingers that held the fork.

"Not going to argue on that, but weren't you the one who bought a crate of tangerines for Christmas?"
Yoongi said, eyes narrowed on target.

"I mean you are a little orange-loving demon. But if I were to choose for Namjoonie, it would be peaches."
Seokjin pitched again, hands now resting on the curve of Jungkook's neck.

"Why? I mean they aren't my favourite..."

"Well, I remembered the time you had dyed your hair in that similar shade—"
Seokjin started off, only to be cut off by an enthusiastic Taehyung.

"—By me. I was the one who gave hyung the dare and he looked delectable."

"Yes thank you, Taehyung-ah. You looked good, the blush on your cheeks matching the hair which I, no— we thoroughly enjoyed! Plus, we are following trend of hair colours with matching fruits, right?"

At Seokjin's explanation, Namjoon had just spluttered something about them being unserious though none of them were even remotely joking about Namjoon's peach blush.

"If I may add, your ass-ets look like peaches!"
Hoseok added which had the five others rolling on the floor with hands clutched on their tummies.

"Hoseok!"
Namjoon said, slightly mortified despite Hoseok's affinity for the other's well-exercised, fit body wasn't a secret.

"What? I meant your ass."

"That definitely does not make it better."
Yoongi said, tears lining his eyes from how much he was laughing earlier.

"Okay enough, change the subject before I dig myself a hole to never come up."
Namjoon whispered, still red but the others eventually calmed down enough to get back on track of fruits.

Opening a few cans of beer alongside with the fried chicken that Seokjin had brought, they let the moonlight wash them over quietly. Their seemingly important discussion —quite vital to their eccentric friendship, as Jungkook claimed— was still going with no signs of stopping. There was light lo-fi music from Hoseok's portable speakers as Seokjin argued with an equally charged Yoongi whether a ghost can swim. Of course, Yoongi the self proclaimed advocate of ghosts had jumped in at the opportunity.

(It turned out both of them just wanted to get on each other's nerves and knew it wasn't as serious as they were making it to be. Yet, they continued to do so, since it was 'fun'.)

As Jimin sat sipping on his fifth glass of alcohol— a lighter concentration, but somehow had him worked up, despite his renowned ability in holding it down— Taehyung tugged on his shirt to pay attention to the younger.

"Jimin-ah! You okay? You didn't speak as much and you look lost somewhere else. You know you can come to me, right?"
Taehyung whispered, hardly loud enough for anyone to hear except Jimin.

The music played louder and the ringing in his head was up a notch. His eyesight was fleeting and swimming as he could hear the chatters of his best friends in front of him, all in serious discussion about which animal they would be, after having called down from earlier debate on ghosts.

Jungkook seemed set on being a ferocious wolf but everyone else squashed his idea with a comparison pic of him with a bunny. Yoongi was unanimously put as a cat given his habits and the other just let them talk over him with a smile. Of course, when it came to Namjoon everyone had different animals to contest for. Jimin had joined in once to add in his vote, but the tipsier he got, all the usual stuff got more difficult.

"I'm okay, Tae...You look cute."
Jimin slurred, as his eyes focussed on the boy sitting by his side, hands slowly making their way to pat Taehyung's cheek in the most gentle way possible.

Taehyung pensively stared with his eyebrows twitching by the slightest. Jimin blinked slowly, letting the slosh from his drink settle down. He knew he was being watched but with the world tilting beaches second, he couldn't care. Soon another laugh from the remaining pulled them away from the impromptu staring contest, except it was more of Taehyung trying to decipher what was wrong with his soulmate.

"C'mon birthday boy, we ought to dance and sing. What is a celebration if we aren't dancing?"
Hoseok said, pulling Taehyung up despite being unbalanced himself as the playlist changed to a more preppy dance one.

The slow transition in between songs was well-appreciated by Jimin's throbbing head. He just smiled as Hoseok invited him to join, opting for the world to settle still. Meanwhile a slightly buzzed Seokjin and fully aware Namjoon lifted Jungkook by his arms, trying to pry their hands in lieu of his whiskey. The only one missing was Yoongi who had mysteriously appeared beside Jimin, sitting quietly.

"Not joining, yooonie hyung?"
Jimin asked, leaning into the other's space until their breaths were one.

There was no answer from Yoongi which made Jimin blink up to find that the older hadn't moved an inch from there. If Jimin was sober, he would have freaked out badly, but being drunk had it's advantages as his main aim was to stay still without wanting to throw up.

Great distraction. 10 out of 10 recommend. On alcohol, that is.

If Jimin could focus a little more, he could probably count each of the individual eye lashes on Yoongi, maybe see the colour of his pupils under the moonlight, maybe even see that specific mole on his cheek, that Hoseok had called cute. But alas, he just closed his eyes wishing the world wasn't spinning but not breathing himself for drinking. He needed that out today. He was at his wit's end and it was much better than running away from his soulmate's celebration, worrying them all.

"Drink it up, Jiminie."

A glass of water was brought to his lips as a firm palm was holding the back of his head in a position that could ease the flow of water than him choking on it. Jimin hadn't realised how thirsty he was until his parched throat was given water. And so, in the want for more, he gulped more than he could hold, which resulted in him gasping and spluttering the rest.

Yoongi patted his back with soft mutters of, 'easy. The water isn't going anywhere. You're okay.' With all the commotion caused by him, the rest of them crowded wondering if their best friend was okay. But as Jimin leaned heavily into the first hand that brushed his cheek with dull, drowsy eyes looking at Jungkook who supported the weight of his head, it was unanimously agreed upon to take Jimin to bed.

"Min, I know."

And before Jimin could ask what Yoongi meant in his soft gravely voice, he was dragged away by a worried Seokjin and Taehyung to the latter's home downstairs.

As Seokjin tucked him in his own bed after having helped him change to the spare pajamas that he left at Taehyung's, Jimin's drunk mind wondered if he had messed everything up. And so when Taehyung came in with a glass of water, Jimin was apologizing without any prompting.

"Sorry for ruining... birthday."

"Not ruined at all. Sleep for now."
Taehyung said, raking his fingers through Jimin's locks softly.

As the two of them left the guest room, Jimin stared at the moon which was conveniently present through the window. The glow from the moon was faint, reminding Jimin of that one song Namjoon had sent in the group chat as a song rec, 'Lover // Over the moon' if he remembered correctly.

The night chill was ever present despite the thick mufflers and scarves.

And so was Jimin's heart.

Jimin woke up to a bad headache but a warm bed. Opening his eyes, he was reminded of his drunk behaviour last night, which wasn't all because of his drinks but more so, of his mopping and sad year end emotions. He knew that the next year would be the same as this, nothing too drastic would occur tomorrow, but his mind was set on holding onto that.

Reaching for the glass of water by the bedside, he took a minute to appreciate the room which was so in-tune with Taehyung's choice and a subtle hint of Jungkook who stayed over a lot of days. Slipping off from the bed with clothes from previous night in his arms, he freshened up quickly to wear the same ones.

Good thing, it wasn't flashy and party night pretty. Makes it easier to be worn on a simple morning.

Bundling himself up, he checked his phone only for it to have 5 percent charge and the clock blinking at 5:23 am. He usually plugged it up for charge before sleeping. And so to conserve what little there was left, he opted to get a sticky note for Taehyung.

'hey tae,

I'm leaving now. thanks for letting me stay the night.  had  better sleep than in months. and uh, sorry for being a party pooper yesterday by making you handle my drunk ass. thanks again for everything.  hope  your birthday was great and here's your gift which I forgot to give! may you find warmth and comfort in every corner of the world :)

ily <3, Jimin'

With that stuck on the fridge with a magnet, he hung his gift by the side which was a brooch in a safely packed box. But after second guessing if it would fall, he simply put it by the counter beside the fridge, hoping Taehyung wouldn't miss the shiny silver wrapped box.

Sneaking out of the apartment was easier than he expected. He slid into his boots and locked the door behind him which was passcode-secured. He walked onto the street, letting the barely present sunrays warm his pink cheeks. He decided to walk back home which was easily a 3 kilometre journey away instead of taking a bus.

There was something beautiful about walking on the near-empty streets in the morning with everyone still snuggled under their sheets, warm and happy. Vendors were still setting up their stalls as the shops had begun opening. Hands in his coat pockets, Jimin strolled past the playground which had a few old women sitting on the bench. Choosing to enter one of the cafes for an early boost of energy, Jimin was greeted by the aromatic smell of freshly brewed coffee.

"Hi, what can I get for you?"
A seemingly energetic man, as opposed to how a worker would feel early this morning, asked.

"One coffee and a egg-ham sandwich please."
Jimin replied, taking out his card to pay for the same.

With no one present in the cafe, he had the freedom of choosing the window seat of this usually crowded place. Slowly munching on the crispy bread sandwich with gooey egg in between, he took his time enjoying the morning with sios of hot coffee. Time slowed as he watched the sunrays hit the concrete through the tree branches creating pretty shadows. He would've loved to take a picture of it, but alas his phone was dead.

And so with his breakfast completed at 6:45 in the morning, he treked back to his home not before buying a pastry from the same cafe. A sweet treat parceled to make his last day of the year special. It was already 7:36 when he reached home, as seen from the black clock that hung on the living room's wall— a gift by his friends when he had moved in here three years ago.

Taking his time with his clothes, he plugged in his phone only for it to be brought to life with multiple notifications— calls and messages alike.

*10 missed calls from taetae <3*

*5 missed calls from hobi hyung (^-^)*

*7 missed calls from yoongi hyung (°^°)*

~13 o'clock chat~

tae:  GUYS HVEA  ANOYNE  SEN JIMIN??-+(

hobi: what's wrong? type properly please

jin: tae? hey, I'm calling you rn, why aren't you picking up?

tae: CAUSE I'M BUSY CALLING JIMIN.

joon: what happened to him? isn't he asleep in your guest room?

tae: HE'S NOT  HREE . HE LEFT WITH A NOTE.

hobi: calm down please, don't want you hyperventilating now, do we? two breaths in and one out, then switch off your caps.

tae: okay. did that.

jin: now, send us that pic or just the gist of it.

tae: *attached pic*

joon: he thanked you and left. must be home then or asleep and so he's not picking the phone?

tae: no hyung. he never fails to pick my call. he never does that. he promised him he won't.

hobi: I understand, bub. but maybe his phone battery is gone and so he isn't picking up, thought of that?

tae: yeah. but he shouldn't have left. he wasn't in a good mood yesterday. he was being weird. and I know him.

joon: I noticed that too. something must be wrong, but we can't force him to speak. if anything, he'll come on his own terms.

tae: that note is giving me bad vibes. idk something in me isn't right.

jin: for the  hundredth  time taehyung, you don't have an actual psychic power that connects Jimin to you.

tae: then explain how I know when he's going to fall or needs something or get a fever at the same time as him.

joon: c'mon, Jimin falls 9 out of 10 times.

hobi: and about you guys being sick together, it is bound to happen if you stay together like magnets stuck.

yoongi: wtf is this? it's 6 in the morn.

kook: why are you blowing up my phone?

tae: Jimin isn't picking up his phone and I'm scared something's wrong.

kook: wow, you guys are off topic by a lot.

hobi: I called him too, tae. it might be out of service or something. let's give it some time, hm?

jin: yeah, he isn't a child tae. he'll get home safe.

tae:  i know i know it's just weird with that note

min: um hi?

tae:  ARE YU  OKA?? WHERE  A E   YUO ?

hobi: tae caps off and slow down please. let him speak.

min: my phone just died. and I had gone out so couldn't charge it. walked home so got late. sorry for worrying you guys.

jin: walked the whole way back?

min: yeah, good exercise and breathed in fresh air!

tae: asshole. you took a few years off my lifespan.

min: sorry  taehyungie . I didn't mean to.

jin: Jimin-ah I'm glad you're safe. but please charge your phone.

joon: and don't leave cryptic messages, hm? tae was freaking out badly.

min: 👍

kook: are you okay tho? you looked off yesterday.

hobi: noticed the same. take your time, but let us know if we can help.

min: I'm sorry, won't do it again T-T

yoongi:  glad you're okay and please don't try walking back home from tae's apartment. it's an isolated area, just take the bus.

jin: yea. walking through that part after the cafe is sorta scary. no houses and just hollow buildings.

kook: it isn't that bad tho, just those food factories which made wholesale gochujang and other sauces.

hobi: still it would be better not to. gives me creepy vibes.

min: okay will not do it again :(

tae: i thought I was overreacting and here hyungs are with even more parent vibes, all about safety and stuff.

hobi: never call me a parent please. I'm only  an year  older than you 😭

jin: as if it's better on my part.

kook: well...

jin: oh c'mon don't start with this again.

yoongi: rather be called a control freak  than parent .

joon: goddamn hyung! it isn't that bad

yoongi: easy for you to say, Mr. girl dad in another universe.

jin: okay, no one's calling anyone anything. though, personally I think yoongi would make a great parent.

tae: I agree! he gives me the cool dad who cooks, cleans and takes care of you. and you can go tell him any secret from broken vases to new lovers and not worry about him blowing off.

hobi: wow you put a lot of thought into this.

tae: duh.

kook: honestly he does most of it with us, but it's more like a love language I feel. I mean he really didn't scold me when I spilled juice on his couch

min: idk how to break it to you... but  that his  jungkook privilege. none of us are bestowed with it.

yoongi: omg can we stop this topic? else you aren't seeing me tonight or the cherry pie I made.

jin: nooo

hobi: don't be so cruel hyung

joon: lol this is fun

tae: hyung you can't do that to the birthday boy

mimi: didn't your birthday just pass yesterday

tae: well it's still yesterday in some parts of the world...I think so?

kook: can I invoke my privilege please, yoongi hyung?

yoongi: all of you are on strike one. two more and we're done. keep the teasing up and you are definitely missing the pie.

yoongi: and no more privileges including the refuge hideouts at my place.

tae: he's joking, right?

min: whose house are we meeting for the new year's celebration?

joon: hobi and mine's!

tae: he's joking RIGHT??

Taehyung did call after that, thoroughly scolding Jimin and the latter had to quite literally console him, shushing the cries from the phone's speaker. He would have returned to Taehyung's place to be there for him physically and perhaps reassure him that he was okay, but with his boss calling him for some report making, Jimin had to resort to the next best option.

Call Namjoon to go and be there for him as a placeholder as he lived closer to Taehyung's home and was currently not embroiled in work like the others.

Who even makes you work on the last day of the year? Stupid corporations and stupid bosses.

Despite his heart aching at the thought of Taehyung crying, it warmed at the fact that his friend cared for him beyond what was deemed normal. He too would have done the same, with or without his romantic feelings for them. But there was something in how they reacted that made his love-starved, lonely teenage self feel accomplished and satisfied.

He adored the boundless love each of them had for him, platonic at best and cherished with such reverence.

Yoongi had written him a long text with the gist of it being 'im sorry if I overstepped. and take it easy, we care for you just the same.' meanwhile Seokjin had deposited a 50,000 won with a note, 'eat something nice and splurge a little.' Of course, the others weren't behind as he found himself opening his door to a delivery guy who had a basket in hand. A basket that contained all of Jimin's favourite body wash and a note with 'i love you jymannie~' Namjoon too, had sent a text about being a neutral party to talk about his feelings and thoughts with a sweet picture of his dog, monie. Lastly was Jungkook himself at the front door with his insistent knocking and boxing gloves in hand for a session.

And all of this love they had for him was the very reason he had never wanted to confess. He didn't want to spoil such a beautiful friendship with his dumb feelings. That was just wrong and unfair for everyone else involved, especially if they didn't feel the same. And when he leaves the group after the obvious rejection, then his admission of feelings would act as a sore reminder to all of them which will in turn break them all up.

...he had clearly thought about this.

Jimin wasn't possessive of people.

Well, he might be slightly. Mostly possessive of his best friends, but who wouldn't be if it was the six of them?

It was seen when the others talked or brought their partners or exes up in discussions and he would try his best not to scowl. They weren't at fault for not reciprocating what he felt (or so, he thought). Neither were their partners who had become their safe space. None of them were at fault except for Jimin and his dumb little heart. Stupid feelings from jealousy to ecstasy, all because of his unrequited love.

He was human, after all.

A human with too big of heart with love spilling open and no takers as love bled through his overflowing vessel of a body.

The evening came with each of them entering the shared roommate's home. Jimin and Jungkook were apparently the last ones there as they arrived with a box of frosted red velvet cupcakes. Jimin had initially thought of getting a bottle of wine, but after yesterday, he wasn't likely to touch alcohol for the next month or so. Or at least until he couldn't bear to drag his heavy feet and his heavier heart on the ground.

To be quite honest, he was to arrive on his own but with Jungkook inviting him for an hour of boxing to get it out of the system, they had showered quickly, put on nice clothes and rode on the youngest's Kawasaki Vulcan to their destination.

(Jimin was apprehensive of the bike at first, hoping to go by bus, even going as far as to convince the younger that it would be faster— spoiler: it wasn't— but Jungkook had promised him they would be safe with helmets and jackets on and that they would go at a very reasonable speed.)

"Hiya~ you are here! Finally."
Hoseok said, greeting them in with the warmest smile.

"Everyone's already here?"
Jungkook asked, removing his black stomper boots, until he was left with his light baby green tinkerbell socks.

"Mhm. Was waiting for you two."

"Wah Jungkookie! You brought your motorcycle too? The jacket looks cool."
Seokjin came in, praising the tatted boy as he wiped his hands on a pastel pink towel.

Jungkook just beamed, showing off his black leather jacket that had blue threads woven into an embroidery imitating the waves. Hoseok's hand brushed against the material, admiring the work.

"Ay, you didn't have to buy stuff."
Namjoon muttered, as he received the box of cupcakes from Jimin's hands.

Jimin just smiled, hugging Seokjin who had the softest shirt of his closet on him. It was a purple, full-sleeved beauty with fine threads of Egyptian cotton. The oldest seemed to enjoy holding Jimin in his arms for longer than what he usually did. There was something else so wonderfully warm to be held like this.

"Jimin's here?"
Taehyung's voice came from the background.

"Oh, you're getting grilled, Jimin-ssi!"
Jungkook said, teasingly elbowing the shorter.

Jimin internally prepared himself for any onslaughter from his best friend. Taehyung was as sweet as a candy, unless you cross him and he could make you grovel for forgiveness and still choose to ignore you. He was a difficult man to please.

Nothing would ever make Jimin wish to change that.

"Min-ah!"
Taehyung said, eagerly pulling Jimin in his arms even before Namjoon could move out of his way.

"Here they go again."
Namjoon said, shaking his head and patting Taehyung on his back before going along with the rest of them to the living room.

And then, it was just the two of them in the hallway.

"Tae-yah, I'm sorry. I didn't know the phone would die out so soon."
Jimin said, having been released from the vice grip but still in enough vicinity for their bodies to have contact.

"I'm not upset, was just anxious. You just left without having breakfast and before I could even wake up. And with how you were yesterday —"

"I'm okay. Was just in a bad mood, slump or whatever. I'm okay now!"

Taehyung just hummed, letting his head rest on Jimin's shoulders for one more moment. The shorter could feel Taehyung breathing in the subtle scent of magnolias and sandalwood of his shampoo that clung to his blond hair.

"Taehyungie, did you like my gift tho?"
Jimin asked, after some seconds.

His hands raked through Taehyung's honey brown locks, easier so as the other had practically leaned his weight against Jimin, head cradled in the nook of the shorter's shoulders.

"I loved it! It'll go so well with my brown tux, I'm gonna wear it for that office party. Showed it to everyone too and they liked it!"
Taehyung said, gushing on the spot.

"Oh, did he love it. He's not even letting any of us touch it, because he's afraid we'll break it."
Yoongi added, as he came from behind Taehyung.

"Not my fault we have clumsy people in our group. No offense."

"None taken!"
Namjoon's and Jungkook's voice came around loud and clear, all in sync enough for the other burst out laughing.

Seeing that Yoongi was waiting to talk to Jimin in private, Taehyung gave one last hug and walked to where Hoseok was sitting, practically sticking himself to the older with no gap in between, despite the huge couch in place. Jungkook laughed loudly seeing it unfold as if he wasn't currently clinging to Seokjin in the guise of saving heat in this 'harsh' winter.

Jimin watched it all unfold with a small smile until his attention was taken away by Yoongi who was watching him intently.

"What was it, hyung?"
Jimin asked, clearing his throat.

"Ah nothing. Did you sleep well last night?"

"Yeah, it was better than most I've had recently. Had a strange dream of you being some mystic who knew my secret which is silly, of course!"
Jimin said, laughing with his high-pitched tone that came out on the rare occasions of when he was awkward.

"Hm?"

"I mean, I haven't— You didn't—If it was some fore brooding warning dream then yeah sure, but I don't have anything like it so.."

At that, Yoongi just paled slightly. Jimin wondered what Yoongi knew or what he was insinuating to, but the other masked his emotions all too well.

"If you are done with your secret chat out, then please do join us, your highnesses."
Seokjin called out, a little giggle at the end.

Yoongi just scrambled away, leaving Jimin more puzzled as to what had happened. And by the time he got there with his scarf hung up, Yoongi had sat on the loveseat, away from everyone else. Of course, that wasn't quite the case since Jungkook quickly nestled next to Yoongi, softly complaining about how he had left his knitted black and red scarf back at his home.

Jimin just took the spot in between Namjoon and Taehyung given that was the warmest position at the moment. Seokjin came in with fries and chocolate marbles— an odd combination but everyone else had acquired it after staying so long with Seokjin and not to mention, it wasn't the strangest out there.

(The strangest one was Jungkook's tomato ketchup and peanut butter toast. Jimin could confirm that it was untastable and he vowed to never touch each of those items— individually or not.)

"New year in another hour, any movie recommendation or game?"
Taehyung asked, before popping in a random grape from god knows where.

He did have a taste for dropped rice grains as approved part of his answer to "best snack in the world" so, it really wasn't as surprising.

"Movie! We are too old for games anyways."
Hoseok answered, leaning over to grab some salted popcorn.

"I mean, not all of us."
Jungkook said, cheeky smile on display already and one could already hear the resounding groans in each of their heads.

"What do you mean, Jungkook?"
Seokjin asked, tight-lipped smile with a stare that could probably have an affect on anyone except Jungkook as concluded by how he went on.

"Nothing. Just that only one of us crossed 30 now, didn't we?"

"I can't believe his audacity like? Yoongi will be there in 3 months, punk. How is that different?"

"Still."

"Thank the powers in the universe that's holding me down. 'cause otherwise you would be dead meat."

And the powers in question were Taehyung's arms that had wrapped around his torso like a hybrid cross between sloth and octopus. Of course, all of it were empty threats at the end of the day, but seemingly provided the entertainment even before their television was switched on.

"Are you both done with your weird rivals-foreplay energy here? I want to watch a movie."
Yoongi said, rolling his eyes getting a gawk from Jungkook in response.

"You aren't one to talk, with that open-stare ogling."
Seokjin retaliated and Jimin could see the pink blush spreading across Yoongi's pale cheeks.

No one was familiar with what Seokjin meant exactly, but it was their former-roommates thing which meant the rest of the group usually brushed it off, not wanting spluttered explanations from either.

"I—"

"Enough people. I'm going to put when harry met sally."
Hoseok said, getting up from where he was seated by Namjoon's and Jimin's feet on a cushion.

And so began their movie night.

Their group of seven were a little comfortable in making comments and starting discussions in the middle of the movie. Sure, it was seen as a red flag by many but somehow none of them minded that. It was common and even encouraged because the whole play of being a movie critic did bring up important topics for them to share and more notably, formed most of their inside jokes.

As currently seen with Seokjin arguing that,

"It would be stupid to let fate decide if two people were made for each other. We're humans not cosmic fictional characters. Just another stupid trope like in the movie serendipity."

Namjoon, of course, added in the opposite direction that,

"Sometimes there are chances of the right person, wrong time or wrong place. So, yeah fate bringing them together made sense. I mean it isn't wrong for people to believe in a higher power pulling them to each other."

"Okay, that makes sense. But when you have the chance and you leave it, that's just utterly foolish. It's on a silver platter with a fork in your hand, just take it!"
Hoseok stated in a very obvious tone.

"But maybe it isn't so and there are signs that it won't work so, it could as well not exist. One could just want to not pursue it despite what everything else points to."
Jimin said, joining in as the others tuned in.

"If you don't try it then, how will you know if it could work or not? It is cowardly to not even push forth when you think you might have a chance, even if it's a 0.001 percent one."
Seokjin asked, pointing out where they were lacking.

"I'mma have to agree with Namjoon hyung. Not religious in any way, but there must be something that pulls and glues people together, beyond just good vibes and happy moments."

"Call it whatever, but if someone finds their way back then they deserve another chance —if it is possible to have it, unlike in past lives."
Namjoon referenced easily.

As Jimin heard more of each of their viewpoints, all varying by degree and direction, he easily found himself agreeing to it. They were all right, after all. Movies like these just have you a pretext based on falsehood of a dream unachievable and non-existent. To believe solely on fate to bring you back would be stupid when relationships of all kind thrive on how it is treated by all the parties involved. It's based on exerting your love, care and respect to keep it alive.

Of course, the metaphor of people coming together in the unlikeliest bunch to form something beyond what they were capable of could conveniently be named fate or destiny.

"Okay I get that but this here is making me furious. Because they clearly like each other. I mean after two coincidental meetings, there must be some spark right?"

"Agreed with Jinnie hyung. I mean, yeah sure platonic friends and all that jazz, but they're literally like this."
Hoseok said, pointing at the way the two main leads danced around each other.

"Seems like you two have beef with hallmark movies."
Jungkook said, as everyone burst out laughing.

"My opinion in here is that all of you are technically right. You should definitely pursue it if you feel strongly about it. Give it a chance to see where it take you. And there's a strong binding force that keeps people locked for life. Like us!"
Yoongi said, cheer beaming on his face making everyone else fondly laugh.

"Silly. We are going for a record of nine years, so cheers to that! You're the most supportive best friends I've had."
Jungkook said, bringing his beer can up for everyone else to toast.

There was a mutter of 'sappy boy'  drowned by the laughs of the banter between Yoongi and Taehyung as the spilled whiskey made the younger frown with a pout. Jimin watched on feeling like his heart was full from the visible paradise he was in. His paradise wasn't filled with white clouds, colourful berries and harmonizing angels— though the last one could be iterated as one. 

No, it was adored by bright eyes, warm hugs and six people who he cared for more than anyone. His paradise was them, in whatever form they came to him.

This room, plain and neat, unlike the colourfully decorated and fancy disco ball themed club rooms, with the countless memories in place made for the perfect setting. Snacks, deliciously savoury and sweet passed along with drinks, carbonated and alcoholic made for the perfect distraction. And the seven of them with wandering hands and tangled legs, clambering voices of joy and passion over each other's, made for the perfect heaven.

As Harry kissed Sally at the stroke of midnight with lights bouncing off and balloons in the air, there was an audible sigh from Jungkook which in turn got a questioning hum.

"Coincidental bad luck that none of us have a new year's kiss."

"Someone hates us from above."
Namjoon said in response, leaning forward to pour one more glass of wine.

"I mean, if we had gone out...we might have found someone."
Hoseok replied with a shrug.

But there wee clashing murmurs of wanting to stay in and how it was better being warm with the heater on than trying to find a connection with a stranger.

"Ah coming to that, Jimin has never had a single partner stay through new year's, has he?"
Taehyung pointed out, after having a moment to think through with a realisation.

"Yeah...you're right, Tae-yah. I mean he's broken up with his partners one way or not by December. Coincidence I guess?"
Seokjin said, recounting his birthday parties when it would be just Jimin coming with a gift.

"Why are you talking about me like I'm not here?"
Jimin asked, making Namjoon reach out to tussle his hair fondly.

With that the conversation died out as Jimin found himself in deep thought. He didn't have anyone during the stretch of Christmas to Valentine's day, which added to him feeling more dejected through the seasonal depression season, winter. Through his years of dating which included three boyfriends and two girlfriends, he really made it out to be a pattern.

Maybe it really was a coincidence rather than a conscious decision.

(But Jimin couldn't help but get ticked off by this discovery as his own actions might have pushed him there. Maybe this was his most revered time with people he couldn't call his and so the best possible thing was to let go of people who were willing to call him theirs.

He couldn't because his heart laid elsewhere, after all.)

"Okay if and I mean with a big I, If you were to choose anyone from this room for a midnight kiss, then who would it be?"
Taehyung asked, eager eyes and small smile on his lips.

Surprisingly, well not so surprisingly the other six in the room didn't question it. They were, in fact, thinking hard from what Jimin could see. He had expected them to be baffled at that or worse just push the curious question posed by Taehyung with a wave of their hands, instead here they were trying to piece their thoughts to words.

"For me, quite frankly it would be Hobi. Maybe it's because I've been roommates with him for so long that if we were to do anything, it wouldn't be awkward. Or at least i hope so."
Namjoon said, as if he had thought about it way before this question had even been formed in Taehyung's head.

"Ah, actually I was going to say your name as well."
Hoseok said, turning his head to meet Namjoon's eyes who was sitting up on the couch as opposed to the carpeted floor.

Jungkook coughed loudly at that as others took notice of how there was a faint blush colouring both of their cheeks as the eye contact stayed longer than expected. Soon, the conversation was turned towards the other people. 

"Yoongi hyung?"

"Hm, Seokjin I think. I mean...I've known him for a long time and i feel like if we kissed he would brush it off with a bad joke. So it wouldn't be bad to recover from."

Hoseok's crackling laugh accompanied the explanation as Yoongi looked mortified by the slightest.

"I'm offended, Yoongi-chi. I can be absolutely romantic, woo you off your feet!"
Seokjin said, using his hands to exaggerate the finger guns with a wink.

"Okay, Mr. Romantic, who's your choice?"

"Ah it's difficult. Skip me while I think which one of you is deserving of my plush perfect lips."

Yoongi rolled his eyes at that and Jimin could only giggle at how his hyung was acting. Of course, Seokjin would give that answer with red ears burning bright and of course, Yoongi would try to cover his smile with his hands, except they were currently held by Taehyung.

"Jungkook?"
Taehyung asked, steering the discussion again.

"I don't actually know. But um, if I had to choose it would be Yoongi hyung."

"I really thought it would be Namjoon, not gonna lie."
Seokjin added, getting a pillow thrown at his face by Jungkook.

It wasn't a big secret that Jungkook's awakening to the other side of his sexuality was when he had met Namjoon. That image of the other in bare shorts, bulging at the flex of his thighs had apparently done the trick. Hell, he had himself confessed it multiple times, drunk or not. But they were friends after all. Nothing had changed except the occasional teasing by everyone else— all in good humour.

"This whole conversation is awkward and unnecessary."
Namjoon said, face grimacing and hand coming up to run his own neck awkwardly.

"Shush. It's nice knowing who each of us would end up with, if we were the last surviving people in an apocalypse."

Namjoon looked at Hoseok with an ill-covered mix of disgust and confusion. Jimin wondered if he was already regretting his choice, but he could also see the fondness that oozed in abundance from Namjoon's affectionate rubs against Hoseok's back. 

"Jimin, what about you?"
Taehyung, the instigator spoke and Jimin couldn't help but feel like his heart racing.

He knew it would be his turn but he really didn't want to open that can of worms for a simple question. But to choose one of them in this silly scenario felt huge. His heart was six ways taken so, it would be too much to select one. That would be unfair to the others.

But it wouldn't matter since no one knew about his unfathomably huge crush on them. He was weird for liking his friends.

"Ah that's difficult to choose."

"Everyone's got favourites, don't shy away from it."
Hoseok said, playfully pushing further.

"Hey, this wasn't fully based on favourites though."
Namjoon protested, which was soon turned down by Seokjin.

For someone who didn't have an answer himself, he sure seemed more interested in what other's answers were.

"Anyone honestly. I mean it is hypothetical so, anyone of you."

"That's a lame answer, Jimin-ah. C'mon you need to have one."
Taehyung said, persisting further for a clear answer.

Jimin could hear the gushing blood in his ears, the rapid beating of his heart, the cracking knuckles underneath. This wasn't on his game plan.

Not today. Not ever.

It wasn't a big deal. He could lie. He could name anyone from the group. No one would likely bat an eye. But this was personal to him. Too close to everything he had felt through the years. Too real to what he wished he had and even saying it in a hypothetical situation just affirmed that his feelings were alive and fighting for a glimpse of freedom. One that couldn't be granted for loving six people at the same time is still unacceptable, he just couldn't.

"My dibs is on Taehyung. Honestly with how they act, it wouldn't be far off."
Jungkook added from beside Yoongi, legs folded onto Yoongi's lap.

"I vouch for Seokjin hyung to be honest. Remember—"
Hoseok started and all Jimin could think was how close they were to finding his truth.

How his selfish love would spill like ugly, incandescent oil across their pure, untainted water bodies of blue.

How his want for more would eventually cause the destruction of the only thing he cherished more than life itself.

How his secret would kill the fluttering bird within him that would never have a chance to open its wings to the sky for it would be down within seconds of seeking sunlight.

And so Jimin did what he could to prolong that exposure, anything that could give him despite from this topic like the absolute coward of his dreams, he ran to the washroom down the hall.

"What just happened?"
Hoseok asked after a second of seeing Jimin leap from the couch behind him.

The affirmation to the same came with the bolting sound of a lock from the washroom.

Silence prevailed longer than they wanted to admit but each of them just blinked at each other, wondering if they pushed too far or if something had occured.

"You idiots."
Yoongi quickly muttered, berating himself in the process and sliding against the floor to follow Jimin.

Yoongi should have noticed and stopped them. He should have knowing Jimin and the recent realisation that he wasn't the only one. He should have stepped in like a responsible hyung when he noticed the first strands of fear in Jimin's eyes. He should have done many things that could have stopped this exact situation as he stood by the door, knocking for Jimin to open it.

He just should have.

"Jimin, c'mon. Open the door. We will stop talking about it, okay?"
Yoongi said, quiet and pleading in his tone.

The others crowded behind Yoongi, desperate to know what had gone wrong and it they could fix it. With an hour left to the new year, it just wouldn't be right to have their best friend in shambles. That wasn't what was planned on the agenda and to be fair, never will be.

It hurt more when they quietened down enough to hear Jimin's cries echo through the walls. It was small, pitiful and painful to be hearing the sobs without being able to help Jimin. It was so sudden, the entire outburst —though, Yoongi wouldn't exactly put it as one. It was sudden enough for all of them to be reeling under what had occurred at the moment and with only one of them in tune, it felt even more confusing.

"Min-ah, please. It's just me. Can I come in?"
Yoongi tried again, hand thumping against the wooden door.

"Should we try to unlock it?"
Jungkook asked, concern colouring his face.

Yoongi took a moment to check with what needed to be done. He could ask for a spare key or Taehyung's expertise in opening locks so that he could make sure Jimin wasn't hurting— he was hurting desperate as everything seemed to close in, much like his feelings that threatened to stain his friendship with them.

But Yoongi was torn about letting the other get some privacy. A moment to collect himself and then face the inevitable. A minute to let his raging emotions wash him over like tides of the ocean. He would've wanted that if he were to be in Jimin's place.

There was another sniffle and a click indicating the bathroom door was open. Namjoon urged Yoongi to open the door as everyone else stood with bated breaths.

Upon opening the door, Yoongi found Jimin in the empty marble bathtub, knees pulled up to the chest and face buried in the crook of his arms, sweater wet with tears. Yoongi seated himself next to him with a little difficulty and stroked Jimin's soft blond hair in an attempt of soothing the other. He could hear the heaving breath from Jimin as he looked up at the door where the other five stood like kids outside the classroom door.

Taking Jimin's stare as a hint, they all filed in and this accommodating themselves in nooks of the small bathroom easily. Worry was easily visible on their faces and as Jimin turned to face Yoongi, he could see the red-rimmed eyes and rubbed raw, pinked skin in comparison to how the younger was just a few minutes back.

"You okay, Jimin-ah?"
Yoongi whispered, like it was their secret to keep.

Jimin nodded, albeit faintly. There was hesitation, embarrassment and despair on his face, all so visibly present that Yoongi himself had to take a moment to push down the eager hands of his love that yearned to take care of Jimin.

That yearned to take care of each of his six friends, all too dear to him, more than life could allow him to express.

"What happened, Jimin?"
Taehyung asked, earnest in his ways.

Jimin didn't answer and with the silence brewing Hoseok took it up to address the suspected reason for this breakdown.

"We were just joking about the whole choosing, baby."

"Don't call me that."

Hoseok frowned at that harsh quip from Jimin, hot and unforgiving in his tone. He had always called his friends by affectionate names, hell he had called Jimin baby multiple times before this, all too fond and sweet to count. Was today the day Jimin finally drew a line? Was this his breaking point by any chance? Had they done something that reopened a wound from before, enough for Jimin to sob in their bathroom?

Had they accidentally twisted a knot that they were incapable of working it back?

"Jimin. What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry if we upset you, but we didn't think this was a sore topic for you."

Seokjin and Namjoon each added, clearly trying their best to provide comfort but Jimin was resilient to the stern care in Seokjin's voice and unwavering gentleness in Namjoon's words. His knees were locked in a way of cocooning himself into a corner.

"Jimin..."
Yoongi tried only to fumble the words as Jimin's unyielding stare was now focussed on him.

"You don't get it. You —"

"I do. I meant it yesterday when I said, I know it."

"I—"

Yoongi's attempt at pacifying Jimin just made it worse, as the shiny drops of salty tears fell instantly, streaking Jimin's ruddy cheeks. It was like little pearls had taken their rightful place, gleaming further and Yoongi had to curse audibly for even getting to this stage.

He wasn't going to address how Jimin's crying made him feel. This wasn't the time. Especially not with everyone else's questioning glances.

"Yoongi? What do you know?"
Seokjin firmly asked tugging at Yoongi's long sleeves.

"Not my place to say. It's Jimin's secret."
Yoongi whispered, eyes unsure.

"Min, I meant it when I said don't worry. Let it be freed finally. It won't hurt anymore, i promise. Let me take that torch forth. I know it."

"You haven't. Then why would you force me to?"
Jimin's voice had taken the familiar, sharp tone that made Yoongi's stomach curdle. It wasn't the usual sweet, comforting, airy-light voice that he was used to. But, he was quick to pull himself together to answer.

"Because you are braver than me. You are stronger than me. You are better at this. You've held onto it for so long, you deserve this respite. I've only come around that in the past eight months. And I know yours was way earlier than that."

"4 years. Yeah, 4 years since I accepted it."
Jimin solemnly muttered, not making any eye contact with the others.

"Stop talking like that. It's confusing. Why are you guys having code words all of a sudden?"
Jungkook said, after having kept quiet for so long.

"What if I lose whatever I have left of them?"
Jimin asked, ignoring Jungkook's widened eyes.

"What if you don't?"
Yoongi challenged him, confidence oozing in waves.

"You don't know that will happen. Just try opening your hearts to them, bare it and let them show you. It won't go sour in the way you think of."

"You don't know any of that!"
Jimin retaliated, eyebrows furrowed.

"Jimin. I don't know what's this about. But we're sorry for pushing you. And don't be pressured to yield to things you aren't ready for. But if you do, just know we'll love you all the same."
Taehyung said, having taken a moment to put it across as such.

"That's the problem, isn't it?"
Jimin replied, laugh bubbling manically. 

"Huh?"

"You say you'll love me all the same but would you still knowing I don't? Would you accept me knowing that I love you in a way incomparable? A visceral, heartbreaking kind of love that has stemmed from yearning for four years now. One that has made its home with me, gripping my heart harsher whenever I see the six of you doing the mundanest of tasks. Would you not be disgusted and break this apart knowing your best friend has loved each of you with too much devotion to ever let anyone else get a chance?"
Jimin said, a final question standing in the air.

There were blank stares, confused frowns and imploring eyes, all in the mix. And as Jimin looked on at each of them, letting the seconds become minutes, he found that the heavy weight that rested on his heart did in fact, not reduce. 

He had read in multiple blogs, claiming that by confessing to you crush, it eases that anticipation. But they weren't just crushes. They were his best friends, people he could die for, romantic feelings in the ditch. They were everything and beyond for him and his 19 year old self who had just entered the big city of Seoul.

It may also help lose the feelings held for so long is what the blog writer claimed. But that wasn't the case either as the feelings remained steady like flowing water, serene river moulding against the rocks in its path. Very much present and very much uncomfortable.

"What did you say, Yoongi hyung? That it won't sour? The room is stinking of their disapproval and disgust. It isn't normal. I'm not normal for liking all of you and confessing might have the biggest fuck up. I was okay doing my thing. This was a bad idea, save yourself I suppose. I'm sorry."
Jimin said, eyes now levelling with Yoongi's. Everyone else were just frozen in place, seeing it unfold further and further,

"I'm done. We are done. Happy?"

"Jimin. I—"
Yoongi tried, only to be cut off by a Jimin, who was getting up from his crouched position of the bathtub. 

"Don't try. I don't, shit— I never expected anyone of you to reciprocate it. So, yeah. I'll see myself out. And you won't have to see me again. I'm sorry. Again."

"Happy new year I guess."
Jimin said, as he looked back once more to meet his friends' eyes. 

One last time.

Hastily taking one last look at Yoongi's forlorn eyes, Jimin turned back to get out of the home. He couldn't be welcomed here and even if it was near midnight on such an anticipated day, he was going to make his way back home, be it by bus or on foot. He was going to burrow himself in thick comforters and cry until his eyes had exhausted its reservoirs. He was going to delete their numbers and cut all contact for he couldn't bare to see them and he doubted they would want to see him, an ugly reminder.

He was going to do all that, his mind already playing scenarios how it was going down, but there was a strong hand wrapping around his '13' tattooed wrist, pulling him backward, enough for him to stumble against the perpetuator's' chest, back pressed in a weird comfort of familiarity.

His plans foiled, as Hoseok spoke up, hand not letting go as Jimin was physically turned around to face them. Hoseok's eyes were trained on him and with limited movement all Jimin could do was listen.

"Jimin. You didn't give us time to think. You can't make a decision on our behalf. You've got to listen to us before reaching to conclusions."

"If it's another of the pity tell of you being sorry for my feelings, then I don't want to be here."
Jimin said, poking his tongue against his inner cheek painfully.

"Before any of you speak, I want to get it out that I too am in love with all of you. This was the big secret we were talking in code. Well, if you are answering might as well direct it to me."
Yoongi muttered, shoulders high and voice leaving now room for doubt.

"If we are going down, might as well go down together."
Yoongi's smile was one of those rare smiles that made Jimin realise why he was in love with him.

There was an awkward silence with all of them just staring at each other. Each of them hoped the other would break it into the conversation they desperately needed to have at the moment.

"Well, this checks out why my colleague didn't want to talk to me after Yoongi-chi rejected her."
Seokjin said, ears turning red in seconds s everyone turned their attention towards him.

"C'mon hyung."
Yoongi said, a little whiney in his tone.

"Jimin, I think I'm speaking for everyone here but Taehyung was right when he said that we'll love you all the same. It may or may not be the same love you wish from us, but the friendship we have as seven doesn't diminish by your confession."
Hoseok muttered, eyes serious and profound.

"This, us. We will not evaporate by your words, which is more flattering of how comfortable you felt to fall in love with us and more so to share it with us, despite the circumstances."
Namjoon's words pulled a laugh from Jimin as he looked at everyone being present in a washroom.

"That being said, I know it must be difficult. I can't even imagine coexisting with feelings for what four fucking years. I don't even know what to say. I'm sorry doesn't suffice, I can't even sympathise with you because I've never had held feelings for that long in a relationship, much less as a crush."
Seokjin said, voice trembling and Jimin could see there was pity in his eyes.

And despite what he had said, Jimin didn't feel offended or pitied. He only felt his heart lurch further as he knew why it was so hard to let go of his feelings.

This was the reason.

They were supposed to be at the very least grimaced by the fact that their close friend was crushing on them. But here was Seokjin, trying his best to be there for Jimin. How could he ever move on when they cared for him even in times when he wasn't worthy of itt? How could he give it all up when they held his hand, guiding him back to them with their words? How could he even try to fall for someone else when he always knew where his heart belonged?

He couldn't. He just couldn't and that was the very reason he was in this mess.

"You don't have to say this. I'm sorry for making this uncomfortable. I'm sorry."
Jimin said and even before he could finish it, Taehyung had launched himself to hold Jimin in his arms, giving a hug too tight.

Tight enough for Jimin to forget where he was as he relished the quiet comfort he got.

"Don't do that. Just don't"
Taehyung mumbled, lips pressed against Jimin's temples.

The act only concreted the reason why it was easy to love them. The seven of them were so easy to give love and comfort in all ways possible, unlike the macho, aggressive men that Jimin had seen growing up on tv. They had been with him, learning about how everything that was defined by society was a constraint. They were in the same boat as unlearning and accepting was being woven into their lives.

They weren't shy to show who they were, baring it open, their struggles and achievements alike.

As the air calmed down to give way to a sombre atmosphere, Seokjin cleared his throat.

"So anyone actually want to talk about how they feel? Or is it just Yoongi and Jimin being brave?"

"I'm speaking for myself at the moment. I have had fleeting crushes over each of you at some point of our friendship. Some were recurring, some lasting across months and well, I wouldn't be opposed to the possibility of having them all at once."
Jungkook whispered quietly with hands fiddling, but posture good enough to say he meant each word he spoke.

"Three down, four on?"

"Hyung, that's so—"
Namjoon said, face twisted in a mix of laughter an embarrassment.

"I mean I've tried to fall out of love when I realised I liked Jimin, but that didn't work and instead got a bonus of Namjoon hyung, so I don't think I'm too far from it."
Taehyung said, albeit shy but still stuck by Jimin's side, hold unrelinquished.

"I'm sorry because I haven't seen any of you in that light. I haven't quite thought of it."
Namjoon muttered, lips downturned.

"You aren't forced to return our feelings. It's okay, we are grown ups."
Yoongi said, eyes warm like always.

"Do you think that down the line, sometime in the future, you may find yourself harbouring the same? Could the disinterest ever turn into something else?"
Hoseok asked, surprising everyone given he hadn't shown much interest.

"I could. Yeah, I could I suppose."

"Hyung..."
Jimin called out, hand squeezing Hoseok's more calloused ones.

"Is it really a surprise that I like you guys romantically? Well, the intensity varies, but it has existed and will continue you do so."
Hoseok chuckled out, eyes closed into little fishies.

"I saw that coming a long time ago."
Seokjin said, an all-knowing nod that made Jimin want to pinch his cheeks.

"Now what about you, mister?"
Hoseok said, a little smirk playing on his lips.

"You aren't entitled to it yet, but since you are insisting, I would have you know that my one foot is on Namjoon's boat and the other on Jungkook's. I'm here, there and everywhere in between."
Seokjin exclaimed, each hand now slung on Jungkook's and Yoongi's shoulders.

"As extra as always."
Yoongi said, rolling his eyes fondly.

"Oh, we were being stupid and dumb for no reason."
Jimin said, embarrassing shame filling him.

"No, none of us actually spoke about this so how would you know?"
Taehyung muttered, quick to reassure.

And after that, Jimin suddenly sat on the floor with crossed legs. Head in his hands after having wiggled out of Hoseok's tight grip, he just let himself get that moment for himself. The others just stared, wondering if something went terribly wrong or if he was hurting and before they could ask, he started laughing loudly.

Jimin's unabashed laughter, carefree and slightly crazy as it rung through the walls of the washroom. It sounded like harps being played in heaven, except they were sharper with intent and out of control.

"I'm okay."
Jimin said, smile still etched on his face as the laughing fit ceased.

"C'mon sit down, I won't bite."
He said, as he faced Hoseok who stood beside him with concern.

"Oh, we are at least slightly fucked, aren't we?"
Jimin questioned, and Yoongi's rumbly laugh came as a response.

Somehow that was the comedic relief they needed as each of them broke out into smiles, atmosphere relaxed and calming in seconds. Jimin's unintentional humour had struck again.

Smile still bright and spirits still rising, Jimin took that opportunity to take Hoseok's and Taehyung's hand in his own, interwining their fingers firmly.

"So Jimin, if you were to kiss someone in the room for the midnight's ring, who would it be?"
Jungkook asked, leaning forward with half of his body clambered up against Seokjin, whose arm still hung around the younger's shoulders.

"Still early from the whole thing."
Namjoon said, as Jimin blinked up twice.

"He doesn't mind, right?"

Jimin shook his head in response. He couldn't find it in himself to be upset by the question anymore.

"So hyung?"
Jungkook asked, eager eyes imploring him further.

"Ah that's so mean of you to ask me to choose. Can't I agree with the answer being any of you?"
Jimin said, pout present on his lips.

"Uh-huh, nope. Just choose the one who sealed the deal or the one you fell for first."
Taehyung said, cheekily smiling.

"Okay, that was Hoseokie hyung and Seokjin hyung respectively. But I sort of fell for Taehyungie at the same time, so I guess that answers it."

"I was right!"
Jungkook cheered as his bet on Taehyung had been right— even if it was only partially true, he was going to take any win.

"Wait now, Seokjin needs to answer as well. Do you have someone in mind?"
Yoongi protested, having remembered about it.

"It's a difficult choice as I have to work you on a point-scale system based on your wrongdoings."

"Wrongdoings?"
Jungkook asked, tilting his head like a confused puppy.

"Like when you didn't get me a bag of chips. Or when Namjoon refused to go window shopping with me. Or when Yoongi ignored my texts when I asked him to come fishing with me."
Seokjin replied, recounting details that were ridiculously specific.

"I didn't refuse you. I had other stuff that day."

"More important than your hyung? Wah, I'm hurt, Joon-ah."
Seokjin asked, shaking his head as if in disappointment and all Namjoon could was a splutter out.

"I, for one, totally did ignore you."
Yoongi said, tongue peeking out to blow a raspberry at Seokjin.

"Do you have no care for my fragile heart?"
Seokjin questioned, hand pulled away to do a dramatic pose, despite his ears burning aflame.

They were going to be okay.

That night, at 12, none of them kissed each other much to Yoongi's disappointment and his claim of breaking his gay little heart— that was definitely fueled by Taehyung.

As time clicked away with half an hour soaring to 12, they collectively agreed the living room couches were better for their butts— which were a little sore after having sat on the cold marble. They managed to drink a little in hopes of getting loose and with the countdown running, they screamed the numbers and cheered loudly watching a live from the city's main street. They laughed wildly, even stumbled out to the balcony that could barely fit all seven of them. They watched the shining stars and colourful firecrackers explode making the skies brighter.

They didn't kiss at midnight and it was all right.

Jimin didn't want to pursue a relationship with just a few of them, which would essentially exclude the other friends. He didn't want that demarcation and so did the others. That was agreed upon,despite Namjoon's insistence that he was a big boy and he could handle it.

And all Jimin had to offer was,

"What's another year to the previous score of four, burning in this warmth?"

They had decided to have a sleepover, all of them too sleepy and cuddly and drunk to go home on their own. With the mattresses pulled together into the living room and everything arranged, they fell asleep with limbs wildly entangled.

It was okay, they were going to be okay.

There was an unspoken promise, after all.

When his next birthday came by, things had changed for the better.

"You can't shove the entire cake in one go!"
Namjoon tried explaining it to Seokjin, who was keen on completing with Jungkook as to who could do it faster.

"Jimin-ah, do you want a blanket?"
Yoongi's voice could be heard from the bedroom.

"Yeah! Can you also grab my phone please?"
Jimin replied from the couch, where he was currently laying on Namjoon's thigh and looking at how Jungkook was wiping Seokjin's lips which had cake frosting smeared all over.

"Gross. Wash your faces or else you aren't getting anything from me!"
Hoseok said, as he came in to that sight hands holding a wrapped gift.

Jungkook was quick to rush up to clean up, not wanting to risk losing Hoseok privileges. Seokjin grumbled about no respect to elders, but yielded nicely as Taehyung picked him to carry him to the washroom. Jimin smiled with fondness unknown and he could see it mirrored sideways on Namjoon's face.

"Here you go."
Yoongi said, as he came with Jimin's favourite, worn out comforter.

"Before you sleep fully, just get up till we give our gift, hm?"
Hoseok asked, hand cradling Jimin's pudgy soft cheeks.

Jimin's eyes crinkled with the wide smile breaking out. With everyone gathered around, it was Namjoon who took the lead to address Jimin.

"This is a small gift, something to seal our gratefulness. We hope you'll like it. Happy birthday again, sweetheart."

Jimin gently received his gift and opened the small rectangular box which was wrapped in pink glittery paper. There was a note with every two words written out by each of his boys that read out,

'to the gracious miracle whose love knows no bounds, we love you <3'

Keeping aside safely, he opened the box to find a jewelery box which was a pretty silver necklace with seven charms hanging out evenly. It had the moon, the sun, the stars, a leaf, a tangerine, a trumpet and lastly a heart, all small and pretty encrusted with tiny diamonds. It was beautiful and Jimin was in awe no doubt.

"This is gorgeous. It must've costed a lot..."

"Not your place to worry, love! We've got it for our dear boyfriend and that's that."
Yoongi replied, eyes curving along with his lips.

"This is so sweet, I'm gonna cry."

"No don't cry. It's your birthday!"
Jungkook said, half out of his self-assigned seat which was Taehyung's lap today.

"Then what am I to do, when you guys do such kind of stuff for me? Reminding me why I fell in love with you."

"Well, you're in luck because you could give a kiss to show your gratitude."
Hoseok teased, a playful grin on his face.

And Jimin didn't hesitate before urging up from his place to place a soft peck on the other's lips. Of course, that turned to everyone getting one because why not? They were his boyfriends now.

"Can I put it for you, darling?"
Seokjin asked, gentle in his tone.

"It's precious, i don't want to spoil it."
Jimin said, a little whiny and pouty.

"You won't. We'll get it repaired if it ever comes to that. After all, we bought it for it to be used by you and be seen by us."

Taking Jimin's nod as an answer, Seokjin got up from his place beside Hoseok to take the necklace and place it against Jimin's pretty necline. Namjoon leaned forward to help get Jimin's now neck length indigo blue hair out of the way. With it in place, there were praises and compliments rolling out of their mouths and of course, Jimin pinked under the attention.

After that was just blurry memories, as Jimin got extremely sleepy and was carried bridal style to their shared room by Taehyung and gently deposited in the center of the massive customised bed for seven— albeit a little cramped at best.

With Jungkook's arms steadfast under his head and Hoseok's vice grip on his waist, Jimin soon found his way to a dreamland. And for once, that place has more resemblance to his real world.

When the dream broke and warm sunlight crept through the bare slits of the curtains, he wondered if it was all just a reality that he imagined. Everything seemed so real and yet unreal with how he had spent the past four and half years wishing for something he knew he couldn't have. He couldn't believe it, for good reason.

But when Seokjin with his tiny rare dimpled smile, came into his view to press his lips against Jimin's own, uncaring of their morning breaths, he was sure this was his long yearned reality.

Especially when he could hear Yoongi grumble about the unfair point-score system set by Seokjin.

Especially when he could feel Jungkook's elbow now poking against his side, almost painfully.

Especially when he could hear Taehyung's soft snores and Namjoon's chuckle from the other side.

Especially when he could feel Hoseok's nimble fingers caressing the charms against his ticklish neck.

This was his reality and he was extremely proud of it.