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Time is a cruel being.
It goes on when you're desperately in need of it and refuses to pass when you're begging for it to go, to end everything. After all, isn't it said that time heals all wounds? Eases all pain and suffering?
But what if time decides to pause; to bring everything to a stand still? Living would cease and everything would just...exist.
It was one of those days for Yuji when he would just drift along with time; not doing anything, not feeling anything. Nothing seemed to hold any meaning in his life, his existence. After all, after Sukuna left him and he stopped being a vessel, all he did was to exist.
He was just...being.
"I wish i could stop."
"Stop what?"
"Being."
He had no idea how he got there.
One moment he closed his eyes, deciding to give in to his temptations, contemplating the reason for his existence and why he was living the way he was; and when he opened them, he was on the bridge staring at the murky waters gushing beneath him. He stared at the sky for a moment, trying to feel the wind hitting his face, the cold seeping through him as the rain soaked his clothes.
He felt empty.
Cold.
He couldn't help but feel that he was not the person he was supposed to be. He stared back into the past and saw many different versions of himself, ghosts of the person he was supposed to be. And he couldn't shake the sense that everything that had gone before had built up to this; that all his decisions, his mistakes, the paths he chose, one instead of the other had brought him to this point.
However none of that mattered now. The sound of his thumping heart was drowned out by the roaring river under him.
He could just let himself fall.
A single step was all it would take to free himself from the clutches of life.
He raised his foot and took a step back.
Not yet.
He still had a job to do. He still had sins weighing him down, anchoring him to this world. He needed to finish what he started. He didn't deserve the sweet respite of death when millions would suffer the brunt of his mistakes.
"I should have died that day." His voice was a whisper going unheard in the heavy rain even as the wind carried it far and wide, begging someone, anyone to lend an ear to the unheard suffering his heart was going through.
The heart didn't like to suffer and yet here it was withering in agony. It wished it would stop.
Not yet.
The heart trembled and wavered as the whispers raged on. When? How much more? Can't take it... When? whenwhenwhen..
Yuji shut his eyes and let the droplets trickle down his face, making it look like he was crying.
Maybe he was.
"Not yet," he whispered, his voice firm. The whispers quietened and his heart stopped trembling.
But soon.
***
'𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘷𝘪𝘴𝘪𝘣𝘭𝘦, 𝘦𝘹𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘶𝘭...𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘰𝘶𝘭 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦...𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘪𝘴 𝘥𝘦𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘶𝘱𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘶𝘭 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘹𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘷𝘪𝘳𝘵𝘶𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘶𝘭'𝘴 𝘦𝘹𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦...𝘪𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘶𝘭 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨...𝘪𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘴𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘯 𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘭𝘺 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘢𝘥 𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘯 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘣𝘶𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘶𝘭... 𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘳 𝘤𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘪𝘴, 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦, 𝘫𝘰𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘨𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘧, 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘰𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘶𝘭...'
Yuji's eyes glazed over trying to understand what he was reading. He felt like he was reading a very complex thesis and the way it was worded really felt like it. He wished Yuki had worded it somewhat simpler. Choso had made it easier to understand but he wasn't there right now so Yuji had to deal with it alone.
It had been more than a week since they had freed Gojo from the prison realm and instead of relief Yuji was seized with an inexplicable anxiety that seemed to wear down his entire soul. Was he even of any use now? It was his fault in the first place that Sukuna was able to escape and use Megumi as his vessel; if only Yuji had not made that vow or at least not rushed in blindly...if only he had never swallowed the finger in the first place...if only he had been executed that day...none of this would have happened.
Now suddenly he found himself free of his responsibilities; he was no longer facing execution, he was no longer a vessel and yet he was facing an even bigger threat and had inevitably dragged others around him into it too.
It had been his responsibility to keep Sukuna under control and he had failed.
'...it's something only I can do..."
That had been a lie.
He couldn't do it and he couldn't save anyone either.
Nobara was gone, Nanami was gone, Megumi-he was suffering a fate worse than death...all because Yuji had been selfish.
Because he had wanted to live.
Yuji sighed and leaned back in his chair, feeling his head pound. The soul was a really complex thing and he was too tired to really understand what it was about. Maybe he should take a break. He had been cooped up inside for hours, Shoko would scold him again. Sighing again, he stood up and made his way outside.
He stepped carefully over the broken stairs and crumbled walls. Shibuya had been completely wrecked and the few places that remained standing just needed a small push to fall apart. He could have chosen a better place for his accommodation but he wanted to remain alone. He couldn't bear to look at the others and be reminded of his failure again and again even as they told him it was not his fault and there was nothing he could have done.
Except that it was his fault. He could have stopped it from happening if only he had let himself be executed that day or if only he had been stronger- Yuji shook his head hard to get rid of his thoughts. He didn't want to lose himself in a cycle of self-loathing and regrets. He needed to look ahead and move forward. He stepped outside and looked up at the overcast sky. It was going to rain again, it seemed.
"Yuji."
He looked to the side startled by the sudden voice and saw Choso standing against the wall, a small bag in his hand. "I bought food."
Food.
"I'm not hungry," saying this, Yuji turned and began walking away. "You can go ahead and eat. I'll have my share after I come back."
But as always, Choso refused to listen and followed him. Yuji didn't mind it. He walked down the road slowly, bathing in the silent atmosphere that held the city in its grasp. The streets were empty and the landscape desolate, the very air humming with melancholy. Yuji pulled his jacket closer to himself, feeling the cold November air chill his face. Memories of the fight replayed in his mind like a broken record till all he could see was Megumi's terrified face as he realised what was happening and him being powerless to do anything.
He felt sick.
"Yuji." Choso's voice drew him out of his thoughts. He was looking at him with a worried frown, a comforting hand resting on Yuji's shoulder. "Are you feeling alright?"
No.
"Yes." Yuji forced a smile, "I'm okay."
It started to rain.
They had to take cover in one of the nearby places and as Yuji stepped over the countless bodies of humans and transfigured humans alike, he couldn't help but feel numb to everything. So much had happened and he couldn't help but feel lost. He had always been obsessed with the idea of giving people a proper death.
Did those people get a proper death?
Did he deserve a proper death?
What was a proper death anyway? What made a death proper?
What exactly had he wanted to accomplish?
Did it even matter anymore?
He found he couldn't answer any of those questions.
They ate in silence.
The rain hadn't stopped and night had fallen already. Choso suggested they stay there for the night and Yuji tiredly agreed. After all, what difference did it even make? It wasn't like he had a home to go back to.
For a blanket, he grabbed a long coat from one of the trashed stores and draped it over himself. It was thick and soft and would keep him warm enough to fall asleep comfortably. He closed his eyes and settled down in the corner. He could hear Chose walking around, probably still awake to 'keep watch' even though Yuji had repeatedly told him there was no need to. He focused on the sound of the rain which seemed to get louder and louder till it drowned out all other sounds. The sounds merged together into a loud roar akin to the sound of a flowing river and thinking about rivers and ice cold waters, Yuji let himself drift off to sleep.
***
Cold.
It seeped through his bones and chilled his body with a vice-like grip.
Yuji woke up shivering.
"W-what is happening h-here?" he gritted out through clattering teeth. His breath fogged the air in front of him and his lungs ached with cold. The ground in front of him was covered with a sheet of white and on further inspection Yuji realised what it was- snow!
It covered the trees and fluttered through the air slowly, adding to the growing pile on the ground. While the rain had been heavy and loud, the snow was soft and silent.
Yuji stood up slowly, frozen still, his heart thudding in his chest. The coat slipped from his shoulders and pooled down at his feet as he walked out into the snow. It pressed under his shoes without a sound as he turned around in a full circle, his eyes wide as he took the place in.
Where on earth was he?
There were trees all around, as far as his eyes could see and the only dry patch of land present was the place where he had been lying. Hadn't he fallen asleep in some store? Why was he in some forest?
Was this someone's cursed technique? A Domain Expansion?
It didn't feel like one.
A cold daft picked up and he sneezed, feeling his body go taunt with the cold. He grabbed the overcoat and thanking the yesterday him for picking it up, put it on. It did little to warm him up but he hoped he would stop shaking soon.
He pressed himself against the tree, rubbing his hands to warm them up. Where was Choso? Hadn't he been with him? A faint trail of footsteps led away from the place into the forest where they disappeared. They probably belonged to Choso but Yuji didn't want to turge through the snow. Feeling torn between wanting to investigate them and staying where he was, he decided to wait for some time and then make his move. If the footsteps really belonged to Choso, he would probably come back soon. So Yuji waited.
Seconds turned into minutes and minutes turned into hours but there was no sign of Choso. Or maybe his perception of time was just messed up. Had it even been an hour yet? By now he had stopped feeling cold and his legs were going numb by staying in the same position for so long. He stepped into the snow carefully and taking one last glance at the patch of dry ground which was rapidly disappearing due to the relentless snow, he followed the barely visible trail.
Entering into the forest felt like stepping into a whole different place. He had to use his hands to push the branches and the undergrowth aside and the further away he went from the clearing, the denser the thicket became.
He squeezed himself through the trees and turged on. His feet sank till he was knee deep in the snow.
"Choso." He called loudly, cupping his hands around his mouth. His voice seemed to go unheard in the heavy silence and he felt suffocated as if the trees were closing in on him from all sides. If the trees had eyes, they'd probably be trained at him, crinkled with mirth at the obliviousness of the fool who had dared venture into the unknown and had gotten lost.
Yes. Yuji was lost. Completely and utterly lost. He was starting to regret going into the forest alone. If only he had stayed and waited for Choso to return, he wouldn't be in this position.
"Choso!"
The trees swallowed his shout, the snow burying the voice that tried to escape. It was as if nature was mocking him, and he was getting really frustrated. If Sukuna was here, he'd probably be laughing at hi- oh.
𝘚𝘶𝘬𝘶𝘯𝘢.
Yuji deflated like a balloon. Right. He had forgotten about that. He didn't have time to get lost in some forest. He needed to get back somehow and fast. Every second spent here was precious time lost. He needed to decipher Yuki's book and train with Kusukabe; he had a lot of things left to do. He rubbed his hands, fingers ghosting over the place where his little finger used to be. This wound was a reminder, a permanent reminder that he had failed to protect people dear to him, that he had failed to keep a promise.
He needed to get back.
It wasn't until another hour of him wandering around passed that he finally saw something that could help. It was a freshly made trial, probably made by a wild animal passing by. The marks were huge and looked like they belonged to a bear. Was there a bear on the loose who had not hibernated? He was about to move ahead but something caught his eye. Underneath the snow, just faintly visible were the residuals of someone's cursed energy. It wasn't a bear, it was a cursed spirit.
As if on a cue, a loud scream rang out through the forest, making him jump. He rushed into action and ran down the slope, following the residuals and the screams which seemed to be getting louder and more desperate by the minute. The trees started to thin out and suddenly opened into a wide clearing. A small shabby fence seemed to mark the border and Yuji jumped over it and raced towards the curse which was towering over a small child.
The curse was huge and looked like a bear except for its head which looked like a clump of human faces stuck to a wall of flesh. The mouths were open on a silent scream and the eyes kept moving around in all directions before one set fell on Yuji. The face it belonged to moaned and almost immediately the other faces followed suit. A loud wailing filled the air, making Yuji step back.
The curse turned away from the child and instead focused on Yuji as if perceiving him as more of a threat. Yuji backed off further towards the border, hoping to lead the curse away from the child who was still cowering in the snow.
"Come here you ugly bear like bastard," he yelled. "This way!"
It seemed to work.
The curse reared on its back legs and the mouths screamed, many different voices merging into one. It was only when it came running towards him that Yuji could hear what the faces were saying.
'𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱..𝘮𝘦..'
'...𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵𝘴...'
'𝘐'𝘮 𝘴𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘥...'
'𝘬𝘪𝘭𝘭..𝘮𝘦...𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴...'
'𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘬..𝘴𝘰 𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘬...'
Yuji faltered and that gave the curse enough of an opening to lash out at him. He was forced to jump back to avoid the claws and quickly put some distance between them. A huge gust of snow rose up in the air when the curse struck the ground and using that as a screen, Yuji was able to get behind the curse. He raised his fist to hit it but the faces shrieked alerting the curse. Yuji cursed aloud as he was forced to dodge again and again. He was hungry, cold and tired and the curse being hard to kill was starting to anger him even more. Just how many people had it killed and why was there such a strong curse in the mountainside in the first place.
Yuji glanced back and saw that the kid was at the same place and hadn't moved an inch. Why wasn't he running away? Yuji dodged another flurry of attacks and jumped up into the air. Was the child injured? Was he unable to move somehow? Then he better check up on him. Coating his fists with energy, he took a deep breath and turned to the curse.
"I don't know where you came from," he said to it, "but I'm here to send you to hell. Goodbye."
He ran forward and the faces screamed as the curse lunged at him. His fists tore through the curses body, its gut busting open to reveal a set of bluish pink organs that seemed to be moving. Yuji punched through it and the pouch-like organ burst open and what looked suspiciously like parts of human flesh, fell on the ground staining the snow red. The curse made a gurgling sound as its body started falling apart and it soon disappeared into nothingness.
Yuji knelt down and pressed his hands together in a prayer. "Rest in peace," he said to the dead human remains that had finally stopped twitching. He heard sniffles from behind him and felt someone sit next to him and follow suit, offering prayers for the dead victims.
"Thank you for saving me," came a timid voice from his right. Yuji waited for the sniffles to die down before turning to the speaker.
"It was my job," he said. "What are you doing out here anyways? It's dangerous."
The boy stood up, wiping his face furiously. "My name is Kiyo and I live here. I was out selling hats and got lost."
"Selling hats? Where are your parents?"
"Haven't got any."
"W-where do you live? I can take you home," Yuji offered awkwardly. The boy looked at him, eyes fierce.
"What's your name?"
"What?"
"Your name."
"It's Yuji. Itadori Yuji."
"Yuji-sama," Kiyo grabbed his hand and pulled him along. "Would you like to buy a hat?"
What?
***
He followed the boy to a shoddy hut some distance away from the forest border.
"Wait here," the boy said and entered the hit only to return moments later with a straw hat in his hand. It was badly made with a gaping hole on the top but Yuji accepted it when the boy said it was a gift for saving his life. He was just too stubborn, he could give Kugisaki a run for her money. A twinge of pain seized his heart at her memory. He needed to get back.
"How far is Tokyo from here?" he asked Kiyo, who was gathering snow with his bare hands. The latter looked at him curiously and blew on his hands.
"Tokyo? What's that? Never heard of it."
Yuji suppressed a sigh. Was this kid living under a rock? How could anyone not know of Tokyo? "The city," he said instead. "How far is the city from here?"
The boy snickered. "If you want to go to the city, forget it. Today is a round moon. If you leave now you'll reach the city when the moon is round again. That's what my father had told me. You have to go over the mountains. But in this snow it's impossible to do that. You'll have to wait until spring."
Sure enough it felt impossible. It was still snowing heavily and night was falling. But spring? And the moon cycle? What kind of person talked like that? Kiyo was a weird kid.
"I'll leave tomorrow." Yuji decided. The boy simply snorted and turned back towards the hut. "Wait," Yuji called him back, "night is falling and I'm very unfamiliar with this place. I don't know where to go. Will you let me stay here for now? I'll leave as soon as the sun rises."
The boy looked at him for a long time, eyes furrowed. "Do you have anything to eat?"
Yuji quickly searched through his pockets. A few coins, an empty wrapper, and a half eaten sandwich. He offered the sandwich to the boy miserably. "I don't really have anything else-"
"Done." The boy snatched the sandwich gleefully and took a huge bite. "This..what is this? I've never..eaten anything like this."
Yuji scratched his head under the hat. He hoped the straw didn't have any weird insects. "It's just a sandwich," he said confused. "Have you never had a sandwich before?"
"You must be rich." The boy said with a weird expression as he eyed Yuji's clothes. "Well anyways come in. Welcome to my humble abode."
Calling the place shabby would be an understatement. The inside of the hut was as bad as its outside. The wooden walls did little to stop the freezing winds from seeping inside and the flimsy roof which was made from tree branches and dry straw looked ready to collapse any second. Yuji took his place next to the door hoping to escape if the roof fell. Kiyo sat down in front of a cracked pot which was filled with water half-frozen.
"Do you live alone?" Yuji finally asked the question that had been bothering him for a while now. He didn't mean to pry but the boy looked like he'd be twelve years old or younger. Kiyo shrugged in response. "Well?"
"I live with my brother."
"Oh where is he?"
Brown eyes narrowed in his direction. "Why do you want to know?"
Yuji waved his hand around. "I have a brother too. I got lost looking for him in the first place. Don't mind my question. I didn't mean to pry."
The boy stayed silent and instead curled on the floor and closed his eyes. Did he not have any blanket or sheet to cover himself with? But the boy didn't look like he was cold, on the contrary he looked almost comfortable on the bare ground. As Yuji watched closely he realised that the boy wasn't even wearing any thick clothes either. How did he even survive the bitter cold? Yuji rested his forehead on his knees, letting his mind rest. He had so many questions and no answers. He knew he wouldn't be able to sleep but he wanted to rest as much as he could to conserve his energy. He closed his eyes and let his senses wander.
Soon the rhythmic breaths of Kiyo filled the hut. Outside the wind shrieked and trees rattled. The snow continued falling silently. Yuji almost fell asleep...almost. It was a soft noise, so soft it almost went unheard but Yuji's ears picked it up. Someone was outside the hut.
He glanced at Kiyo who was still sleeping and got up carefully. He stepped out and shut the door behind him. There was no one there. Yuji walked around slowly, keeping his senses sharp and his body prepared, ready to attack at the slightest threat. He reached the treeline and watched the shadows carefully for any sign of movement. Nothing. Had it just been a wild animal?
He relaxed minutely and turned back towards the hut. He had only taken a few steps when a branch creaked behind him, as if being weighed down by something heavy. Just as he turned there was a loud crack and the whole tree shook with its force. The branch collapsed on the ground with a full thump and as the snow rained down on it, Yuji made out a silhouette of a person, a man with spiky hair tied into twin ponytails. Yuji squinted, unsure if the man was who he thought he was.
"Choso?"