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It’s hard to count days you have already spent here. But there’s one thing you are clear about.
This place has something, that keeps you here.
There’s no just ‘something’, oh, you definitely understand. But you just don’t want to admit it to yourself, do you? Yeah, anyone would understand you, if they were in your place. I mean, who would happily confess: “I like my straight dumb-ass friend!”. Not a single healthy person without any disorders. Like, yeah, you’re not that mentally stable either, but not in that way, alright? You might be a little prone to jealousy, than other people, more sadistic and arrogant. But that doesn’t mean that you’re completely devoid of empathy. You have enough to understand: Thanos wouldn’t like, if you confessed to him.
So you just watch, sitting on your bed. Lunch-time. Perfect opportunity to talk to someone. Someone you like. Oh, it would be great. You really like spending time with your friend. And you know that it’s definitely not about pills. After all, Thanos is still an interesting person. Complicated and fascinating. Sometimes you just want to grab his face and rip off that fucking “best rapper and ladies’ man” mask. You wonder, what would you see: his dark side, more hellish and greedy, or his soft insides? The little boy, hiding under that two-faced fucker, who is worried only about fame and money. It’s painful to admit, but you know that rapper don’t really give a fuck about anyone. Even the women he has sex with.
Like 380. Does Thanos really like her? Nah. You don’t think so. But does he want her? A hundred percent yes. Anyway, whatever he feels, it’s easy to see, that he interested in her. It’s on his face. Its terrible to see, but you just need to know what he’s doing. At all times. Yeah, the need to control everything was another one of your problems.
So, getting back to reality, you’re sitting on your bed, watching that sweet couple. They’re so cute! You’re about to throw up. Honestly… That is literally what happens next. You feel the burning in your throat and your vision swims with tears. You quickly cover your mouth with your palm and stick it out of your bed. You don’t want to dirty it, right? Something big is coming out of your lungs. You can taste the metal flavour. In the next moment all that bile exits your mouth right on your hand.
Oh. You’ve waited for this since the moment you realized that you were into Thanos. To be honest, you’ve started to think that this shit will not touch you. How silly.
Hanahaki - your punishment for being in love with someone you are not enough for. That narcissus bud is telltale you about how close the end is. It horrifies you. You just stare at it, trying to decide your next move, but there’s not a single thought in yourd head. . After staying still for another minute, you jump out of bed and go to the bathroom, squeezing the bud in your hand.
The damned bug flushed away, you moved up to the sink, trying to wash out blood from your sleeve. It would be a lie to say that you’re doing well.
“Hey, boy” you’re stunned by very familiar voice. Thanos, you and your new disease. What a horrible team. “Got sick? Man, how did you reach your age with that weak of a stomach?” Player 230 grabs your waist and pets said stomach with his thumb. Oh gods. You feel how all of your emotions have accumulated at the bottom of you stomach. You’re trying not to concentrate on your feelings. Just on your friend’s voice. You still want him so bad, but that feeling was less intence right now.
“Oh, yeah. I’m lactose intolerant, but I was really hungry, so I thought nothing bad would happen. I fucked up, man.” You were really good at acting, so it’s wasn’t a big deal for you, to pretend like nothing of matter happened just now. You balled your hand into a fist, grabbing the sleeve edge and trying to hide blood spots on it. “It’ll pass, just need to spend some time here, on the toilet, if you know what I’m talking ab-”
You’re interrupted by your own cough. Fuck. Not with Thanos near! You cover your mouth with the inner side of your elbow. You know that another portion of blood just coughed from your mouth. You don’t know how to hide it and Thanos is grabbing your wrist.
“Bloody cough doesn’t sound like a symptom of indigestion, ya know?” He’s looking closely at your sleeve, but you have no answers for him “And these petals… We both know what it means, right?”
You stay silent, not knowing what you should say. It’s OK. Thanos is doing pretty well without your interrupting.
“Who is she? You know, we are really out of pretty women… I mean, the pregnant hoe of MG? The crone? Or something more exotic? You know what I mean, man. The pervert one. Fake boobs, real dick, get it? Mhm… who could it be… oh! I think I got it! Someone, you’re pretending to hate, but you love her no matter what!”
“No!” You interrupt Thanos, not being able to handle it any longer. Quickly your face becomes as unbothered as always, like you don’t want to kill your crush right now. “Not that annoying bitch. You can take her yourself, I'm not going to disturb your sweet disgusting couple. I don’t think that you need to know who I am in love with. Like. I’m going to die anyway. There’s nothing you can change. Deal with it, man .”
“’Wah-wah-wah! Look at me, I’m Nam-Su who’s going to die like some fucking depressive teenager, who just had fight with his mommy. Wah-wah!’ - That’s you, ma boy. Let Thanos help you, little tsundere boy. Hm… maybe you’re keeping it secret because the one you love is a… guy? Aww. You’re more perverted than I thought, but, know what? You’re still my friend! C’mon, tell me. Dae Ho or Min-Su sounds like the only good options here. Ignoring the fact that Dae-Ho is one of annoying ‘cross-guy’”
“Nuh-uh, Thanos. Im not telling who my crush is. Stop and let me deal with it myself” You might npt sound serious enough, but your facial expression says otherwise.
“Nam-Su, you better stop being such a coquet and just tell me. I’m not letting you to die here. We must go outside together. Nam-Su, Thanos the Legend and their billiards of won. Get it, loverboy?”
“You better stop pretending that you’ve ever gave a fuck about me!” You’re done with Thanos’ shit, so you just blow up, not even trying to hide your true emotions. “I don’t sure what do you need me for, but you better be dreaming about a hundred million hat y’all will accept when I die! Isn’t this all you need us for? To get more money? Alright. You’re so lucky that you have three more pieces of flesh to manipulate in order to get it. Now leave me alone! See you on the other side.” You quickly leave the bathroom, nervously biting your lips.
You’ve been lying in your bed all day. You’re just unable to do anything. Luckily for you, it was no-game day, so no one can stop your rotting. Great success, I guess? Thanos hasn’t interacted with you, but you can hear his voice painfully clear wherever he is. Maybe you have some freaky focus on this guy’s voice or something. Sometimes you’ve felt like he’s looking at you. You’re too scared to know wether it was real or just your imagination.
Bedtime is close. The place is silent. It’s bad. Earlier, you could distract yourself with the sounds that surrounded you. It kept your mind off things, but now there’s only you, your disease and Thanos, lying down next to your bed. The fact that you and Thanos are neighbouring annoys you, but switching couches now may bring some unwanted attention. It’s better to act like you honestly don’t give a fuck, even if he…is climbing into your bed right now.
“So?” He sits near you, while you’re showing him your back. All your body except the head is covered by a blanket, so you’re not even looking at Thanos anyway, “Are you going to tell me the name? C’mone! I won’t tell anyone, lil coward”
He’s smirking, but his sweet intonation just annoys you.
“No. Leave me alone.”
“Sorry. I don’t think I can!” He lies down next to you and hugs you. “Even if you’re unable to speak now, I can’t leave my friend to die here.”
“Su-Bong. Please.” You hope that using his real name will anger him.
“Even so…” He ignores that move, just hugging you stronger.
“ It’s you, ok? Are you satisfied?” You push him off and get into a sitting pose, looking at him like it was all his fault. Honestly, you really think so. He was at least fifty percent guilty.
“Oh.” He watches you… surprised. “I’ve never… thought about you this way”
“As expected.”
“You’re a good person.” Sounds like the beginning of a rejection. You don’t want to hear it, but interrupting Thanos right now was unnecessary. “You… fuck. I have… tender feelings for you, but, you know, it’s completely platonic. I’m sure of it. I also think that you would be a good partner. But these two thoughts... They’re separate from each other in my head.”
“Please. I don’t need your excuses. I don’t blame you.” You blame him, but the excuses were really useless.
“Wait. Please, give me some time. I need to think about it and figure my new feelings out.”
“New feelings? What does it mean?”
“It means that I can cure you.”