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Finding time for dating was difficult for idols, and even though Tatsumi and Mayoi spent almost every day together at work they both still craved some private time. Even on their days off they had personal responsibilities: Sunday’s meant Tatsumi had to spend the entire day at the church, and during the week after school they both took on the paternal role of looking after Aira and Hiiro. Even when sharing the responsibilities between them, cooking, maintaining the dorms cleanliness and laundry in between everything else was more exhausting than they realized. If their time wasn’t spent working or caring, they were resting in each others arms or napping in each other's bunks too tired to do much else.
But somehow, their schedules had aligned where Aira was busy working on a solo job, and Hiiro was ‘hanging out with’ (although it was more so supervising) her sister, meaning Tatsumi and Mayoi finally had no responsibilities. But free time meant dating and when they both agreed to do something it was suddenly apparent that neither of them had been on a date at all and had no idea what to do together. Their free time was so limited they had taken the first opportunity that came their way, which was in the form of two aquarium tickets as part of a perk from a job they had done a few months ago. The tickets had been disregarded initially as the aquarium was far away, but Tatsumi had unearthed them from the bottom of a drawer when clearing away some belongings only the other day. They were soon to be expired, and with nothing else to do they both agreed on a small aquarium date to relax for the weekend.
However, it posed two concerns. The first being that Mayoi handled public spaces very poorly and it being on a weekend meant it would be busier, and second being that Tatsumi was still recovering from her leg injury and struggled with walking and standing for long periods of time. Even if there was plenty of seating around where they could take breaks it made the event a little nerve-wracking for the both of them.
Travelling was not majorly problematic though. They had booked train tickets in advance and were able to sit opposite each other with a window to their side so they could watch the passing scenery while sharing some breakfast they purchased at the convenience store (Tatsumi was so very fond of convenience food, no matter how much Mayoi cooked for her).
“Oh, Mayoi-san, look at that! We’re passing a field and there are so many animals outside.”
Mayoi had her face pressed against the window looking eagerly while Tatsumi munched on her sandwich.
“Eee… Y-Yes! There are some lovely horses and even some sheep as well, th-they must be enjoying the outside since it is so sunny and warm right now…”
The train continued to rumble along the tracks while they spoke and ate quietly, eventually pulling into the station letting the doors slide open for them both to exit.
It was a rather sunny day, although a cooling breeze passed them. Tatsumi had left her usual gray sweater for something lighter, a soft cardigan over her blouse and the usual navy blue skirt that met her knees. Likewise Mayoi wore her usual pencil skirt and tights, although she opted for a thin jumper over her shirt since she was a little more sensitive to the cold.
The walk from the station to the aquarium was short, and they soon entered the building where they handed in the tickets at the entrance and were permitted to go through to the tanks and displays.
It opened up to a large room with a few open tanks on either side with small fish swimming through. They were both enamored by the bright colors that caught the reflection of the ceiling's lights, as the guppy’s weaved between seaweed or swam in and out of small rock hides. The tanks carried along through the expanse of the room, the gentle rush of water making a comforting atmosphere as they both slowly looked through each fish pointing out their favorites in the groups.
“Tatsumi-San…? A-Are you really reading every single word on the information plaques? Surely that is a little excessive, there are 12 in this room alone…”
“Of course,” Tatsumi purred. “I want to read up on all of the fish and creatures we may see today, even if it does seem a little excessive to you.”
Mayoi made an unsure sound but scampered next to her to read alongside her. Although Tatsumi was an avid reader and her gaze flitted across the plaque quite quickly, Mayoi seemed to have a slower reading speed. She could feel the goosebumps on her neck as she was suddenly aware that maybe she was taking up Tatsumi’s time and being a pain, but a gentle hand on her shoulder reminded her otherwise. Tatsumi was patient, after all.
Even though it was busy, Tatsumi’s hand drifted down Mayoi’s arm until it met her gloved hand, wrapping their fingers together in a gentle motion. Mayoi had only recently become accustomed to hand holding, but they hadn’t tried it out in public yet so the feeling made her jump with unease.
“T-Tatsumi-san, it’s not that I dislike holding your hand, rather I’m a little unsure of doing it in public” She mumbled. “What if we got recognized? There’s a lot of people…”
Tatsumi squeezed her hand with a smile. “Do you really think it would be that controversial? I mean, two friends holding hands is natural is it not?” She giggled lightly to herself. “Even if someone takes a photo, I don’t really mind~”
With that said, Tatsumi took the lead as she walked off to the next room with Mayoi tagging along behind her, sweating nervously. All of the rooms seemed to follow the same structure with tanks along the side and fish of different types inhabiting them. But all of the rooms had large open spaces with small crowds of people and as they slowly walked through each area Mayoi could feel her nerves catching up to her. It was only until she was cramped in a corner staring at a sea snail eating its lunch when she was bumped into by another person and felt her resolve slipping away from her.
Suddenly everything around her felt like too much. The lights on the ceiling were too bright, the idle chatter of strangers was too loud, the room was too hot as she tugged at her sleeves or the collar of her shirt to try and cool herself down a bit. The constant sound of running water was starting to get on her nerves and her legs felt too weak to stand up on her own, but her hands couldn't find any surface to reasonably hold onto. She was hyper aware of the sweat dripping down her neck and forehead which only heightened her insecurity for she was convinced people had been staring at her earlier due to her unnatural appearance, but now she was certain she was making a scene of herself. She was trembling in the corner trying to hold back tears and stop herself from whining as that would only make her more annoying than she already was, but could not find it in herself to move her legs and instead shook in place while trying to focus her breathing.
The sea snail seemed to stare at her in an understanding way, but Mayoi couldn’t find comfort in the way it slithered up to her and poked its feelers against the glass. Looking up from beneath her hair, Mayoi could just make out a slight green next to her in the reflection on the glass. Her head whipped around with a startled gasp, a cautious step back but her shoulders relaxed when she found Tatsumi standing next to her.
“Fufufu, did I surprise you? My apologies. I didn’t realize I wandered off to look at the crabs on the other side of the room until I noticed you got trapped in the corner.”
Mayoi nodded, catching her reflection in the glass and noticing just how frazzled she looked so suddenly. Taking a moment to adjust her appearance, she spoke.
“I-It’s alright… I got a little nervous and-and, urm… Well, everything felt a bit overwhelming I wanted to curl up in the corner and cry for a bit.”
Tatsumi laughed lightly, patting down Mayoi’s hair. “Is that so? I thought you were just very interested in your sea snail friend here.”
Mayoi squealed but turned back to the creature who was now slowly sliding up the glass.
“Fascinating are they not? They use their antennae for detecting scents and their surroundings, however I have always found that this characteristic makes them look a little silly.”
Mayoi hung her head. “S-Sometimes I feel like a gross bug so I thought I could find myself in a similar creature, b-but they are much too friendly to associate with someone like me.”
Tatsumi’s gaze faltered into an unsure smile. “Perhaps we should go to the next room? I believe it is a bit less crowded so you won’t feel so cramped and hot.”
“Th-That would be nice.” Mayoi murmured as she followed Tatsumi once more by the hand, peeking into the next room. There was a cooling fan at the entrance which they stood at for a moment, before looking around. The room had cool blue lighting that was more comforting than the fluorescent white from before, and instead of tanks in the center of the room the walls were made of glass so you could look into the tank from the side. Instead of being filled with the small fish they had seen before, this room was dedicated to a collection of sharks and other large creatures.The sharks were mostly unbothered by the groups of people staring at them and idly swam around, nibbling at some feed that had sunk to the sandy bottom of their enclosure.
“Oh my.” Tatsumi walked up to the glass. “That one does look a little bit like you, does it not?”
“Eep… Do you really think so? I don’t see the resemblance...”
“Really? I think you have similar teeth and the way it holds its fins to its chest makes it look a little shy~”
“Hmph.” Mayoi pouted. “Y-Yes but, it's sitting all by themselves at the bottom, they look rather lonely… W-Well…”
Mayoi cracked a smile as they both giggled quietly to themselves, walking around some more. Some of the sharks were more friendly and would come up to the glass to stare at them, and some tanks held octopi that Mayoi particularly enjoyed watching. But as her gaze drifted to watch the giant spider crab which was crawling around, she heard a quiet groan behind her as Tatsumi fell back onto one of the soft couches in the room.
“T-Tatsumi-san?!” Mayoi scampered over to her. “A-Are you alright? Oh no, are you tired? W-We can take a break here if you want, o-or maybe you would like a drink? I-I have water in my bag if you need it, and-”
“Not to worry, I’m fine.” Tatsumi said. “I am simply taking a break… I didn’t realize I had been standing for so long until now, and my leg hurts a little.”
Mayoi thought for a moment, fiddling with a strand of hair before she spoke.
“D-Do you want to sit down at the cafe? I-I think it is just in the other room and maybe we could get a drink.”
“That does sound quite nice.” Tatsumi said, standing up and leaning on Mayoi for support. Mayoi wrapped her arm behind her, supporting her as they both walked to the end of the aquarium.
The cafe in the other room was mostly peaceful, and they seated themselves in the corner where Tatsumi could spread out and rest her leg a bit while Mayoi brought two drinks to the table. Considering it was such a warm day out, they both ordered an iced lemonade to enjoy together. Mayoi drank from hers eagerly, while Tatsumi savored her drink more, taking the time to soak in the surroundings and the only free time she would likely get in a while.
Their hands met in the center of the table, holding each other gently.
“Do your hands not get too hot in those gloves, Mayoi-san?” Tatsumi asked.
“Hm, s-sometimes. But I don’t feel comfortable taking them off, I-I’m scared I might taint something just by touching it.”
Tatsumi hummed, sipping on her drink through the paper straw. “I would like to hold your hand one day, Mayoi-san. I can only imagine how lovely your skin must be, and I don’t think you could taint me at all.”
Mayoi gave her a weak smile, her fingers tightening around Tatsumi’s a little.
“I want to… Hold your hand properly as well, one day… eep.”
Tatsumi smiled in a comforting manner. “I know, Mayoi-san. The Lord is watching over you, and although he can give you strength the only person who can lead your self-improvement is yourself.”
They both chatted quietly, finished their drinks before they decided it was time to go home. It was early afternoon where the sun was high in the sky beating down on them as they both made a slow walk from the aquarium back to the station. On the train, the cart was mostly empty so they took a seat in the corner and rested their heads on each other's shoulders while they waited to reach their station so they could head back to the dorm rooms.
˚₊‧꒰ა ♱ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚
Tatsumi leaned back on the bed, her back against the headboard with a pillow propped up behind her. She lifted her legs onto the sheets, her shoes discarded by the door alongside her cardigan which she left hanging on one of the chairs in the shared room. Mayoi had scuttled up next to her on the bed, a pout on her face as she looked over her with a concerned gaze.
“Y-You must be exhausted, I-I didn’t realize walking around this much would take such a toll on your body, I’m sorry.”
Tatsumi turned to her with a comforting smile. “Not to worry Mayoi-san, it’s all worth it for being able to go on a date with you.”
She only got a squeal in response, as Mayoi instinctively went to cover her face with her gloved hands, but she crawled onto the bed next to her as well for some quiet cuddling before the rest of ALKALOID got back to the dorm room. The silence was comforting, not oppressive like the awkward silences Mayoi was usually met with her presence, but rather a mutual understanding. Whatever could have been said had already been said, Tatsumi didn’t need to ask as she went to interlock her hand with Mayoi’s, and Mayoi didn’t need to ask before she rested her head on Tatsumi’s shoulder. They were both tired, and Tatsumi resorted to rubbing her thumb in small circles on the back of Mayoi’s gloved hand as she shifted and drifted off into a light slumber. Clearly the trip had been difficult on her today, although Tatsumi knew she would never directly admit it, and being surrounded by people constantly must have exhausted her.
Although, the quiet time left Tatsumi a moment to think and the trip had evoked several thoughts she hadn’t considered before, feelings that perhaps she had tucked away somewhere deep inside and never dared to look at again for so long she had almost forgotten. Dating was not something she had always been interested in, and so didn’t feel like she had missed out on now that she was getting older, but what was apparent was simply the amount of time she had missed between being a young teen and now.
At the aquarium they had passed many young teenagers who were no doubt students during the week, using the weekend as their free time to hang out with friends in groups, and the thoughts caused a slight melancholia to wash over her. It was not only that she had spent so much time dedicated to the church that she rarely found herself indulging in trivial outings with her friends, but attending Reimei academy meant she had no one to be with in the first place. The years during her hospitalisation were painfully lonely, something she only regarded as a test from God, a punishment for her actions, a form of karma to show her maybe a fragment of the pain that the other students must have felt. But that pain she wallowed in during her hospital stay was buried beneath her saintly nature and selfless attitude by the time she was released. Her attempt at revolution and her extended hospital stay meant Tatsumi never had, and never will have, the typical highschool student life. Never again will Tatsumi be 15 and be carefree in her actions, indulge in what regular highschoolers do, and no doubt Mayoi was the same.
But even if she could never experience something which she craved almost more than anything, at the very least she could help the ones close to her achieve it instead. She would never forgive herself if she allowed anyone to experience a shame similar to the one she carried with her. A moment of peace rarely lasted long in ALKALOID’s dorm, and as she picked up on the voice of Hiiro and Aira dashing down the hallway she gently nudged Mayoi’s shoulder to wake her up.
“Eek…” Mayoi woke up with a small jolt. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep, uuuu…”
“It’s alright, I would rather let you rest however it seems Aira-san and Hiiro-san are coming back from their day out as well.”
Mayoi shifted, sliding off the bed as the door to the room was swiftly opened by their two excitable juniors
“Aira-san…? H-How was your solo job today?”
Aira nodded eagerly. “It was good, Mayoi-senpai! Hiiro-kun came over to pick me up afterwards too, and we both went to Cinnamon for lunch.”
Tatsumi watched with a fond smile on her face as Mayoi was crowded by the younger two, eagerly talking while they settled from their day out. Although neither her nor Mayoi had intended to take a motherly role somehow they had fallen into that position with little complaint, and if Tatsumi were to ever find forgiveness for her sins she could only hope to do so by bringing life to the young ones around her instead of dragging them to hell with her.