Chapter Text
BenJ (18:03): Guess who just became single?
CrashDummy (18:04): You?
BenJ (18:04): Right in one! I am just too flabbergasted as to why she broke up with me to be embarrassed or upset.
CrashDummy (18:04): The bird you took to Cully’s wedding? Sandy?
BenJ (18:04): Sally, but yes.
CrashDummy (18:06): Well? Are you going to tell us why? Your reaction suggests there is a story I want to know
BenJ (18:06): Only you, Dan doesn’t seem to be online. Guess he got better things to do than be here for our weekly chat.
BenJ (18:06): Apparently I am far more interested in my colleagues than her.
CrashDummy (18:06): You’re a workaholic?
BenJ (18:06): That too, but she didn’t even mention that. No, I am more romantically interested in my colleagues than her apparently.
BenJ (18:06): ‘Sargeant threesome’ and ‘that wpc’ were apparently distracting me.
BenJ (18:09): Gavin?
CrashDummy (18:09): Sargeant threesome?!?
BenJ (18:09): Yes, that’s what she called it.
CrashDummy (18:09): Did she mean us three?
BenJ (18:09): Who else?
CrashDummy (18:09): Where did she get that idea from? I am pretty sure I don’t come across as a shirtlifter
BenJ (18:10): Everyone lifts shirts when they’re changing clothes.
CrashDummy (18:10): You know what I meant
BenJ (18:10): I am not going to respond to homophobic slurs, dummy.
No Homo (18:10): My point still stands, I am pretty sure I didn’t come across as gay
No Homo (18:16): For crying out loud
Ben is annoying (18:16): Happy now?
Ben is annoying (18:16): Why did she think I was a homosexual?
BenJ (18:16): We did dance together.
Ben is annoying (18:17): Because Cully made us!
BenJ (18:17): That’s what I told her, but she had made up her mind. Apparently it is very bad to dance with someone who is not your date, even when the bride tells you to.
Ben is annoying (18:17): Sounds strict
BenJ (18:17): I was thinking the same. I wonder if we would’ve lasted even without this. She is very much about control and structure, while my life is chaos because of my work.
BenJ (18:17): Anyhow, back to her reasoning.
BenJ (18:17): She said she could’ve let this transgression slip, if it wasn’t for us trying to get Dan in on the ‘fun’.
Ben is annoying (18:18): She thought that our trip to London was with the intent to get to sleep with Dan?
BenJ (18:18): That was the conclusion she drew after she saw a picture of him.
Ben is annoying (18:18): You showed her a picture of Dan??
BenJ (18:18): It was still lying around from our investigation and she saw it while she was visiting.
Ben is annoying (18:19): That still doesn’t make sense
BenJ (18:19): According to her it was the only thing that made sense. “No one goes to London just to hang out with their predecessors.”
Ben is annoying (18:19): I still don’t get the thought process
BenJ (18:19):Basically; Dan is hot, who wouldn’t want to spend quality time with him.
Ben is annoying (18:19): We’re men!
BenJ (18:19): Who danced together at a wedding.
Ben is annoying (18:20): So she dumped you because she thought you were gay?
BenJ (18:20): No.
BenJ (18:20): Have you forgotten bisexuality is a thing?
BenJ (18:25): Gavin?
Ben is annoying (18:25): But still! Bit presumptuous to think we were out to have a threesome!
(18:26) Dan The Man has joined
BenJ (18:26): To be fair, Dan is good looking. I get why someone would want to date him.
Dan The Man (18:26): Thank you Ben, you’re not too shoddy yourself either ;-)
BenJ (18:26): And you also have excellent timing.
Ben is annoying (18:26): You’re late, Dan
BenJ (18:26) Context really is everything, isn’t it?
Ben is annoying (18:27): Context being: why Ben got dumped
Dan The Man (18:27): That context doesn’t make that message look much different
BenJ (18:27): I guess I’ll have to write a short summary. Hopefully you’ll get it better than Gavin.
Ben is annoying (18:27): Oi! The reasoning was weird and illogical
BenJ (18:27): To you maybe.
Dan The Man (18:27): Stop talking to one another and write me a summary
Dan The Man (18:27): Also, Gavin, change your screenname. It’s confusing
Crashtestdummy (18:27): It was correct though
Dan The Man (18:27): Not arguing about that
BenJ (18:28): My girlfriend broke up with me because she thought I was more romantically interested in ‘the sergeant threesome’ and ‘that wpc’. Gavin got a little confused as to why she would’ve thought we would want to sleep together.
Crashtestdummy (18:28): In my defence; it is confusing that she made those assumptions
Dan The Man (18:28): Alright, that sentence makes some sense now
Dan The Man (18:28): Not going to ask what Ben did that was annoying, could be anything
BenJ (18:28): Thanks, mate.
Dan The Man (18:28): Though the ‘Sargeants threesome’ is an interesting subject, Gavin asked the wrong questions
Crashtestdummy (18:29): You can’t even see what I asked. How can you know they were the wrong questions?
BenJ (18:29): What are the right questions then?
Dan The Man (18:29): Who is ‘that wpc’?
Crashtestdummy (18:29): Damnit
BenJ (18:29): Oh, PC Gail Stephens. She joined the team a couple of months ago as tech expert. I am pretty sure I’ve mentioned her before?
Dan The Man (18:29): And your ex thought you were interested in her because?
BenJ (18:29): Apparently I talk about her too much?
Crashtestdummy (18:29): So basically jealousy
BenJ (18:29): Yes.
Crashtestdummy (18:29): Much more logical than the sargeants threesome
Dan The Man (18:29): Are you though?
Crashtestdummy (18:29): Am I what?
Dan The Man (18:29): Not you
BenJ (18:30): Am I what?
Dan The Man (18:30): Romantically interested in PC Stephens?
BenJ (18:30): No.
Dan The Man (18:30): You sure?
BenJ (18:30): Yes?
Dan The Man (18:30): That’s a question. Are you unsure?
BenJ (18:30): Unsure of what you’re getting at.
Dan The Man (18:30): If you mention her so much, perhaps you subconsciously do feel attracted to her
BenJ (18:30): Subconsciously implies that I don't really know about it.
Dan The Man (18:31): You got me there
BenJ (18:31): And that would also imply I am subconsciously attracted to you two.
BenJ (18:31): Also, even if I was, workplace romances are not really my thing.
Crashtestdummy (18:31): I really don’t need you to bring us dating back up
Dan The Man (18:31): Respecting the no workplace romances thing
Crashtestdummy (18:31): Just no
Dan The Man (18:31): Are you alright Gavin?
BenJ (18:32) He’s struggling to not be homophobic.
Dan The Man (18:32): What?
Crashtestdummy (18:32): I know it’s okay to be gay, but that doesn’t mean I want it shoved down my throat
BenJ (18:32): Case in point.
Dan The Man (18:32): Oh no
Crashtestdummy (18:32) Was that homophobic?
BenJ (18:33): Yes.
Dan The Man (18:33): Gay people existing is not ‘shoving it down your throat’
BenJ (18:33): It’s just normal. You should learn to get used to that.
Dan The Man (18:33): Maybe we could help with that >:-)
BenJ (18:33): That sounds ominous. I’m in.
Crashtestdummy (18:33): Whatever you’re thinking, I am not going to deal with it on an empty stomach. I am off heating dinner
BenJ (18:33): Having dinner together sounds like fun. I’ll also go get mine.
Dan The Man (18:34): I guess we’re doing dinner now
Crashtestdummy (18:46): I am back. Got myself some lovely lasagne :-)
Dan The Man (18:48): Reheated shrimp fried rice with veggies for me
BenJ (18:48): French onion soup.
Crashtestdummy (18:48): Be careful not to spill any on your computer
Dan The Man (18:48): How great it is to spend time with people who also don’t have the energy to cook
BenJ (18:49): I made this onion soup earlier this week!
Crashtestdummy (18:49): Okay, we get it, you have your life together
BenJ (18:49): Not really, no. I think Sally kinda proves I don’t.
Dan The Man (18:50): Sally?
BenJ (18:50): My ex.
Dan The Man (18:50): Didn’t know that that had been her name
BenJ (18:51): Anyhow, what was your plan to cure Gavin of his last vestiges of homophobia?
Crashtestdummy (18:51): I hoped you had forgotten about that
Dan The Man (18:51): Last vestiges?
BenJ (18:51): It used to be worse before he became DS under Barnaby.
Dan The Man (18:52): Ew
Crashtestdummy (18:52): Thanks ever so much of your glowing review of my past character
Dan The Man (18:53): Anyhow, Gavin needs to internally normalise homosexual behaviour. Therefore he needs to get exposed to it to a degree he no longer sees it as out of the ordinary
BenJ (18:53): Agreed, but how do you propose we accomplish this?
Crashtestdummy (18:53): If you two are going to do this, can you at least write like normal people?
BenJ (18:53): Alas, this is not possible, my dear friend. Formal language is a must for such serious undertakings.
Crashtestdummy (18:54): Jesus
Dan The Man (18:54): We cannot bring this matter to the wider LGBT community as I could not bring myself to bring possible harm to vulnerable people by exposing them to someone who has not yet learnt how to behave himself in proper society. However, he does associate with us. I therefore propose that we simulate the experience of being near a homosexual couple by altering the way we speak to one another
BenJ (18:55): My dearest companion, correct me if I have misunderstood, but are you suggesting we expose our other dear friend to these behaviours by exhibiting the behaviours ourselves?
Dan The Man (18:55): That is very much what I am suggesting. I knew that someone as bright as yourself would understand my intentions
Crashtestdummy (18:55): Nononononono, I do not need you two to start flirting with one another!
Dan The Man (18:56): Babe, I think he figured it out too
Babe (18:56): He seems to be quick on the uptake, honey.
Honey (18:56): Indeed
I hate you both (18:56): Fuck