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He was too tired to care as he sank into the seat,
She was there. her blonde hair cascading down her shoulders, he didn't need to look at her to know she was smothering sobs just below the surface.
It was a cruel joke, them sitting next to each other. She didn't look at him.
So he compensated, he'd flex his hand, pretending to be ok.
Because she seemed fine and he knew she probably won't say anything.
She thought he'd at least say "I miss you" except he didn't.
She knew he'd want her to say something first.
"Are you ok?" He muttered, running a hand through his hair and taking in a shaky breath. His lungs felt like they would explode, she let out a quiet sob and before she knew it, her face was in her hands and he had gotten up. She'd presumed to go to the bathroom to collect himself.
"Sorry" He whispered, returning to his seat and putting the armrest down.
It was like a wall between them, every time they'd bump elbows or something small. She'd fallen asleep at one point and woken up with her head on his shoulder, he hadn't moved for 5 hours and had enjoyed the feeling.
"Are you....." he asked but trailed off. She shook her head. She wouldn't have this conversation now.
"Can we not?" She asked, except it didn't feel like her. She sounded far away, so she took her head off his shoulder and stared out the window.
He'd liked the feeling of her head on him. He'd missed that.
He wanted to beg her to let him feel any part of him. He didn't.
He'd put on a movie, but found his gaze falling to her instead of looking at the screen.
"hey Rob, uh can I talk to you?" Miguel said, tapping him on the shoulder.
"Yeah" He said, almost leaning down to kiss tory's forehead but stopped himself. Old habit and she just stared blankly into space.
He didn't hear what Miguel had said.
He just kept looking at her.
******
It was strange,
He didn't feel like he was really there.
He'd go through the motions in his head.
Why didn't he?
What if?
He couldn't play the games anymore.
He missed her.
His chest tightened every time he thought about it.
"Robby!" Johnny shouted, he snapped into action.
Carmen was in labor, this was happening.
"Do not panic" he said, carmen gave him a soft smile and then proceeded to curse his father out and threatened to kill him if he dared so much as look at her again.
At least robby was calm,
Miguel was scared out of his wits.
"Calm the fuck down man" Robby ordered as he watched the boy pace the lobby, Jesus he was gonna create a hole in the floor. Larusso and Amanda had come along with sam. Robby hadn't texted tory. He'd felt bad now, watching sam comfort Miguel.
he couldn't get enough air into his lungs. Like the room was shrinking.
Thankfully his dad came out.
"She's here" he declared and proceeded to ramble about the baby and said she'd been taken down to the nursery.
"I'll be back" Robby said as he made his way to the elevator.
****
Blonde had greeted him.
tory stood, her back turned, her eyes glued to the baby, who was fast sleep.
"She looks like you" She commented, as if she could sense Robby standing behind her.
"She looks like Diaz" he quipped and tory scoffed, but she was too tired to fight him.
"What are you doing here?" he asked and she rolled her eyes.
"You didn't call me" She shot back and he rolled his lips.
"Would you have cared?" He said before he could think.
"Screw you keene!" She bit and walked through the double doors out to the parking lot. Robby hot on her heels.
"What do you want from me Tor?!" He shouted, she didn't look at him and it nearly killed him.
"Look at me!" He screamed. She turned, her eyes wet with unshed tears and staring at the ground.
"You know what I want keene? I WANT YOU!" She screamed, robby gaped, tory let out a strangled sob and finally let it all go.
"I want to be with you and I want to kiss every second of every day and I want to watch stupid movies and..." She stopped.
"And what tor?" He pushed and she shook her head.
"Nothing" she said as she started walking away.
"No you don't get to walk away from me after that" he said firmly as he caught up with her.
"I want something I can't have" She sobbed.
"What?" he said, his eyes brimming with tears.
"Take a guess" She sighed,
Something she couldn't have.
You, his brain screamed.
"tor" he warned and she shook her head.
"Don't bother" She cried.
"C'mere" he said softly and before she could protest he was hugging her and to her horror, he was crying.
Robby Keene was crying.
18 years of bullshit and suddenly.
He just broke.
"I'm sorry" he repeated over and over. like a mantra that could fix everything.
"Me too" She said quietly.
"I'm sorry I love you" She whispered and Robby pulled back.
His chest hurt again.
She'd done it.
She'd said it.
The big one.
3 words.
"I'm sorry back" Was all he could say.
"Did you love me in Barcelona?" She whispered and he nodded.
"Did you love at prom?" She asked, he nodded.
"Did you love me when my mom died?" She asked and he nodded once again.
"Do you love me now?" She asked, even though she already knew the answer.
"What do we do now?" He asked and she nodded toward the nursery.
"Have you held her yet?" she murmured and he shook his head. She let him take her hand and lead him to the nursery.
******
The baby was cooing.
Robby drew a shaky breath.
"Hey Lulu" He said, calling her the nickname he'd picked out.
Laura looked at him with her big eyes, tracing his face.
"I'm scared, what if I drop her?" He asked, looking at tory.
"You won't drop her. Promise" She sighed, sitting down in an adjacent chair as robby picked up the baby.
"She's so small" He said quickly, as the newborn had his finger in a death grip.
"You know your never getting rid of her me right?" She offered and he smirked.
"You know it Nichols" He said.
"I love you" She said, watching the boy she (sometimes, ok always) thought of as her home.
Even if it was a little more complicated.
"Whatever our souls are made of his and mine are the same" She whispered.
****
He'd come over to her at graduation.
Sam and Miguel had announced that they were getting married and robby had just found out he'd gotten into West Point.
"Congrats" he said, offering her a soda.
"You too" she replied taking a swig.
"You gonna go to the wedding?" He asked and she gave him a hard look. was he kidding?
"Sam I think would kill me if I didn't show" She sighed, leaning back against his car.
"Should we..I don't..." he spluttered.
"Yes" she finished.
"I'll see you in 6 months?" he offered and she nodded.
6 months.
She could wait.
*****
Sam looked amazing in her white dress, the off the shoulder and the plunging neckline.
"Miguel's gonna love it" Tory commented and Sam gave tory the ol look up,
"You know robby won't be able to take his eyes off you right?" She asked and tory shook her head.
"Ships sailed, we just..." She trailed off.
"Stopped" Sam finished.
"Yeah"
****
She danced with robby, ironically as a slow song came on.
"I missed dancing with you" She whispered, her breath hot in his ear.
"Me too" He replied as they slipped out, before his lips were on hers, ripped his suit off and tearing at her dress.
"I'm sorry I love you" she repeated, she knew it wouldn't last.
"me too"
****
She waited till he was asleep.
She was ok now.
So she thought.
So that's how she found herself sobbing in his arms at 3 am.
he knew how she felt.
Why couldn't they just love each other.
Everything started and stopped.
One second it was
"I love you" and sleeping and another it was "I'm sorry"
*****
"I'm sorry" He said, she knew he'd met someone new.
She'd seen it on his instagram.
Her name was Claire.
She was a teacher and taught German.
"Its ok" She sighed.
"I'm sorry I love you" He whispered as she hung up the phone.
*****
He'd called off the wedding,
Thank fuck for that.
He couldn't get tory out of his head.
*****
She'd met someone new.
His name was Kyle,
He wasn't robby.
****
He'd seen this Kyle dude and had hated him on sight.
He wasn't good enough for tor and tory knew it.
*****
"Is this the part where I say I'm sorry?" Robby offers, He'd come back from deployment and had gone straight to the dojo, surprised to find Tory babysitting Laura.
"Hi" She said softly and he chuckled.
"Am I allowed to kiss you without a guy coming at me?" he asked and she nodded.
"I love you" She said, burying her face into his neck.
"I love you back" he said.
He'd stopped saying "I'm sorry" a long time ago.
Because he was ok with her now.
She was ok with him now.