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The day was bright yet didn’t fill the air with a stifling, sticky heat. A breeze blew through the grass you sat in, leading the clouds along through the light blue sky. A powdery blue that had you returning your gaze back to the man sitting just across from you.
His eyes were that blue. His eyes were the sky. They were your sky whenever you gazed upon them.
“I think it will rain.” You spoke in a voice as airy as the breeze ruffling the long strands of his ash-blond hair that hung over and around his pale face. Kusuriuri didn’t blink. Didn’t move a muscle as he watched you.
The purple paint on his upper lip might lead one to think he was smirking mischievously at you. That he might not be moving or responding for so long to purposely tease you.
But you knew better.
Knew he was far from feeling his usual mischievous ways. That he hadn’t felt like that in…oh…four days?
Had it been four days?
No…maybe it had been longer.
Seven days?
Two weeks?
Three ?
“Go on. Ask me why I think so.” You prompted, leaning forward just a hair. Kusuriuri’s eyes tracked the movement. Eyes that hadn’t left your form in what felt like hours.
“And why is that?” His voice was typically full of such sensual tones. A purring sound in your ears that would send a pleasant shiver down your spine.
But not today.
Not in… how long?
“The clouds. They are so big--so full. Almost about ready to burst at their seams with all that rain in their bellies.” You spoke, eyes drifting upwards just as a pair of clouds might drift. “Ask me when I think it will rain.”
“When?”
“Today…soon. Very soon.” You spoke on a near- relieved breath. Eyes cut from the sky themselves narrowed at your answer.
A clattering of noise sounded from within the large, wooden box sitting just an arm's width away from you both. A noise you knew well. A noise that might have terrified others, but not you. Never you.
“I disagree.” Kusuriuri remained calm. A calm hardly reflected in his eyes. No, his eyes were clouded and bristling. Eyes that cut towards the wooden crate he carried on his back like he could stop the commotion on silent threat alone.
You knew better.
He knew better.
“I know you do.” A small smile pulled at the corners of your lips. “Let us talk about it.”
“I will do no such thing, I’m afraid.” Kusuriuri simply spoke, eyes finding yours once more.
“Hum…then we have a rather large predicament on our hands. Wouldn’t you agree?” You asked. His eyes looked so full, just as the clouds up above. So full and ready to burst. They called to the storm lurking within your chest. A storm that shook at the doors you had struggled to snap shut.
“That we do.” You nodded in agreement, letting the sound of the grass shifting fill the space between you two.
“I remember a flower.” Something sharp shot through his eyes. A sharpness you kept your features comforting for. “Golden in make with the most breathtaking detail.”
“It was just a flower. Why protect it so dearly?” His voice strained against his question. A question that had your mind floating back to a cold day. A cold, unforgiving day that teased your will to keep the storm in your chest back.
“It was a gift.”
“Gifts can be replaced.” You shook your head slowly.
“ You gifted it.”
“ I could have bought another. I could have bought many other things. Better things than some shiny comb--”
“It was mine .” That storm in your chest flared.
Something sharp punctured through your neck. Through your stomach and chest.
Horrid warmth splashed over your skin.
Pain flared in your nose, ribs, legs, fingers.
Nails tore and cracked. Bone.
The storm quelled against the bits of the sky watching you. Quelled against the pale skin of the man sitting before you. Quelled as your eyes traced the red markings around his eyes and over his cheeks. Traced the red paint cutting down the sharp angle of his nose.
He didn’t even blink at your outburst. At the horrors that flashed over your skin with it.
“It was mine yet they took it.” Your voice gave a small falter, “They took many things.” The breeze brushed over your cheeks like a mother might comfort her child. “That is the truth of the matter, yes?”
A clicking bang shot through the grassy field. A sound echoing from that box that seemed all too far away.
It wanted out.
It wanted to be free .
And you wanted to help it.
“ Stop. ” Kusuriuri hissed. A hiss that revealed the sharp points of his canines.
You smiled at his beauty. Beautiful that was otherworldly . You smiled as you rose to your feet. Feet so numb you hardly felt them as you crossed the short distance between the two of you. He watched you the whole way, chin rising gradually so he could keep watching you as you came to a stop before him.
“You know the truth…” You whispered weakly. His lips pressed tightly. So tight you thought they bit fuse together as you knelt before him.
You pressed closer. So close his hardly audible breath brushed against your cheeks.
Numb fingers felt over the solidness of his arm. Danced down till you grabbed hold of his hand.
“And you know the shape.” You guided his hand to rest over your heart. His eyes fluttered on threat of close. “You know this shape better than I know it.” Warm fingers reached upwards to feel over the numb skin of your neck. “You’ve explored it inside and out. Watched it walk and dance and run. Watched it sleep and burst with pleasure.” His breath sucked inward on a shakey pull. A shakiness that was beginning to seep into his bones. “You found that shape lying there. In the dirt. Broken. Bent into a different sort of form than it had been that very morning.”
Your mind floated back to that cold day. To the sharp feel of rock digging into flesh and dirt that had invaded your mouth. To the numbness that had seeped all too quickly into your bones.
Numbness that had stayed with no hope of it ever leaving.
“I--” He paused. You’d never known him to hesitate. Never. “I know your body…your shape.”
A clicking rattled at the box. A clicking that seemed to cut through that never-relenting numbness, if only for a moment.
“Let’s go back to talking of the rain.” He breathed, fingers holding your neck just that more tightly. Fingers that pulled you even closer.
“The rain is a fascinating bit of weather. How do the clouds keep hold of it? Why does it fall? When does it decide it is time to do so? What is its reasoning ?” Kusuriuri pressed his forehead against yours. A forehead that shook once in denial of your words.
“I don’t want to know that.” You felt disappointment hollow out your chest.
“Please…I want you to know.” You pressed, numb fingers smoothing down his arm once more.
“No.” He insisted, eyes squeezing shut. You let your fingers dance over his shoulder and up his neck. Let your thumb smooth over his pale cheek. Over his unpainted bottom lip. His eyes softened against such touches. Touched he leaned into.
“Why not?” You asked.
“Because I…” He gave another hesitation you had never seen him give before today. “ Please .”
“Tsk, tsk. All this over little old me?” You teased weakly, “I hold nothing over any other of my kind.” His eyes snapped wide open then. Both hands moved to grab hold of your face. Hands that only made you yearn more for freedom because you could not feel them .
“You do. You hold not only beauty over them but kindness and comfort and laughter. You are a friend to me when I’ve gone too long without one.” He had freed you before. Freed you from the haunting horrors your father had plagued upon you. He had shone like an angel washed in golden light when he’d done it. Had gifted you freedom and hadn’t blinked an eye when you followed him all over Japan. You had been with him since that day. Had never once dreamed of leaving. Until…
“There will be others.” You murmured, fingers messing with the ends of his silken hair.
“No. There will not be.” You hummed in thought at his words.
“I heard once people come back…maybe they come back with the same face but with a different name. Or the same name and a different face. Or, rarely, with the same face and name.” Kusuriuri nodded.
“I’ve seen it.” You smiled at his confirmation.
“I wonder if I will be granted that same privilege?” Kusuriuri's short brows furrowed at your question.
“I--that is not for me to know.” You nodded.
“How-- exciting then.” He looked far from excited. Looked so-- shaken by that unknown. You wished to ease that. Wished he wouldn’t worry for you. Not when he didn’t worry for any other who had shifted in much the same way you had. “If I return…you’ll find me and I swear I shall be your friend once more.”
“You will not remember me.” You pressed your nose against his trying, trying, to feel him.
“I will. My soul knows yours. I feel it…it’s the only thing I feel. I’m certain of it.” Kusuriuri nuzzled his nose against yours. “I…I want you to know the reason… please. ” His hold on your face tightened the smallest bit like he might be able to hold you forever.
“...reveal it then.” You smiled brightly at him, cupping his face between your palms and keeping his eyes at level with yours.
“The reasoning is this: I love you.” Kusuriuri’s face crumbled in a way so foreign to you. In a way so uncharacteristic of him yet it never once took away that beauty of his. Made him more so. Painfully so. “You freed me once. You showed me kindness. You made me laugh and cry and feel things I never thought possible.” The clicking clutter rang sharply in the air the longer you spoke. Grew louder and louder as you felt your body relax further and further.
“I fell in love with you over and over again and if I am to return one day, I will gladly do so again. And I--I held on a bit too tight to that love…didn’t I?” You chuckled, tears burning over your cheeks.
The top of the box flew open and silence fell over the world.
The wind blew a bit sharper just as the sun began to be blotted from the sky.
“Free me…one last time?” Kusuriuri’s eyes were like pools of water. Water that threatened to spill over their confines just as yours had.
Soft lips pressed to yours. Lips you melted into as you always did. Lips that tasted of sunshine and exotic spices and things you mourned to feel again.
“I know the shape, the truth, and the reasoning of you, Mononoke.” He whispered against your mouth. A small, sobbed laugh sprung from your lungs. A bittersweet thing that had you pressing your lips to his one last time. “And I will free you as you wish.”
Cold.
That day was so cold. Full of so much pain and sorrow and regret.
It was a day that stole not only your worldly possessions but your spiritual ones too. It leeched the very feeling from your fingertips and heart, leaving you feeling oh so hollow.
And yet, as the now stormy sky grew bright in that golden light you always adored to see, you felt it.
You felt warmth.
You felt peace .
You felt the rain.