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~Xaden~
Fuck, it’s freezing.
Sgaeyl had warmed her wings before we began patrol, but considering the low temperatures, I wouldn’t be surprised if they're coated in ice by the time we get back to Samara.
My hands are numb even through my gloves as I grip the pommel, and my flight jacket isn’t doing much to keep my muscles from locking. The wind is filled with little ice chips that pelt my face and every breath burns the back of my throat like I’ve swallowed a dagger.
“I would suggest trying to think of something other than your own misery.” Sgaeyl suggests. “Your human body is much too frail for this weather. You will do yourself harm if you cannot find a way to stay warm.”
“How am I supposed to keep warm when we can’t stop or head closer to the ground?” I shiver and wince as my fingers seize up. “It’s not like I can start doing jumping jacks up here.”
She chuffs. “You are not a hatchling. You should know how to look after yourself by now.”
“You just don’t want me dying.” I grumble.
“It would be an inconvenience,” She allows. “But I am more worried about humiliating myself. You were the best rider of your year, you should be able to survive one simple patrol. I would never be able to live with the shame if you didn’t.”
“You’re the one with ice on your wings.” I point out.
“There is ice in your hair.”
“Seriously?” I’d reach up to check if I could move my arms. “If we run into anything right now, we’re dead.”
“So warm yourself up.” She rolls her eyes.
“Easier said than done.” I mutter.
“Is it?” She chortles. “Are you telling me you don’t feel warm when a certain silver Sorrengail touches your—”
“I get it—”
“—and runs her hands through your hair whilst kissing your—”
“Alright, that's enough—”
“And brushes her skin against yours whilst you lay in her lap like a puppy and—”
My blood heats. “For fuck’s sake, Sgaeyl! I get your point!”
My head fills with laughter. “You were the one complaining about the cold.”
I grit my teeth and fight the urge to reply with a similar tirade about her and Tairn. “I really don’t think—”
“Would you like me to show you some visual representations of—”
“NO!” I resist the urge to throw myself off my own fucking dragon. “What the fuck?”
She sniffs. “You are no longer thinking about the cold. You are no longer freezing to death. You could at least try to sound grateful. Perhaps I should’ve just let you turn blue, at least then you would’ve matched my scales.”
I decide to let that one slide. “How much longer?”
“Forty-five minutes.”
I exhale slowly. Forty-five minutes. I can manage forty-five minutes.
*****
I cannot last forty-five minutes.
Ten minutes ago, I forgot my pride and allowed Sgaeyl to ramble on about Violet until my ears were bleeding. It didn’t help nearly as much as I hoped it would.
At least I’m still shivering. I might not have read as many books as Violet, but I know I’m fucked if I stop shivering.
“Thirty-five more minutes.” Sgaeyl informs me.
I try not to sound too relieved. “This should be our only cold weather patrol this month.”
“As long as you stay on your commanding officer’s good side.” She says dryly. “That’s why we were sent out here in the first place.”
“I was only trying to get time off so I could see Violet.” I argue. “And you wouldn’t have gotten to see Tairn at all if they’d put us on patrol tomorrow.”
“Why do you think I agreed?” She huffs. “It certainly wasn’t so you could see your precious Violet.”
I can’t tell if she’s mad or upset. Probably both. “I promise not to volunteer for any more cold weather missions and to actively avoid pissing off my commanding officer so that he might keep me somewhere warm.”
She growls softly. “I should hope so, considering the state you’re in. You always complain about me not being able to handle the winter weather, yet you’re the one who’d have fallen off ages ago had I not held you to me.”
I blink. “You’re holding me? As in, pinning me to you? Like Tairn does with Violet?”
“Yes.”
I stare down at her. “I didn’t realize.”
“Evidently.”
I shake my head slowly. “Why bother? Why not just let me fall?”
“Like I said, your death would be an inconvenience, and I don’t have the time to wait for another rider to pass through the Quadrant.”
“Right.”
Of course she doesn’t have the time. None of us have the time.
A burst of pleasure floods the bond and I smile as Sgaeyl chirps in my mind, “Tairn’s arrived.”
Violet’s here.
My lips are chapped and painful, but I smile anyway. “Can we head back?”
“In thirty-two minutes.” She informs me. “Unless you want to return early?”
“Fuck no.” My commanding officer would beat the shit out of me if I showed up before my shift was over, and I’m far too cold to want to have to worry about punishments. “Keep going. Returning early will only make things worse.”
“Alright.” She levels out into a glide and spends the rest of the patrol chattering away in my mind like she's been saving up all my most embarrassing stories for this exact moment.
I try not to regret all the choices I made that brought to this point in my life and fail miserably.
At least I'm still alive, I guess.
~Violet~
I pace around Xaden's room, tugging at my braid.
What if something happened to him? What if something hurt him? What if he’s out there somewhere, needing help, and I can’t get to him—
No.
Tairn would know if something had happened. He’s fine. Xaden’s fine.
I fall back against the wall and rub my face.
It's just patrol. I'm being ridiculous.
“You should rest.” Tairn chides.
“Not until he gets back.” The thought of sleeping terrifies me. What if something happens to him and I miss it?
“You say that like I wouldn’t wake you.” Tairn says, offended.
I fold my arms. “I’ll rest as soon as Xaden gets back.”
He sighs like I'm his biggest problem but informs me when Sgaeyl returns ten minutes later.
“Thank the Gods." I relax. "Is Xaden injured?”
Tairn pauses for a moment. “No.”
I tense. “You paused.”
“Did I?”
“Yes.” I clench my hands into fists. “Is. Xaden. Hurt.”
“No.” His answer is firm.
I blow out a long breath “Okay.”
Five minutes pass in silence and I'm so tense I could rip my hair out when there’s a knock at the door. “Violet?”
“Garrick?” I hurry over and pull it open.
Oh shit.
“Xaden!” I reach forward and cup his face.
He’s pale, too pale, and leaning heavily against Garrick. His head is floppy and his arms are limp as he blinks sluggishly up at me, his cheeks ice cold beneath my palms.
“Xaden.” I whisper. “You told me he wasn’t hurt,” I accuse Tairn.
“I told you he wasn’t injured.” Tairn corrects. “There is a difference.”
“Not good enough.” I grit my teeth and glance at Garrick’s apologetic expression before turning my attention on Xaden. “Tell me what happened to you.”
He blinks blearily at me, then burrows his face into my hands. “Cold.”
I look back at Garrick who shrugs helplessly. “I was hoping you’d know what to do. That’s all he’ll say to me.”
I slide my hands from Xaden’s cheeks to his chest and inspect his clothes. “They’re soaked through.”
“It started raining.” Garrick shakes his head like a dog for emphasis and splatters my face with little water droplets.
I wrinkle my nose and wipe my cheeks. “Thanks for that.”
Xaden grumbles something unintelligible and glares at Garrick who holds up his hands in surrender.
I step to the side and open the door a bit wider. “Bring him inside.”
Garrick nods and helps Xaden to the bed.
I fumble with the buttons on Xaden’s sodden flight jacket once he's seated and he slumps against me, his head resting on my shoulder. “It’s okay.” I promise and eventually manage to prise the jacket off his shoulders, wincing at the slurping sound it makes against his skin. “You’re okay.”
He mumbles and buries his face in my neck. I grit my teeth to keep from hissing. His skin is freezing.
“Sgaeyl says he got too cold while flying.” Tairn reports.
Power surges through me and I close my eyes, pushing it back. “I figured that much out by myself, actually. Got anything helpful to tell me or are you just going to waste my time with useless information I already know?”
He doesn’t respond.
“Thanks.” I retort. “Really appreciate it.”
“I am not a healer.” He snaps back. “It is by the Lieutenant's own negligence and stupidity—”
“Don’t even start with me.” I warn. “Not now.”
He growls, but fades from my mind.
Garrick folds his arms and leans against the door, his jaw ticking. “It’s bullshit to make us fly in this weather.”
“I know.” I run my hands through Xaden’s hair, working little icicles out of the dark waves. “Though at least they're training you to have good stamina and resistance. You're no use to them if you can't fly in all weathers."
“Exactly.” Garrick shoots a sharp look at Xaden.
I stiffen. “I didn’t mean—”
“I know what you meant.” Garrick assures me, then shrugs. “Just saying. Half the continent is relying on him and he fucking bails because he got a little chilly.”
“Fuck off.” Xaden gripes and burrows deeper into me.
I lay my hands on his back and rub gently like he’s a child and not the most dangerous rider on the continent.
I jerk my chin at the door and Garrick takes the hint and leaves, shooting a warning look at Xaden before shutting the door.
I frown. Gods, are men ever easy to understand?
I shake my head and tap my fingers on Xaden's back to get his attention. “Let me check your eyes.”
He nods and I tilt his head back. His pupils are blown wide, and his gaze is hazy as he blinks rapidly up at me, almost as if he’s trying to will his eyes into focus.
Shit, I curse and try to think of happy things like sunshine and puppies and healthy boyfriends.
I am going to kill his commanding officer.
"I think he'd probably win that fight." Tairn interjects. "He is a higher rank than you for a reason."
"Quiet time." I order and block him out.
"Vi?" Xaden frowns at me.
“Lie back.” I say softly and give his shoulders a little push.
He flops onto his back and stares at the ceiling. "Where did you go?"
"Tairn," I answer, then hold a finger above his face like I'm scolding him. “Stay here. No moving.”
His brow furrows, but he eventually he nods.
I take a deep breath and invade his space, forcing his eyes to meet mine. “I’m here. I’m with you. I’m not leaving.” I lean closer and brush my lips over his forehead.
His eyes close and he hums softly.
Despite everything, I smile. “Wait for me.”
He nods again, his eyes blinking open to hold my gaze for a moment before losing focus.
There aren’t enough curse words in the world to describe how I’m feeling right now.
I cross the room and crank the taps on the shower up as hot as they go before stripping down to my underwear.
I stand there, shivering, and testing the water until it’s the temperature I need. Then I return to Xaden. “Get up.”
I brace his shoulders as he staggers upright and I nearly fall over backwards, but he seems coherent enough to use a disturbingly loose band of shadows to steady me.
“Thank you.” I say. “Let’s go.”
He tries not to lean on me too much as we walk through to the bathing chamber, but his steps are unsteady and he’s swaying dangerously so he ends up slumping against my shoulder multiple times.
I try to take as much of his weight as I can, but I’m barely taking more than a few pounds and my back is already screaming.
It’s fine. I’m fine.
I don’t pull my arms back from around Xaden until he’s seated in the shower with his back to the wall.
I let my eyes sweep over him, cataloguing everything I can see, which is a lot, considering I had to remove his soaked underwear as well as everything else.
I tug at my braid, letting my hair fall down around my shoulders and try not to notice how his attention immediately focuses on the silver tips.
His skin is so pale it’s a similar shade to mine, and the bluish tinge around his mouth and nose is worrying me.
He has to get warm.
I grab the shower head and hesitate. “It’s going to hurt.”
Xaden nods slowly. “I trust you.”
My heart swells and I bite back the urge to kiss him. “I know what I’m doing,” I promise, then test the water a final time before turning so that it falls over his legs.
He shouts in shock and pain and tries to pull back but I drop onto my knees and level what I hope is a fierce glare at him. “You were slow.”
He swallows, his eyes darting all over the room, avoiding me.
I grab his face and pull it back to me. “The water was on you for at least two seconds before you shouted, maybe three before you tried to pull away.”
He doesn’t speak, just stares at me.
Holy fucking hell.
“Please tell me Sgaeyl can still speak to him?” I beg Tairn.
“Of course.” He doesn’t seem pleased about my interruption. “The bond can only be broken by death or weakened by distance. He is not dead, and we are not far, so Sgaeyl can feel him.”
I close my eyes briefly. “Thank the Gods.”
He doesn’t deign to respond, he just blocks me out.
Point taken.
I rest my hand on Xaden’s thigh and squeeze it tightly when I feel his muscles bunch up.
“Relax.” I murmur. “It won’t help if you fight it.”
His eyes swirl, those beautiful golden flecks sparking in and out of existence like little glimmering stars. “It burns.”
“I know.” I join him down our pathway, wondering if he even realizes we’re not speaking out loud anymore. “It will. I promise it’s not hot enough to actually hurt you. It’s barely above lukewarm.”
He stares at me, and I am so close to fucking losing my fucking mind when his eyes clear and understanding flashes in their depths.
My head drops to my chest and I allow myself one moment of calm before forcing myself to focus.
He’s fine. Xaden’s fine.
“Are you getting used to the water?” I ask.
He nods slowly. “Think so.”
“Good.” I move the shower head up so the water lands on his stomach and runs down his hips.
His eyes widen and his hands shift to cover his sensitive area.
I bat his hands away. “No. You have to let it warm you.”
His eyes plead with me. “Violet…”
“I know it hurts, but otherwise you’ll end up with frostbite, and I’m going to assume you’d rather it burns for a few minutes than risk losing it.” I throw a pointed glance at his incredibly blue dick and he flinches. “I thought so.”
His hand finds mine and squeezes it tightly. “I love you.”
I blink at the sudden shift in tone, then force a smile. “I love you, too.”
For the next few minutes, I work the water up his body, watching his reactions carefully just in case it’s too much. Once I wet his hair and determine that he isn’t about to pass out on me, I turn the temperature up and start all over again.
I keep one hand on his chest, right above his heart, and try to count his heartbeats as I work the water over him. It’s a lot slower than normal, but hopefully if I can regulate his temperature, it’ll help bring it back up to speed.
“You’re not about to fall asleep, are you?” I ask when his head droops.
“No.” He shifts to lie against me and I lay my free arm around his shoulders.
“You’re starting to feel warm, we shouldn’t have to be in here much longer.”
“Good. I hate it.” He shudders when I move the water so it sprays over his chest.
“I know.” At least the water is warm enough now to keep me warm, too. “I don’t want you to fall asleep until your heartrate’s back up to normal and the second you’re in bed, you’ll sleep.”
He frowns. “I might not sleep.”
“You will.” I run my hand down his arm and trace the swirls of his mark. “Your heartrate is low, your breathing is slow, and you were barely shivering when Garrick brought you in. Your body is preparing itself for hibernation.”
“I don’t want to hibernate.” He grumbles. “I’m not a bear.”
“I disagree. You look a bit like a bear. Very hairy.” I bite back a laugh at his expression and trace the relic on his wrist.
He looks up at me, scowling. “Why do you always know so much?”
I smirk and flick his nose. “Because I read, dumbass.”
He grunts and settles back down against me.
I run my fingers through his hair and add, “Mira got like this once when she was younger. She got mad at Mom about something and tried to run away. We found her the next day, passed out in the snow. She hadn’t been there long enough to kill herself, thank fuck, but she was sick for weeks.” I fiddle with the temperature gauge on the shower. Xaden hisses when it makes contact with his skin, I have to fight a moan at the lovely warm water. “Luckily, you’re nowhere near as bad as she was.”
“Still feels shitty though,” he says.
I sigh. “Yeah, I know. Hopefully you’ll be over the worst of it by the time I have to leave. I don't what I'll do if you aren't.”
He nods and picks up my hand, dumping it on his head.
I chuckle and thread his hair through my fingers. "Definitely a bear."
He makes a sound that sounds suspiciously like a purr and snuggles closer.
Xaden Riorson. Snuggling.
I need to get him sick more often.
*****
It takes another half hour for him to stop wincing at the warm water, and only when I’m sure his heartbeat is steady do I let him out of the shower.
I sit him on the floor to dry him off and help him to bed, wrapping him in as many clothes and blankets I can find – which is a lot.
I step back when I’m finished and have to purse my lips to keep from giggling like a schoolgirl. “You look a burrito.”
“Just what every man wants to hear.” He mumbles, prising his eyes open to look at me.
I smile. “At least you’re talking in full sentences again. You had me worried for a second.”
“Yeah?” He smiles right back at me and damn if it doesn’t make my heart skip a beat. “Come here.”
I open my mouth, then shut it again. “I don’t know if I should.”
He raises his eyebrows. “You were just naked with me in the shower, Violet. You've seen everything multiple times before now and touched every singly part of me I can think of, but you draw the line at sleeping beside me when I'm dressed up like a burrito?"
“Yes, but…” I can’t find the words to tell him what I need, and even if could…I don’t know if I want to. My resistance is in tatters and if I get into bed with him, I don’t think I’ll be able to keep my hands to myself.
“Then don’t.” He suggests. “I don’t mind you touching me.”
“I…” I draw back a step then sigh and put my hands on my hips. “Is this going to be another one of those times where I think things and accidentally end up saying them out loud? Because it was really fucking embarrassing the last time.”
He frowns. “What do you mean ‘last time’?”
“Don’t you remember, back in my first year, when you got sick?” I tilt my head. “We sparred and you kept reading my mind. Well,” I correct myself quickly when his eyes widen. “Not, like, reading my mind, because that’s incredibly illegal, but…” I frown and try to explain it with hand gestures. “I don’t know how to describe it.”
“It’s fine.” He assures me, but he doesn’t look fine, he looks scared out of his mind. “I know what you mean.”
My eyes narrow. “Do you?”
“Yeah.” He moves like he’s trying to reach out to me, but his arms are pinned to his sides with blankets. “Fuck.”
I laugh and drop my arms to my side. “You know, I should do this more often when I don’t want you near me. It’s a very big, very effective anti-Xaden defence mechanism.”
Hurt flashes in his eyes before he masks it. “I didn’t realize not wanting me near you was a regular occurrence.”
I open my mouth, then shut it again. Fuck. That wasn’t what I meant.
His throat bobs and he looks away. “Are you staying or going?”
I reach out like I can make it better if I get my hands on him. “Xaden, I didn’t mean—”
“I don’t give a shit about what you meant. Are you staying or going?” He slams his eyes shut when I don’t respond.
Oh, Gods.
That look on his face is my undoing. I've never seen him look so...miserable.
“I’m staying.” I strip down and lay beside him.
He doesn’t even glance in my direction.
“I’m sorry.” I repeat, rolling onto my side to face him. “I didn’t mean…whatever it is you think I meant. I was joking around and it was stupid, I’m sorry.”
“You said you didn’t want me near you.” He seems to fight with himself for a moment before continuing, “You might’ve been joking now, Violence, but it’s true enough every other time we see each other. You won’t let me touch you or kiss you or hold you and it fucking hurts, but I get it. You want full disclosure, and I can’t give it to you.” His throat bobs. “I piss you off and we spend all the time we have together fighting and I just…I get it, okay?”
“No, not okay.” I push up onto my elbows and take his chin in my hand, gently turning his head until his eyes meet mine. “Let me make this clear to right now, Xaden: I want you. I always want you. There is nothing that will ever stop me wanting you. I can deal with the fighting, I can deal with the silence, I can deal with the distance. What I can’t deal with? You thinking I don’t fucking want you. That I don’t fucking want this.” I lean forward and rest my forehead against his. “I’m so fucking mad at you for a thousand fucking reasons and I can’t even begin to explain it to you, but I’m not walking away. Not now, not ever. I don’t care what you do or what secrets you keep; no matter how mad I get; no matter if I feel violated and used and betrayed like I did at Resson; I’m not leaving you. I’m here. I’m right here, and I’ll always come back to you, no matter what. Okay?”
When I pull back, there are tears on his cheeks and I can’t tell whether they’re his or mine.
“Okay.” His voice is rough.
“Good.” I flop back down beside him and offer him a small smile. “You have all I have to give.”
His smile shreds my heart into pieces. “I like to think I’ve grown a lot as a person since that exchange.”
I roll my eyes and give him a shove. “Shut up.”
His smiles morphs into a grin. “I’m not kidding.”
"Promise me something?" I interlace my finger and rest them over my chest.
"Anything."
I take a deep breath and close my eyes. "Never use 'Violence' as a way to distance yourself from me. I hate it."
The bed rocks like he trying to manoeuvre himself closer to me. He fails. "I promise."
"It's not even that I don't like the name, because I really don't mind it anymore, it's just the way you use it..." I trail off, unsure of how to finish.
Typical that I've never read a book on how to talk about this stuff. Maybe that's a section of the Archives I should prioritise when I get back to Basgiath. Those books might be a little more helpful than the books that I've been reading on the wards.
"I understand." His voice is softer than the pillow beneath my head. "I'm sorry."
I shrug. "Don't worry about it. It's just something that's been annoying me."
Xaden sighs. "I really need to get better at this relationship shit."
"Me too." I admit and roll until I'm resting my head on his cocooned chest. "I missed you."
He brushes a kiss over my head. “I missed you, too.”
*****
When I wake in the morning, Xaden is gone.
I panic and jolt upright. “Xaden?” There’s a muffled sound from the bathing room and I jump up. “Xaden!”
I run to the door and slam into a wall.
No, not a wall, Xaden.
He looks down at me, his lips twitching. “Violet?”
My hands flutter over him, searching for injuries. “Xaden?”
“Yes?” He arches an eyebrow and smirks.
“Are you okay?” I rest my hands on his still-bare chest and reach up on my toes to inspect his eyes. “Are you hurt?”
“Why would I be hurt?”
“Because you were really dizzy last night and—”
“Well, I’m not dizzy anymo—”
“And when I woke up you weren’t there and I thought maybe there was something wrong—”
“There wasn’t—”
“And you might’ve fallen over and I was so busy sleeping that I wouldn’t have even fucking noticed—”
“Violet—”
“And maybe it was my fault for not staying awake to check on you but—”
He grabs my shoulders and shakes me a little. “Violet.”
I snap my mouth shut.
He raises his eyes to the ceiling like he’s praying for strength. “Gods, Vi. You sound like Sgaeyl.”
My mouth pops open in protest but Xaden covers it with his hand. “No, it’s my turn.” He tucks my unbound hair behind an ear and my core heats.
Not. Now. I shove the heat to my toes and focus on what Xaden’s saying.
“First thing’s first,” he holds up a finger. “I was literally taking a piss, Violet. There was absolutely no need for you to freak out.”
My cheeks heat.
He lifts another finger. “Second, I am perfectly capable of knowing whether or not I can stand up without falling over, so stop mothering me.”
I bite my lip and nod.
He raises another finger. “Third…” He trails off as his eyes catch on the loose-fitting shirt I'd put on last night after he'd fallen asleep, his loose-fitting shirt. His eyes darken.
“Third?” I prompt.
He shudders and drags his eyes back up to mine, the wild intensity in them nearly bringing me to my knees. “Third, the reason I woke up was because I was so hot I literally thought I was melting, so you don’t need to worry about me freezing to death anymore.” He cups my face in his hands and leans into my space. “I’m fine, I promise.”
I nod and lean into his touch. “Okay.”
He presses a tender kiss to my forehead and my knees turn to jelly. “Thank you for looking after me."
“No problem.” I smile and lean closer. “You should probably get dressed.”
“Probably.” He agrees but doesn’t move. “When do you have to leave?”
“I don’t know. What time is it?” I relish the feel of his hands on my skin and fight the urge to tilt my head up and kiss him.
“Half seven.” His thumb brushes over my cheek.
“I’ll need to leave soon, then.” I sigh. “I don’t want to go.”
“I know.” His eyes brighten as he teases, “We haven’t even had a chance to fight yet.”
I roll my eyes and pull back. “You’re insufferable.”
He bows with a flourish. “Only for you, Darling.”
I snort and retrieve my clothes from where I left them on the floor. “Whatever. Let me use the bathing room.”
“Sure.” He moves out of the doorway and starts hunting around for his own clothes.
When I’m ready, I join him back in the main room and he walks me out of the barracks and to the edge of the base.
I scowl at the sky as we walk. It’s snowing, which is fucking lovely.
Xaden spins me around when once we reach where Tairn is waiting for me and pulls me to his chest, lowering his head until he’s all I can see. “I’ll see you in a week.”
“Try not to die while I’m gone.” I joke and brush snowflakes out of his dark hai, smiling when his hands flex on my waist. “I’ll be waiting for you.”
“You’d better.” His gaze could set me on fire and I’d let him burn me to cinders without thinking twice about it. “It’s just a week.”
“Seven days.” I reassure him. “Then we can resume the fight we started last week.”
His face twists into an expression I don’t recognise. “Right. And there isn’t any chance you’ll let me kiss you before you go?”
“Right now?” I ask and he nods. “No. If I let you kiss me now, I won’t leave, and I’ll get into a shitload of trouble when I’m late for formation tomorrow.”
His jaw ticks but he takes a step back. “Good point." He lifts a hand and starts backing up. "Goodbye, Violet.” He turns and strides away.
“Bye.” I whisper and take the opportunity to ogle at his ass.
If only he wasn't walking away from me.
Misery swells in my chest and I slump.
Gods, I miss him.
“It’s your own fault,” Tairn reminds me. “You could have him if you really wanted him.”
I glare up at my surly dragon. “Yeah, well, how about you focus on flying? I’ll deal with my own relationships how I like.”
He chuckles. “You say that like you know what you’re doing.”
I trudge through the thin layer of snow towards him and resist the urge to give him the finger. “I do.”
“If you did, you would be happy with the Lieutenant, but you are not.” He dips his shoulder so I can crawl up his foreleg. “You might not want to believe it, but considering I am actually happy with my mate, it would make sense that I know more about relationships than you.”
I glance back at Samara as he flares his wings. “I guess. It’s just that I…I can’t…”
“I know.” He beats his wings and takes off, propelling us into the still-falling snowstorm with a force that leaves my stomach behind. “Don’t forget that I feel what you feel.”
“How could I ever forget that?” I ask bitterly.
He sighs. “You are making yourself miserable and there is no reason for it.”
“I realize that.” I shift in the saddle and rub my arms. “Fuck, it’s cold.”
“Don’t change the subject.”
“Don’t try parent me.” I shoot back. “You’re not my dad.”
He growls. “I am trying to help you.”
“I don’t need your help. Not with this. It’s something I have to figure out on my own.”
"Well, do me a favour and hurry up. I'm tired of listening to your whining."
"Will do." I promise and try to keep my whining to myself for the rest of the flight.
Considering his tone when we finally land, I'm only partially successful, but I have bigger things to worry about now than whether I pissed off my dragon.