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It was just high school.
He spoke those words to himself daily, trying to carry on not caring about the simple crushes he got or school in general. It was only high school, nothing serious, and never will be. At least he hopes so.
He sighed as he rubbed the tiredness from his eyes, opening his car door and slinking into the driver's seat, closing the door before starting the engine and connecting his phone to his radio.
He was in his senior year now, his family and friends warning him that if he didn’t start taking school more seriously, he might not have much of a future. It’s not like he would have much of one even if he tried. He was nothing special and had no astonishing talents like all the other people around him. Most likely he would just end up confided to working in retail or fast food for the rest of his life, but so be it.
Once he finally pulled up to the overwhelming sight of his school, he grabbed his earbuds and plugged them into his phone, then popping them both into his ears and turning on his music. He then got out of the car, slinging his backpack over his shoulder before locking it, and making his way toward the main entrance.
As he walked in, taking in the sight of countless people his age, along with bulletin boards and lockers, scanning through the crowd out of curiosity, per usual, as he made his way to the bathroom, where he hid out until classes started. Usually, when he stays there he just reads a book or basks in his thoughts. He wasn’t much of a people person, so he did this in the bathroom to avoid any of his friends.
While scanning the crowd, his hands in the front pockets of his jeans, he spots Taeyong. He fights back the instant urge to smile and walk towards him, pulling his hood over his head to hide his contorted face.
It’s not like he and Taeyong had a bad history, in fact, they had the opposite, flirting with each other and hanging out frequently, but Jaehyun was scared. He was so scared of how much he loved the other male, he was so obviously obsessed with him and he felt he would scare him away. This, naturally, made him isolate himself from everyone, hating the thought of being perceived, as he was too much now. What he needed to do was simply stay in the shadows.
“Hey, buddy!” An extremely enthusiastic Mark exclaimed, draping his arm around Jaehyuns shoulders.
Well, so much for that.
“It’s been, like, forever since I’ve seen you! Have you been sick?”
“Yeah, that.”
Despite Jaehyun’s disinterested tone, Mark kept his arm around him and led him toward his other friends, which, of course, included Taeyong. This was simply just great.
“Hey, guys, look who I found!”
With Mark’s words, everyone turned to avert their gaze to Jaehyun, making his stomach flip, and not in a good way. God, he was going to vomit. And soon.
“Hey, Jae, it’s been a while!” Haechan spoke up, moving next to Mark, causing him to move his arm away from Jaehyun, thank God, and hug Haechan’s waist.
Jaehyun only nodded politely in response, his eyes shifting over to Taeyong for a split second, and all of a sudden, he really needed to puke,
“Gotta..go,” he spoke, getting away from them fast enough so as not to deal with any of their protests, sprinting to the bathroom and immediately locking himself in a stall and kneeling in front of the toilet, tears forming and threatening to fall.
“Fuck.”
After that, he spewed up the little bit of what he had for breakfast, as well as a good amount of straight stomach acid, sobbing softly, resting his back against the cold wall of the bathroom, and clutching his stomach.
“Jaehyun?”
The familiar voice speaking his name startled him to his feet, immediately wiping away his tears and flushing the toilet, quickly exiting the stall and going up to the sinks, washing his hands, ignoring the presence of the shorter male.
“You can’t just ignore everyone when you’re suffering. You need support.” The genuine concern in the smallers voice only irritated him, his brows furrowing as he dried his hands, stopping at the door to take in the olders deep frown, clear worry laced in his expression. Though he wanted to stay, he quickly walked away to hold himself back from doing anything stupid.
—
It was now a couple of hours after school, Jaehyun being able to avoid everyone for the rest of the day, despite their constant tries to contact him.
He was definitely relieved by that, though one thing was for sure: he could not stop thinking about Taeyong. Again.
This is exactly why he decided to stray away from him, as now he could not go even a second without thinking about him and his annoyingly pretty face and the amount of care that he had for him. He just couldn’t do this. He was so overwhelmed by this stupid crush.
It was just high school. There are always repercussions when you date in school. It’s just not worth it. Yet he can’t stop thinking about it.
All Jaehyun wants to do is what he used to, staying up all night and stalking every single one of Taeyong’s socials, memorizing every detail on his face, everything he has ever enjoyed, everything he felt important enough to post about. But Jaehyun had to hold back. He just couldn’t do this. He couldn’t do it again. He needed to remain tame.
Suddenly, Jaehyun was woken from his daze with the ping of his phone, indicating he got a text. He figured it was probably just family, so he picked it up, only for it to definitely not be his mom or dad.
Taeyong <3
Hey. Meet me at our spot in 10. We should talk.
In that moment, his heart could only be described as falling out of his ass, him beginning to hyperventilate at the thought of meeting up with Taeyong, alone, just like they used to. It was so much. It was too much.
Despite his body’s protests, his undeniable attraction toward Taeyong forced him to climb out of his bed and change into a black hoodie, blue jeans, and his favorite Converse before quietly slipping out of the front door and making his way toward his and Taeyong’s spot– a nearby park.
When they first met, Jaehyun was a major night owl, preferring to hang out at night, and Taeyong liked the fresh air. So, they landed on making this public park their spot as it was close to both of them and was still lit up at night.
As he walked toward the park in long strides, his palms began to sweat more and more, his heart pounding and his breath irregular. But he knew he had to pull through, or at least try to.
Once he finally arrived at the park, he took in the ever-so-familiar sight before him, letting out a nervous sigh.
The park was small and had a little playground with a swingset adorned with two swings, a slide, and some monkey bars. It didn’t seem like the most fun thing in the world, but he and Taeyong always sat on the swings, so Jaehyun went ahead and plopped down on one.
“I didn’t think you would show up, to be honest.”
Jaehyun, once again, fought back the urge to smile as he looked up into what could’ve been his lover's eyes, his hands twitching from their need to touch him. But he had to hold back. No matter how much he wanted to grab him by the hair and confess everything, he just couldn’t. It was all too dangerous.
“Well, I almost didn’t, so I get it.” He responded, looking down at the ground, mindlessly kicking around a few rocks.
Taeyong moved and sat down on the swing next to him, Causing Jaehyun’s heartbeat to pick up even more. But he couldn’t have a panic attack right now. He just couldn’t.
“Jae, I wanted to talk to you about how you’ve been acting. Best case scenario, you don’t mean to do it. The worst case, also the most likely case, is that you’re doing it on purpose and that you are not okay. Scratch that, I know you’re not okay. And I want you to talk to me.”
Taeyong was basically rambling, finally looking up at Jaehyun when he was done speaking, his eyebrows furrowed to compliment the slight frown on his face. There was a sudden pang of guilt that Jaehyun felt, concerning Taeyong like this. But deep down, though he may never admit this, he knew he was far from okay.
“I..I’m fine, Taeyong. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“People who are fine don’t just run away from their welcoming friends and throw up in the bathroom.”
Jaehyun took in the stern look on Taeyong’s face, which scared him. So much. It was too familiar. It was all too much.
All of a sudden, Jaehyun found himself hyperventilating, rubbing his palms on his thighs to wipe the sweat off them, also in an attempt to calm himself down as tears brimmed his eyes. He couldn’t freak out. Not here. Not now. But, fuck, he so was.
“H…hey, Jae? Are you okay?”
Jaehyun couldn’t respond. His eyes were wide, him staring straight forward, not even giving the smaller a quick glance. He was focused on whatever he saw ahead of him, his breathing still unruly, his palms moving faster and faster, each and every one of his limbs shaking so much.
“Fuck, Jae. What’s wrong? I’m really worried.” Taeyong got up to stand in front of Jaehyun, crouching down and reaching to caress his cheek.
Instead of pulling away, which was his first instinct, Jaehyun just let it happen, his movements slowing down as he leaned into the touch, still staring out into the distance, mentally being anywhere but there in the moment.
As he accepted this touch, tears finally began to fall from his eyes, which he made no move to wipe away, as Taeyong did for him.
It felt so intimate to him, he just couldn’t take it.
Jaehyun gripped onto Taeyong’s arm as he began to sob and sob hard, Taeyong then pulling him down to sit on the ground next to him so that he could hold him, rubbing his back soothingly, allowing him to soak his shirt with his tears.
“Jaehyun, I promise it’ll all be okay. I don’t know what's going on in your head, but I know that I don’t want to stop seeing you. I miss you so much, I really do. I just want to be with you, Jae.”
At that, the younger only cried more, gripping onto Taeyong’s shirt, who kept comforting him, every so often pecking the top of his head, allowing him to be vulnerable. All Taeyong wanted was for Jaehyun to feel better. He just wanted the silly, outgoing guy that he was before he started to shut him out.
—
The next day, as Jaehyun walked into school, he let out a staggered breath, nervous as he was now determined to force himself to go up to his group of friends and hang out with them. He hasn’t done this in so long, it was nerve-wracking.
The night before, after Jaehyun’s breakdown, he finally opened up to the older, telling him all about how he had a massive amount of anxiety that takes over him at any given time, a lot of the time making him physically sick. Taeyong was so understanding, it made his heart want to burst. He never felt so taken care of, so loved.
However, he still felt so much fear as he took every step and thought about the fact that he is going to now try to pursue this with him, maybe even becoming his boyfriend at some point. It was all so overwhelming, though amazing.
Now, he just had to face the hurdle which was hanging out with a large group of people.
“Jaehyunnie!” Taeyong exclaimed in a sing-songy voice, coming up to him just to engulf him in a tight hug, smiling as Jaehyun returned it, taking in the sweet scent of vanilla and lavender which he could never get tired of.
“Decided to join us, huh?” Hyuck teased, giving the latter a gentle pat on the back, signaling that he was glad he was back and feeling better.
In all honesty, instead of feeling anxious, he felt so comfortable, so welcome.
“I have a surprise for you~” he heard Taeyong say, causing him to turn around, only to see the older holding up a neatly decorated posterboard with big, glittery letters which spelled out ‘WILL YOU GO TO PROM WITH ME?’
Jaehyun’s face lit up at that, as well as the chocolate bars that Taeyong was holding, being his favorite ones. He was definitely a sucker for people who remembered small details.
“Fuck, of course I will!” He exclaimed ever-so-happily, moving forward to hug the smaller boy so tight, pecking his cheek.
Sure, he may be unhealthily obsessed with this boy, but he had him. And they were going to prom. Together.
—
It was now the day of, Jaehyun standing in the mirror in his suit, carefully slicking back his hair, making sure he looked as good as possible for his lover, Taeyong.
It’s been about a month since Taeyong had asked him out to prom, and they hung out almost every day since then, really getting to know each other and, finally, Jaehyun decided to pop the question, Taeyong happily saying yes.
Yeah, maybe there will be repercussions for dating in school. But they will be worth it,
“Jaehyun, are you done yet? Taeyong and Hyuck will be here any minute now!”
“Almost, Mark, I’ll be down in a second!”
With that, Jaehyun took one more good look at himself and nodded, content with how it turned out. He sure did fix up nicely.
Once his and Mark’s boyfriends arrived, they both made their way to the car, which, of course, as cliche as it is, was a limo.
He climbed in and sat down next to his boyfriend who was sipping on a glass of sparkling grape juice, but that certainly wasn’t what Jaehyun was paying attention to.
Taeyong was dressed in a red, silk dress that was cut just above the knee, the red matching Jaehyun’s tie perfectly. Taeyong also had multiple silver necklaces stacked on, black gloves, and black, chunky combat boots. Man, did he look hot.
“You look…amazing”
“I could say the same for you.”
Taeyong giggles and hugs his boyfriend's arm, kissing his cheek with his lipgloss-covered lips, leaving a mark behind, but it’s not like Jaehyun minded at all.
Once they finally arrived at the school, Taeyong and Jaehyun hand in hand, entered the building, making their way into the gym and taking in the atmosphere.
It was like any typical prom setup, but it still felt so special to them. It was their prom, and they were spending it together, hand in hand, as boyfriends, not a worry in the world.
After getting a taste of the clearly spiked punch, the two boys made their way onto the dancefloor, ignoring how most of their classmates were already drunk, dancing together.
The songs that were playing were bass-heavy and upbeat, the pair shamelessly throwing their limbs around and having fun, jumping up and down when everyone else did.
Though, after what felt like eons of loud music, a slow song finally started playing, a smile tugging at the corner of Jaehyun’s lips as he pulled Taeyong closer, one of his hands on his waist, the other on the small of his back as Taeyong had his arms wrapped around his neck.
While they were dancing, Jaehyun moved his hand slowly away from the small of the other's back, now up to his head, grabbing a hold of his hair, leaning down to whisper in his ear:
“I wanna fucking tear you apart.”