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Till - age group 11-13
"Will you..." I sigh, hopeless. I had gathered flowers for Ivan, making sure that they were the same shade as his eyes. I made it into a flower crown, but I kept some aside so I could give them separately to him. I'll give it to him after, I decide. I gently put them in my pocket. I attempted to keep my hair flat, but it didn't work. I mean, it's the thought that counts, right? Still doesn't get rid of the fact I don't know what to say to him. I'll probably just freehand it. Which is unusual for me, since I don't do things on the spot. He's an exception, then. I glance at my clothes. They're good enough, I tried my best to iron them. That didn't work out either. I also had wanted to write him a song but it seemed too cheesy, and it wasn't like we were anything yet. All this preparation and I can't even find the words to tell him how I feel for him. I curl my fingers in my palm and feel that I’m sweating. I hear my heart pick up the pace, and I take a deep breath to calm myself.
It doesn't work, because my brain decides to send me a memory of Ivan smiling at me. Fuck my life. I'm bringing a mini water gun in my pocket just in case things backfire on my end. I told him to wait by our tree, the one where he usually visits me. When I told him, I knew he was curious about why, but he didn't pester me with questions. Of all people, why Ivan? Oh well, too late to figure it out now. I walk to our tree, and see him there. I stop as my breath hitches and I run my hand through my hair, trying to calm myself down. At that moment, Ivan looks directly in my direction, as if he can tell I'm there. Honestly, he probably can. I see his face light up and he smiles at me. I feel like my heart could burst from just him smiling at me. I look away as he approaches, half-heartedly sulking. I was supposed to come here first.
"Why did you want me here?" Ivan glances up at me, expectant.
"Don't look at me," I grumble, my face heating up. He arches his eyebrow, but listens. He wasn't actually supposed to. I want him to look at me.
"Ivan," I start, the silence becoming louder and I cannot focus on anything but him. "I like you."
My voice cracks as I blurt it out, catching the both of us off guard. He faces me, and I see his eyes widen in surprise. The red in his eyes, the color that I love so much, takes up practically the whole space in his iris. My heart beats faster, and I feel my face heat up. Why did I do this.
I move his face so he won't look at me in my flustered state, but he just smirks, still facing me.
"Why are you so embarrassed?" He teases me, grinning.
"I'm not embarrassed! Stop looking at me!" I mutter, messing up my words. "Aren't you going to say it back?"
This elicits a smirk from Ivan, who looks happier. "I do like you too," Ivan tells me. He looks so beau- wait what? I process what he just said to me. He likes me back? I mean, I'm not surprised or shocked but I am.
"You're not supposed to tell me that!" I say in denial. "I was supposed to, I don't know, get rejected and reminisce on what we could've been after!"
"I didn't know I had a role to play," Ivan laughs. "Will you be my boyfr-"
Before I can stop myself, I grab my water gun from my pocket and spray water at his face, then run. I look back at him, and he looks taken aback in surprise before laughing. His gorgeous eyes remain the same. I really do love his eyes. He smiles at me when he catches me looking at him. He pulls his own squirt gun from his pocket, and proclaims loudly, "I LOVE YOU, TILL."
"Be quiet, someone might hear you!" I shush him, and he just squirts water in my face. I splash water back at his shirt, and we're both laughing. He aims for my shirt and it becomes soaked. We run around for a while, refilling our guns occasionally. Eventually, we're both soaked in water and we collapse on the ground, out of breath.
"Be my boyfriend, Till." Ivan pants as he looks at me, and I look away, flushed once more.
"That's... Straightforward," I manage, choking on each syllable.
"I know, but when I asked earlier, you didn't reply. You were flushed and flustered, that was cute." Ivan teases and smiles as I look back at him. He's playing with my hair, and I can't form a sentence in my head.
"Yeah, sure, I'll be your boyfriend," I respond, content.
"You're not telling me anything else for everything else I said? That's new." Ivan twirls a piece of my hair with his fingers and I turn to face him. I say nothing as he traces my face, outlining my features.
"Your cut's healing," Ivan remarks, his fingers grazing my cut.
"Yeah," I lean towards his touch.
"Till," Ivan starts. "I'm sorry I injured you."
"It's alright Ivan." I close my eyes, focusing on his touch. "I don't mind the scars you give me."
He pauses, and I open my eyes to see why. Instead, he just smirks at me, and I love his smile more than anything right now.
"I adore you, Till," Ivan whispers to me, moving his body to face me. "I'm deliriously in love with you."
I begin to trace over his features, saying nothing. My index finger on his most prominent features, my thumb over his lips and cheekbones. I trace his eyes,his eyebrows. I am fascinated by him and with him.
"I adore you as well, Ivan. More than you will ever know."
♡♡♡
Till - age group 18-19
As Ivan leaves my side, I hear him say something.
“I’ll be waiting for you, forever.”
I shouldn’t have left him. I should’ve stopped myself from saying those dreadful words. Ivan was the only one who really understood me and was always there for me. Why did I leave him? He left me, but I wanted him to. I want him now, but does he want me, too? Ivan, who is no longer mine. He is nobodies.
♬♬♬
Till - After Round 6
He’s gone, forever. I can’t get him back. He’s not coming back to me, he’s not coming back to anyone.
Ivan, my love. Come back, please. I can live without you, but I cannot survive. I poured my feelings into my songs and drawing for you. It’s all for you, Ivan. I fall to my knees, staining my pants with Ivan’s blood, your blood. Everything, it’s for you. I’m crying, I now realize. I feel nothing. I can’t hear anything but ringing. Ivan, come back.
“My soul will always be with you, Ivan,” I whisper to your lying corpse.
I cry as I trace your face. My beautiful, wonderful Ivan. You’re deceased. Blood is pouring out of your mouth, and with a trembling hand I slowly wipe the blood off of your lips. I lower my head and kiss your forehead. I don’t know what to do without you, what am I supposed to do? I get on my feet and stagger over to the side of the stage. I dry heave, then vomit. I take a deep breath, and go back to you. Once I am sat down next to you, I hold your hand. I hold your hand until the security rips me away from you. I reach out as they tear me from you, shouting your name. You, the other part of me who I think of every moment, is now gone. You break me for loving you.