Chapter Text
Sitting in one of the furthest-back corners of the food court, I nervously bounced my leg. I’d just gotten off of work a little while ago, and now I was waiting.
That night, there was going to be a sleepover at Applejack’s. It was all I’d been able to think about the whole day.
Even with my shift over, I still had some time to kill before when I was told to show up. We were all seemingly on good terms now, but I wasn’t about to start showing up early. That would look weird, and I could undo so much progress by looking too eager. Plus, I still had an image to maintain.
It was funny. A few weeks ago, I would have been entirely filled with dread over something like this. Instead, I was only filled with some dread. I have to give myself credit, that was a lot less than normal.
Truthfully, it wasn’t dread, it was just anxiety. There was a part of me that was afraid everything would go miserably, but I was used to feeling that way all the time. That wasn’t why I was nervous.
This was their first ‘big band meeting,’ as Rainbow Dash put it. So far, The Rainbooms, as Rainbow Dash had named them, had treated the whole band thing pretty casually. But last week, it was decided (by Rainbow Dash) that it was time to get serious.
So, with that in mind, and now that me and Dash were cool, I thought this meeting would be the perfect time for me to ask if I could be in the band. After all, most great bands had two guitarists, right? And I knew Dash wouldn’t be willing to give up lead guitar, so I would specifically ask to play rhythm instead. How could she say no to that?
I tried to keep myself busy by looking at all the people walking by. Occasionally, I’d check my phone, but hardly anybody ever messaged me. That meant the mall patrons were my primary source of mental stimulation. It was either that, or think of how many ways tonight could go wrong.
Of course, neither option was that pleasant. Working at the mall meant I spent every shift listening to dozens of conversations bouncing from tile floors to high ceilings, and now I was just watching the source of that maddening drone. When I thought about how many people I heard talking sometimes, it was kind of overwhelming. Sometimes I wondered what it would be like to be able to understand all of them.
For the most part, my eyes darted from one person to the next, but sometimes certain people or groups would grab my attention. A group of old ladies doing a lap around the entire length of the mall. Two boys I recognized from school walking incredibly close to one another; one with a bushy hairdo and another with a bowl cut.
What held my attention for the longest was a group of girls wearing matching uniforms, probably some rich inner-city kids. Three of them stood side by side, while the last one lagged behind them. She was slumped over, wearing a mint pullover with the hood up. Despite how she stood out from the others, I could tell she belonged to the group, since she was wearing the same skirt as them.
Even with her face obscured by the hood, her body language screamed how little she wanted to be there. She may have been keeping pace with them, but she refused to close the gap. If they slowed, so would she, like she was afraid to get too near.
I couldn’t help but smile wistfully. I knew nothing about this girl, yet just the way she walked behind her friends reminded me of myself not too long ago. Specifically, it reminded me of how I walked with the girls that day Rainbow Dash chased me across the entire school.
That made me wonder what her situation was like. Maybe she was going through the same thing I did: being part of a friend group that ultimately doesn’t treat you like one. Was she reluctant to try to fit in? Or did everyone around her make it more difficult? Was she following that far behind because she wanted to, or because if she tried to wedge herself up front with everyone else, they’d squeeze her out? Maybe they’d already done that, and that’s why she didn’t try to catch up.
Even as they disappeared from sight behind a corridor, I kept thinking about her. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever see her again, but I hoped that if I did, she would seem to be doing better next time. I looked down at my phone again. If I left then, I would be there a few minutes late, exactly how I planned.
With my bag slung over my shoulder, I made my way out of the mall. It was an early spring evening, but if the sun hadn’t been so low in the sky, you’d be forgiven for thinking it was later. It was warm; nice, albeit a little humid.
As I drove to Applejack’s, my heart increased in pace. I kept thinking about how Rainbow Dash would answer. Even if things were settled between us, I wasn’t expecting her to just say ‘yes’ right away. I ran through every scenario I could think of, trying to craft the best responses, repeating my answers over and over in my head.
It felt pretty silly. I wasn’t sure why I cared so much. We were friends, and that was all I ever wanted after the Fall Formal. So why did I want more?
Maybe it was because as long as I wasn’t in the band, I was the odd one out. Like, sure, I was in the friend group, but I wasn’t in the friend group. They started this band as an excuse to hang out together (as if they needed another), so, if they let me in, that would be irrefutable proof that I was in the group as well. It would be an added layer of assurance that I belonged; something I could never have enough of.
Thankfully, running all those scenarios in my head made the time between leaving work and arriving at Applejack’s fly by. Before I knew it, I was pulling up to that familiar stretch of dirt driveway. This was it.
When I pulled up, I frowned. Everyone was already here. Did I show up at the right time?
After shutting off my bike and putting away my helmet, I walked over to the barn. I didn’t make it far before I heard a shrill voice screech from the second story of AJ’s house.
“SUNSET! UP HERE!” Pinkie was halfway leaning out of the window. Upside down.
“Hey, Pinkie!” I shouted back. “Where is everyone!”
“UP HERE!” she screamed again.
“I know, I see you!” I called back. “But what about everyone else?”
“UP, HERE!”
I blinked several times. “What?”
She took a deep breath. “UP-”
Pinkie was suddenly and violently yanked back inside. An annoyed looking Applejack now standing in the window frame.
“Sorry ‘bout that! Dash challenged that one to chug an energy drink. We’re all up here.”
“I thought we- you all were doing the band meeting today?”
“We did!” she called back.
My face flattened. “Oh.”
“Yeah, don’t worry about it. We figured you might get bored havin’ to watch us yammer on, so y’ain’t gotta sit through it!”
“Oh,” I repeated, quieter this time.
“Door’s unlocked, come on in whenever.”
With that, Applejack shut the window. And I stood there for nearly a minute trying to process what I just heard.
Since the moment I woke up that morning, I’d been going over this moment in my mind over and over. Thousands of scenarios in my head, ten different answers to whatever I could be asked, a list of songs I would have played to show how good I am at guitar.
And they already had the meeting.
Without me.
"No one ever said this friendship thing was going to be easy,” I muttered.