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Dark and cold, laying on the floor with a shattered heart and torn pages surrounding him. This was Alhaithams current state. Such a young man with so much potential, surrounded by nothing but pure tragedy. He'd lost his parents, his grandmother, and now he'd lost the love of his life. His dear Kaveh, the blonde man who brought meaning and color to his life once more.
Did they tend to argue about theories and beliefs? Yes, they were well known for their heated arguments. No matter the time or place, the two would get into heated arguments about who was right or wrong, what was more important. But amongst these arguments, a beautiful emotion began to grow.
To finally have someone to properly argue his ideas with was what Alhaitham grew to love about being around Kaveh. The senior looked so damn pretty when they would argue, a fiery passion in his eyes and overthetop gestures that looked almost comical. Their arguments would tend to end when they ran out of points to mention and they'd agree to simply drop the topic.
On multiple occasions had the pair tended to sit together and talk about their days because they wouldn't just argue. They were human, they were considerate to each other and would ask one another basic questions to make conversation. At times, Kaveh would make a sweet treat for them to share on a little walk during sunset. They'd organize little picnics and just stick together majority of the time.
It was only natural that the closer they got, the stronger this wonderful feeling between them would as well. They loved each other and wasted no time in getting into a relationship. Every little moment was absolutely perfect between them. The number of dates grew as did the number of sleepovers while the arguments seemed to subside.
"Oh Haiyi... I love you so much. I want to marry you one day! We'll have a grand wedding with so many people and a honeymoon in Liyue!! Or maybe even Fontaine?! There's so many places we could go to for a honeymoon. I'm happy anywhere so long as I have you! I can't even imagine a life without you anymore."
Those words rung in Alhaithams head. It was their 50th date, they were sitting on a tree branch together watching the sunset. Kaveh looked absolutely stunning with the rays of the sun gently kissing his face. There was a sparkle in his eyes as he spoke, holding onto Alhaithams arm so tight like he'd disappear if he dared to let go.
That beautiful blonde hair perfectly framed his face, flowing ever so freely like Kavehs spirit. He wondered what it would look like if the elder chose to do his hair instead of leaving it loose. His seniors voice was so so sweet, like an angels voice guiding him to a warm home. They were planning their future, a future they would no longer have.
They had a horrible argument over some stupid project they thought would be easy considering how smart they are. They thought their bond was strong and would remain so after this project was completed but oh how wrong they were. Their ideas were constantly clashing, more so than ever before which caused tension between the two.
It was a heat of the moment thing where Kaveh was talking about his ideals and a design he'd created which had nothing to do with their project. The blonde was pacing around, ranting about how the professor for the class wasn't pleased at all with his work, she wasn't taking his work seriously and it hurt his ego quite a bit.
Alhaitham just wanted to go home, they'd been working for hours and his patience was running thin which was something he didn't like. The longer Kaveh ranted, the more he'd get distracted, the more he'd struggle to think clearly about what to say to the other.
It was getting later and later, Kaveh continuously talking about this and that, comparing his ideals to those of others. It was getting so damn annoying and Alhaitham didn't realize he'd slammed his hands down onto the table.
"Kaveh! You and your ideals. It all won't matter once you're gone! You'll be forgotten in the snap of a finger. You're merely chasing ideals that no one even cares about!! For what?! Results are what matter around here and you know that better than anyone. You chase the approval of others and all it does is make you look so damn desperate. If you just focused on reality, on getting things done and creating useful things, you'd get somewhere. Maybe."
By the time Alhaitham registered what had left his mouth, it was far too late. Kaveh stood there motionless, tears streaming down his face as he avoided eye contact. The man he loved and trusted had just broken his heart, had attacked what he stood for without hesitation. To be told no one cared for his ideals was like a stab to the heart because he thought Alhaitham cared, even if it was only a little.
What a fool he was to believe someone would understand his view on the world. Was that what Alhaitham truly thought of him? That he was merely some desperate person not worthy of being remembered once he's gone? So many thoughts raced through his mind but one thing was clear, this was not the man he wished to marry anymore. He didn't even want to look at him, overwhelmed with the feeling of betrayal.
All Kaveh could do was grab his things, throw the promise ring at Alhaitham, and leave without hesitation, heading straight home with quiet sobs. He knew this was it. The end of their relationship, of their friendship. Never again would he look at Alhaitham, never again would he trust anyone. He was going to prove that man wrong, he was going to prove everyone wrong. Kaveh would go down in history for creating a beautiful building, he was going to make sure of it.
The Light of Kshahrewar was his name. An intelligent young man with a promising future, a young man determined to prove himself no matter the cost.
"Why did I say that?! What was I thinking... how could I ever say such things to him?"
Alhaitham was pacing around in his home now. He'd gathered everything and silently made his way home, clearly not okay. There were so many thoughts in his mind, Kaveh this and Kaveh that. All he could think about was his Light of Kshahrewar, his beloved Kaveh who didn't even want to see him again. How could he screw up so bad? Why didn't he stop and think?
He let out a frustrated scream as he tore up the project papers in his hands. Tearing, tearing, tearing, tearing. Wet, wet, wet... wet? When did he begin to cry? When had he collapsed to the ground with soft sobs? What was happening to him? His chest hurt, it hurt so bad. What if he died from a broken heart? What would Kaveh do without him? What would he do without Kaveh?
They balanced each other out, they were a duo, inseparable. They looked out for each other, spent every waking minute together. Was it really all over? Surely not. He'll apologize, sincerely, then they'll kiss and and.
"FUCK!!!"
Alhaitham screamed, slowly curling up on the floor. He needed his grandmother. He needed a hug, to be told it would all be okay. He felt like he was a child once again, confused why his parents were gone and why there was so much red paint spilling from the room. Why wasn't his grandmother here to comfort him? Where was she?
The young man got up slowly and rushed into his grandmothers room, collapsing at the foot of the bed with a loud sob. She was gone too. He was all alone in the world. What was he going to do now? Who would he talk to when his brain was overloaded? Who would he enjoy a meal with or go on a walk with?
All alone. No family, no friends, no Kaveh. What was there to live for? He had no one to share his achievements with, no one who would be there to watch him graduate. His heart ached terribly at the thought of his future. Would he even have one? What was the point anymore? How could anyone live like this?
His... the blonde man was gone and he'd taken all his happiness along with him. Why did he say that? What was wrong with him? What happened for him to say such vile things? What kind of a boyfriend was he? Maybe he was better off like this, alone. Perhaps this was his destiny? He's lost so many important people, it was beginning to really look like it truly was his destiny.
Such a brilliant man, destined to be alone for all of eternity. He could only hope for the best, could only wish for Kaveh to live a good life even if meant he was no longer apart of it. The thought of that hurt so bad but there was nothing he could do. The damage was done and now he'd have to deal with the consequences.
He didn't deserve to love or be loved, all he caused was destruction. He would never be worthy enough for anyone.
Alhaitham grew to despise the sun, hating how the golden hues reminded him of the one he'd hurt. The warmth much too similar to that man's touch, how it would gently caress his face and made his heart feel warm and fuzzy. He hated his previous home because of all the dark memories. It was why he accepted a new one from the Akademiya for the project he and... Kaveh were working on.
The Akademiya. Part of him resented the institution for the memories it also brought to him. How he had no one there for him at graduation to meet with after, no family to treat him to a celebratory dinner, no lover to have by his side and bring along. Hell, he didn't even have a single friend to hang out with.
Another grand achievement spent alone. He went home that day, hosting a quiet celebration with a stupid little cupcake with yellow frosting. It was the first one he had picked up, didn't even bother to give it a good look. Imagine his surprise when he realized what color it was. The irony of it being yellow and reminding him of the man who should've been his husband by now, the man who should've been by his side during the graduation.
Alhaitham graduated at the top of his class but what was the point of it? Who was he going to celebrate with? Who would tease him about being so intelligent then shower him with kisses and praises right after? With a frustrated groan, he grabbed the cupcake and threw it at a wall as hard as he could.
This was it. He couldn't go on any longer like this. Alhaitham was now working for the Akademiya but the loneliness had finally gotten to him, it had broken him. People would talk to him but never got close enough to become an actual friend. No one caught his interest anymore, he only wanted Kaveh but he couldn't have him because he hurt him.
What was the point in living like this anymore? It was impossible to form any connections with anyone when he was stuck dwelling on his past. He would return home every evening to a dark, cold home. There was no one to drag him out for an event, no parents to visit on the weekends, no grandmother to bake him pastries just how he liked them.
Many times had Alhaitham attempted to recreate his grandmothers recipes only to end up on the floor a sobbing mess. The pastries never tasted right, they were lacking the love and care of someome who made them. But how could Alhaitham bake with love and care when he hasn't felt such emotions in so long? Those emotions and taste were but a distant memory, they were foreign to him now. What was the point of being so intelligent if he wasn't able to bring back the warmth of a home? At the end of the day, he was always left with a deafening quietness in this house, all because of his loneliness. For years, Alhaitham believed he could never be depressed, that nothing was wrong with his life and that other people were the problem.
At times, the man would have a small breakthrough and realize he was the issue only to take it back and retreat into the shell of the man he once was. He was so sure he was above it all but he was human, and humans have their breaking point. Tonight was the night he finally acknowledged just how shattered he was.
All he wanted to do was cook a nice meal and bake a pastry for dessert, but everything was going wrong and it broke him more. The broth of his meal was much too bitter and the crust always ended up much too dry. Each little bite he took to taste was horrid, it was all such a failure. Just like Alhaitham.
The man did not hesitate to grab everything and slide it into the trash, standing there as he watched the pile. He thought doing this would somehow get rid of that pain in his chest but it did not, it never really did. With a heavy sigh, he made his way to his room and got dressed to go out. His pace was slow, every move so mechanical yet numb. Door. He didn't realize when he made it outside but be did, taking in a deep breath, lungs filled with the crisp air.
As he made his way down the street, he observed the people he passed, how alive and happy they seemed to be. So much happiness surrounded him yet it refused to reach him, to embrace him. With every step he took, he swore he could feel his heart growing heavier and heavier to the point it was unbearable.
The highest point. The highest point. Alhaitham repeated the words in his mind, that was his destination. To go as high as he could, above the painful world where he could finally fly free. The stars would welcome him home alongside his family, he wouldn't have to worry about the dark thoughts anymore. But as he gazed upon the starry night sky, all he could think about was a certain blonde architect who loved to stargaze. Why must every little thing remind him of his mistakes? Of his misery?
But, seeing his parents and his grandmother again would return his happiness, he was sure of it. He would be free from it all— free of loneliness, of this life he felt was a punishment. No more crying to sleep because of the empty feeling in his heart and hoping that he would pass in his sleep to ease the pain. He would no longer need to be strong or be alone. There would be someone for him to lean on, someone to vent to and finally guide him in the right direction when he felt he was lost.
His pace grew faster as the thoughts in his mind began to race, his footsteps light. Everything became a blur around him, the glow of the lanterns were mere smudges now and the laughter of others was getting more and more distorted with every passing minute. However, it didn't matter. None of this would all matter in just a few minutes. Not once he was reunited with his family and experiencing the freedom of flying.
Just as he was about to make a turn, he heard it. The unmistakable laughter of a certain man.
He froze.
Was it...? No. No. No. There was no way that was who he thinks it was.
Last he heard, Kaveh was in the desert working on a project, there was no way it was actually him? ...unless it was. Unless something went terribly wrong.
Should he go in?
No... he couldn't.
He shouldn't.
He was on a mission, he had to find the highest point of Sumeru City. He had spent an entire evening convincing himself that this was the right choice. But Kaveh... his sweet, darling, beautiful Kaveh.
Alhaitham stood motionless, thinking hard about what the right choice was.
Should he commit to the plan and finish what he had started?
Or would he rather throw that all out the window for a mere glimpse of the man he once deemed to be his home?
The choice was painfully obvious.
Alhaitham burst through the doors before he had a chance to reall think it through and scanned the area, easily spotting the beautiful blonde man at the bar. His heart instantly stopped as he stared, taking in every little detail. Kaveh had gotten more beautiful, something he didn't think was actually possible and it made his heart hurt in the best way possible. That beautiful golden hair had grown longer, styled so prettily with the hair clips that complimented his gorgeous eyes. Even from where he stood, Alhaitham could tell Kavehs hair perfectly framed his face, that it showed just how sharp his jawline was now.
Kaveh seemed to have changed so much yet also remained the same.
Should he...?
No. No. He couldn't approach him, not after what happened.
Unless Kaveh had forgiven him? Yes. He needed to talk to him, to apologize for every last word. So Alhaitham moved once again before he could convince himself not to do it. Slowly, he slipped into the seat on Kavehs left and took a deep breath. It seems as though he was busy drinking and ranting to the bartender who was listening as best as he could.
He wondered how the other would react at the sight of him. Would he laugh and walk away? Or would he let him stay by his side and talk things out in a more private area?
"And now I don't know what to do... everything I had to my name is now gone... where will I sleep? I don't know anyone who would take me in on such short notice."
Kaveh spoke with a hiccup and that's when Alhaitham noticed— he was crying. The tears were clinging onto Kavehs beautiful lashes and his cheeks were flushed a pretty pink. Even in such a broken state, Alhaitham found him to be breathtaking.
But it hurt. Seeing his Kaveh in such a state felt like a stab to the heart, like the knife was being twisted. He hated himself so much for not being there for Kaveh, for not being able to catch him. His beloved blondie did not deserve to feel such emotions.
"...Kaveh... you can live with me..."
Was all Alhaitham managed to get out and even then his voice was as quiet as a mouse. Kaveh must not have recognized him at first because the blonde got up and was ready to simply brush him off like he was some other drunk man wanting his attention.
But within seconds, Alhaitham saw his sudden change in demeanor. The way in which Kaveh froze and processed who's voice he'd heard, how he slowly turned around and met his gaze. There were so many emotions going through his head at the moment.
For the first time in years, he was hearing the voice of the man he continued to love despite his hurtful words. It was his Alhaitham.
"Haiyi...?"
Was all Kaveh could get out, unable to process that Alhaitham was actually there, talking to him. He was more handsome than ever, he still had that little sprout in his hair that he adored with all his heart. Oh Alhaitham... his sweet Alhaitham, the one he couldn't bring himself to ever forget, the man he continued to love from afar.
Meanwhile, Alhaithams face had flushed a soft pink, suddenly feeling like he was a younger version of himself still in the Akademiya. The softness in the blondes voice still had the same effect on him, leaving him weak in the knees. For so long, Alhaitham had not wanted a future, not after everything he had gone through, he saw no point in continuing on. But when Kaveh was around? His whole perspective changed and he dreamt of a future by his side.
"You... I..."
Kaveh spoke, trying to put a sentence together but it was so difficult as all the memories came rushing all at once. Deep down, he knew Alhaitham did not mean everything he had said, the young man was definitely very straight to the point but would never intentionally hurt him.
This decision was going be a big one, was he ready for this? He just lost everything and was suffering from it, was he in the right mind to make another huge decision like this? Kaveh took a deep breath and glanced around before giving the other a simple nod.
Kaveh was no longer a shining star, deeming himself nothing but a bunch of dust and debris. Even in this state, he knew he would need to accept any help he could get and hope it didn't damage his pride too much.
It would only be for a while, he told himself, and he'd find a way to repay Alhaitham.
"Come... you look horrible... you need a warm bath and a good meal."
Alhaitham spoke honestly, paying for the others tab before leading him home. They were silent the entire trip there but it wasn't awkward, it was a comforting kind of silence. Kaveh knew something was off about the other, that he had other intentions went going out, he could see it in his eyes.
"This... isn't the way."
Kaveh muttered softly as he glanced around. This was Treasures Street, Alhaitham didn't live here, he lived further away. Why were they going this way? It wasn't a shortcut at all.
"I moved. The... Akademiya offered this place so I took it. More convenient for me as I work there now."
The younger man spoke as he pulled out his keys and unlocked the door, swinging it open. He let Kaveh in first before closing the door, hanging his keys right beside the golden colored copy of them— the one that remained there, waiting for the day it was used.
Alhaitham had the habit of still purchasing items in pairs, in hopes of one day sharing the other half of it with Kaveh. Now, it was going to pay off because Kaveh would be living under the same roof as him.
They took their capes off and hung them up, slowly heading into the living room. They sat down and the silence continued, not one of them knowing what to say or do in this situation.
Kaveh surveyed the area and came to a striking realization. In various places there were pictures of Alhaitham and him during their years at the Akademiya. He didn't realize when he got up and slowly made his way to a certain picture frame, carefully picking it up.
It was a picture of the pair after their first date. They looked so young and happy that it made Kavehs chest hurt, a fresh wave of tears streaming down his face. Alhaitham had gifted him the most beautiful Sumeru rose bouquet that day and he swore he could still smell it at times.
Now he could smell Alhaitham.
Alhaitham?
"Kaveh..."
Alhaitham was behind him. He was there, watching him admire the picture and remembering how happy he once was.
"Haiyi..."
Was all Kaveh managed to get out before sobbing softly. He missed Alhaitham so much, it felt as though his heart was ripped out the moment he threw that promise ring at his face. He shook his head rapidly and turned around, hugging the other as tight as he could. The action surprised Alhaitham, his breath hitching because for the first time in forever, he was feeling the warmth of another person. No, not another person. It was the warmth of home, of his Kaveh.
Alhaitham hugged back just at tight, trying his best not to break out into tears as well.
Things were going to be okay. It wouldn't be easy, but he'd do his very best to win back Kavehs heart and never hurt him again.
"I've... I've missed you so... so much my Haiyi... it was horrible without you there..."
"I know. I've missed you too, my Kaveh. Welcome home."