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“Are you sure?” asked Roxanne, her voice a soft whisper as she sat across from Lily, her customary cup of tea in hand. “If it’s too much we stop, at any moment just let me know.”
“You told your story,” Lily told her, remembering the morning that the news broke on the wireless, Roxanne’s words had been repeated over and over and over again, her message about her abusive relationship coming up again and again and again her fifth year. “I want to share what the Prophet didn’t.”
She turned to the large window that showed the other side of the studio, standing on the other side was Lee Jordan who produced Roxanne’s show, Roxanne’s boyfriend Sean Finnigan, Lily’s own boyfriend Ryan, and her mum.
Her mum was the one that stood out, not for being the only woman, not for her lack of height or her red hair, but because it was her mum, Ginny Potter made heads turn everywhere she went.
“Okay, were back on in three, two,” said Roxanne, putting her headphones on and Lily did the same, taking a sip of her water as Roxanne continued talking. “Welcome back everyone, I know at the beginning of the show I told you all I would have a very special guest on. As we all know it is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and our annual donation drive for the Riddle Domestic Violence Recovery Fund is still going strong here at the station, at Weasley’s Wizarding Wheezes, and also at Finnigan’s Bakery. We are looking forward to surpassing last year’s donation and we’re only three weeks into the month. But back to our special guest, as many of you know I have many family members, all with stories to share of their own, and today my baby cousin Lily decided to share her own. Lily say hi.”
“Hello,” said Lily, awkwardly leaning into the microphone and wondering how Roxanne seemed so casual sitting behind her own. She suddenly felt an even bigger spike of respect for her older cousin. “Thank you for letting me join you Roxanne.”
“Of course,” said Roxanne, smiling at Lily over her microphone and Lily felt herself relax a little. “Though I have to admit, I’m surprised a little you wanted to come on now of all times.”
Lily looked down at her lap, at her shaky fingers and remembered the night before, how Roxanne and her had talked through her story, how Roxanne had held her when she cried, how they went through Lily’s diary that she kept as a therapy device from their shared Healer. She remembered how when it was all over they ordered ice cream and pizza and drank warm butterbeers while painting the others nails and watching the Quidditch highlights and old episodes of Glee. At one point they ended up giggling themselves off the couch and between Roxanne’s cats Smokey and Shadow, and Lily’s Ellie Girl who went everywhere with her, they ended up in a cuddle pile on the floor.
It was how Sean and Ryan found them, having gone out for drinks of their own with Mason and Naveen and whoever else they could get to come with them.
Lily stared at her painted nails, the pink a soft and warm color, and then she looked back up at Roxanne.
“It’s been about two years since I was raped,” said Lily, and Roxanne’s eyebrows flew up into her curls, “sorry, I know this isn’t what we planned, but I have to do this my own way.”
“I guess I should’ve known better.”
Roxanne gave her another smile, this one softer than the first and Lily knew she was forgiven for the more blunt beginning. That was the best thing about Roxanne, she was always quick to forgive Lily, to give her the same grace she always gave to James.
“I wanted to come on and share my story, in hopes that when it happens to someone else, they can know that they can be brave. I struggled to even accept what happened to me, I spent months going through the phases of grieving, telling myself that I was fine even as I stopped speaking to my friends, as I pushed away my family, as I stopped writing home. I told myself that what happened just happens, I put the blame on myself more than anything,” Lily told the world, spoke into the microphone. “I let myself be scared of my own shadow really, but because of my denial and unwillingness to accept what happened, nine other people got hurt. Eight other girls were raped, one other girl was targeted, and my…and one other person was attacked unfairly.”
She bit her lip and the only sound was of their breathing, soft and even, Roxanne had tears on her cheeks and Lily sat on her hands to keep them still.
“I wish I knew then what I know now,” said Lily after another quick moment, ignoring the flashing lights on Roxanne’s soundboard, sure that they were all phone calls in for her.
“Which is?” asked Roxanne, her voice steady even as she wiped at her cheeks with her sleeves.
“That it was never my fault,” Lily told her, hoping more than anything that Roxanne understood too, what had happened to the pair of them, Roxanne with her ex-boyfriend and Lily with her attack, it had never been their fault. “I was targeted by someone that I knew, he…he hadn’t quite been a friend, but we were friendly, in fact I was kind of hoping he would ask me out. But he ended up ruining so many things for me. He took away a love for Quidditch and flying I had since I was newborn…imagine the daughter of Ginny Potter not wanting to play Quidditch? I quit the team that year, and they ended up winning the cup after half the Ravenclaw team was expelled.”
“I can only imagine how heartbreaking that was for the Ravenclaws,” said Roxanne, and Lily smiled at the teasing tone. “They were always formidable opponents.”
“I didn’t go, being around that many people was too much for me at the time,” said Lily, readjusting herself in her seat and pulling her hands out from under her. “It was right after the trial and I just wanted to focus on exams at the time.”
“Why don’t you start from the beginning, give a little bit of a timeline,” offered Roxanne and Lily nodded before remembering that they were on an audio medium.
“Yes I can do that,” agreed Lily, blushing and adjusting her glasses, she finally got new frames and an updated prescription a few months ago. “On Halloween two years ago, I went to the annual party that the Head Boy and Girl put on, and on my way back to my dorm room I was pulled into a broom closet, put in a body bind curse and raped by Warren Williams. I then spent the next seven months trying to come to terms with what happened to me and when I finally did, everything I had been keeping locked up inside of me came out. I didn’t even get the chance to tell my own story, the whole school knew before I even told my parents.”
“And then you went to trial?” asked Roxanne, tugging on one of her curls. “Or what happened?”
“I told my parents what happened and they pulled me out of Hogwarts until we went to trial, and in that time eight other girls spoke up and joined me,” Lily told her, remembering the day the first letter came, written with a shaky hand and tears smearing the ink. “I remember sitting outside the court room with my Auntie Susan and godmother Luna, remembering when I was little and would watch my Auntie Hermione fight and defend her law changes, but it didn’t feel the same. They walked me into the court room and I was sworn in, then after nearly an hour of questioning, they let me go sit with my parents.”
“That had to be horrible by yourself,” said Roxanne, and Lily nodded again, giving this to just Roxanne.
“I took my glasses off so I couldn’t see that well, and I was told not to look down so I didn’t.”
She could still hear her Auntie Susan’s words in her ears, her voice soft and kind, but the edge of experience in her advice. She had seen the inside of the court rooms plenty more times than Lily ever would.
“When I went in to testify I remember how nerve wracking it was, and I had a few years to come to terms with my abuse,” said Roxanne, letting go of her hair and reaching for her water bottle in front of her. “I can’t imagine how it must have felt for you, I wish I had been more present.”
“I wouldn’t have been able to do it without my mum,” said Lily, feeling the eyes of her mum on her back, a gaze that used to make her upset but she now knew was a comfort. “She was my rock through it all, she dealt with everything I couldn’t. She told the family and then kept them away because I couldn’t have that kind of attention, and she looped my brothers in when I couldn’t find the words. I was having nightmares of that night and she would let me sleep in her bed, we became inseparable.”
“Mama and I were like that too when I came home from St. Mungo’s,” said Roxanne, and Lily remembered that summer, if Roxanne was anywhere Auntie Angelina was always within sight too. “I hated the feeling of always being watched, but now I know it was her way of making sure that I didn’t relapse, even though I did twice that summer. I remember sleeping in her bed on those nights too, crying into her chest because she was the only comfort I wanted.”
The lights on the soundboard started flashing faster, even more calls coming in.
“She saved me from spiraling because I was so scared, and then she sent in her calvry when she couldn’t be there,” explained Lily, wishing she could turn around and look at her mum, look and see Ryan still standing behind her. “My daddy talked me through the whole trial process along with Auntie Hermione, and Auror Parvati Patil made sure that my story was the same all three times she heard it. My brother Al was around, he took leave from his Auror training to be home for me, also because James was about to have my nephew Jason too. Then Auntie Susan and Luna showed up before I testified.”
“Luna sent me flowers and a card once I got home from St. Mungo’s,” said Roxanne, twisting off the top of her water bottle, “she’s so kind and an amazing family friend. Now, we are going to take a quick break for some ads and maybe a song, and when we come back, if Lily is feeling up to it, we’ll take some calls.”
Roxanne took off her headphones and Lily copied her, her body seeming to deflate as she sighed.
“You did amazing,” said Roxanne, her voice low as there was a knock on the door and Lee stuck his head in.
“You girls did amazing,” said Lee, a big smile on his face as he held up his thumb to the pair of them, “now make sure you take calls. This is going to be the best episode yet Roxie-Girl.”
“Not why we’re doing this Lee,” said Roxanne, waving him off.
“I believe today I deserve an ‘uncle’ young lady,” said Lee, his smile never wavering and Roxanne playfully stuck her tongue out at him. “Just like your mama I swear.”
Lily turned around and found Ryan and her mum talking to one another, Ellie’s little head poking out of Lily’s book bag on Ryan’s shoulder. She wished that she could at least have her cat with her, Ellie went everywhere with her, especially her last year at Hogwarts.
“Seriously Lily,” said Roxanne, bringing Lily back to her attention now that Lee was gone, “if this grows to be too much, then we’re done okay?”
“I know,” said Lily, and she wondered how her cousin didn’t see how freeing all of this was, “I’m fine.”
“Alright everyone, welcome back,” said Roxanne, putting on her headphones and Lily once again did the same, leaning forward into the microphone like her cousin did. “We’re now going to open the airwaves to some calls, and remember any disrespect and you’re done.”
Lily smiled as the first call came in, nearly laughing as she heard their nana’s voice come on and their grandad’s in the background. She felt a warmth of love as they told her that she was brave and that they were happy she was feeling good enough to tell her story to the world, that she deserved to be happy.
“I love you both so much,” Lily told them, wiping at her eyes and just smiling as she met Roxanne’s eyes, her’s also shining with love and happiness. “You have both always been so important to me, you’ve taken on being my only grandparents because of a horrible tragedy kept me from ever knowing my other grandparents. But that doesn’t mean you never once encouraged me not to know them and you have always been there for everything that I needed you.”
“That’s our Little Willow Girl,” said Grandad Arthur and Lily rolled her eyes, feeling the ghost of a kiss to her forehead.
“Hey Lil-Lu,” said Teddy, and Lily felt her heart beat faster, “Annabelle and I listened to your whole interview, Rox you were great too! We just wanted to let you know that we love you and are proud of you, and we expect you for dinner on Thursday.”
“Give my kiddos some extra kisses for me,” said Lily, thinking of four of her favorite people in the world, the Lupin children were adorable and sweet and funny, just like their parents.
“Will do,” said Teddy and then came the next call and the next and the next. Lily felt herself relax and smile and laugh as her cousins and aunts and uncles all called in to tell her that they loved her and wished her well and found her brave.
“Okay, we’re going to take one last call and then Lily has to go,” said Roxanne, pressing the button on her soundboard, “hello.”
“Hello Roxanne, good morning Lily, I thought I would be able to catch you before you left this morning, but instead Ron and I listened to your interview after the morning briefing,” said Harry Potter, and Lily turned her head to actually look at her mum, finding her smiling on the other side of the glass, Ellie now in her arms. The black cat really liked her parents, when Lily couldn’t find her at home she often went searching for either of her parents and found her cat with them. Ellie liked to sit on her daddy’s shoulders while he cooked and curled up on her mum’s lap while she did her editing at the kitchen table.
“You invited Parvati too, right?” asked Lily, turning back to the microphone.
“She and Dean listened in their office,” said Harry, and Lily smiled to herself.
“She was so helpful while I was going through the interviewing and trial process,” Lily told him, told the listeners. “I know it had to be hard for her to be subjective, but I never once felt alienated by anyone in the Auror offices.”
“I just wanted to let you know that I failed you that year,” said Harry and Lily frowned at his words, never once did she feel like her parents had done anything wrong, if anything she had been the scared one. “I was so focused on James and Katie and Jason, along with Al in his training, that I just didn’t catch all the signs your mum did. She kept telling me that something was off, that it wasn’t normal for you to not write every week or to shut yourself up in your room when you were home and I just didn’t listen. The idea that something happened to you was my darkest fear and then it did happen and I…and I didn’t…I didn’t know how to be the person you needed in that time. I let your mum take on so much for you and I hope you can forgive me.”
“Daddy I never-“ and suddenly Lily let out a small sob, covering her mouth with a small slap. “Daddy I never felt like you weren’t doing enough. I always go to you for everything, and this time I just needed mummy.”
“Yeah I guess,” said Harry and Lily let out a small sigh as she wiped at her eyes and cheeks.
“Daddy I love you,” said Lily, before taking a second to take in a breath, “and I wouldn’t have been able to be brave like you or mum without the pair of you always showing me love and support like you always have. I remember the summer after the trial, you took me flying nearly every night until I was making you go with me. I found that love again with you leading the way, and that’s what I want to think of our relationship.”
“I love you too my Willow Girl,” said Harry and Lily smiled as she sat back into her seat, she was done now.
“Thank you Uncle Harry for finishing us off,” said Roxanne, smiling at Lily as she leaned into her microphone, “and thank you Lily for joining me today and sharing your story, bringing awareness to the Riddle project, and answering calls from nearly the whole family. Now we’re going to take a little bit of break, put our ad readers to good use and play a few songs while I actually say goodbye to my baby cousin.”
Lily rolled her eyes but took off her headphones as Roxanne did the same. She didn’t know how her cousin did this every day, how she managed to navigate phone calls and talk for hours to anyone who would listen.
She could talk about dancing for hours, maybe the family, but it was different when it wasn’t her students. The difference between a group of fifteen six year olds and a few thousand people of any age was nerve wracking.
“I’m exhausted,” mumbled Lily as Roxanne walked around to give her a hug, “maybe pizza and wine wasn’t the right choice last night.”
“It’s a lot the first few times,” said Roxanne, holding Lily close to her body and without thinking Lily started crying. “Shh…shh…it’s okay, you were perfect. I remembered after my first show- well actually that was when Sean first asked me out, but I was still exhausted. That whole first week I would go home and nap until mama woke me up for dinner.”
“It was just so much to give,” said Lily and Roxanne shook her head with a small smile and wiped at Lily’s face. “I want to curl up with Ellie and Ryan and sleep forever.”
“Lil-Lu,” said Roxanne, her voice soft and warm, her smile never fading, “go home, eat some lunch, sleep for a few hours, and then get drunk babe.”
“I can’t get drunk for lunch?” asked Lily, wiping at her face again. “Or is that alcoholism?”
“You’re half Weasley, that’s called Tuesday,” said Roxanne, and Lily laughed, unable to help herself. “Go on, Ryan and Auntie Ginny are waiting for you and I have to get back on air.”
“Thank you for letting me do this,” Lily told her, running her fingers through her hair and giving Roxanne an extra hug. “It was a lot, but I needed to do this.”
“Anytime you want to come back just let me know,” said Roxanne, and Lily nodded before slipping out of the room.
She found her mum and boyfriend sitting on the floor together, Ellie relaxing on her mum’s lap, but perking up the second she saw Lily and running over to her.
“Hi Sweet pea,” said Lily, picking up Ellie and kissing her forehead and scratching behind her ears. “I could’ve used you Ellie.”
“Lily you were amazing,” said Ryan, his arms wrapping around her, warm and tight as he kissed her cheek. “And Ellie missed you the whole time.”
“Thank you for letting me come,” said Ginny, and Lily pulled out of Ryan’s arms to hug her close and kiss her cheek. “You’re so brave Moonflower.”
“Thanks to you,” Lily told her, hoping that her mum knew she meant every bit of it.
“Alright now,” said Ginny, pulling away from Lily, but just enough to tuck a lock of Lily’s hair back behind her ear, adjusting her glasses. “Lunch with your brothers and then you look like you need a nap.”
“I’m exhausted,” Lily told her, feeling warm as her mum rubbed her back before pulling her in close. “But I’m ready for lunch.”
She reached back and took Ryan’s hand, tugging a little as they started walking down the hallway that would lead them to the floo center. They would get lunch with her brothers, then Lily would go back to her flat that she shared with Ryan and curl up in bed with him and Ellie, taking a long nap and knowing that maybe someone else was stepping They would get lunch with her brothers, then Lily would go back to her flat that she shared with Ryan and curl up in bed with him and Ellie, taking a long nap and knowing that maybe someone else was stepping forward and getting the help they need.