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Natsume sat on the floor of the library room where he usually went to process his feelings, razor in hand. Breathing erratically, hands shaking, he felt a sharp, pounding pain in his head. He couldn’t believe what was happening. The people he loved the most, humiliated and destroyed right before his eyes, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. And it hurt him to know how hard they were trying to protect him from the very same fate. He couldn’t help feeling like a burden. And that was a feeling he hated.
There was nothing else for him there, at Yumenosaki. And there was nowhere else he could be. It was all over. Thanks to fucking Eichi, and even worse, Tsumugi. He felt more angry at himself for ever trusting the blue-haired boy. Is this the end? Can he go now?
Natsume started slashing his wrists. How could he be so stupid? To think it could have ended in any way other than this? At some point he knew he was destined to die like this.
The blood dripped down his arms and stained his pants; he couldn’t care less. His head hurt more than his wrists. His eyeballs burned as the tears ran down his face and neck.
He heard a knocking on the door. His heart skipped a beat. Shocked, he didn’t move.
— Natsume…? — he heard a familiar voice as the door opened, shedding light onto his frail body.
— T-tsumuGI? How did you find ME?
— What happened to you? — Tsumugi rushed and sat in front of Natsume, trying to hold his hands. Natsume dodged his hands.
— You’re not supposed to be heRE. I don’t want you to see me like tHIS. — Natsume didn’t dare to look Tsumugi in the eyes.
— Please… Tell me what happened.
— You really don’t get it, do yOU? — Natsume screamed, looking up — You all in fine are all the same, heartless monstERS! Did you really not think about the consequences of your actiONS? How much you would hurt the OddbaLLS? They’re my famiLY! I trusted you, tsumuGI! Now I have nothing left, and you ask me what happenED? YOU happeNED! — he choked on his own tears.
— You don’t get it, Natsume!
— Of course I don’t get IT! I could never be so heartlESS! — he panted for a few seconds — Why did you want me to join OddbaLLS? Did you want this to happen to mE?
— I’m afraid this decision wasn’t this deep.
Natsume tucked his knees and put his head over them.
— You can go nOW. Just don’t tell people about thIS. They will find out eventuaLLY.
— Natsume, I can’t let you go — Tsumugi tried grabbing Natsume’s hands again. He didn’t avoid the touch this time. His hands were cold and bloodied — You still have so much ahead of you.
— You destroyed everything I hAD. There’s nothing left for ME. This is the eND.
— I need you to listen to me. You are Natsume Sakasaki. A great magician, an amazing idol, and an even better friend. What do you think the Oddballs would do without you? They love you as much as you love them. It’s not fair for you to take away their best friend.
— I’m simply burdening thEM. Even going through their own executions they’re still fighting to protect ME. It shouldn’t have happened like thIS. But they’ll learn to live without ME.
— If you’re not going to do this for them, do it for yourself. Fight for your dream. You have worked on this for your whole life. Are you going to give up now? Is it fair with the old you? To throw away all of his efforts?
— I am okay with this decisION. I can’t get past thIS. And I have accepted my faTE. The cards have told me it’s okay to go nOW.
— Then let me be selfish. — Tsumugi took his hand to Natsume’s chin, tilting his head upwards and looking into his teary eyes —Do it for me. Do it with me. Live with me. I still want to see you succeed, I have looked up to you ever since we first met. I have lived to see you chasing your dreams, and I would like to chase mine alongside you. I could never be an idol without you.
— Look at what you did to ME! Did you break me so you could save ME?
— I could never save you. Only you can save yourself. I just want you to know that I’ve been there. I’ve been close to the end. But I made it. And every pain I’ve felt has lessened at one point. It doesn’t hurt forever. And I want to show you that one day, it’s going to hurt less. You will never forget what was done to you, and you may never forgive me, but one day you’re going to get past all of this. One day the good things in life will shine brighter than the shadows of your past.
Tsumugi hugged Natsume, his clothes getting stained with his blood. Tsumugi didn’t care.
— Live, Natsume. You don’t have to live with me. I’ll gladly accept to leave your life, if that’s what you wish. As long as you live.
— TsumuGI… — Natsume tightened the hug — I want you to show me how to liVE. And I’ll try to understand yOU. Maybe I never will, but I will continue tryING.
— Time will pass. Spring will come, flowers will bloom, and the hole in your heart will get smaller. And the pain in your head will get fainter. And I’ll be there for all of it.
— But first, let’s clean you up.