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“Soon- Ah! S-Soonyoung… Kwon Soonyoung, get- Ugh! Get off!” With a final shove, Jihoon gets Soonyoung away from him fast and a little too harsh. Soonyoung slams into the corner of a wall with a loud thud and an “Oof”. His face contorts in pain for a split second before he happily trails after Jihoon further into their hotel room. The younger spares only a short glance to make sure his roommate isn’t actively dying, but otherwise says nothing and does nothing else.
“Jihoon I-“
“Why are you so fucking insistent?” That shuts Soonyoung up. The dancer still has traces of makeup on his eyes, left after the hasty removal post-concert. Their flight leaves early in the morning and everyone had to get back to the hotel to pack up as efficiently as possible. “What… What do you mean?” Soonyoung’s face falls ever so slightly, but Jihoon blinks as he catches it. Because of course he does.
Jihoon feels like he’s suddenly lost every ounce of previous anger in his body at the sound of Soonyoung’s weary, unsure tone. He rarely ever sounds like this. “I… You’ve just been so… clingy. These past two days. I’m…” He shakes his head, a haze settling between his words. “I- I don’t know, Soonyoung, okay? I’m tired, let’s just go to bed.”
“Actually, no, Jihoon,” Soonyoung says, firm. He repositions himself, standing more upright with his hands on his hips. A finger jabs the air. “You wanted to lash out at me unwarranted, so let’s settle what’s making you so exhausted. And I know it’s not just the concert. You’ve been like this since the end of Day 1.”
“Soonyoung, no (can we not)-“
”Oh, Soonyoung yes we will!”
A heat builds in the room at the mild escalation. Jihoon resigns to silence: plugging in his phone to charge, gathering his night wear and clothes for their flight in a few hours just to ignore him and try to escape giving an answer. Soonyoung watches with a sharp focus, then sighs. “Come on, Jihoon,” He says, now softer around the edges. He walks over to where the younger is fiddling with spare wires and a bag of snacks to bring home over on the desk below the TV.
Hands come to rest on Jihoon’s shoulders from behind and he feels something crack within him. Resolve slowly withers away as he feels his lip quiver ever so slightly. Soonyoung can’t see it. Those hands- warm, homely, and gentle- slide down his arms and wrenches his tight fingers away from the plastic bag in its death grip. Soonyoung’s presence looms over in this moment: the heavy weight of another, the soft breath against the skin of Jihoon’s neck, the unwavering tension fizzling in the air between the two. As it always has.
“Have you been alright?”
Jihoon shatters.
And Soonyoung catches all of him and his pieces, holding them secure in a hug Jihoon cannot even begin trying to refuse. The blockades of emotion burst free from his eyes in waves of tears, his lips desperate to let loose any sound to somatically relieve him of this burden he’d been bottling up. And yet, he holds back with a painfully bitten red lip, lets his cries muffle out in the cotton of Soonyoung’s shirt. The dancer guides them to Jihoon’s chosen hotel bed, sitting side by side as friends.
It’s uncomfortable. Jihoon so badly wants to lay them down and cuddle into Soonyoung as he cries, wants to feel the rhythmic petting of Soonyoung’s hand on his back. But he’ll take anything the other gives. For now. He chalks this feeling up to being tired and vulnerable, thus not in the right state of mind. He keeps this boxed away. For now.
“Let it out, Ji. Then we need to talk, okay?” He wordlessly nods, not trusting his voice to come out the way he wants it to.
They sit there for a bit, time ticking into the late hours with Jihoon’s sighs and sniffles ringing out in their semi-soundproof room. Until he finally feels better enough for Soonyoung to let go and grab him one of the supplied bottles of water to rehydrate. They sit cross legged now, facing each other on Jihoon’s bed. “Everything okay?” He’s asked again. “What happened there, hm?”
Jihoon’s mind is clouded by Soonyoung and he wishes it wasn’t. All he can focus on is the tone he has when he talks all caring like this, the concern flowing thick and so warm. Soonyoung is so warm to him, and for him. “I don’t know…” Jihoon mutters. Soonyoung tries to prod him with questions about what happened post Day 1 of their concert stop but nothing seems to make sense.
After a bit of thinking, Soonyoung tries to speak up but is cut off by Jihoon’s sudden confession. “You weren’t paying attention to me.”
Soonyoung’s sound of confusion is so loud and comical that Jihoon dissolves into a spluttered laugh that puts a relived smile on the dancer’s face. “But you were just hating me and pushing me away when I was. Isn’t that contradictory?” Jihoon sighs and nods, “I… know. I know. But I guess I was caught up in so much that nothing really was making sense to me. I wanted your attention but I hated when you gave it because I thought it wasn’t the same… Or something like that- I- I don’t know either!”
Soonyoung lightly chuckles. Reading Jihoon’s embarrassed, downward gaze, he simply says, “Come here.” The younger’s head whips up to watch for any hint of a joke, instead seeing Soonyoung get comfortable against arranged pillows while motioning for him to lay in the space he’s purposely left for him. A red tints Jihoon’s cheeks as if he’d drank alcohol. “Kwon S-“
“Just come.”
Jihoon hesitates for a split second before moving, still unsure about his teammate’s motive. When he’s within reach, Soonyoung holds on to him like his life depended on it. Jihoon feels the other’s warm body pressed to him and flushes even more if it’s possible. “Soonyoung-“
“Do you ever shut up?”
Jihoon does, then, at the mumble of a question. For once, he lets his mind blank out and lets his senses take over. It only feels right.
He feels Soonyoung’s warmth, the exhales out his nose ticking the tip on his ear, the way his fingertips play an unknown pattern against his waist. Jihoon doesn’t think at all. He hears Soonyoung ask if he feels better, but he can’t respond. His eyes want to close, but the idea of going to sleep without a proper shower irritates him enough into staying awake. Jihoon musters the strength to croak, “Can we… shower first? I might… fall asleep…” Of course, Soonyoung obliges but not without a light teasing that makes Jihoon’s vulnerable heart grow fonder, if there’s even enough space for it to.
When all is done, Jihoon- a little more conscious now- goes to Soonyoung on his bed this time. The older puts his phone to charge and accepts Jihoon’s exhausted body with pride and so much care. The younger lays practically on top of him, cheek pressed to his collarbone in exhaustion from everything: mentally and physically. It’s not easy baring one’s heart, especially to someone one trusts the most, who may or may not be the core reason for one’s exhaustion in the first place.
Soonyoung’s hands rest naturally at Jihoon’s lower back, the younger not even making a fuss about it. He guesses the shower loosened and cleared him of any irritation.
“You’re not mad at me, right?” Jihoon mumbles, already feeling energy seep out his bones down into the bed and Soonyoung below him. Soonyoung makes a noise, “Mm-mm. Well, I was a little sad when you shoved me so hard the moment we came back. I found a bruise, y’know?” Jihoon props himself up with speed in shock, “Wait, really? I’m sorry!” He leans over to inspect Soonyoung’s sleeveless arm, seeing that a long shape is starting to darken. “Oh shit. We should… do something about it!”
Soonyoung brushes it off as he lightly pushes Jihoon to lay back down, fingers massaging the back of his neck. “Anyway, I’m just gonna apologise for being a little bit of a little shit to you as well. You already seemed grumpy and I think I only added to it; I should’ve known.” Jihoon groans, “There’s actually no reason for you to apologise. I was the one being grumpy for no reason. It was a petty one, at that.” With Soonyoung’s hum, the room falls to silence again.
Jihoon could sleep like this. Listening to Soonyoung’s evening heartbeat is so calming, paired with the motion of little shapes now being drawn on his back. “Jihoonie…?” Soonyoung’s voice is soft, breathy, and almost inaudible. It’s so light, like a dream. “Hm…”
“I love you. You know that, right?” He feels himself be tipped lightly onto his side, subconscious still gripping on to Soonyoung. The latter peels Jihoon away gently for a moment to turn off the side table lamp and throw their secrets into the pitch dark, then returns to cradle him like glass.
Jihoon, ever the sentimental idiot after hours, cuddles impossibly closer to his roommate. The warmth lulls him to a sweet, well-rested sleep as a quiet breath replies to Soonyoung, “I… love you too.”