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It was a winter night that day, I remembered the memory like it was yesterday. We were hanging out inside a shabby horse stable that got abandoned by the folks not long after the war between the two nations broke out, it was sudden, it was unexpecting. We were just kids then, we didn’t care about the dangers of being out in the open—we were just trying to be somewhere, just like how children our age were, exploring and, I guess, gathering food materials to bring back … despite the freezing temperatures. Although winter was never our biggest issue, at least for our family that is. We grew up, nowhere nearing the age of a teen yet was still forced to wear barely nothing in the midst of the season, saying it was so we’d get used to the climate, but I knew this wasn’t the only thing they’d force on us eventually.
He made me sit on a bunch of leftover hay, they were scattered messily over each other ‘just as expected’. I tried my best to gather them in one place so I could sit comfortably against the cold floor we’ve been walking on for some time. Putting down the sack of goods we had carried for the past hour beside the now neat haystacks and while doing so, out of the corner of my eyes I could spot my brother starting a fire with sticks he had collected during our trip to the stables.
“Why fire?” I asked, and he only gave me a quick look before turning his gaze back towards the flames.
“Do you want soup?”
“You brought a pot?”
“Why would I offer you soup if I didn't, silly.” His tone is playful and laidback, just like I always knew him as.
“Touché. In my defense I didn't see you bringing one.” My inattentiveness only brought me a light chuckle from my brother.
The warmth from the flames he’d created wouldn’t be enough to raise the stable’s temperature, but seeing my brother as he brewed soup infront of me was the only thing that made me feel like I could forget that I was ever cold in the first place. He was always kind to me, despite what others might say about his demeanor. The truth is, they don't understand what they're talking about. He has little control over his behavior, given äiti’s treatment towards us.
Thinking about it, I never really figured out where he got to learn about cooking.. äiti would never let a girl touch anything other than a sword. I guess he always had his own way of doing things, not that I minded. That side of him always made him seem...human, despite the way our family treated us—inhuman, really.
But, that wouldn’t last.
We grew older, became adults, each with our own responsibilities. It was around that time that I barely recognized my own twin brother, Owen. He had grown taller, bigger than I am now—it was in the genes, after all. The women in our family were always bigger than the men and the reason behind it all was just for them to eventually claim their vow as a knight to the empire.
I opposed the idea, but there was nothing I could do. Our family was full of strong, recognizable knights, but deep down, Owen no longer felt like the brother I once knew. His gentle nature had fallen apart as if it was eventually torn away by force as years passed by, his body was scarred from the wars he had fought in, and his tone had grown deeper, his expression now distant and unreadable. He was no longer the person I knew.
"I thought I knew everything about you, but now, I don’t have a clue. Who are you?” That was the last thing I could say before he left, to continue destroying the last bit of humanity left in him. But I knew it wasn’t a choice he could make—it was a fate äiti had forced upon us.
I knew this day would come, but I never imagined how wrong it would feel to see him become exactly what I had expected.
That day, I lost a part of myself with him—my twin brother, oh, how I lost him so dearly to the destruction of the human weapon he became.
I wonder if, one day, I’ll be able to find a way back to him, to be a part of him again—before the world and fate took him away from me. But for now, all I have is this ache in my chest, the ghost of the brother I once knew, slipping further and further away.
Goodbye, my brother. You were always more than I ever could have imagined, and I’ll carry this loss with me, wondering if you’ll ever find the peace you truly deserve.