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Nanaki’s love has never been reciprocated, that’s the harsh truth he learned during the 16 years he lived. At least, that’s what happened before Kiroku came.
Kiroku was the first to reciprocate his love.
It all started at the stairs, where Nanaki realized he likes Kiroku while the latter was drawing as usual. Nanaki just accidentally blurted it out, he never thought that Kiroku would’ve felt the same.
So, now they’re dating. Nanaki should’ve been happy, right?
Wrong.
Nanaki was filled with anxiety and worry, afraid that what if it’s all just a dream? What if in reality, Kiroku was just too nice to reject him? What if Kiroku’s feelings disappear as time goes on?
What if… Kiroku wouldn’t love him anymore?
“H—hey…,” Kiroku startled Nanaki with his soft voice, “are you okay?”
Nanaki tried to act like nothing ever happened, “What? Me? I’m fine.”
“Really…? But… you look like you’re thinking so hard about something…”
“I’m fine, really.”
Well, Kiroku certainly didn’t believe that. Not when Nanaki tried to avoid eye contact with him. So, Kiroku cupped both of Nanaki’s cheeks and made him face Kiroku.
“W—what?” Nanaki blushed, being so close to Kiroku’s face.
“I… don’t like seeing you like this…” Despite the shakiness in his voice, Kiroku tried to sound brave, “what’s bothering you…? I want to know… we’re boyfriends afterall…”
“I…” Nanaki stuttered.
Kiroku wouldn’t think of him as clingy, would he? Or worse, Kiroku wouldn’t dump him over this, would he?
“I’m afraid… that you will lose interest with me.”
“Huh…?” Kiroku looks surprised.
“I mean, no one ever loved me like this— you’re the first to ever love me like this. So, I’m afraid to lose you—“
“N—Nanaki—“
“What if you no longer loved me? No, what if you don’t even love me from the start? What if our relationship is just a lie? What if—“
“Nanaki…!”
Kiroku snapped back Nanaki to reality, still cupping both of his cheeks. But this time, instead of the soft expression he usually wears, now he looks… mad?
Kiroku brushed Nanaki’s cheeks, “I… I won’t stop loving you. I truly like you.”
“Really…?”
Kiroku nodded, “Of course… after all… you’re my muse. How could I stop loving you…?”
In disbelief, Nanaki said, “Your what…?”
“My… muse.”
Nanaki just stares at Kiroku. He never thought he would hear those words from Kiroku. Hell, he never thought Kiroku would think of him like that .
“Nanaki… you’re my muse. You’re beautiful… and you inspired me many, many times… how could I not love someone like that?” The mad expression in Kiroku’s face faded, replaced by a gentle smile.
Nanaki shook his head, “But, anyone can do that. Anyone can be your muse—“
“No… I don’t want just anyone… I want you…”
And just like that, tears fell from Nanaki’s eyes. Kiroku panicked. He’s not sure of what he should’ve done, so he decides to hug Nanaki, drawing a circle on his back in order to comfort him.
“There… there…” Kiroku whispered, “it’s okay… it’s going to be fine…”
Nanaki continued to cry for some minutes. Kiroku’s embrace comforted him to the point he fell asleep on it. Kiroku didn’t mind, of course. Nanaki can rest on him for as long as he wants, because Kiroku would always be there for him.
The last thing Nanaki remembered before he truly went to the dream world is Kiroku humming a lullaby, and a gentle hand patting his head.
On the other hand, seeing Nanaki’s looks so comfortable brings a weird warmth to Kiroku's heart. He loves seeing Nanaki like this.
Sleep tight, my dear muse.