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Sugawara Koushi was widely regarded as an angel walking among humans. His smile was said to cause the sun to literally shine brighter. Someone - probably Daichi - had started a rumor that if you received a kiss from Sugawara Koushi, you would live happily for the rest of your days. Another someone - but, again, probably Daichi - had once mentioned that the penalty for injuring Sugawara Koushi in any way was a long, miserable life, and a longer, more miserable death.
Oikawa Tooru was beginning to think that penalty would absolutely be worth the satisfaction of hitting Sugawara Koushi with a volleyball. Because Oikawa wanted nothing more than to hit Sugawara Koushi with a volleyball. In the face. Repeatedly.
Correction: there was one thing Oikawa wanted more, and that one thing was for Iwaizumi Hajime to stop blushing and smiling at Sugawara Koushi.
Why was Iwaizumi blushing while smiling at the enemy setter? Well, much to Oikawa's - very vocal, very high-pitched with indignation - dismay, Sugawara, the enemy, had spent the entire time since Karasuno's arrival at Aoba Johsai for one last practice match before Karasuno went off to Nationals flirting with Iwaizumi.
Unbeknownst to Oikawa, the incident had started before Aoba Johsai actually arrived. Takeda had mentioned the way Oikawa analyzed his opponents and tried to use their weaknesses to his advantage. Ukai had added that everyone should be prepared for it. Daichi had assured the adults that they's beaten this team in the tournament, and they would do it again today. Suga had spoken up, saying that he'd neutralize Oikawa, even if Suga wasn't on the court. Ukai had looked unsettled by this. Takeda had warned against poor sportsmanship. Sugawara Koushi, widely regarded as an angel, had smiled, and the sun shone a little brighter, and Karasuno was reassured that whatever Suga was planning, it would be lovely for everyone involved.
As soon as Karasuno's team members greeted the Seijou players, Oikawa began to feel suspicious. Both teams were excited, a little on edge, Karasuno still positively glowing with their victory over Shiratorizawa. But Oikawa had expected that. He really had. What he hadn't expected was for the refreshing second setter Sugawara Koushi to shake Iwaizumi's hand - vice captain to vice captain - and then pause, fingers still wrapped around Iwaizumi's hand, and say, with that widely-regarded-as-angelic innocence:
"Did your uniform shrink the last time you washed it, or did your arms get even more impressive since the tournament?"
Iwaizumi's normally borderline-grumpy expression vanished, replaced by surprise. Oikawa froze, eyes wide, because had Sugawara Koushi just tried to flirt with Iwaizumi?
"Well, I...don't think the uniform shrank?" Iwaizumi answered hesitantly. Sugawara - who was still holding Iwaizumi's hand from the handshake - grinned in a way that was decidedly not angelic.
"Then I'm looking forward to today's match even more," Suga replied cheerfully. He cast an appraising glance over Iwaizumi's arms - which, Oikawa had to admit, were very impressive and pleasant to look at - then joined his team in warming up for the match.
The flirting had only continued. During warm ups, whenever Iwaizumi bent over, flexed his arms, or anything that Oikawa usually considered the highlight of Aoba Johsai's warm up routine, there was a faint whistle of appreciation from the enemy players across the gym. By the time the teams lines up to acknowledge each other, Oikawa and Iwaizumi were both red-faced, Iwaizumi from embarrassment and Oikawa from frustration.
Oikawa served first, and as he went to his place, ball in hand, he paused to study the Karasuno starting lineup, and was absolutely horrified to find that Tsukishima wasn't starting. Instead, Karasuno was apparently going with their two-setter formation, because there, near Kageyama, right across the net from Iwaizumi, stood Sugawara Koushi, current bane of Oikawa's existence.
And Sugawara Koushi was winking and blowing a kiss at Iwaizumi, whose whole face, ears, and neck were red by this point. Oikawa scowled, served...and the ball landed out of bounds. Iwaizumi glanced over his shoulder, curiosity and concern warring with the embarrassment on his face. Oikawa's scowl darkened, and set continued. Oikawa tried a dump attack, but Kageyama managed to read it, save the ball, and then Tanaka was jumping to spike, and Iwaizumi was jumping to block him, and Sugawara made eye contact with Oikawa before deliberately turning to eye Iwaizumi's arms.
Things went downhill from there. Oikawa's next turn to serve came around, and he ended up slamming the ball into the net because he was actually aiming for Suga's face, and the net was in the way. Suga, wide-eyed, turned to Iwaizumi and asked if Oikawa was feeling okay.
"He was fine earlier, but I think you flirting with his boyfriend may be upsetting him a little," Iwaizumi replied, his voice steady and his blush fading a bit.
"It's not my fault Oikawa has good taste in boys," Suga replied cheerfully. Iwaizumi was blushing again, and Oikawa was contemplating murder. Then Oikawa noticed something very interesting: Sawamura Daichi, Karasuno's captain, who literally everyone knew was dating Sugawara, was watching Suga flirt with Iwaizumi, and he didn't look happy about it. Oikawa decided that, instead of murdering Sugawara Koushi and inviting the universe's wrath upon himself, he would just pay Suga back in kind.
Which was why, when Daichi went to receive next, his legs flexing in what Oikawa privately admitted was a rather appealing way, Oikawa pitched his voice to carry as he met Suga's gaze and said smugly, "My Iwa-chan might have great arms, but your captain over there has positively delicious thighs." Daichi fumbled the receive, Aoba Johsai got a point, and Oikawa smirked triumphantly.
"See? Good taste in boys," Suga murmured to Iwaizumi, apparently completely unaffected by Oikawa's comment. Meanwhile, Hanamaki and Matskawa, who had been gleefully taking in Suga's flirting, Iwaizumi's blushing, and Oikawa's increasing frustrations - Oikawa hadn't realized it, but every time Suga so much as glanced at Iwaizumi after the first comment, Oikawa had been making angry little squeaking noises - decided it was time to stop letting Suga have all of the fun, because anything that flustered Oikawa had to be fun.
"Hey, Makki, do you think Oikawa will serve into the back of Iwaizumi's head?" Matsukawa asked in a tone that was clearly meant to be heard.
"Probably. That would get him away from the other pretty setter, right?" Hanamaki replied. "What's his name?"
"I'm Sugawara," the reputed angel, who Oikawa was increasingly convinced was actually devil spawn, piped up. "Sugawara Koushi," he added, winking at Iwaizumi and stressing his given name. Iwaizumi's eyes widened. Oikawa shrieked.
"Makki! Mattsun! Help me stop this!" Oikawa demanded. The two grinned.
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Hanamaki asked.
"Oh yeah." In unison, the pair pulled their shirts over their heads and tossed them off the court.
"Karasuno might have a flirty second setter, and a captain with great thighs, but we have abs," Hanamaki announced. "I declare this match shirts versus skins!" For a moment, the entire gym was silent. On the sidelines, the Aoba Johsai coach looked like he was going to maim his players himself. Ukai and Takeda exchanged dumbfounded looks. Kiyoko took Yachi's arm and pulled her out of the gym because there was no way this was going to end well. All of the Karasuno players gaped, because not only had their opponent's two troublemakers just taken their shirts off, but for some unfathomable reason, Iwaizumi decided to go along with it.
Oikawa shrieked again. Kyoutani followed Iwaizumi's lead and also divested himself of his shirt. On the sidelines, Yahaba muttered something about "damned pack mentality". Oikawa stalked toward Iwaizumi, but when he reached down to grab the ace's shirt, intent on making him get dressed again because litterally every member of the Karasuno team was staring at Iwaizumi's bare chest and arms and this was UNACCAPTABLE, Matsukawa and Hanamaki struck, somehow managing to get Oikawa out of his shirt, too. Kindaichi looked like he wanted to leave. Kunimi tried to hide behind Iwaizumi, which turned out to be a bad choice, because it allowed Matsukawa and Hanamaki to flank him and add Kunimi to the list of shirtless Aoba Johsai players.
"Put your shirts back on!" the Seijou coach bellowed.
"But look at Karasuno! They're speechless! Frozen! We need to play now, while we have an advantage!" Matsukawa replied. Hanamaki nodded eagerly. It was true; all of the Karasuno players were staring at their opponents. Specifically, they were staring at Iwaizumi. However, they were not speechless.
"Okay, so, fun fact," Tanaka piped up. "Turns out I'm not as straight as I'd like people to think."
"Suga, I am no longer mad at you for flirting with someone besides me," Daichi announced.
"I think he might be more ripped than Asahi," Noya commented. Asahi appeared very intimidated.
"No wonder they use Iwaizumi as Oikawa's handler," Kageyama muttered.
"I'd let him handle me," Suga agreed, sighing wistfully. Hinata actually was speechless.
"Hm. You know, come to think of it, maybe showing the enemy Iwaizumi's muscles wasn't that great of an idea," Matsukawa mused.
"You think?" Oikawa screeched.
"No, no, this was an excellent idea," Hanamaki replied. "Iwaizumi always changes too fast. None of us ever get a good look."
"True. Very true," Matsukwa agreed. Kindaichi whimpered and covered Kunimi's eyes.
"You know, I was wondering if I'd get a chance to ask just how far that blush was going," Suga commented, noticing the face that Iwaizumi's blush seemed to be spreading from his face, down his neck, and even onto his chest. "Didn't think I'd get to see it for myself."
"I always thought he'd be a full-body blusher," Hanamaki said.
Oikawa, who had been steadily dying a little inside every time someone commented, because it made Iwaizumi blush more, and shirtless, blushing Iwaizumi was not something Oikawa had ever intended to share with anyone, sank to the ground, devoid of hope of his torment ending any time soon.
"If you idiots don't get your clothes on in the next ten seconds, you'll be doing push-ups as punishment!" the Seijou coach shouted. Kunimi scrambled for his shirt. Kyoutani and Matsukawa followed suit, Hanamaki only a second behind.
"Since Iwaizumi's muscles started all of this, he should have to do his push-ups with an extra challenge," Suga called, his voice carrying over the rush for jerseys. "Maybe I should sit on his back while he does them." Oikawa, who had been peeling himself off the ground and trying to pull his own shirt back on, wailed and threw the garment at Suga.
"You're a demon! A demon, I tell you!" Oikawa announced.
"Three seconds," the coach declared. Oikawa yelped and scrambled for his shirt. Iwaizumi reached for his, too.
"Don't let him put his shirt back on!" someone shouted. Oikawa was pretty sure the call came from Karasuno, but he was too distressed by the words to really take the time to figure out who was saying them. Because all of a sudden, Karasuno's excitable second-years were charging toward Iwaizumi, ducking under the net, stealing his shirt, and running off with it. Suga, normally a voice of reason, hummed appreciatively. Daichi didn't even glare at them.
"I hate you all," Oikawa whined. "All of you. Every single one of you."
"I give up," the Seijou coach announced, noticing that Oikawa and Iwaizumi were still shirtless, and while Hanamaki and Matsukawa were fully clothed, they had swapped jerseys. He walked over to the bench where Ukai and Takeda sat. "Since this is just a practice match, and both of our teams are apparently full of idiots, want to go get drinks?" Minutes later, the coaches and advisers were gone, and the players hadn't even noticed. Oikawa, for one, was doing his best imitation of a depressed puddle on the ground. Hinata bravely approached the limp setter and nudged him with one foot. Oikawa whined but didn't even look up.
"I think you broke the Grand King, Suga-senpai," Hinata announced. "Does this mean we win?"
"Nope," Suga replied. "We win when Iwaizumi gives me his number." Oikawa scrambled to his feet, staring in horror at Iwaizumi, who just shrugged. Was Iwaizumi grinning? Why? Why had Oikawa's life become so horrible?
"Sure. I haven't seen Oikawa like this since Makki and Mattsun found out he and I were dating," Iwaizumi said. Suga grinned, then darted to the coach's bench to grab a scarp of paper and a pen.
Oikawa regretted not letting Iwaizumi convince him to retire from the club immediately after losing to Karasuno in the tournament.