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Mabel runs into the Mystery Gift Shop and plops herself face down on the floor in a huff.
Dipper looks over from his place on top of the checkout counter where he is tinkering.
“Uh, Mabel?”
A groan.
“You okay, sweetie?” Grunkle Stan asks, stopping what he’s doing to walk over to her.
“Hmph!” Mabel groans, flopping over onto her back. “Everything is terrible!”
“Did the goat eat your craft supplies again?” Stan asks sympathetically.
“No!” Mabel says, sitting up and crossing her arms. “This is much, much worse!”
“Worse than Gompers eating your glue gun?” Dipper asks. “Oh, boy.” He hops off the counter and puts a reassuring hand on Mabel’s shoulder.
“Look at this!” Mabel exclaims, whipping a newspaper out from under her arm. She waves it in Dipper and Stan’s faces before Dipper grabs it, reading off the small section Mabel had circled and drawn a frowny face in pink glittery ink.
“Caroline Uppers wins vote as president of Craft Club, a summer program implemented by Gravity Falls Middle School.” Dipper grimaces. “I’m sorry, Mabel.”
Mabel lets out another exaggerated wail and falls back on the wood floor, covering her face with her hands. “It’s so unfair! My crafts are way better than hers!”
“Eh listen, pumpkin, being in charge of things isn’t all it’s cracked up to be,” Stan says. “That’s why when this town elected me mayor, I humbly stepped aside and gave the job to someone more qualified!” He tugs on the lapel of his jacket, looking proud.
“But you didn’t step down, Grunkle Stan,” Dipper points out.
“Yeah, you were disqualified because of your extensive criminal record!” Mabel says, eyes peeking between her fingers.
Stan pishes. “Stepped down, forced to step down, what’s the difference!”
At that moment, a shattering noise and hurried footsteps come from the other room. Stan and the twins all exchange glances before Grunkle Ford appears in the Gift Shop entrance.
“Your extensive WHAT, Stanley?!”
Stan groans. “Oh great, thanks a lot kids!”
“Wait,” Mabel laughs, sitting up, bad mood suddenly forgotten. “Grunkle Stan, you never told Grunkle Ford?”
“No!” Stan. “Why would I?”
“What are they talking about?” Ford demands moving towards Stan. “What crimes have you been committing under my name, Stanley?!”
Dipper snorts. “What crimes hasn’t he been committing?”
“Not helping!” Stan snaps.
“There’s the shoplifting!” Mabel chirps.
“The tax evasion,” Dipper says.
“Teaching bears to drive.”
“—I was helping them track down this kid who ransacked their house!” Stan interjects, voice loud and insistent.
“Remember helping make counterfeit money?” Mabel says, eyes wide and reminiscent. “The ink gave me a headache. It tasted funny too!”
“Please tell me you didn’t try the ink, Mabel,” Dipper says, practically face palming himself.
“Oh, Dipper,” laughs Mabel, slapping his arm. “I think we both know I did.”
“And a particular horrifying one—First degree llamacide.” Dipper’s face scrunches slightly.
“I had no choice! He—“
“—knew too much,” Mabel and Dipper finish. “We know Grunkle Stan.”
Ford’s face grows more horrified and angry as he looks between Stan and the others.
“You’ve sullied my good name in this dimension, Stanley!” Ford exclaims, wagging a finger in his twin’s face. “The only dimension I had left! Do you realize—“
“Okay, okay, Poindexter, it wasn’t that good of a name,” Stan interrupts, smacking Ford’s finger away and rolling his eyes. “Let’s not pretend that you weren’t the creepy old loner in the woods before I gave you the Stan makeover with my sparkling personality!” He gesticulates with his hand and in a Ta-Da motion, smiling widely. Ford bristles as Dipper and Mabel laugh at Stan’s embellished movements.
“Oh! Dipper!” Mabel says, shaking Dipper. “Don’t forget the burglebezzlement!”
The twins start laughing again.
“Burglebezzle..what? What is that?!” Ford looks back and forth between the twins and Stan.
“Grunkle Stan invented it!” Mabel says proudly.
“Eh, I think it’s pretty self explanatory,” Stan sniffs, crossing his arms.
“Wait a second, Grunkle Ford,” Dipper says, his laughter replaced with a touch of suspicion. “What did you mean when you said this was the only dimension you had left?”
Guilt immediately flits across Ford’s face. “What? Uh, nothing! Nothing at all. I’ve certainly never done anything unsightly in the eyes of the law.” He gives a nervous chuckle and rubs the back of his neck. Three sets of eyes narrow on the man.
“What are you hiding, Grunkle Ford?” Mabel asks, eyes practically slits as she points a glitter pen at him.
“H-Hiding? What would I be hiding?” Ford smiles uncomfortably, looking everywhere but at the people in front of him.
“Yeah, starting talking,” Stan says menacingly as he and the twins back Ford into a corner of the gift shop.
“Alright, alright!” Ford says, arms out in a placating gesture. “It really isn’t worth the fuss. I merely appropriated certain parts I required for the building of my device through means of extortion…or annihilation if necessary.”
The three stare at him.
“I don’t know what a lot of those words mean, Grunkle Ford,” Mabel says.
“Wait!” Stan says indignantly. “That’s just a fancy way of saying you scammed people for parts and murdered them if you had to!”
Dipper and Mabel gasp as Ford says “Stanley! Not in front of the children!”
“Grunkle Ford is this true?” Dipper asks, eyes wide.
“Well, well,” Stan says, crossing his arms. “And here you were trying to make ME feel bad when you’re in other dimensions doing worse!”
“No, no, this is about you using my name to commit your nefarious misdeeds, Stanley!”
“Oh, please!” Stan says. “Just admit it, you’re no better than I am!” He grins and hits his brother in the arm.
Mabel suddenly looks very determined and picks herself up off the floor and dusts off her skirt. She runs out of the room, leaving the older twins and Dipper to glance between each other.
“So, Grunkle Ford, did you ever get caught?” Dipper asks as they hear Mabel rummaging around in the living room.
“Never,” Grunkle Ford, says proudly, crossing his arms in front of him.
At that moment, Mabel reappears in front of them, holding something behind her back.
“Thank you, Grunkle Ford,” she says seriously. “You’ve made me realize that if I want something, I have to take matters into my own hands.”
“Uhh,” Ford’s expression shifts to concern.
“Mabel? What does that mean?” Dipper says, taking a step back.
Mabel’s eyes sparkle dangerously. “It means MURDER!” She thrusts the arm behind her back into the air, revealing her grappling hook. She then takes off running out the door, laughing maniacally.
“Mabel!” Dipper calls running after her. “You’re not serious right?!” His voice fades as the door slams behind him.
Stan laughs appreciatively as Ford looks after the twins with amusement and slight concern. They can be seen outside the window, both now laughing as Dipper chances after Mabel with the leaf blower in tow.
“Ah, god, she reminds me so much of me!” Stan exclaims, hand over his heart as if reminiscing.
Ford chuckles and nods in agreement. “Well, I must get back, I dropped a bottle of unknown acid in the living room. Who knows what it’s doing to the floors!”
“Wait, wait, wait, don’t think you’re getting off so easily!” Stan says, grabbing his shoulder, grinning widely.
“Wh-What?” Ford asks.
“Don’t ‘wh-what’ me, Poindexter! You think you can just reveal a criminal past and not tell me any details?!”
Ford splutters in protest as Stan steers him towards the kitchen. “Come on. This calls for a beer!”
Ford gives in, laughing as his twin claps him on the back.
“My brother, the interdimensional criminal. I’m so proud!”