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PART ONE :
Saturday, 19th January 20__, 3:27AM
Late Weekends and nights were never something out of the ordinary with Maya; being a night owl had its perks, after all! Those of which include :
“ Annoying sisters not bothering me, no degrading slogs through that asylum with all those prying eyes, multiple hour long gaming sessions… Mm… It’s the closest thing I can get to some sort of ‘Heaven’.”
The world grew silent around this time, and that carried a sense of calm to the more hectic and daunting life Maya was used to. The flutter of the monitor, the warmth of her oversized sweater, the breeze of her slightly cracked down window, the scent of… Eugh… Well, maybe the scent wasn’t the best, but familiarity is what counts, almost as if it were a big hug.
Musky scented clothes, loose hair, crumbs and food wrappers littered the maroon interior of her room; Her Friday outfit scattered in a frantic fit of despair for the familiarity and comfort of unrestricting confines.
“ Oh yeah… Friday… ”
Speaking of degrading slogging, Friday was no treat. Vera had made Maya show and tell her project on a piece of media she really liked, which in itself rattled her to the core. Maya had very little to say to her family, let alone these “people” who actively resented her every move AND had zero idea about the “ Generally complex and intuitive ” topics she did inevitably share with the class. Even then, Maya could still feel the immense pressure of embarrassment and her legs quaking at the sight of everyone looking at her in that decolate classroom. The presentation was about the complexity of “The Sims”, that seemed like a great idea at the time, until a smirk unleashed from the ocean of “ Betas ”. It was even more unbearable.
Stuff like this made Maya feel a plethora of emotions, but the feeling of rage resonated vibrantly with her at the moment. The inability to truly expunge emotions left Maya in a dark hole; almost like a canvas, untouched, unpainted, disillusioned into assuming that eventually a complex image may be printed onto it, only for the crushing weight of reality to smooth everything out and make her realise…
“ ... No. That’s stupid. ”
…
Stress never came easy. Even the smallest of things managed to push her into a fit of depressive mania. Music managed to drown out a lot of the thoughts that built up in her head, but a few always managed to slip from the dark crevasses of her damned mind; the clawing voice that always nagged her was pretty persistent tonight. Maya’s teary eyes had eased and blurred the burning sensation of the monitor. Tears flooded her ducts, and rolled off her soft skin, being collected by her slender, trembling hands. The thumping of her heart made her tender body ache, coupled with her short sniffles and soft gasps for air.
“ Why do I have to feel this way?... After everything I’ve been through, I deserve a break. ”
Thoughts like these never helped the situation she was in. The self-centeredness and egotistical nature of feeling sorry for herself made her sick to the core; which was ironic, as she never had anything to throw up . Encapsulated by her thoughts, Maya curled up and placed her head on her knees, rocking slightly back and forth while blasting her music to drown the sounds of her own wailing and intrusive thoughts.
The retching anger and sadness she had mixed in her mind and body was unbearable, however no outlet could or would ever be able to take and dump those feelings out forever; Everything besides rotting online and elongated glances at detailed tentacle por-...
“-
Cartoons…”
…Yeah… Sure. Speaking of which, in a desperate whim of reaching just one more high, Maya turned ‘Incognito Mode’ on, and loaded up her favourite
series
. It was an acquired taste, she always convinced herself. Had anyone known about this hyperfixation… Ignoring Mymy of course, she assumed she would be ruthfully made fun of; more so than now, but it was one of the only ways to stimulate herself.
“
... This is good… This-... Oh man, this is so disgusting.
”
Reality often settled with her, and the continuous grabbing of her inner thoughts always managed to ruin her. She was aware that the habits she owned were truly degenerate-like, yet the cycle of chasing that feeling was too good to pass up. Dopamine ran short in Maya’s life, but the discovery of Decadent Oriental films were something comparable to a forbidden fruit. No matter how many thoughts plagued her, she always ended up kneeling before addiction.
The minutes seemed to fly by, film after film , Maya’s widened eyes growing more and more fixated on that burning screen; a calm in the storm seemed to show itself. Tranquility, bliss, disassociation. Drool lined the ends of her mouth and covered the tips of her fingers as she intuitively imagined the protagonist as her own self. The world stood still… At least it did until Maya felt a tap on her shoulder.
“ Well, fuck .”
Maya jolted up so hard that her headphones managed to fly off of her head, as she covered her film with a miscellaneous window of… Something? Her desk rattled and a storm of dust washed over her vicinity, making her sneeze. Maya’s heart raced as she wiped her slobbery hand on her sweater, staining the dull red into an even moodier maroon.
“Uhm… Hi, Maya!”
“ ...You have got to be fucking kidding m-...
Coco!... Please… En-.. enlighten me as to why you’re up so late?...”
“Late? It’s 6AM, my morning run time!”
“ 6AM?! ”
In a frantic gesture, Maya spun around on her chair to reassure herself, looking at the clock on her monitor…
6:23AM …
Silence had once again filled the room… Or as much as it could, alongside the blasting erotic noises coming from Maya’s speaker-like headphones. Maya promptly slammed the mute button on her crusty keyboard, but not quick enough for Coco to not question it..
“ God damni-... ”
“What were you watching?”
“Erm…
WHAT DO I EVEN SAY?! ”
“... Maya?”
“ A-... A DOCUMENT!! About… About… Squids???...- ”
“Mm! Never made you out to be such an animal lover! That’d explain the ‘ Shlk’ ing then!”
“ Thank god… I forgot Coco was a fucking idiot.
S-... so… erm… You were talking about y-... your morning runs?...”
“... You didn’t know? I told you at dinner yesterday!”
“Y-You did?”
Coco would begin to speak, and then be cut off by a sudden confusion that struck her.
“What’s that on your screen?”
“ WHAT NOW?!...”
Maya faced her monitor, being met by particularly detailed inscriptions of the Squid from her films .
…
“It’s a-...
Why, God…? ”
“Were you researching old speculated depictions of squids?”
“ THAT! YES! Hahaha haha… Eughhhh…”
In a sluggish motion, Maya cleared her screen, and turned a brighter red than before. Maya had zero recollection that Coco was going on her ‘runs’... Coco seemed to drill on and on about the activities she was planning for the day as Maya blankly stared off into the distance, towards the light that seeped out of the open door. Stuff like that made her feel worse about herself; knowing her relatives actually had stuff going on and she was encapsulated in her own little world, shun from the world.
“ No… No, I like being alone. I don’t need anyone, and I certainly don’t need to compare myself to these stupid fucking Betas. ”
She had always convinced herself she was fine with being alone, and had always vouched to be alone instead of with others, however there was a recurring thought that screamed the complete opposite. For as long as she could remember, Maya always wished she could become social and interact with others as opposed to being locked in a small box for the rest of her living days.
“ Not like I can do anything about it. All these people have some sort of vendetta against me, and evidently so. Stupid Bass Player… The entirety of that stupid eurofolk band Coco’s in resents me for no reason. I can’t believe I actually wanted to try and learn an instrument for them. ”
As Coco continued on about her day onwards, Maya grew agitated, and wiped the tears from her eyes that Coco, luckily, didn’t see.
“-Aaaaaand that’s about it!”
“Uh-huh…”
“...Were you even listening?”
A sigh would escape Maya’s mouth
“Y-..Yes, I’m just tired…”
“...Woooooould you like to talk about it?”
Coco would swiftly bend down to Maya’s height, greeting her with a warm smile, being slightly repulsed from her scent, but after all, it was nothing she hadn’t seen before. Maya would shift her legs and turn to her bed.
“No… No, not really.”
Coco’s eyes would remain wide, but a small frown would ensue on her glowing face
“I see… Well, time is running and I’m not, I’ll leave you it…”
Coco heads to the door of Maya’s room, intaking all the fresh air her lungs could, and would face Maya, with a hand on the door knob.
“You’d tell me if something was wrong, right Maya?”
A few seconds would pass, and Maya would look at Coco.
“O-...Of course.”
A small smile would plaster across Coco’s face, and a reassuring sigh would be let off.
“That’s a relief! Anyways, I’ll see you later!”
Door close… And once again, silence engulfed her.
“... Of course I fucking wouldn’t. What do you know? ”
Maya would stand up and collapse onto her bed, silently sniffling into her Blobfish.
“Someone like you wouldn’t understand what I’m going through. You waltz into my room, show me up, and expect me to comply to you? Bullshit, you fucking Narc.”
Oh, Maya. Toxic thoughts about her sisters were never not out of the ordinary. She had always assumed that they were trying to get her to slip up and be able to use what she said against her, so keeping to herself was the only solution she could think of; of course, she never actually wanted to keep silent. The thoughts that remained in her small and delicate mind were itching to escape in the form of something… Anything… Her problems seemed insignificant compared to other people’s problems though, so she had always kept to herself to save those that genuinely suffered.
“ If I really did have problems, cutting wouldn’t sting as bad. ”
She always compared herself to others. Upholding a reputation was in her nature, as she fought for the approval of her parents every day of her upbringing, but as fate would have it, Mymy and Coco were always the star children.
“ ... They’re not even actually part of the family… ”
…
Maya usually went to bed with tears in her eyes, whether it be from pleasing herself or feeling sorry for herself. This time was no different.