Chapter Text
Jinx had been with the Firelights for 6 months now. About the same time she had spent with Isha. The thought is like a dagger straight through her heart. She tries to push it aside as she gets ready.
True to her word, she fixed up Sevika’s arm and now they were ready to play cards. Jinx had rotten luck, so there was a very good chance she’d get her ass kicked. Oh well, such is life.
She fixes up her outfit, a long sleeved black crop top with an open back and loose, comfortable pants, and studies her reflection. Her hair had grown out quite a bit, halfway down her back already. She may cut it again.
Jinx can’t say she’s ever liked what she saw in the mirror, but now she doesn’t even recognize herself enough to say if she likes what she sees or not. Her blue eyes are long gone, replaced by shimmer pink. Her eye bags aren’t as dark, but the lines around her eyes from the shimmer look like they’re here to stay. Vi’s words come back to her: We don’t even know how that stuff will affect you in the long run.
Jinx ponders this. The shimmer pumps through her veins now, it gave her super speed, strength, and a killer healing factor. Beyond that, she has no idea what it did to her. She still has to eat, sleep, and use the bathroom like normal. Her blood is still red. Her tears are clear (most of the time). She doesn’t feel too different. Maybe that’s part of the problem.
Her skin is still pale, even after months of consistent sunlight. The metal finger on her left hand still feels unfamiliar at times. Phantom pains don’t help. Sevika had warned her about that, but Jinx didn’t know they’d be that bad. One minute, she’s fine. The next, excruciating pain out of nowhere.
Phantom pains. What a funny concept. It’s not like Jinx is a stranger to phantoms anyway. She still saw them sometimes. Mylo, Claggor, and Vander. Silco never came around anymore. Maybe that was for the best. As for the others, they don’t look or sound as monstrous anymore. They’re just…there. Jinx is learning to be okay with that.
Jinx turns to the side, presses a hand to her stomach. Thanks to Ekko’s nagging, she’s been eating more, and gained all the weight back that she lost from her time spent in solitary, and then some. Her face had filled out a little more as well. This is a positive development, she knows, but she doesn’t know if she’s “happy” about it, per se.
Jinx shakes her arms out and makes her way downstairs. She’s going to have a good day today. No time to dwell on the past.
She finds Ekko and Sevika sitting on opposite sides of the bench, Sevika shuffling the cards. She steals a kiss from Ekko and sends Sevika a sickly sweet grin, silently begging her to let her win. Sevika, unimpressed, simply snorts and starts dealing. Looks like they’re playing B.S.
Jinx is terrible at this game (she assumes everyone is lying by default, so she always calls people out) and Ekko’s poker face is much better than it used to be, while his competitive streak is worse.
Her best bet would be to sneak a glance at Ekko’s cards and hope for the best. This will be fun!
“So, how have you two lovebirds been?” Sevika puts down the ace of spades, so it’s Ekko’s turn now.
“Good! I’m thinking about letting Vi come by sometime. I think I’m done being mad at her. Two 2s.” Ekko puts his cards down.
“Liar”. Jinx is confident as can be.
Ekko shoots her a smirk to reveal…two 2s, just as he said. Now Jinx has to take all the cards. She makes a face, as she takes them, causing Ekko and Sevika to laugh.
“2 threes”. Jinx’s voice is petulant. But she is glad to be spending time with her family. Her mind travels back to Isha. She should be here with them. With me.
“Five 4s.” Sevika puts her cards down, her face neutral as can be.
Ekko scoffs. “No way, there’s only 4 in the deck! I call B.S.”
Sevika shrugs and shows Ekko the cards: Four 4s and a joker. Which means she was technically telling the truth. Ekko throws his head in his hands and groans dramatically.
Now it’s Jinx’s turn to laugh at him. It feels good. He takes his cards.
“Two 5s”. Ekko is more whiny than Jinx, which is saying something. His little pout is adorable. She leans forward and pecks him on the lips. She may or may not also take a peek at his hand.
“One 6.” Jinx puts her card down. Truthfully, she has another one, but she’s saving it for later. A thought crosses her mind, and the words tumble out before she can stop them.
“Hey Sev?”
“Yeah kid?”
“Do you think Silco would be proud of us? Of me?”
She feels Ekko stiffen beside her, suddenly very interested in his hand and avoiding her gaze. Sevika takes some time to think of her answer.
“Well if you’re asking if he’d be proud of you, that’s easy. He looked at you like you put the stars in the sky, even when you fucked up. He’d absolutely be proud that you managed to stick it to the Council and organize a prison break at Stillwater.”
But Sevika’s not done just yet. “Now, as for whether or not he’d be proud of us? Well, I learned to tolerate you, so I’m sure he’d be over the moon about that.”
This earns a giggle from Jinx.
“Truth be told, maybe in his younger days he’d love this little community that boyfriend of yours put together”, she points a finger in Ekko’s direction to drive her point home. “The Silco we knew though? The Eye of Zaun? I think he’d hate it. Not completely, but he wouldn’t be thrilled.”
Ekko cocks his head in confusion. “What makes you say that?”
“Because you did something he never could: you built a community. Silco was so focused on breaking Topside down, so willing to sacrifice anything and anyone that there wouldn’t have been anything left to save. You don’t operate that way, and look! We are sitting by a tree in Zaun, and a massive one at that. That’s no easy feat, kid. You should be proud of yourself.”
“Three 7s”. Sevika gets back into the game no problem.
Her words stung, but deep down Jinx knows she was probably right. Silco wanted to free Zaun. He did! And nothing will convince her otherwise. But she’d be lying if she said his methods were foolproof. Like Sevika said, Ekko’s Firelights were proof that things didn’t have to be that way.
“Maybe in another life he’d stuck around to see it through”, Jinx muses.
Ekko nods in agreement as (he claims) he puts down two 8s. Jinx narrows her eyes in suspicion, but she decides to let him go.
“You’re probably right, actually. I’m sure the universe I went to wasn’t the only one. There are probably an infinite number of them. For all we know, we could be superheroes or celebrities in them.”
“I could be a demon and you could be an angel!”
“We could be actors or monster hunters!”
They fall into stitches at the thought. It’s ridiculous! Funny to think about though. What kind of person would she be in another universe? Would she even still be Jinx?
A few more giggles escape Jinx’s lips, and she goes teary eyed and stays that way even as the amusement fades.
“Maybe in another life Isha’s still with me. She’d be playing cards with us right now. Sevika would let her win, which would make me just a little jealous cause she’s never done that for me before. Isha’s so cute I wouldn’t even mind.”
The tears come harder now, though Jinx makes no attempt to acknowledge them. Ekko puts a hand on her shoulder. “Jinx?”
She shrugs him off. “It’s my turn right? 3 nines, baby!” She’s hyperventilating now, but her fake smile does not waver.
Sevika puts her cards down and makes her way over to Jinx. “Blue, come on, breathe.” Her voice is soft as silk. Jinx has done nothing to deserve the softness.
A sob turns into a wail as the dam breaks, Jinx’s facade destroyed. She drops her cards and throws her hands in her hair, desperate to pull at it in order to ground herself.
A pair of strong hands-Ekko’s? Sevika’s? She doesn’t know, wraps around her wrists and stops her in her tracks.
Screams tear themselves through her throat, her voice going hoarse. “Why?! Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?” It’s the only word Jinx can say now.
Why couldn't Isha be with her in this life? Why not Vander? Silco? Mylo? Claggor? Her parents? Why did they have to leave? Why wasn’t she good enough, no matter how hard she tried?
Ekko’s arms wrap around her, trying to protect her from the world outside, from the noise, but he’s fighting a losing battle. Another thought enters her mind: Soon, the time without Isha will dwarf the time they spent together.
All she will have left of the beautiful little girl that stole her heart will be her memories. Which are not to be trusted. Jinx cries even harder now, her chest feeling like it’s caving in.
Ekko’s whispering sweet nothings into her hair, trying his damndest to soothe her. Unfortunately for him, the only way out is through. Jinx is at the mercy of the swirl of emotions in her chest.
She wishes she could reach inside her ribcage and rip her traitorous heart out. It would stop hurting then.
Instead, she sticks a hand out, reaching for Sevika. She takes her hand, and holds on like a lifeline. Sevika is glad Jinx cannot see the mist in her own eyes.
She blinks her tears away, steadies her breathing, and holds onto Jinx like her life depends on it. Perhaps it does.
Together, they sit, and try to hold each other together. Soon, Jinx had cried herself out. She’s exhausted and embarrassed.
Ekko picks her up to take her back to their room, but she wiggles out of his arms and goes back to Sevika
.“Sorry for ruining the game, Sev”. Jinx’s voice is small, having been mostly stolen by guilt and grief.
Sevika waves her off. “Don’t sweat it. You didn’t ruin anything. I would’ve kicked your ass anyway, you know. At least this way we can call it a draw!” There’s warmth in Sevika’s eyes, but concern is right next to them.
Jinx slings her arm around Sevika, before turning and going back to Ekko’s side. She takes his hand, and they’re on their way.
“Thank you.” She says it so quietly it’s a miracle if he heard her.
He squeezes her hand. “Of course. That’s what I’m here for. I’m back in your corner Jinx, if ever you need me. And I always will be, I promise.”
Jinx didn’t believe him, but she appreciated the lie. She knew it was only a matter of time before she broke down like that again. However, while she didn’t have all of her loved ones with her, she still had Ekko, Sevika, and even Vi was coming around.
As Ekko opens the door to his room, Jinx supposes she can accept that. Take things one day at a time, and all that nonsense.
Who knows? Maybe one day it wouldn’t be nonsense. Maybe the loss of her loved ones wouldn’t hurt so much. Only time will tell.