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Like a cherry blossom blooming, it happened around springtime. After the teacher had wrapped up the last class of the day, most of the students were busy cleaning their classrooms and, as usual, Chan had sneaked out of his own cleaning duty to “help” Seungkwan with his, which usually meant Chan would just sit on a desk talking about whatever was on his mind that day while Seungkwan tried to do the actual cleaning.
“You know, Kwanie,” Chan was saying, opening up a rose-coloured plastic container filled with green grapes. He offered the first one to Seungkwan, who opened his mouth to accept it. Chan ate the second one. “I was talking to my mom yesterday and she said I could grow up to be taller than you.”
Seungkwan, who was sweeping the floor under the desk Chan had just claimed for himself, looked up to meet his best friend’s eyes, lifting one eyebrow up. Chan’s mother was a person of good judgment. “She said that?” Chan laughed, the tip of his ears going red.
“Well, not exactly,” Chan confessed, eating another grape. “But she did say I could end up taller than my dad. Apparently, one of my great-grandfathers from my mother's side of the family was really tall, you know?”
“That’s a completely different thing than you being taller than me, Chanie,” Seungkwan remarked, stealing the grape Chan had in his hands, “which will not happen, by the way.”
Chan frowned his eyebrows, his lips forming a pout. “You can't say that for sure. How would you even know?”
“I just do,” Seungkwan stated, shrugging. “You can't be taller than me. I’m already too used to seeing the top of your head.”
Chan clicked his tongue, sulking. “Things change all the time, hyung,” one more grape in his mouth, “and I’ll also grow up to be stronger than you.”
“Will you? Because right now I’m way stronger than you. And I’m also faster,” Seungwan quickly rebutted, then he looked up, frowning his eyebrows. “Actually, when I think about it, I’m better at anything when compared to you.”
“That's only for now, though. I’ll be better than you at anything for the rest of our life,” Chan replied, crossing his legs over the table. Seungkwan had lost all focus in the cleaning he was supposed to be doing by now, so he got another grape from Chan’s container and sat on the chair in front of him. Chan’s eyes twinkled when he realised he had Seungkwan’s full attention, and Seungkwan kind of wanted to pinch his cheeks as he went on and on. “You remember the other day when we stayed at the music room until too late and we had to run to your house because of those big bad guys following us? I just kept thinking about it, Kwanie, I thought and I thought and then, boom! I came to a conclusion: I need to be strong enough to protect us from bad guys, you know?”
Seungkwan couldn't contain his laughter. “I'm sorry, Chanie, you mean that day you only noticed those guys were following us because I told you so? The day we only got to my house safely because I was pulling you by your hand the whole time?” Seungkwan asked, and Chan’s ears were completely taken over by a bright shade of red. Seungkwan smiled, feeling victorious. “You may be a big guy in the Lee family house someday, Chan-ah, but if our survival depended on your protection we’d both be dead.”
“You're really so mean, Seungkwanie,” Chan whined, but he was laughing, and Seungkwan felt the urge to pinch his cheeks again. He got up from his chair while Chan was still grumbling. “And I will be big and strong, you’ll see. That's a promise.”
Seungkwan beamed as finally pinched both of Chan’s cheeks. Chan scrunched his face, groaning, and Seungkwan realised he’d probably used more strength than he needed to. He let go of his face to hug him as an apology. “You're just too cute to be big and strong, Chanie, I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this.”
“What's that gotta do with anything?” Chan mumbled, closing his container to hug him back. Because of their position, Chan was actually taller than Seungkwan now, and, in their hug, Seungkwan had to look up to meet Chan’s eyes, his chin against Chan’s chest. Seungkwan felt weirdly embarrassed to be hugged like that, and it wasn't because he and Chan didn't hug often, because they did. Maybe he just wasn't used to hugging Chan from that angle, he considered, but it didn't hurt to give his best friend a change of perspective for a few seconds. Chan was still pouting, his babbling truly never ending. “I mean it, hyung, can’t I be both cute and strong?”
“I don't know, Lee Chan,” Seungkwan tightened the grip on Chan’s waist to bring him back to the floor, Chan’s legs embracing his waist, before letting go of Chan’s body completely, the embarrassment still ringing inside him for some reason. He scanned his best friend’s face for a moment, from the angle he was used to. “That might be a bit too much. You can't just be everything.”
Chan was probably thinking of some smart reply as Seungkwan went to get the broom he’d left behind when he noticed the girl approaching him.
“Hello, Seungkwanie-ssi,” she muttered, quietly, looking at her own feet. Seungkwan knew her. She was a part of this certain friend group that always kept him updated as to what was going on in school corridors, firmly believing Seungkwan was some kind of elementary school superhero, all because Seungkwan, three years ago, having witnessed one of his classmates trying to steal money from a younger student, decided to confront the boy about it, making him apologise to the younger kid. Since then, these six or seven girls and boys would always tell him anything that happened at school, even before they'd report it to one of the teachers or their school counselour. (And that had been how, two years ago, when one of them warned him about the terribly shy new student who’d just been transferred and was always hanging out by himself during recess, Seungkwan first met Chan.)
Seungkwan also knew she was a year older than him, which meant she was about to graduate soon, and he knew she was athletic, popular and very, very cool, but he only really talked to some of her friends, having never exchanged much more than a few words with her. As she came closer, Seungkwan felt the whole world stop around him, a weird, bad feeling bubbling up in his stomach like an evil witch’s cauldron.
“Oh, hello, noona…” Seungkwan answered, just as quietly, bringing the broom closer to his body, as if to make himself invisible. He had a feeling about what would happen, having seen it unfold countless times before in the dramas he enjoyed watching with his older sisters, but he’d never imagined it would happen to him. Not like this.
All of his classmates, boys and girls, had gone completely quiet by now, immersed in the scene that had him as the male lead out of nowhere, and he felt awkward with all the unwanted attention. Behind her, Seungkwan could see her friends expectantly peeking through the door.
“I just wanna give you this,” she said as she handed him a letter, her face fully red. “Please read it carefully. I really like you a lot.”
Seungkwan’s brain took a while longer to process her words than it took his body to react to the cheers that sprouted up from his colleagues. Overwhelmed with the noise surrounding him, his first reaction was to search for some kind of reassurance in his best friend, but when he looked in his direction, Chan was nowhere in sight. In the desk he was sat a few moments ago there was now just his rose-coloured plastic container filled with forgotten green grapes. Feeling his heart drop to his feet, Seungkwan brought a joyless smile to his face before politely bowing to the girl in front of him, thanking her for the letter. She bowed back, still blushing, and quickly turned around, running towards her friends.
💌
A few minutes after she left, Seungkwan managed to escape from his classmates’ banter to go look for Chan in the entirety of the school building, Chan’s orphaned rose-coloured plastic container in his hands. Every time he entered a room to find no trace of his best friend, Seungkwan would eat a green grape, as if a green grape would just magically make everything better.
Sure, he wasn’t a total stranger to this type of behaviour from Chan. A few weeks ago, after Chan didn't appear to bother him on his cleaning duty, Seungkwan went looking for him on his classroom, only for his classmates to say he’d flown away as soon as the class was over, like usual, and, a little over half an hour of search later, Seungkwan found him on the left wing of the school theatre’s stage, lying on the floor.
“Hi, Chanie,” Seungkwan said, sitting on the floor next to him. “I was worried about you.”
The tip of Chan’s ears went red so quickly Seungkwan almost laughed, but he was able to control himself, biting the inside of his cheeks.
Chan whined, turning away from Seungkwan’s body. There were some seconds of silence. Chan adjusted his position after a while, deciding to sit beside Seungkwan, legs crossed, eyes focused on his own hands which he was nervously playing with. Seungkwan analysed his figure, waiting, before he carefully held one of Chan’s hands. Chan looked at Seungkwan’s face, looking away when Seungkwan looked back at him.
“I’m sorry,” Chan said, voice so quiet Seungkwan would’ve lost it if they weren't so close. “I just needed to think about something.”
“That's okay,” Seungkwan comforted him in a whisper. “Do you wanna tell me what you were thinking about?”
Chan covered up his face with his free hand, still looking away. “No.”
“That’s alright,” Seungkwan brought their tied hands to his lap. He stroked Chan's fingers softly. “Did you think about it enough?”
Again a silence. Chan let his forehead fall to Seungkwan’s shoulder. “I’m not sure, hyung.”
“That’s okay, too.” Seungkwan squeezed his hand lightly. “Do you wanna let hyung take you home?” Chan nodded, finally looking at him. “Yeah?” Seungkwan smiled, getting to his feet. “Let's go. Sojeongie will sleep over at her boyfriend's tonight, there's enough space for you at home. I’ll let you have my bed if you want to.”
A similar scene would happen from time to time, and Seungkwan was used to it, always finding Chan after a certain while. This time, despite Seungkwan being certain he’d searched every single part of every single room in their school, he still couldn't find a hint of Chan's existence anywhere, giving up when he realised it was already completely dark outside. It was probably too late, his parents were probably already home, and he didn't want them worried about him.
“Hi, Kwan-ah,” his oldest sister greeted him when he arrived home about fifteen minutes later after running a distance he’d normally take almost thirty to finish. Jinseol looked him up and down, a judgmental look on her face. “You look like a puppy that just survived a horrible hurricane.”
“Thank you, noona,” Seungkwan said, sulking, a little out of breath, rushing to his room to take off his uniform. “That's really so nice. Is mom still working?”
“Don't take it so seriously, Seungkwanie,” she said, following him. “Mom and dad had a meeting at Sojeongie's school today, they must be on their way home now.” Seungkwan nodded, carelessly dropping his backpack at the floor. “What’s bothering you, huh? I can sense something’s off.”
“A girl confessed to me in school today,” he said, dramatically falling onto the bottom bed, which belonged to his middle sister, of the bunk they both shared. “She even gave me a letter.”
“Woah,” Jinseol sat on the ground in front of him, eyebrows pressed together. “Shouldn’t you be excited about that?”
“I know,” he said. “It's weird.”
“It is a little weird,” Jinseol agreed. “But it's not the end of the world. I wasn't all that into the guy who first confessed to me either.” Seungkwan laughed lighly. He remembered that story: his sister didn't like him, but also didn't know how to say no, they ended up dating for three years until he finally broke up with her, who was completely in love with him by then. Seungkwan doubted something similar would happen to him, though.
“Hey,” his sister added, gently shaking Seungkwan’s knees. “But did you tell Chanie about it? What did he think of it?”
Seungkwan raised his arms, and she helped him get up. He went to his wardrobe to get his usual pair of navy pajamas, feeling a sting on his heart, like the one he felt on his arm one time he accidentally pressed a really big bee against a wall.
“He was there when it happened,” Seungkwan answered. “But then he, like, ran away or something. I don't know what he thought of it.”
“Is that the reason behind your long face?” Jinseol asked, crossing her arms, an expression on her face that made Seungkwan feel stupid. He felt himself blushing, and his sister laughed softly. “Don't stress too much about this, you big baby, you're too young for it. You’ll talk to him tomorrow and everything will be alright in paradise again. Okay?”
Except that Chan didn’t go to school the following day. During lunchtime, Seungkwan looked for some of Chan’s classmates and none of them had seen him either. One boy, however, did see him leaving the day before, which at least proved he hadn't been in some super secret place in school Seungkwan was just uncapable of finding. It meant his best friend was probably home, and Seungkwan began to think Chan was hiding from him on purpose, like some big stupid game of hide and seek Seungkwan wasn't even aware he was supposed to be playing. It made him feel like that one big bee had now found a permanent home in his heart.
“Are you okay, baby?” His mother asked him right before he went to sleep later that day. He’d been mindlessly looking through this old magazine that once belonged to one of his sisters for the past twenty minutes or so. His mother approached his bed, sitting beside Seungkwan. “You were a little quiet during dinner today.”
“I think Chanie’s avoiding me,” Seungkwan said, pouting, and again he felt that inch of awkward embarrassment. He closed the magazine, crossing his arms.
“Oh, Seungkwanie…” His mother’s tone, just as pitiful as it was amused, immediately made Seungkwan a little annoyed. It reminded him of his talk with his oldest sister the day before and it made him wonder if they both knew something he didn't. “And why do you think that?”
“I don’t know,” Seungkwan grumbled. Why was he feeling like such an idiot? “Yesterday he went home without talking to me. And today he didn't go to school.”
“Mhm, I see,” his mother’s tone hadn't changed, but the way she was caressing his hair made his annoyance fade away. Seungkwan laid down his upper body on his mother’s lap. “Why don't you go pay him a visit tomorrow if he doesn't go to school again? Maybe it's just some misunderstanding. You know Chanie loves you. He's your best friend, isn't he?”
Seungkwan nodded, his mother’s comforting words a lullaby to his ears, and he fell asleep thinking about what he'd say to Chan the next day, thinking about how much he missed his best friend's presence at school, thinking about everything that would've made him laugh earlier that day, thinking about Chan’s abandoned green grapes he ended up eating all alone.
💌
“Seungkwanie!” Chan’s father excitedly greeted him at the door, embracing him in a tight hug.
“Hello, father,” Seungkwan said, smiling shyly. Seungkwan loved going to his best friend's house, although it was more common for Chan to go to Seungkwan’s, which was closer to school. Whenever he was there, Seungkwan felt warm, cozy and safe, as if close to a permanently lit campfire in the middle of a very cold night in the woods. Chan’s parents were fun and caring, Chan’s younger brother was just as annoying as he was funny and smart, and they all just resembled so much of his best friend, who was the funniest person he knew, Seungkwan would always walk back home massaging his cheeks, that ached with how much he'd laughed and smiled.
“Come inside, kid,” Chan’s father invited him in. He closed the door behind him as Seungkwan took off his shoes. “I’m guessing you're here for Chanie?”
Seungkwan nodded, playing with his fingers. “Is he home?”
“Yes, yes. Chanie’s been feeling a little… unwell these past few days. He says he's ‘sick’,” Chan’s father drew air quotes, walking further into the house. Seungkwan followed him around like a baby duck following its duck mother, trying to follow his thoughts too. “But we’ve been suspecting of something else. It’s good that you’re here, though, Seungkwan-ah. I bet you can cheer him up.” They were in the kitchen now, and Chan’s father gave Seungkwan a glass of water before getting one for himself. “Listen, son, I need to go get little Geonie at the dentist now, okay? You know everything already, so make yourself at home. Chanie’s upstairs.”
Seungkwan nodded and Chan’s father patted his head, messing up his hair, before he grabbed his car keys and flashed out of the house in a minute. Seungkwan drank the glass of water, taking a deep breath before climbing to Chan’s room, the first door down the upstairs corridor, the only room with a stupidly colourful door. Seungkwan stared at the horribly painted blue door, the collective result of an afternoon full of creative efforts from Chan, Geon and Seungkwan’s bored unsupervised minds some months ago, the insistent bee annoying his heart like crazy, before knocking three times.
“Chanie?” Seungkwan called out. “Your dad said you're a little sick. Can I come in?” Hearing no response, he carefully opened up the door anyway. Chan was turned to the window by the side of his bed, his body almost completely covered by a light blue blanket, his back facing the door.
“Chanie?” Seungkwan tried again, quieter this time. Chan didn't say anything. Seungkwan moved further into the room, closing the door behind him. He walked up to Chan’s bed, and he felt a knot on his throat when he heard a small sniff.
“Chan-ah, are you crying?” Chan kept still, mute, eyes on the window on the side of his bed. Seungkwan sighed, frustrated, dropping off his backpack on Chan's floor. He sat on the edge of Chan’s bed, seeking some sort of way in.
“Did I do something to upset you?” Seungkwan tried one more time.
“No,” Chan emotionlessly answered. “Why?”
“Because you're acting like you're upset with me,” Seungkwan replied, pouting. “Can you please talk to me?”
Chan clicked his tongue, visibly annoyed, pouting as well. “I don't feel like talking, Seungkwanie,” Chan buried his face under his blanket. “Can you please go away?”
“I don't feel like going away”, Seungkwan shot back. “What happened?”
“Nothing happened. I'm just angry.”
Seungkwan tilted his head, frowning. Angry? “Why?”
“I don't know why, Seungkwan,” Chan whined. “Leave me alone, please.”
Seungkwan rolled his eyes, now feeling annoyed as well. “I won't leave, Chan. You're clearly upset with me and I want you to tell me what I did wrong,” Seungkwan felt himself raising his voice, “because you left without saying anything the other day and then you missed school for two days and—”
“I’m sorry, Seungkwan, are you the boss of me and I forgot about it? Do I need your permission to leave? Do I need your permission to miss school? Why do you even care?” Chan shouted back, sitting on his bed to finally look at Seungkwan. His usually vivid and curious eyes were swollen and red, matching the bright red color that also sprinkled his nose and the tip of his ears. He looked again at the window, adding in a much lower voice. “You were busy anyway. I didn’t want to interrupt your little show.”
Seungkwan felt his heart stop. Oh, of course. “Wait, is that what this is all about? Do you like that noona?”
“Oh my god ,” Chan brought his hands to his face, taking a deep breath, “are you stupid? Of course I don't like her.” He thought for a second. “Not like that, I mean. I actually think she's pretty cool.”
“Chanie, it’s okay if you like her,” Seungkwan tried to comfort him, his voice coming out a little strained for some reason. “You should’ve just told me before. I would’ve said no right then and there.”
Chan groaned, dropping his body weight on his bed again. “I know it’s okay to like her, Seungkwan, I’m not an idiot.” He looked again in the window’s direction. “I just told you I do not like her. Not like that.”
“Okay, okay, I’m sorry.”
Chan shrugged. “It’s fine, I don’t care.”
There was a moment of silence in which Seungkwan, feeling that awkward embarrassment once again, stared at his own hands. He wasn't really understanding anything from that conversation, there was something bugging inside his head the entire time, and there was also his heart which kept stinging, and he just wanted his best friend and him to be back to normal.
“What did you say to her after she gave you the letter?” Chan asked after a few seconds. Seungkwan glanced at him, whose eyes were still on the window.
“I just thanked her. Said I was going to read it carefully like she told me to.”
“Um,” Chan said, his tone again emotionless. “Did you read it?”
“No, not yet.”
“Um," Chan bit his bottom lip. It was a little darker now, the warm orange and rose tones of the sky slowly getting replaced by a colder, deeper tone of a dark purplish blue. Instead of the busy street on the other side of the window, Seungkwan caught Chan peeking at him through the glass’ reflection, before he looked at the street again. Seungkwan noticed that Chan’s ears were totally red now. “Are you gonna kiss her?”
“What—no!” Seungkwan hit Chan’s elbow lightly, his voice accidentally sounding at least three pitches higher than usual, which made Chan left out a soft chuckle. “I’m not interested in her like that.”
Chan turned around to Seungkwan again. “Then why didn’t you say so?”
Seungkwan shrugged. “I didn’t want to hurt her feelings.”
“That makes no sense,” Chan said. “If you don't like her, her heart’s gonna break anyway.”
“Yes, Chanie, but I didn’t want her to think I didn’t give any consideration to her confession,” Seungkwan explained. “Especially in front of everyone. That would've been rude and I’m not like that.”
Chan hummed, unconvinced. “Whatever.”
They sat in silence for a while. This time, it was Seungkwan who broke it. “You still didn’t tell me what made you so angry. If you don’t like her, then what is it?”
“It’s nothing,” Chan answered a little too quickly, looking at Seungkwan with almost teary eyes. “I’m not angry.”
“You said you were.”
“Well, I lied,” Chan confessed, “I’m not.” He thought for a second. “Or I am. A little,” he backtracked. Then he pulled the blanket over his face again, distressed. “It's complicated. don’t know how to explain it.”
“That’s okay,” Seungkwan took the blanked off Chan’s face while looking for Chan’s left hand, knitting their fingers together when he found it. “Can’t you try? I’m trying to understand you, Chanie.”
“It’s just, um…” Chan looked up right, pouting, eyebrows furrowed. “It’s just that I… I don’t want your first kiss to, um, happen before mine…” Chan said in a paused manner, sounding a little too unsure, almost as a question.
“Oh,” Seungkwan blinked. “Um, I’m… What do you want me to say?”
“Nothing," Chan uttered, looking at the ceiling. "It’s all fine now,” Seungkwan analysed his best friend’s figure, thinking of what to do next, but he just felt really, really tired.
“Can you make room for me?” He ended up asking, and Chan moved a little further to the right. Seungkwan lay down beside him on his bed, looking at the ceiling, their hands still together.
“Kwan-ah,” Chan said, after a few seconds. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure,” Seungkwan answered, and he felt Chan’s fingers nervously drumming against his hand.
“How do you imagine your first kiss?”
The question rang like a thousand loud bells in Seungkwan’s skull, and it didn't really help that Seungkwan could see Chan staring at him from the corner of his eyes, his head turned to Seungkwan. The bees that stung his heart were also stinging his face now.
“I’m not sure,” he admitted, quietly. “I think it'll be a little awkward, at first. Then hopefully it’ll also end nicely.”
“Awkward?” Chan repeated, confused. “Why?”
“I don't know,” Seungkwan pouted, thinking. “Isn’t everything you do for the first time kind of awkward? I just think kissing will be like that too.”
“I guess,” Chan said, chuckling. Seungkwan chuckled as well, his whole chest taken over by those insistent violent bees. “You're so funny, hyung.”
“How do you imagine it, Chan-ah?” Seungkwan turned his head to the right, meeting Chan’s eyes again. “Your first kiss?”
"This might be stupid." Chan acknowledged as he turned his body to his left, completely facing Seungkwan now, using his free hand to fix Seungkwan’s bangs. “But I think it will be sweet and jolly. Like trying a new flavour of ice cream, you know?” Seungkwan nodded, smiling timidly, and Chan gave him a timid smile back as well, bringing his hand to his own chest. “And unforgettable too. Because it will be my first, of course.”
“You're so romantic, Chanie,” Seungkwan observed. “Do you think about it too much?”
“No!” Chan shouted, sitting on his bed again without letting go of Seungkwan's hand. “Don’t—don't be weird. It's just something I’ve been thinking about lately…”
“Is there someone too?” Seungkwan asked, sitting up as well. Instead of saying anything, Chan looked to the other side, avoiding Seungkwan’s gaze, which made Seungkwan’s eyes widen. The bees inside his body were probably feeding on his whole organs by now, building up energy to form a gigantic beehive out of him. “Oh, there is , isn’t it? Won’t you tell me who it is, Chan-ah?” Seungkwan let go of Chan’s hands to throw one of his bed’s pillows in his direction. “Come on, tell me!”
“No!” Chan threw the pillow back on Seungkwan’s face. “It's—it’s a secret!”
“We're best friends!” Seungkwan threw the pillow on Chan again. “There should be no secrets between best friends.”
Chan hugged the pillow against his chest. “I’m afraid you’ll hate me if I tell.”
“Don’t be stupid, I’m your best friend!” Seungkwan repeated, a fact so obvious that he couldn't understand why Chan wasn't taking that into consideration. “I can't just hate you. And I won't! I promise.”
“I—okay…” Chan gave in, still hugging the pillow. “But I won’t tell you today.”
“Why not?”
“Because,” Chan lay down on the bed again. “If you do end up hating me I wanna keep today as a nice memory.”
Seungkwan rolled his eyes, sighing. “You’re so dramatic. I just know you’ll never tell me anything.”
“You don’t know that,” Chan argued, and Seungkwan lay down beside him. “I might tell you someday.”
“I know you,” Seungkwan hugged Chan again, strangling him a little just because he could. “You’ll never tell. You’ll just wait ‘til I figure out on my own. You’re always like this. It's so annoying.”
He loosened his grip on Chan’s neck after a few seconds of Chan struggling to detangle himself from Seungkwan’s arms. “Maybe you should know me a little less. It’d be easier to tell you then,” Chan just hugged Seungkwan back, unable to get out of his embrace. “You’re so annoying.”
“I’m your best friend. I can’t just know you less,” Seungkwan argued back, a little tired of saying the same thing over and over. “I carry the curse of knowing you better than anyone.”
Chan laughed loudly this time, like he usually did, and Seungkwan felt like there were now two armies of big, insistent, violent bees inside him battling each other for dominance.
“You do. That’s why I’ll just wait for you,” Chan said, rubbing his head against Seungkwan’s chest like a cat. Seungkwan ran his hands through Chan’s hair, feeling the smell of Chan’s shampoo, feeling Chan’s hands drawn together on his back. They stayed like that for a while, until he heard Chan clearing his throat.
“Maybe we shouldn’t be so close,” he said, quitely, trying to break the hug again. “I’m sick, remember? What if you get sick too?”
“I’ll take the risk,” Seungkwan bravely declared, keeping their limbs pressed together like one big human ball of yarn. “I trust my white blood cells.”
Chan sighed, hugging him back again. “You’re so difficult, Boo Seungkwan. Don’t you come back to haunt me if you end up dead.”
“You're so full of yourself, Lee Chan. Even if you were the reason of my tragic death, which you won't be, I’d never choose to waste a single second of my ghost eternity on you,” Seungkwan said, looking down to see his best friend’s face. “You're really not that important to me.”
“That’s funny,” Chan smiled, looking up to meet Seungkwan’s eyes, “we didn't speak for less than two days and you freaked out because of how bad you missed me.”
“Says the one who’s bedbound after spending less than two days without me,” Seungkwan snapped back, succeeding in making Chan laugh again. “I told you you're not strong enough to protect anyone. Not even yourself.”
“Shut up, I really can't stand you,” Chan said, hiding his face on Seungkwan's chest. “At all.”
“I can't stand you more.” Seungkwan rested his head on Chan’s. “Oh, I just remembered!” Seungkwan squealed after a few seconds, letting go of Chan’s body. He got out of the bed to get to his backpack in a rush, searching for something inside of it. “I brought your rose-coloured container back.”
“What?” Chan asked, a little confused. Seungkwan found the container, showing it to Chan, proud.
“Your grape countainer. You forgot it at school. I brought it back,” Seungkwan said, sitting in the edge of Chan’s bed again. Chan sat beside him, opening up his mouth. Seungkwan gave him one grape before getting one for himself.
“You didn't eat the grapes?” Chan asked, his head leaned against Seungkwan’s shoulder.
“Of course I did, stupid, are you color-blind? Yours were green ones. I stress ate all of them after you left,” he confessed, grumpy, feeling a little embarrassed once again. Chan giggled, getting one more grape for himself. “These are new ones. They're purple. I thought you'd like it.”
Seungkwan peeked at Chan, meeting vivid, jolly, smiling eyes. “I love it, thank you, Kwan-ah.”
Seungkwan clicked his tongue, pouting, as Chan hugged him tight. “It’s nothing to thank me for. Don't be stupid.” He gave little taps on Chan’s arms over his body, as a sign for Chan to let go of him, which Chan did a while too late for Seungkwan's liking, who was sure his whole face was all red now.
As an act of retaliation, Seungkwan pretended not to see Chan’s open mouth as he grabbed one grape for himself, and then another, and then one more, until Chan finally admitted defeat in a deep sigh, forced to get one purple grape for him himself.
“Do you think you can sleep here tonight?” He asked.
Seungkwan faced Chan again. His hair was a little messed up because of all the lying down and sitting up, he was wearing a set of pajamas that was clearly too big for him, his face was very, very puffy, his eyes just as puffy and a little smaller than usual, and his expression also a little shyer. He looked so stupid, and so very, very cute, which was just what he normally looked like, but Seungkwan felt the strongest uncontrollable wave of embarrassment and the most stinging attack of bees all over his body when he realised Chan also looked very, very pretty. It was the first time he’d ever thought of him like that, and, as a reflex, Seungkwan turned his head to the window behind them, watching the twinkling city lights, afraid that if he at Chan's eyes for too long, he'd just magically know what Seungkwan had just thought.
“Sure,” Seungkwan said, almost a whisper. “I’ll just go downstairs to call my house.”
He wanted to hide from Chan for some minutes, not really understanding what was happening with his body and his mind right now. He wanted to be away for a while, the sudden realisation making him feel like a criminal who’s caught red-handed in the middle of a great robbery, and his heart almost exploded when Chan jumped out of the bed before he did.
“Okay,” Chan said, offering his hand to Seungkwan. “I’ll go with you.”
Seungkwan nodded, his whole face twitching with embarrassment as he accepted his best friend’s hand, secretly hoping Chan couldn't hear his abnormally fast heartbeat, but his panic somehow soothed out as Chan guided him through his house as if Seungkwan didn't know where to go by himself, the awkward, fearful embarrassment slowly transforming itself into an entire different, just as unknown, rose-coloured feeling, like a cacao fruit that gets burnt, melted and mixed before being reborn as a nice, jolly, and sweet chocolate ice cream.