Work Text:
Cookie Monster sat down at a computer.
“Ooh what's this?” He was intrigued by what he saw on the screen. On the screen was the game Cookie Clicker loaded on it. The big cookie on the screen enticed him. “COOKIE!” He screamed excitedly. He tried to bite the computer screen, but much to his disappointment it was not a real cookie, just an image of a cookie on a computer screen.
“Noooo!” He cried. “Oh right, it's Cookie Clicker, not cookie eater! Duh!” Cookie Monster clicked the cookie 15 times and then had enough to buy his first cursor. He licked his lips. More cookies were being put in his bank. He bought his first grandma and then his first farm.
After buying several more buildings he now had over a million cookies. And then eventually over a billion. He didn’t know what “illion” came after a billion. Was it a zillion? A bazillion? A gazillion? Or even umpteen?
When he bought the next few buildings, he found out that the next “illion” was a trillion, and then quadrillion, and then quintillion. One by one he was learning what the next big number ending in “illion” was named, which was half the fun. Actually it was most of the fun since the cookies were intangible. When he reached 43,252,003,274,489,856,000 cookies per second, that was one cookie for every possible Rubik’s cube combination every second.
Learning those illions was one of the reasons he was hooked on this game, aside from role-playing as someone making enough cookies to fundamentally rewrite the laws of the universe. Septillion, octillion, nonillion, decillion cookies.
The more cookies he accumulated the more he somehow wanted to live in a reality where he could eat all of those cookies.
When he was baking nongentillions of cookies (a nongentillion is 10^2703) he was finally starting to get bored.
“I WANT TO EAT THESE COOKIES! MUST HAVE THEM FOR REAL!”
Cookie Monster could not sleep that night. All he could think about was cookies, cookies, and more cookies. The game was still baking cookies even while the computer was turned off. He wanted to eat more cookies than the number of atoms in the observable universe. He wanted to eat more cookies than could fit in the universe (even considering the parts of it that lie beyond the observable universe).
He quit playing and got to work baking cookies of his own. 16 cookies was abysmally low and nowhere near enough. Baking cookies in the real world was a bit harder and more labor intensive than in Cookie Clicker, where all you had to do was simply click and then simply do nothing. How was he going to bake nongentillions of cookies?
He started by pointing a gun at everyone's heads and made them bake cookies for him. They reluctantly complied. They corresponded to the grandmas in Cookie Clicker even tho not all of them were that old.
“Hey Cookie Monster, I found a video that I think you need to see.” Big Bird shoved his phone in front of Cookie Monster’s face. Cookie Monster gave the video a chance out of simple curiosity.
“Hello everyone. Dr. Suneel Dhand, internal medicine physician. Welcome to another video,” he introduced himself in his gentlemanly British accent. And then he went on his “cookies are bad for you in literally any amount not, just in moderation” lecture.
“NO! That's wrong!” Cookie Monster tried to strike down Dhand’s statement with his truth bullet but it was like trying to slap Superman. Wait a minute, why am I calling Cookie Monster’s objection a truth bullet when there’s nothing untrue about Dr. Dhand’s statement? He did what a cornered animal does and filed a false copyright strike simply because he didn’t like what this doctor was saying, and then continued his cookie obsession as tho he hadn't watched Dr. Dhand's video.
When having the whole neighborhood constantly work 168 hour work weeks to bake cookies for him while being paid in cookies instead of actual money, Cookie Monster decided to build some inventions of his own. He made his own cookie factory, and when that wasn’t enough he covered the entire Earth’s surface with cookie factories and factories producing cookie factories and so on, and he was also opening portals to different universes to steal their cookies, and building time machines to steal cookies from the past, and also turning matter and light and had even built a cloning machine to clone himself, and each one of his clones were also matching his own productivity in building time machines, portals to alternate universes, machines that turn matter and light into cookies, and even cloning machines to make even more clones that would in turn match all the aforementioned productivity, rinse and repeat. The amount of global warming all the stacks of factories caused was unfathomable. Antarctica saw its first day in the positive triple digits, Kentucky saw its first January with a day over 100 degrees, and Phoenix Arizona was regularly seeing temperatures of 200+ degrees Fahrenheit. But what actually caused the actual end of the world was when he made it up to a trigintillion cookies, everyone and everything was being suffocated by the observable universe now being completely jammed with cookies with no vacancies.