Chapter Text
Preparations
When Pops called him to his office to meet someone important, he was expecting a possible new ally or an old friend of Pops. He was not expecting a three-year-old girl who looked traumatised out of her mind, standing too still to be a toddler.
As Kai entered and took a seat facing Pops and the girl, he could feel an itch coming on in anticipation of what Pops might want from him at this moment. He wasn’t exactly the most child-friendly person, and neither was the majority of his work. He also wasn't the biggest fan of children to begin with.
“Kai, I would like you to meet Eri, she is my granddaughter.” Pops gestured to the small girl, she didn't budge from her spot. With hesitation she slowly looked him in the eye, quietly taking stock of her surroundings as if she was previously in a trance.
He stared in disbelief, this small thing? Related to Pops? Where's Pop's daughter and the father? Why did they just leave her here? Children are supposed to be with their parents up till this age right?
Well, he wasn't but he turned out fine…mostly.
He gave a small nod to the girl, as a sign of respect to Pops more than anything, then returned his gaze to the older man, with furrowed brows.
“Where is the child's parents?” He questioned tone devoid of any real care, this wasn't his problem thankfully.
Sighing then looking down, Pops settled on a quick summary “The girl's quirk malfunctioned and my daughter left her on the doorstep once she found her husband disintegrated” taking a moment to let it settle in he continued.
“I want you to study the girls' quirk and find a way to stabilise it. You will keep her in your care for the safety of everyone in the compound as well as her own, we don't want an accident.” Kai was about to interject when Pops added.
“I know you may be uncomfortable with this, but there is no one else I can rely on to take care of my granddaughter without vaporising themselves in the process, I know you can handle this. I will give you a week off from duties to adapt to each other. I expect you to take care of her in the meantime.”
Kai was completely out of his depth in this. Surely Pops had to have known this right?
He was sweating profusely, biting back the literal itch all over his body. He needed to expel some energy right now or he was going to explode.
Dissolving his left-handed glove he sighed, he wasn't getting out of this. He was the only person Pops trusted to do this and he wasn't about to let Pops down.
“Very well she can take the spare room in the South house. I'll move my lab equipment to the North wing and keep all equipment there until further notice.” He was going to have to live in the same house as another person. He quite liked his loner lifestyle, having a whole house to himself. It was a small one to the back of the compound away from the other members' dwellings but he liked his peace and quiet.
‘Can say goodbye to that I guess’
“Very good, now see to it you move your equipment immediately, I'll have a bed and some children's clothes sent to your house, I will keep the girl here till then.” Pops waves him off dismissing him.
Kai shot a small glance at the child before leaving, she seemed quiet, at least he could probably still get some work done.
Food
Eri was a very picky eater, Kai learned this early on; she would refuse to eat, especially dinners and breakfast, usually lunch was bearable. Kai was getting fed up with it; it was becoming a more apparent obstacle as the weeks went on from Pops first dumping the child on him. He could get over it in the first week because the nervousness of sharing a house with a stranger also took a toll on his appetite, but they were a month in now. It was becoming more troublesome the longer he left off the problem.
He decided to just plain out ask her what her big problem with food was. He was running out of options, Pops specifically told him to make sure she was fed and watered etc. He refused to fail at the simplest part. Not after everything Pops has done for him over the years.
“Eri why do you eat so little at breakfast and dinner, I don’t think it is a problem with too much food, I give you about the same portions at lunch” Kai sternly addressed one evening when he was seated across the dinner table in the kitchen area. Set in the Shie Hassiki’s residence the small girl on the booster seat poking at her veggies with a fork, looked too meek for her age.
“My tummy gets sore before I go sleep and more I eat the more sore it is” The small child timidly looked up at him. He was honestly impressed she was this self-aware for a child.
Kai was taken aback by this revelation however, having experienced it in his own childhood only really cracking the code to it in his late teens years.
Kai set out to make the bedtime routine as relaxing as possible for Eri, he dimmed the lights in the house, gave her a hot water bottle and made her drink chamomile tea, on top of just generally paying more attention to his temperament and keeping loud noises to a minimum to ensure the child stayed relaxed, he can’t have her dying of malnutrition, Pops would be so disappointed in him, and he doesn’t think he could live with that.
“Will you read me a bedtime story” great big red eyes peeked out behind the growing bangs.
“No go to sleep” he took back the cup getting ready to leave.
“Oh…ok” the little girl looked down entangling her fingers together, Kai recognised this from when she first arrived dumped here by her mother.
She was anxious.
The very thing Kai went through all this trouble to avoid he just shot himself in the foot last minute.
With a sigh staring up at the sealing.
He couldn’t believe he’d been reduced to this, the second in command of the Shie Hisaki reading a bedtime story for a child.
Well, faith was funny after all.
“Fine” he trudged over to the little shelf in the room he had to bend down to see the books, some of them were definitely over her reading level. Could she even read? He needed to organise for someone to homeschool her, he sure as hell didn’t have time for it. And he refused to let her go to public school, those places were a germ factory, not to mention a yakuza child in a school was just unwanted attention driven to them that he did not need.
He picked the most interesting-looking book off the shelf, by interesting he meant the smallest to get this done fast.
“Ok get comfy” Kai announced, turning around to pull up the only chair in the room by the bedside.
Kai reads the story; about some bear learning how to be nice, some BS by Kai’s account anyway but Eri falls asleep before the story ends. She eats better the next day and Kai continues this routine indefinitely, for his own convenience, he tells himself when he starts to find the routine semi-comforting.
Trauma
Kai was not used to physical affection or people touching him in general, evident from his many layers of protection from the alfresco activities of normal life. But children don’t pick that up so fast.
Eri’s constant need to touch him was exhausting.
The first time she grabbed at his hand he recoiled so fast and broke out into hives nearly immediately, the panicked voice of Kai must have scared the child or reawakened her trauma from the night she arrived at the Shi Hasaki.
She started crying and hyperventilating screaming “I’m sorry” and “I didn’t mean to Mommy”’ looking to be in a trance of guilt-induced psychosis.
Kai was paralysed, he squashed his own discomfort down, feeling obliged to do something. Mostly because of the noise complaint, he knows he'd get otherwise.
He wouldn’t leave a child who was clearly a victim of a quirk accident and society's outlook on quirks like theirs, all by herself to just deal with it.
He wouldn’t subject anyone to that same diurnal torture he endured. Even if he’d have to take an extremely hot shower to wash this icky feeling off.
So he opted to pat the child on her head. He wasn’t a hero after all, he barely made the quota for a decent human being if at all, by society's standards, sure he wanted to cure the world, but that required sacrifice, mostly unorthodox, illegal and morally questionable sacrifice, if the test subjects dead or alive had anything to say about it.
He didn’t think it was all that comforting, to be honest, and was very tempted to stop, but was extremely grateful when the cries turned into small sniffles which turned into little hiccups. Her breathing gradually came back to normal.
Kai’s awkward montage of patting subsided into rubbing circles into her back and adding a little “there there” and “it’s ok, everything is going to be ok”.
He didn’t find himself convincing, his tone could have definitely been more child-friendly, instead of an out-of-breath athlete trying to expel any adrenaline while also trying to calm himself down from the rising anxiety he felt with the contact.
The little girl looked up at him, her red eyes puffy from being scratched at. Kai, glad he didn’t have to try and calm down, a crying toddler offered her a small smile of relief through his mask, she returned it with teary eyes looking up at him.
His heart softened a small bit at that moment.
Emitters
From long periods of analysis Kai had figured out Eri’s quirk, it appeared to be an emitter quirk, much like his own.
The basis of it being, that she needs to let out energy regularly or it will become difficult to control.
Aka the incident repeats itself, which Kai is not too keen to have happen.
Or at least that is what he has been trying to explain to a stubborn three-year-old.
“Eri you have to use your quirk” Kai repeated for the seventh time, trying to keep his rising anger at bay, it wouldn’t do to lash out at the child that would only stress her out more which could lead to an accident causing her quirk to malfunction …unless…no it’s not worth the trouble.
Kai sat on the small children's table across from the curled-up girl covering her face behind her knees, the horn on her head was getting bigger and Kai had a nagging feeling that wasn’t a good sign.
The horn was tiny when she first arrived; prior to that not even 24 hours before she released a huge amount of energy.
Eri had accidentally used her quirk a few times mostly on food as she refused to touch people (much to Kai’s relief) but after two weeks she seemed to be able to know when her quirk activates, thankfully. Though he would imagine an immense glowing and what looks like a bad headache would be hard to miss.
Kai took a deep breath interlocking his fingers and bouncing his foot trying to figure out how to word this in a way a child would understand.
He had nothing.
Maybe sensing his defeat or simply staring at Kai’s stern expression, Eri felt obligated to give him reason.
“I-I don’t like u-using my quirk, it only hurts people.” the young girl retreated further into herself.
“I’m a monster”
Kai simply stared at the girl.
One of them is a monster, yes, but it's not her.
“Eri… you are a child” Something clicked in Kai.
“Are any of the bad monsters in your book ever children?” he was a genius he thought to himself.
She thought about it hard, probably really hard judging by how long it took her to actually answer him.
“...no” she mumbled, interlocking her tiny hands and staring at him confused as if she didn’t know where he was going with this.
“Then how could you possibly be a monster?” Kai crouched down to her level meeting her eye.
The girl looked confused for a moment
“But Mommy said..” she meekly looked at him.
“Sometimes adults are wrong, especially parents,” Kai concluded for her, nodding as if mourning the thought.
“Then how come… you might be wrong” she angrily shouted at him, tears evident in her eyes.
Woah… he was not expecting that, he thought this would go well, where was this logic wrong, it should make sense to her! Children are too confusing. He even used an idiom from her stupid book.
Kai was getting extremely frustrated with this. He needed to figure out a way to get this child to emit her quirk sooner rather than later or this would end very ugly, most likely for him as she keeps fuckin touching him every day and he is getting to the end of his fucking rope.
No, he needed to keep a cool head for this, lashing out would cause stress…which released her powers... but would make next time even harder than this.
“Ok how about…” he thought for a moment “I show you my quirk, it's really similar to yours and if you think I’m a monster then you don't have to use your quirk ok?” he sounded way more strained than gentle but honestly he counted it as a win that his temper was under control.
She nodded adamantly, certain that she was right. He needed this to be good or he was fucked.
He picked up one of the fruits that he was going to make her rewind (start small so he could gauge her powers and how often this needed to happen)
The apple was red and shiny, big and juicy, he was trying to think what to do. He could turn it into something else, but keeping it as close to Eri’s quirk would probably be best. He decided to change the apples shape… ok it wasn't that close to Eri’s but his thinking was she changed living things to a former state and he was just making a new one, she probably didn’t even understand what her quirk did, she just understood that it made people disappear and ruined her life so he needed her to work with him here.
He elongated the apple making it look weird and long and looked at the girl. She seemed fascinated. He supposed it was her first time seeing his quirk, if he didn’t mostly use it for not-good things he probably would think it was cool too.
He changed the shape again aiming for a more wiggly shape, he gave it to her to hold so she could tell it was real, she seemed fascinated, forgetting all about her tears regarding using her own quirk earlier.
“Will I be able to do that someday?” she asked him excitedly.
Shit
He needed to abort quickly.
“No…” she immediately looked dejected. “ but you can do something so cool that even I can’t do.” He tried to sound excited about it because honestly it was cool but quirks in general pissed him off. More because of how they started with disease, but thinking about it logically every human advancement in the history of time was a disease or defect and… he needed to move this thought forward.
Shaking his head discarding the thought he added, “You can turn things back into previous states” She looked at him confused.
“Come here” he gestured, she walked over with the apple still in her hands.
“Try using your quirk on the apple” She looked at him hesitantly, seeming as if she was going to argue again.
“Look you can do something really cool too, do it now or we mightn’t be able to see later” At the urgency in his voice she believed him. Children were so easy to fool.
She focused on the apple, her horn blared brightly. The wiggly apple turned back into a regular apple.
She looked ecstatic, Kai was relieved and emotionally drained after that.
He needed to reinforce this behaviour.
“See now isn't that super cool” he nodded as if completely convinced it was the coolest thing he ever saw.
She looked really happy but he was too tired right now to be happy about it as well.
“OK, that's enough for today, good work” that was the most emotionally concentrated conversation he'd had in a while, he needed to pass out now.
Instead, he opted to go back to work while keeping an eye on the girl from the kitchen table.
“Don't use your quirk without me around” he didn't think he needed to preface that but just in case she got too excited, he decided the warning was probably better safe than sorry.
Eri was still fascinated with the apple, staring at it as if it held the secrets to the universe.
“Eri did you hear me” he really needed to sleep, no more talking after this.
“Yep, Mr Kai don't worry” she put the apple down and trotted after him like a duckling following its mother.
Today was going to be a long day.
Attached
The hardest part Kai thought about raising a child would be the emotional needs of the child and of course, obviously, the essentials to live weren’t hard to come by, food, water, sunlight, like an emotional plant.
He was not however prepared for his emotional health to be so greatly affected by the small sunflower. He found himself looking forward to seeing her little smiles when he’d overhaul apples into small animals for her to eat.
In the beginning, he just did those things to take her mind off the tantrum she was currently having or stop her from crying when he’d flinch away if she touched him, he didn’t even realise when he started to become so affected by her emotions.
He found it annoying when he first caught himself reacting and was disgusted with his lack of self-control, but when the tiny girl would smile up at him as if he brought back the sun, he couldn’t find it in himself to deny her a small smile in return.
Hair
Kai surprisingly really enjoyed braiding hair. It was somehow soothing, human touch without touching anything really dirty.
He would know he washed Eri’s hair after she proved she was not properly washing out the shampoos and conditioners he’d bought for her.
He made sure not to scrub too hard as she was basically a baby with baby skin but there were no nerves in hair so he washed it to the highest standard it could be, it was very clean.
After attempting to just put her hair into a ponytail it was futile as hair still got everywhere, a bun was too heavy and Eri complained it hurt her head after a while.
He spent about an hour trying to tangle and untangle the hair until it properly looked like a decent enough braid.
The embarrassing amount of time he spent on the Internet looking up tutorials actually did help until he realised he forgot the hair band. Or more accurately lost it in the commotion of untangling white locks.
Sighing internally he let go of the braids in search of another hair band. To his surprise he forgot he bought a lot of tiny hair bands and ended up with rings of hair bands on his fingers he redid the hair again this time from memory pleasantly surprised at his improved braid.
Eri practically jumped for joy when she saw the twin braids in her hair swishing them around as she spun.
“Thank you Mr Kai! I love them” she hugged his legs as tight as a four-year-old could and went to the sitroom to play with her toys.
Kai was momentarily stunned into a statue-like figure, brain frozen trying to process the hug.
When was the last time he got a hug again?… like ten years ago.
That's sad even for him he thinks, but then he remembers skin is real and people are gross and make him itchy.
Some people just make him a bit less itchy sometimes.
Nightmares
Something moved in the dark of his room. Kai abruptly sat up ready for an attack when in the darkness he saw a tuft of white hair, his sleep-addled mind for a second thought it was a cloud, but after blinking a few times he realised it was the girl.
Rubbing his eyes he looked at her at the edge of his bed.
“What do you want” he asked probably a bit abruptly but he was just woken up by what he thought was an attack.
She flinched back away from the noise as if not expecting him to speak.
“I had a nightmare…” she stated.
“What am I supposed to do about it, go back to sleep” he laid back down, now turning around adamant on getting back to sleep himself. He didn't hear her make a move to leave. Sighing, he turned around.
“What” he exhaled, not wanting to have this conversation.
“Can I sleep with you..” she asked, hiding behind the edge of the bed with only her eyes peeking out, she looked really distressed and looked to have been crying.
“No” he stated quickly.
She looked like she was about to cry again.
“o-ok” she made a move to leave.
‘thank God’ he thought, but not two minutes later she came back with her duvet and stuffed rabbit. She placed them on the floor next to his bed and lay down.
‘Great’ his dilemma was he just bathed Eri not even two hours ago and if she slept on the floor he'd have to wash her again, not to mention the duvet on the floor, essentially making more work for himself, which god knows he already has enough of at this point on top of taking care of a four-year-old.
Sighing and probably regretting this, but his sleep-deprived brain thankfully was also slow on the ocd anxiety of germs right now and he knew she was clean he literally washed her, plus he'd wash his sheets tomorrow anyway.
“Fine get in” he lifted the covers for her to crawl in next to him. She looked ecstatic smiling at him, practically running over to him, leaving her bunny behind.
Kai turned around to make this less awkward for himself. He felt the warmth emanating from her tiny body and instead of being repulsed as usual, he found himself oddly calmed by it. She snuggled up to him, placing what felt like her forehead if he could guess from the tiny horn, up against his back.
Kai had never really shared a bed with anyone, he was too young to remember his parents before they died. The orphanage was an absolute shithole and Pops just gave him his own room, so this was a new experience for him.
He thought he'd hate it, he probably would if he didn't know Eri was actually clean, but he found himself rather calmed by the tiny body. Or the sleep deprivation from the last week has really caught up to him and he's just stalling on reaction time. Every movement startled him, thankfully Eri really didn't move too much, just placing her leg on him in her sleep.
Kai woke up to find tufts of white hair in his face and the smell of baby shampoo filling his nose, he closed his eyes again aiming to go back to sleep, until it hit him.
‘oh right she had a nightmare last night’ he quickly relaxed back into his pillow only now realising he held onto the child like a teddy bear clung to his chest.
She was drooling a little on his shirt and he was surprised by how little it bothered him.
Maybe all human touch wasn't the worst.
Homeschooling
Kai isn’t built for this. He hasn’t got the patience, the know-how, or the heart for dealing with children —especially not the patience for schooling a four-year-old.
He never asked for this responsibility, but here he is, sinking into the weight of his chair, trying to figure out his next move.
The compound isn't built for kids. The maids do their best, teaching her little things while he’s buried in his own world of endless forms, meetings and experimentation. But she’s still so full of questions all the time that he's started to think starting her formal education a little early would definitely save him a lot of headaches.
He briefly, very briefly pondered public or private schools, but immediately dismissed the idea when he thinks of the absolute nightmare it would be when Eri caught a cold, not if, when, he was sure of it. More kids equals more germs which equals a sick Eri meaning Kai had to deal with it. No.
That’s when he gets the idea: find someone competent, someone who can handle Eri without causing a stir. Someone discreet. He could ask one of the maids maybe. Sure, he’d have to up their pay, but it might just work. Her brief interactions with them often left her pestering them instead of him so he saw it as a win. There’s no way he’s doing this himself.
He calls up Kurono, he's an assassin but is also a glorified personal assistant if he pushes his luck sometimes. Maybe. Ok, he'd have to practically beg him for this but it was worth it. He'd rather not have more work looking into histories of employees and god forbid interviewing them. He’s perfect for this kind of thing.
“Find someone who can teach Eri,” Kai tells him, voice steady, but his mind racing. Too many unknowns.
Kurono looked at him like he had two heads.
“You called me off during my interrogation so I could run around and find a teacher for the girl?” he asked in absolute disbelief.
Kai was at his wits end with this.
“It would greatly lighten my load of work” Kurono was not convinced.
“I'll owe you one?” Kai tried
“For old times' sake?” Kai was getting desperate and he knew it.
Kurono crossed his arms over his chest, fixing Kai with a look.
“You'll have to do better than that, I'm busy too you know?”
“Fine, a week's paid leave if you take this” Kai retorted really hoping that was what he was wanting, it's hard to tell most of the time with him.
“K, all you had to say was please and I would have done it, but I'll take the week anyways” he mocked.
Kurono walked out waving, “I'll have the teacher by the end of the week for you, you can do a final check after that”
Kai visibly slumped after the door closed, that went better than he expected.
When Kurono finally delivers, it’s a woman named Yoko—a cleaner with an education background. She’s quiet, competent, and most importantly, she knows how to stay out of the way. She doesn’t ask questions, and that’s exactly what Kai needs.
Meeting her in person, though... He doesn’t know what he expected, but it’s not this: calm, collected, almost too ordinary. He can’t help but eye her a little too long, weighing her every word. “No questions,” he tells her, not even trying to mask the tension in his voice. “You’ll teach Eri, and that’s all. No one outside this house knows about her, got it?”
Yoko doesn’t flinch. She just nods. And that, right there, tells him everything he needs to know.
He slides the contract across the table, fingers a little tight.
“Sign. If you break anything in that contract, you’ll answer to me.”
She does it without hesitation, after fully reading the contract.
Kai stands, a weight lifting ever so slightly off his chest. He leads her to Eri, who’s quietly drawing in the other room. It feels... right. For once, things might actually start falling into place. For both of them.
dad
Eri had phases where she would watch the same movie over and over again, till Kai could quite literally quote the movie from osmosis of being in the same room. This week's torture was Finding Nemo.
Kai enjoyed the movie the first watch, having very little time for movies he found himself actually watching it but this was the eighth time this week she watched it so he was getting tired of the clownfish and especially the blue fish, but it did well for good background noise as he worked on his calculations and paperwork.
It was getting late close to bedtime when the sharks came on screen, he cursed this part of the movie as it made dinner earlier today difficult.
“Fish are friends, not food Mr Kai we can't have salmon!” Eri exclaimed as if she personally was hurt by his dinner choice.
“Eri..” he was very tired of these childish arguments if you could even call them that.
“You need the nutrients and the food is ready now anyway.” He tried, but she stubbornly rejected.
Internally sighing, Kai had, had to come up with increasingly more creative lies over the last year, especially more recently as Eri has begun to have independent thoughts and start to question him a lot about things. It was endearing if it wasn't so irritating sometimes, like right now.
A thought struck him. They'd just gotten over; the cows were asked if you could have the milk, not just taken from them so it's ok to drink milk conversation. He was running out of steam. A part of him debated whether telling her these fish and those fish were totally different things but generally teaching the wrong information irked him He'd push the truth not totally bend it.
“These are just prices of fish, not the whole fish see?” He tried, it wasn't a total lie the fish guts and eyes weren't there and the fins and tails, so hopefully she'd make her own truth of it.
“But Mr Kai…” she looked at him disappointed as if expecting this answer from him.
“If you cut off your hair and eat it does it hurt?” He interjected deadpanned at her.
“No…”
“Then it's fine, come eat” he sat at his chair beginning his dinner. Eri slowly crept towards her chair opposite him in the conjoined kitchen living room. She climbed up the chair and hesitated for a moment, stealing a glance at him before digging into her dinner.
‘Just another day’ Kai said to himself.
After dinner, Eri trotted over to put her plate near the sink and practically ran to the couch to grab the remote and put on Finding Nemo again. After finishing up dinner and washing the dishes Kai went back to work.
He was so engrossed in his work he didn't even realise the time. It was way past Eri's bedtime and he knew from experience if she didn't get enough sleep she was grumpy the next day, so best to put her to bed.
To Kai's surprise, Eri was fast asleep on the couch, the movie still playing in the background. Grabbing the remote he turned the TV off and picked up the small child. Best to move her while she's asleep rather than wake her up.
Kai placed her on her bed, she was semi-awake at this point, so he opted to change her into her nightclothes as quickly as possible before tucking her into bed.
Eri with eyes half-lidded looked up at him and mumbled a small “night dad” before passing out.
Kai was frozen for a solid minute… He heard that wrong obviously, no way she called him dad just there. After shaking off his shock he made his way to the door, quietly flicking off the lights before he found himself smiling.
“Good night Eri” he whispered before closing the door.
Saturday mornings
It took him a long time to get used to being woken up to a small blur jumping up and down on his bed as an alarm. Most four-year-olds tended not to care if their carers were asleep or awake; they just wanted what they wanted.
It had become a bit of a tradition for them, Eri waking Kai up at some ungodly hour on a Saturday (which he was thankful she could understand that Sunday He slept in and would not wake up before 9)
“Five more minutes Eri '' Kai muttered, turning onto his side and pulling the blanket over his head. The little bundle of energy just moved to his stomach and continued her pursuit to get him out of bed.
“Come on we are going to miss it!!” the little child whined pulling at the duvet.
Kai pretended not to hear her, it never worked, but he could try. Maybe this time?
Silence.
Eri was now pouting and if Kai had learned anything in the past year of taking care of Eri and the past three months of this routine, if she didn't get what she wanted she was prone to tantrums.
The momentous sigh that left Kai completely deflated the child's upcoming tantrum, sensing she had won once again.
Jumping out of bed with a newfound force Kai grabbed his mask and gloves, picked up the girl and headed to his childish crucifixion.
Scooby-Doo three-hour Marathon at six am every Saturday morning.
Parents
The homeschooling was going well, but her teacher, Yoko, had today off for an appointment so he was left with teaching Eri for the day.
Thankfully Yoko made a very organised teaching plan, one of the many reasons he promoted her was because of her amazing organisational skills not to mention he remembered her from his early days and the fact that she was still here and not completely miserable all the time meant her loyalty was enough for him to hire her. That and Kurono's extensive research and background checks eased his mind greatly.
So that was how Kai was crouched over a small table watching Eri messily try to copy words down onto her paper. Pretty badly if you asked Kai but he decided to keep that to himself. He was on the verge of finishing the calculations he was doing when Eri suddenly stopped, looking at the wording inquisitively.
Instead of vocalising her grievances with language she simply put the page in front of Kai over all his calculations and important formulas and began pointing to the words.
“What” he barked back probably a bit too aggressively but he was so close to figuring this out.
She shrunk back a little frowning, “Ms. Yoko always reads the words, then I read” Eri stated as if it was the most obvious thing ever. He stared at her for a minute, internally regretting every decision he had ever made to come to this. Most days he could muster up the patience, but today it was running rapidly short, Pops was on his back about this new serum, the Eight Precepts somehow fucked up their mission and Kurono decided this week was the best for taking his week off. Not to mention he has way too much paperwork to deal with at 8 am this morning.
He took a deep breath, ‘ok I'm losing it right now’
He took the page, clearing his throat, let's get this over with.
“Red, bed, wed,”
“Red, bed, wed,”
This went on with more words for way longer than Kai wanted to do. He was seriously begging to contemplate leaving her off schooling today, but to Eri's credit, she was pretty good so his temper was ever so slightly cooling.
“OK last ones, rad, mad, dad” Yes finished finally, Kai thought.
Eir just stared at him. She wasn't repeating the words, inquisitive eyes staring into his soul. It was freaking him out, kids can be so weird.
“What” he snapped, “just say them and we're done” he internally pleaded.
“Mr Kai… Can you be my dad?” The question shot through Kai. He froze and could feel every molecule in the air. It gave him an odd feeling in his chest, a sort of warmth he had felt slowly creeping up on him over the last year, slowly building with every small smile and meal shared.
This wasn't right. Eri had a dad and he couldn't be a dad, he was too messed up, both emotionally and mentally probably psychologically as well, if the stares he gets from some of the yakuza after missions are anything to go by.
But it fit, weirdly. Kai knew logically he saw Pops as his father called him such on the odd occasion, so why did that feel so different to now?
‘Is it cause she's so young? Would that be taking advantage of a child to fill his own egotistical desire to be needed? Was this even good for Eri? How would Pops react to this? Being her actual blood relative, would he be upset?’ Thoughts raced through Kai's mind, as seconds rolled into way too long for a five-year-old to handle.
Eri looked at him as if he slapped her. Her eyes began to water as she clutched her jumper looking down at her lap.
‘Shit’ he thought as his brain suddenly froze off all negative self-thoughts, instead filling with how to placate the pre-crying child.
“I-...Do you want that Eri? …really? I'm not exactly winning dad of the year anytime soon you know? And a dad is like a forever thing, are you sure you don't wanna I don't know, save the title for someone better?” Kai was backtracking he knew he was, this was a very stupid thing to say to a five-year-old in hindsight because she only really had one answer.
“B-but I don't want anyone else and you're here now why do I have to wait? That's not fair, everyone else has dads now, why don't I get one” she shouted in the childish righteous anger only a five-year-old could muster “…is it because I'm bad?” Eri was crying by this point, she was five and the world was confusing, she was so small to be feeling such big emotions, and asking such big questions of Kai.
“No Eri it's not because you're bad, we've talked about this remember? It was an accident. Not your fault.”
“Then why don't I get to have a mom or dad!” Eri screamed at him, tears rolling down her face, as little hands balled into fists. In the year and a half he has been her caretaker, never has she screamed at him, not during her worst tantrums. Kai was taken aback.
Such big emotions in such a tiny body seeped out through the edges, into the air, they must have because why else couldn't Kai breathe? Why was his chest so tight that he could feel all the skin?
“I'm sorry Eri” Was all he could say.
“Fine! I don't want you as my dad” Eri stormed off into her room taking all angry tears and balled fists with her.
Kai was left shell-shocked, he was underwater, his hearing gone, and his throat incredibly dry and thick at the same time. He felt like he was going to throw up. His mind was so blank he didn't even register the scratching of his arms till it became unbearably painful and bloody.
He needed to fix this. Now. It was too much, he couldn't handle this.
He stood up feeling like he was made of lead, making his way to the small girl's room, knocking on the door quietly. It felt so loud in the unusual quiet of the house.
He creaked open the door, spotting the girl on the floor behind the bed, next to the locker.
“Go away” she screamed at him, anger still raw.
Kai flinched feeling so unbelievably out of his element it was almost comical. He wanted to turn back and leave never interacting with this child again. But some part of him, it used to be small, but some part of him that grew so massive it took nearly all his being, all his brain, stopped him.
This child needs comfort. His child needs comfort. He made his way over to the mini tornado of emotions and plopped down next to her on the floor, usually, he would cringe and squirm at this but he found he didn't care.
He took in a deep breath.
“I'm scared” he admitted before he even realised what he was saying, his mouth moving faster than his brain.
The girl looked up at him with red-ringed eyes furrowed.
He couldn't look at her, only his raw arms as he let his mouth go as his head was still frozen in time.
“I'm scared that if I say yes, I'll let you down and you'll be disappointed to have me as your dad. You deserve so much better Eri” he finally looked her in the eye, his self-consciousness and paranoia creeping into more aspects of his life than he'd rather.
“But I'm not disappointed… I want you as my dad” It's funny how one little sentence from a five-year-old, who can barely comprehend other humans properly can completely change your life with just a few words.
Kai smiled at her, no she's not just some random five-year-old, she's his daughter.
She's been changing his life since day one and he wouldn't ask for it any other way.
“OK,” Kai mumbled eyes getting wet at all the emotions running in the air today. It would take him a long time to truly believe her and he was honestly thinking this might be some elaborate prank or something. But when she smiled up at him like he hung the moon and stars, he found that maybe, he believed her, just a little bit.
“Ok, I'll be your dad if you still want me to” Eri practically threw herself at him, tackling him into a hug, her eyes crying with happy tears.
He held her impossibly close, closer than he'd ever held anyone in his life.
‘Yeah, this feels right.’
Park
Kai knew Eri needed to socialise with other kids her age. It was natural and helped her social skills. It wouldn’t do for her to only talk to adults, mostly just him and the odd time Pops would check up on her, she needed to broaden her horizons.
That's what he told himself anyway.
With the small child in tow, they were making their way to the small park near the compound. The same kids around this area had less chance of catching some foreign disease since most of the kids would be in the same conditions so she should be fine, totally fine.
For the first twenty minutes Kai had to convince himself this was a good thing for Eri, but he only found more and more downsides. What if she caught a cold off some other kid? Or what if she ingested some germs from the slide? Or if she got muddy, all the algerimes would be on her and she could get sick?? Or woRSe if some kid didn’t have their shots and they gave Eri some mutated version of some disease???
“Dad? Your gloves are really warm and slippy and you look sweaty” Eri very plainly stated looking up at him, big red eyes scrunching as if to see some other minute detail she missed. She didn't look much better herself looking as pale as her hair.
“I’m just a little nervous is all” he answered back trying to resist the urge to itch himself in front of her, he was getting better, the majority of the time he'd be fine nowadays but when he got worked up his skin would crawl and he’d feel like throwing up.
“It’s ok! I’m really really nervous too” Eri declared shyly, looking towards the floor. Kai only then realised the child's meek complexion. She too appeared more reserved than usual, more quiet, usually, it was a battle to have silence for about ten minutes if Eri had nothing to do.
“Why are you nervous?” Kai crudely remarked, suddenly stopping in the middle of the path, taken aback by the usually boorish beings content for silence. The girl only continued looking towards her shoes now drawing pictures into the pavement with her boots.
“WellIhaven’tplayedwithotherkidsbeforewhatiftheydon’tlikeme?!?!?” the flurry of words went straight over Kai’s head only to double back like a boomerang after about five seconds of silence with those big red eyes staring at him intently,
“Why wouldn’t the other kids like you?” Kai queried, looking puzzled at the child's genuine fear.
The girl’s gaze wavered, back to drawing circles in the pavement with her boot avoiding his direct eye contact.
“...I don’t know” she mumbled now clutching the end of her red dress with her free hand, her little boots now hitting the floor in a blase motion.
Kai remembered the orphanage, he remembered sitting in the playroom by himself with the loneliness, he felt it grow deafening as the other kids played outside together, laughing screaming, talking …
With a new sense of urgency and responsibility to prove his daughter’s worries as fruitless, and maybe as well prove something to himself, he picked up the small girl and marched faster towards the park.
“You’re more sociable than I was when I was your age, you'll do great?”
Leaving his own fears in the dust with the pavement pieces and sharp memories he marched forward Eri in tow to conquer the playground, or at least a bench to sit on and watch over her.
Sick
The world was ending, Kai quite literally believed this to be true because he cleaned up puke four times today and didn't pass out so the world must be ending.
Eri had a stomach bug, where she caught it? Kai had no idea and that's what scared him most.
Realistically he knew.
He was not going to take her to the playground anymore if this was his punishment. He took back everything he ever said about her needing to socialise with kids her age. Nope, not happening after this shitstorm, quite literally. (Its flu season so of course she’d probably get sick anyway and it's probably good for her immune system but this was genuinely torture to Kai)
He was on the verge of angry and stressed tears, sitting in the living room contemplating his life choices.
He didn't know how to care for a sick child and of course, since it was golden week all the maids were on holiday, so the only people left in the compound were quite literally him and Eri.
Pops was in the main house and the other members in the south house but that was not his concern right now.
The thought crossed his mind to call in a lackey to clean up the mess but he knew deep down in his rotten little heart, that they would not clean to his standard and their being there would bring a whole new organism of germs into an already contaminated area. Thus furthering the chance of Eri getting more sick for longer not to mention himself getting sick, with the possibility of them both being sick at the same time that would highly incre…..
He was spiralling. Kai knew this, he was getting a lot better at dealing emotionally with things because of a certain projectile-vomiting five-year-old, but he still struggled with emotionally regulating to a degree in which he could function as a normal adult.
Ok, he needed to focus, get a basin for the child for future puke, cloth for fever, tissues for puke mouth sides and nose, mop and bucket and bleach for the sitting room Eri puked in.
Ok, he's doing great.
This caring for other living creatures wasn't the worst in the world.
He kept saying that to himself as he struggled to clean the carpet and get rid of the smell then proceeded to hear Eri puking again.
Yep, just another day in his life.