Chapter Text
Lila stood outside the door of Nor’s workshop. The wind blew, chilling her to the bone, but she couldn’t bring herself to knock. She had gotten back from her quest an hour ago, pleasantries exchanged and curses broken, and her party had split up, the boys going back to their homes and Kiaran off on their next adventure. The celebration of the party’s victory had been too loud, but so, so quiet, as Lila’s brain kept coming back to the man who wasn’t in attendance. It had been over 2 years since they last saw each other, since she left once again, leaving her brother’s wedding reception in a panic, and despite talking to each other every day, Lila couldn’t help the fearful voice in the back of her mind that whispered he’s moved on, you’re not the same person, he won’t want you anymore. A part of her knew that it couldn’t be true, but if she had changed this much, then he must have too, and that’s what scared her the most. Because if she couldn’t recognize herself past the monster she had had to become, then how would he? Her hair was longer, ends chopped and ragged from clumsy haircuts with too dull daggers and being not quite fast enough to avoid blasts of fire. She had a scar on the bridge of her nose from the blade of a sword, cutting through her freckles as if it were a galaxy cutting through the stars in the sky, splitting open the universe, and there was a void in her ribcage that she couldn’t hide from, even when she tried. The face that looked back at her in the mirror was cold, and empty, and tired, and if she couldn’t find the courage to love herself, then he couldn’t love her either.
So she meant to take a step back. Turn on her heel and walk away and never have to face him ever again. Run away and keep running until her bones turn to dust. But just as she was about to turn and leave, the door swung open.
A man stood there, his jaw dropped out of shock and his eyes wide, confusion and hope and joy and sadness merging together in a twisted dance. He was about the same height as he had been when Lila left, his tan skin smooth under a collared t-shirt, but his shoulders were broader, muscles larger and more toned, filling out his form. His black hair was also shorter, as if he had recently gotten it cut, split in a middle part that left waves of hair framing his face. It had been pulled back into a low pony, something that seemed more of a habit than a necessity, as most of the hair on his head spilled out of the band and into his face anyway. There was also something different about his magic, causing Lila’s to react, jumping and sparking at her skin as if it wanted to get closer to him, a grounding presence of strength and something else she couldn’t quite place. She could feel her heart beat heavy in her chest as she studied him, drinking in every minor detail of the man that stood before her. She couldn’t stop the tremble of her lip and the heaviness in her chest as she realized that he was doing the same thing, taking in everything about her.
“Lila?” Nor’s voice caught halfway through the word, as if in disbelief that he was actually saying it outloud, to her. “Is it… Am I dreaming again?”
“Hi,” Her voice escaped in a puff of air, and Nor recoiled slightly, as if he still couldn’t believe that she was here. He’s scared of you. Lila’s fingers fidgeted with her rings.
“You… you look different. Obviously,” he let out a sad chuckle, “But your eyes look… tired. Sad. What happened– gods, is it really you?”
The void in her chest clawed angrily at her ribcage, pulsating to keep her from acting too excited to hear his voice. Lila dropped her head, willing the tears to go away, so that he wouldn’t see her cry. She was unsuccessful, and soon tears were dripping off her face onto the ground in front of her. She didn’t look up, letting her hair curtain her face so she didn’t look weak in front of him.
“I’m not the woman that you… I’m not the same person as I was when I left.” Lila’s hands fidgeted with her rings some more, twisting them in a self soothing motion. “I’ve done things that I can’t… change, now.” Lila could feel Nor tense, the air becoming charged with an energy Lila hadn’t quite felt since her parents were still around.
“What kinds of things did you do?”
“I’ve… I’ve killed people, I’ve betrayed them and left them for dead, I’ve hurt more people then I can count on my own and your hands combined.” Lila took a shuddering breath, willing her tears to stop.
“But you– you had a reason. You’re not a monster, Lila.” She wiped her face with her sleeve, and looked up at him. His shoulders were raised, and while the tension in the air had lessened slightly, his arms were still crossed in front of him, watching her with cautious eyes as if waiting for the other shoe to drop.
“It was… it was to bring me back to you, yes,” she took a breath, whispers of memories flitting through her mind, “But I still… I can’t take those things back. I can’t undo those decisions.”
“That’s ok. We’ll… work through this, whatever you’re dealing with. Together.” His eyes looked hopeful, and Lila couldn’t help but listen to the snapping and sharp void in her chest.
“I’m not the same person, Nor! What are you not getting?” Her chest heaved as she saw her anger cut him like a knife. He flinched and she watched as his face grew cold. She shivered, not used to and not liking this expression on his face.
“Fine. If that’s true, you wouldn’t mind giving the bracelet back. Or hell, throw it into the woods for all I care.” Lila felt her heart shatter.
“What?” He just looked at her, his face carefully blank. She took a deep breath. “You made this for me, carved each flower into every homemade bead, by hand, for me. To– to symbolize not being separated by any distance, I don’t– do you realize what you’ve asked me to do? To just throw it away?”
“Only my girlfriend would know that; the Lila that left to go off adventuring, the one that was full of curiosity and excitement, remember her?” Nor’s voice raised, his cold demeanour slipping into something angrier, “If you know that about the bracelet, I guess that that person must be you!” The couple let the words hang in the air, echoing off of nearby buildings. He took a deep breath, squeezing his eyes closed for a moment before opening them again, his voice low. “If you’re breaking up with me Lila, just say that. If you don’t love me anymore, or don’t want to be with me, just say that. Otherwise I will keep fighting to be with you. Because I love you, and I want to stay with you.”
Lila blinked. A voice in her head that sounded too similar to Aeden whispered you deserve to be happy. He loves you; look at how he looks at you. The void won, swallowing up the voice as fast as it had appeared.
“But why would you want to- I left, Nor! I left you, and I’ve changed, and… and…” Nor said nothing, his eyes hard as he stared at her. Every ounce of fight left Lila’s body and she breathed hard, her shoulders hunching as she looked away from him. “You deserve better. You deserve better than me.”
Neither person said anything for a moment, Lila focused on her breathing. She heard wooden stairs creak, footsteps heavy as they made their way towards her, crunching on gravel for a few steps before stopping in her peripheral vision. She kept her head away, closing her eyes to avoid looking at him in any capacity. A set of fingers brushed her cheek and she jumped, her head jerking towards him slightly as her eyes opened. Nor took this small movement in stride, putting his fingers under her jawline, gently guiding it so that she was looking at him. His eyes searched hers, softening with whatever he found written in them. He brushed his fingers up the side of her face, bringing his hand up to cup the side of her face, forcing her to make eye contact with him as he leaned in slightly.
“I will fall in love with you, over and over again.” Lila took a deep breath, searching his eyes. They were soft, gazing at her so lovingly that Lila almost felt sick at the adoration in them, but they were determined, as if daring her to not believe his words. She couldn’t look away. “I don’t know how; I don’t know where, or when, and I certainly don’t care because it doesn’t matter how long it has been, you,” his thumb brushed her cheek, “you are mine.”
Lila couldn’t stop the quiet sob from ripping from her chest, tears that had been quietly brimming with his soft-spoken words spilling over. He only brought his other hand up to her face, using both thumbs to clear her tears as he tried not to cry himself.
“Don’t tell me you’re not the same person, because you are… you; you’ll always be Lila. Nothing you could do could make me love you less, and I have been waiting, and waiting, and waiting, and waiting–”
Lila let out a sound that was a mix between a sob and a laugh, “Nor-”
“And waiting, and waiting-” Nor’s voice cracked, his tears finally overflowing from his eyes, and he gripped Lila’s face tighter. She only brought her own hand up, covering his with her own. Despite the tightness, Nor’s grip wasn’t painful, instead protective, as if he couldn’t control his desperation of having her in his arms again.
“Nor–” Lila’s voice grew frantic in her own desperate sobs, her hands holding him just as tight, tears freely flowing. Nor brought his forehead down to meet hers, eyes closing with the contact.
“And waiting for you to come home to me. I’m not letting you go now. Not ever again.”
Lila closed the distance between the two of them, the void in her chest near disappearing as her lips met with his. They crashed together like an ocean wave against a cliff on the coast, harsh and messy but fitting together as if a force of nature. Nor pulled her face closer to him, letting his hands migrate more into her hair, and Lila responded in kind, moving her hands away from his and resting them around his shoulders, gripping him in desperation to be closer. They pulled away slightly, keeping each other close, neither one wanting to let the other go. Nor gently removed his hands from her hair, bringing one to the side of her face.
“Stay.” Nor whispered, his voice rough with emotion. Tears still streaming down her face, she brought her forehead to his.
“For you? Anything.”