Chapter Text
February 4th apart
Remus stared at Sirius like he could imprint the vision of him into his retinas. Only a week. He would only be gone for a week. Remus didn't cry often, but the stupid need to cry suddenly overcame him. He was being stupid. He shouldn’t be upset, or angry, it was just a friend going away for a week. To France, he'd send Remus something. Everything would be fine. It was all going to be okay. Remus wasn’t going to break down on the train platform, lots of kids were going home for a week or so because of the attacks but only Sirius was going on holiday, I guess his parents weren’t worried.
Why did he always cry over Sirius?
He was standing in front of the train like an angel before hell and had a sad, almost mournful look. His cheeks and lips were pink, a fur coat and a warm looking knitted hat with a string over each ear were keeping him warm, along with gloves that matched the hat, both a soft grey cashmere. His hair was falling about his face like it had been painted by John Singer Sargent, gorgeously, perfectly placed, simplified and adjusted, yet he knew Sirius rolled out of bed, ruffled it and ran his fingers through a few times and was done. How could one be so perfect? His eyes were wide and reflected the color of the snow in shadow, Remus noticed a dark greyish blue speck in his top right iris, like a freckle, but navy. He looked so sad.
“Bye, moony.” He placed a hand on Remus’ camel tones coat sleeve. For a moment he just freaked out, his eyes and nose prickled, he turned away, blinked, pretended to be checking the clock, three more minutes, and turned back to Sirius.
“I'll miss you, Pads.”
They just stared at each other for a few seconds.
“Bring me back something from France.”
“Will me and my renewed accent not be enough?” Sirius’ tone was joking and Remus laughed softly, but it felt sad and quiet. Prongs and Pete were standing a way off, talking to Lily, Reg and Sybil about something, probably saying goodbye too.
“Well, yes, but… I don't know…” he stared imploringly at Sirius, there were snowflakes on his straight dark lashes, Remus ignored it. He tried to. Sirius’ cheeks were so pink with the cold, Remus wanted to place his hands on the icy pale skin and warm him back to life, but that would be queer, instead, he brushed another snowflake gently off his cheek and in the same motion pulled the front strands of his hair in front of his ears, tugging his winter hat down too.
“I'll bring something back for you, Moony.” It was small from his mouth, almost like a confession. “Even if it's just something small, my parents might not let me take anything back.”
“Hey…” Remus lost his words, changing his mind,swallowing, realising that he'd rather have something else, “Maybe just bring yourself back in one piece, Reg too, okay? Or just yourself, I really don't care, though I think James and Lily might.” He swallowed, it hurt, “Stay alive for me, okay? That’s all I need.”
He was still holding onto the chain-crocheted strings dangling by Sirius’ ears. It was as close to holding his face as he’d let himself get. His big grey eyes were wide and sad, Remus wished he would say something sarcastic, or flirty or stupid, just so that ache would disappear from his chest for a second. Instead he got a broken, almost inaudible whisper of,
“Yes Remus,”
He snorted, pushing Sirius gently, hands falling on his fur covered shoulders and keeping him from going too far.
“I'm not your general Pads, just your friend okay?”
Sirius was just staring up at him, still, with those big light eyes. Remus’ smile slid down his face. He was serious.
It would be a feat, coming back unharmed from a visit to the Blacks’, god almost impossible. Remus just wanted to keep Sirius here with him, keep him safe. He’d be back for the full moon but barely, and the yearning only got worse over the days before. He hated being apart from Sirius, maybe because Sirius was a canine too, he felt closely connected. Maybe it was something to do with the dropping in his stomach each time Sirius laughed, or smirked at him. Right now it was lead though, almost at his feet. His eyes were so big and sad and… scared. He couldn't escape them.
Remus rested his brow against Sirius’.
“You’ll be okay, Pads. I won't have it any other way.”
The next week was agony.
Monday was horrible. The library felt too quiet and the scuff of sirius’ jeans under his docs, walking beside Remus, haunted him through the halls. He kept expecting to see him rounding a corner or popping out from behind a suit of armour. Seeing his bed, curtains opened, all neat, bed made, everything put perfectly in its place was wrong.
That night he thought about crawling into sirius’ bed but knew it wouldn't work, and that Sirius would know.
He knew Prongs was taking it hard too, he kept looking up with stars in his eyes, mouth open, about to say something to the boy in front of him before realising Sirius was gone, and those stars died, much quieter and safer than real ones did.
Tuesday was absolute torture, he had transfiguration and had to watch McGonigal go on and on about animagus and how smart and brilliant and wonderful someone had to achieve even one transformation. He loathed her for reminding of Sirius. Both Lily and James were taking down notes rather frantically, since when had James taken notes? Was this something he missed because he was too busy watching Sirius or…?
Wednesday would have been unbearable if not for the package, not at breakfast but late n the evening
wait for part two :)