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Tav can’t deny their growing attraction to their violent Githyanki companion. Which wouldn’t be a problem if it wasn’t impossible to win Lae’zel’s heart. Well, you know what they say; the best way to win someone's heart is through their stomach. Which rings true for Lae’zel as it seems the only way to win a Githyanki’s heart really is through their stomach…with a painfully sharp sword to stab the other to death.
So romantic.
Call Tav old fashion, but they’d rather not kill the Gith in cold blood. They don’t care how many times Lae’zel says it's hot! No, they'd rather romance her traditionally. However, it seems they’ve tried nearly everything with no luck at gaining some approval…
They tried cooking for the Gith…
“What is that awful stench?” Lae’zel spat.
“What are you talking about? I just bathed–”
“–Not you. The plate in your hand. What is it?” That was more of a demand than a question.
“It’s stew, I made it for you.” They smiled.
“I do not wish to indulge in the food of your people. Now leave me.”
They tried gifts…
“Oh, what a pretty flower.” Tav stopped to pick the amber-petal blossom from its bush. “Here, Lae, this is for you. It matches your eyes.” They presented the Githyanki with the delicate plant and, in a turn of events Tav should have seen coming, Lae’zel knocked the flower out of their hand.
“Tskva! We don’t have time for this!” Lae’zel went on through the forest, walking without them as Shadowheart and Astarion (who Tav regrets bringing along right about now) stood behind them, peering down at the sad little flower now covered in dirt.
“You know, if Lae’zel was a normal girl, I’m sure that would have worked,” there was a slight mockery to the half-elves voice, but Tav wasn’t sure if it was directed at them or the Gith she loathed.
“I surely would have fallen for you,” the vampiric elf put his hand to his forehead, dramatically (and teasingly) swooning for Tav's (failed) romantic gesture.
Tav just rolled their eyes and pressed forward so they could catch up with their impatient companion.
They tried sweet words…
Another run in with some goblins and Lae’zel just got done bashing the last guys head in with her bare hands. Fists soaked with blood, she ran a hand through her tangled brown locks. Suddenly, as Tav gazed upon the Githyanki, every move she made was in slow motion as the world around her was no longer goblin gore, but soft pink clouds and shimmering stars. The simple act of wiping sweat from her brow was the hottest, most sensual thing ever and Tav swore they could hear the sound of a lute somewhere in the distance playing a tender melody—
“What are you ogling at, Ishtik?” Reality struck them like a war hammer. Lae’zel was squinting at them, lips curled to a sneer.
“Just…wow…you’re beautiful, Lae.” They’d never seen someone make vicious acts of murder look so good before.
“Chk…” She just rolled her eyes and walked away. Tav hated when she left, but loved to watch her go.
"You are not subtle in the slightest, my friend," Wyll chuckled.
Tav hadn't noticed they turned their head to the side to catch the way Lae'zel's hips swayed. "Come on, can you blame me?"
They tried stupid bardic flirtation lines…
“Help!” Tav pretended to faint. “I need a cleric…because I must be dead since I’m seeing an angel in front of me,” they winked at Lae’zel.
Lae’zel stared at them blankly for a moment. “I am no cleric," her frown deepened. "Shadowheart is over there if you wish for healing." She pointed over to the cleric of Shar in the distance, who quickly turned her head away. Her and the barbarian tiefling were pretending not listen in.
“Wait, hold on, I got another one! Ahem, you must be from another plane of existence, because you are out of this world,” they smirked.
“I am from another plane of experience.”
"Heh, I helped with that one," Karlach nudged the half-elf with her elbow.
"Lady of sorrows guide us..." Shadowheart shook her head, disapproving of that whole mess.
They tried physical touch…
“Hey, Lae'zel, can you hold this for me?” Tav held out their fist, clutching something in their palm.
“I suppose,” she held out her hand, palm up for Tav to drop something in it. Instead, Tav slipped their hand into hers, interlocking their fingers. She looked at their joint hands, then up at Tav with an unfazed expression.
“Yeah, okay.” They removed their hand, getting the message loud and clear; take it off, or I'll break it off. No telepathic worms needed for that one.
They tried to write a letter…
Dearest Lae’zel,
I cannot find the words to express how much I desire you. We haven’t known each other long, and yet, I can’t stop thinking about you. Your beauty and rarity is unmatched, and I find myself longing for you. I wish to taste your lips upon mine, feel your touch on my skin as our bodies intertwine so close that I can smell the sweet aroma of death you leave in your wake. Do you feel the same? Check one of the boxes below…
[_]Yes.
[_]Definitely.
[_]Absolutely.
Sincerely,
Tav <3
Tav scribbled out the heart they drew–deciding that was too much–and folded the parchment closed. They snuck over to Lae’zel’s tent, leaving the letter on her bedroll. They then watched from afar as the Gith approached her designated area of their camp.
Tav’s heart hammered anxiously in their chest as she picked up the letter. She flipped the parchment over a few times with curiosity, inspecting it without opening it.
Tav gasped in disbelief as Lae’zel proceeded to use the letter as a rag, wiping excess sweat and blood from her body after her workout in the woods. When the paper became soaked, it tore apart instantly. When the ruined note was no longer of use, she discarded it without a second thought.
“You’re kidding…” Tav said aloud to themself.
“Let’s be honest,” Astarion appeared out of nowhere (nearly giving Tav a heart attack). “It’s probably best she didn’t read whatever was in…that, ” he waved a hand lazily towards the remains of Tav’s unappreciated poetry.
“Yeah, I guess. I rigged it, anyway,” Tav shrugged.
They even tried to save Lae’zel by doing her favorite thing: killing…
There’s been no shortage of goblins lately and one was headed right towards the preoccupied Githyanki. “Lae’zel! Watch out!” They shouted, but she didn’t hear them with all the bones cracking beneath her.
Tav had to act fast! They pulled out a scroll of Magic Missile and cast it, hurling the magical bolts towards the incoming little beast.
In their attempt at heroics to save the woman they so desperately have been trying to court, the missiles flew right past the goblin. “Awe, fuck! Of course, I fucking miss!” The beast laughed as it whizzed past, forgetting he was even after Lae’zel. However, he laughed way too soon because the missiles looped around a tree, then smacked him in the back of the head, stopping the laughter instantly.
“Oh, never mind, I got him! Hey, Lae’zel did you see that? I saved you!” Tav looked to where the Gith had been standing and, to their surprise, she was no longer there. “Lae?”
“No, I didn’t! Why would I help a goblin?” The half-elf shrieked.
“Do not lie, I saw you hesitate to kill it!” The Githyanki hollered in response.
As the two continued to bicker, Tav stared at them, completely dumbfounded. “I just saved her life and she didn’t even fucking see it!?”
The group's wizard placed a hand on Tav’s shoulder. “Well, if it’s any consolation, friend. I saw it and am very impressed with your use of magic.”
Tav sighed. “Shut the fuck up, Gale.”
“Noted.”
Tav was running out of ideas here...
Of course, they could just plainly tell Lae’zel; “Hey, so, I’m like really attracted to you,” but at this point, they were pretty fucking determined to win her over with some big romantic gesture.
As they pondered more ideas of wooing, they had an unexpected visitor pull their tent flaps open. “I have a confession…” The gruff voice startled Tav for a moment, but only a moment as the presence of the woman–who just let herself in by the way–was most welcomed. “I was too hasty to judge you. I thought you witless, gutless, unimpressively bland.”
“Is this going somewhere…?”
“Yes, you’ve earned my respect.”
“I…what?” Did Tav’s attempts to properly court the Gith actually work??
“You do not hesitate to take action as our leader, proving your strength and wits on the battlefield.”
“Heh, yeah, I do that well, don’t I?”
“And...the wizard informed me on what you had done the other day while I was too distracted to notice. You…have my thanks,” it seemed she struggled a bit to say that last part and, if Tav was feeling cocky, they’d try and get her to say it again. A thanks from Lae’zel? That’s more rare than a goblin flying.
“Oh, it was nothing,” Tav shrugged it off (yes it was, they were devastated when the one chance they got to save Lae'zel, she didn't even see it). They should probably thank Gale later for telling her about their romantic heroics. Hells, they'll even hug the wizard if this conversation is going where they think it's going. “Is that why you’re telling me I’m no longer bland?”
“Hardly. It’s your scent that I’m drawn to.”
“My scent?”
“Yes, your odor alone makes my neck sweat.”
Tav stared at her for a moment, then smiled. “Awe, really?” They blushed a little. A thank you AND a compliment? Those goblins must have figured out flight.
“I wish to taste you. Do you...wish the same?”
“You’re kidding, right?” The look she gave them indicated she was, indeed, not kidding. “Lae, I’ve been trying to court you for the past two weeks.”
She raised a brow at them. “When?"
“What do you mean when–you know, doesn’t matter. Yes, I am interested in you.”
She smirked, and not the kind of smirk she does after she just murdered someone. A new kind of smirk Tav hopes to see again and again. “Then you shall have me.”
So, their romantic gestures kind of paid off. If you squint. At least the violent one did. Tav should have known that. Like they said, the best way to win a Githyanki’s heart is with a sword through the stomach.