Chapter Text
Toma didn’t fall for Shogo right away. It happened slowly, a warm and fuzzy feeling starting to bloom in his chest. But when Toma figured out what he was feeling, the realization truly crushed him. He could still remember the smallest details about the day he had realized he had fallen deeply in love. What he had worn, the crumbled makeup, Shogo’s warm eyes, the eye shadow palette he had lost that day, the burning jealousy gnawing in his chest….
…
The day had been awful. Toma had overslept and been late to the first rehearsal of the evening’s show. On top of that, he had felt really anxious about the live performance. Luckily, he was able to perform well enough and had been happy about how the show went. All that happiness had been forgotten when he noticed that his makeup hadn’t stayed put after the performance; VISTY still had one interview to go through and Toma was starting to freak out.
The first thing he did was to try to save his make, but his hands were shaking so much that he only made his face look worse. He ended up dropping his brush and somehow, his eyeshadow was nowhere to be found either. After a while he just stopped trying. He stood frozen in front of the changing room mirror as silent tears started falling. He looked at his face and couldn’t unsee how there were faded scar marks starting to show on his cheek. He felt suffocated and started to feel the ghost of iron and unbearable heat on his face. Voices were whispering the same words he had spent his whole childhood hearing. The voices stopped when the door was suddenly opened.
“Toma, are you coming? We have like 20 minutes before the interview will st- What is wrong? Why are you crying?” Shogo closed the door quickly, and got closer to Toma when he noticed his pained expression.
Toma snapped out of his trance and started to panic. “No no no no, please don't come! Don't look at me! Please!” Toma yelled while hiding his face using his hands.
Shogo stopped for a while, but then moved closer so he could stand next to Toma. He gently started rubbing Toma's back.
“Hey, what’s wrong? How can I help?” Shogo asked while trying to get Toma to look at him.
“I….. It's….My makeup…. is ruined. My hands are shaking so I only keep making it worse”
“Okey, I understand. Then, let me help you. Let's take everything off and start over. I'm not as good with makeup as you are, but at least I have a bit steadier hands at the moment.”
“No…then you’ll see…I don’t want you to…" Toma had started sobbing and tried to hide his face once again.
“Toma. Look at me”, Shogo said while he put his hands on Toma’s shoulders so he couldn’t hide.
“Nothing bad is going to happen. I know you don't like to be seen without your makeup. Trust me, please. I won’t let you down”, Shogo continued while dipping a sponge in makeup remover.
Toma didn’t want Shogo to remove his makeup. It was his last line of defense. Without it, he was vulnerable, unable to hide anywhere. But after a short while, he told Shogo it was okay to remove the makeup. Bit by bit, Shogo cleaned all of Toma's face. Carefully, gently, without any rush.
“ I don't think I've seen you without makeup before. Look at you, you look really pretty”, Shogo smiled at Toma. After he was done, he picked up the most basic of Toma’s cosmetics and started to redo the makeup.
It didn’t take that long for Shogo to finish the makeup, and soon Toma was looking at his face in the mirror. "Look, I really tried my best. It is a good thing that you're beautiful so it doesn't matter even if I made some mistakes. Hopefully, it's enough for you.“ Shogo smiled nervously, looking slightly sorry about how he hadn't nailed every aspect of the makeup. The eyeliner looked a bit shaky. Primer could have been smoother. There wasn't any eye shadow. But Toma felt it was the most beautiful makeup he had ever worn.
“No, it's perfect. Thank you for helping. “ Toma said.
“No problem at all, I'll always be there to help. Just ask and I'll be by your side.”
Shogo smiled so brightly that Toma couldn't catch his breath. The only thing on his mind was the thought how someone could be so wonderful, kind and considerate. He was feeling so happy, anxiety long forgotten. He couldn't really explain what he was feeling; he was trying hard to figure out the warm feeling. His thoughts were interrupted when the door was opened again.
“Shogo? Toma? You ready? We are running out of time so I was told to get you.” Kei said after he had entered the room.
“Yes, we just finished our make ups. Let's go!” Shogo said and grabbed Kei's hand to hold.
Seeing the intervened hands made Toma feel something that was quite familiar to him. It was the same feeling he had felt as a child looking at his classmates playing together while leaving him behind. Feeling he had never wanted to feel again.
“I'll just grab my bag and follow you. Go ahead." Toma said while trying to ignore the tight feeling in his chest. Shogo and Kei looked at him with a hint of worry in their eyes. Toma couldn't concentrate on anything else than Kei's perfect face. He really was so much prettier than him. No wonder Shogo liked him.
“You sure? You're feeling fine, right?”' Shogo asked while hesitating a bit.
“Yes, I'll follow you in a minute.”
“Okey, but hurry. We don't have that much time.“ Shogo took a last look at Toma and left the room with Kei.
Toma stared at the closed door while two thoughts came to his mind. The first thought was that at some point, slowly, he had fallen for the most wonderful person he had ever met. The second thought came like an overwhelming wave, shattering his suffocating heart. The world was still as cruel as it had always been. He'll be the odd one out left behind. Again.