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“You know you should just talk to him Prongs.”
James had been in the common room for the past three hours pretending to complete his potions essay that still lay in front of him, one line written across the top. He didn’t have the energy to write anything. He hadn’t had the energy to do very much the past three days.
“You two have never gone this long without speaking. He misses you.” Remus had sat himself next to James on the sofa in the common room. It was late and the last embers of the fire were dwindling out in front of them. He should probably be in bed but if Moony was still awake that meant so was he and James didn't really want to run into him.
“He say that did he? That he misses me?” James remarks sarcastically, his eyes staying glued to the hearth, not really wanting to look at his friend next to him. He was surprised Remus was even talking to him.
“Not in so many words… but I know he does. You’re both too stubborn for your own good.” James turns to face Remus who’s sat casually leaning in the corner of the sofa, one arm draped over the back cushions the other holding a book casually resting on his knee. “Why do I have to be the one to make the first move?”
“Prongs you know why.” He says giving James a look as if to say don’t be an idiot.
“Oh of course you take his side because he’s your boyfriend!”
“I’m not taking sides. There’s no sides to take! Don’t start with me. Look, somethings going on with you, I don’t know what it is but you need to sort it out mate.”
Moonys tone is authoritative but kind as usual. James doesn’t know how he does it but he has this way of almost telling you off but you’re thankful for it. James finds it infuriating.
“Oh, because you know me so well you know what’s going on in my head all the time do you?” he rolls his eyes dramatically.
“Actually yeah I do know you that well.” Remus looks hurt at Jame’s words which made Jame’s stomach turn with guilt. He shouldn’t take it out on Remus, he knew that.
He takes a deep inhale of breath, his hands coming up to rub his face as he leans back on the sofa, potions essay now completely abandoned on the table. “I’m sorry I’m just dealing with a lot. Quidditch is- … and then I have an overdue potions essay… I dunno Remus I just- I can’t tell you what’s going on right now and I can’t tell Sirius. I don’t get why it’s such a big deal. I shouldn't have to tell you everything.” He knows it’s stupid when it comes out of his mouth. He always tells his friends everything.
“You don’t have to tell us everything. Honestly if you don’t want to tell me I don’t want to know what it is. But Sirius… I don’t think you’ve ever had a secret from him. You tell each other everything.” Moonys eyes becomes soft and gentle, almost sad. “Prongs, I don’t think it’s about what the secret is.” He sighs heavily. “I think he just doesn’t get why you would need to keep anything from him. You’re practically brothers. I think he feels like you don’t trust him.”
The guilt in Jame’s stomach multiplies tenfold. He can’t deal with it.
“I know I tell him everything and I’ll tell him eventually I just-” James trails off.
“Can’t? Yeah I know I get it.” Moonys tone is abrupt, almost frustrated. James ignores it.
“How come you get it and he doesn’t?” James sighs, leaning back further into the sofa and staring up at the ceiling.
Remus bookmarks his page and sets the book down on the arm of the sofa, turning his full attention to James. A look of pity crossed his face. No, not pity, understanding. It’s a look he wears often around James and Sirius, like he knows everything and is just waiting for the two of them to catch up.
“You and him, it’s a different type of friendship.” Remus says. “You’re inseparable. You don’t smile the same way when he’s not there. If I wasn’t the one in his bed every night, I’d think you were in a relationship.”
James snorts a laugh at that, almost managing a smile. There's a small silence as Remus lets James process what he’s said. Moony's always been courteous like that.
“Just think, is a secret really worth it? You’re both miserable and it’s been three days. I don’t think I can take more than a week of this before I smash your heads together and make you kiss and makeup.”
James looked sideways at his friend, who’s eyebrows were raised at him. “Why are you always right Moons?”
“It’s just a talent.” Remus stands up, hiking his bag over his shoulder, his other hand grabs his book from where it was perched. “Right, I'm off to bed. Please don’t be long. Sirius can’t sleep until you get in.” If James felt bad before he felt worse now.
“I won’t be long.” he promises Remus, a slightly mocking edge to his voice. Remus goes to walk up the stairs to the dormitories. “Hey, Moony!”
“Yeah?” he looks back at James over his shoulder.
“You’re like a brother to me too.”
“I know Prongs.” he nods as if saying “You too.” and heads up the stairs.
The next morning.
She was exactly where he had asked to meet her, under the tree at the edge of the forest. The early morning sun casting down onto her freckled skin. He loved how she looked in the mornings. Eyes barely awake, her cheeks faintly blushed in the summer heat. The freckles across her chest that he would beg to stare at all day.
As he neared her, she turned her head in his direction, a sleepy smile etching across her face. “Hey you.” Lily greets him, her head tilting slightly and her long red hair like a waterfall down her shoulders.
He sat down in front of her, his hands going to cup her jaw and bringing her lips to his, immediately melding together in perfect synchronicity. Merlin, when he kissed her it felt like the world stopped.
He broke apart the kiss to see her face looking worriedly at his. “What’s wrong?” he asked, his head tilting to the side. She looked down then, not wanting to meet his eyes when she said “Remus told me you and Sirius aren’t talking.”
James rolled his eyes, moving to lean against the tree. “He did, did he?” Annoyance creeping into his voice.
“Yes but don’t get all angry with him. He just wanted some advice. Why didn’t you tell me?” She turned, her eyes burrowing deep into his in genuine worry.
“It’s fine I’m dealing with it.”
“By not talking to him? What did he do?”
“Nothing.”
“Did …you do something?” she said hesitantly.
“No. Yes. Not really-” he closed his eyes as the sun beat down on his face. He’d give anything for this conversation to be over. “James, you know you can tell me.” He sighs, his eyes meeting hers.“I’m not very good at keeping secrets from him is all.”
“What secret are you keeping?”
“Well…” He gestures between the two of them. “You told me not to tell anyone?” The look on her face becomes more confused.
“Not to tell anyone what?”
“That we’re… you know… shagging or whatever.” he waved his hand in the air in an attempt at nonchalance.
They hadn’t put an official label on it. It had only been a month and he wasn’t going to push it with her. If James had his way they’d be married by now. It had taken him years for her to even stand the sight of him, let alone date him so he wasn’t taking his chances. No he was being good and restrained and taking it at her pace.
“Shagging or whatever? Is that what you’re calling it?” her eyes open in shock as she withholds a laugh. She moves onto her hands and knees and begins crawling towards where he’s resting against the tree. From this angle he can see slightly down her top that isn’t buttoned all the way and he fights to avert his eyes. She doesn’t have a clue how distracting she is.
“Shut up we said we weren’t labelling it.”
“You mean you haven’t told Sirius?” she was smiling now almost tauntingly.
“No. You said I couldn’t tell anyone.”
“Yeah but it’s Sirius. I didn’t expect you to keep anything from Sirius. He’s not just anyone.”
James’ jaw goes slack in shock.
“But you said you didn’t want to tell anyone because you didn’t want anymore focus on you this year and you wanted a few weeks where we could just be us and not have people butting in.”
“Yes … and I meant that but it’s Sirius. You tell him everything, everyone knows that.” she said, sheepishly.
“Are you saying I could have told him the whole time?”
“Yeah. I assumed you already had? I don’t expect you to keep secrets from your friends James.”
Of course she hadn’t expected him to. Of course she assumed he would tell Sirius. Because she knew him. Knew him better than he knew himself sometimes. “You’re amazing you know that?” James said and before she had a chance to reply he had grabbed her into his lap, his lips were on hers and his hands were in her hair. She pulled apart from him this time, her hand resting on his chest. “As much as I’d love to stay here and do that for the next hour before lessons, I think you should go and talk to him.”
“I love you.” the words slip out before he could stop them and Lily's eyes go wide, blush creeping up her cheeks. “James I-”
“Don’t say it back. I know it’s early but … Evans, my friends mean a lot to me and I love that you get that. And I don’t need you to say it back, I just ... need you to know.”
He didn’t know when but she began to smile, her lips reaching his again. “Can you say it again?” she whispered. He bent slightly further forward, his lips grazing her ears and whispered. “I love you Lily Evans.” she sighed a laugh.
“You better go before I kiss you again.” her legs slipped back onto the ground as she removed herself from him.
“Sure you don’t want to stay and make out for a bit longer?” he smirked at her. She shoved him backwards onto the grass. “As much as I do, I think your friend is more important.” This made Jame’s heart skip a beat.
He stood up, grabbing his bag and tossing it over his shoulder. “Does this mean I can also tell Remus?” Lily looked around, avoiding his gaze. “Lily?” he pressed.
“He already knows.” she sheepishly replied, a small smile crossing her lips.
“You told him?” James says laughing. He’d managed to keep that hidden.
“No he guessed and I’m an awful liar.” she frowned mockingly.
“I swear that boy knows everything.”