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Boimler nuzzled happily into Mariner’s hair as she lay on top of him. She smelt so good, even (especially) when she was sweaty from lovemaking. He could feel every inch of her skin pressed against his as she sighed contentedly. He never wanted this moment to end.
He was reminded of the unfortunate truth that that could not be when she rolled off from him, facing him with her eyes closed. It was such an empty feeling. He felt a little better after intertwining his hands with hers, her forehead coming to rest against his in response. Warm breathing mingled together.
Mariner also felt safe and warm next to her lover. She stroked his nose briefly with her own. He held her deftly, but still as though she was a precious thing. His eyes were now closed, but she knew brilliant blue was hidden behind those eyelids. She could get lost in those eyes (when she let herself).
“You should stay with me tonight.” Mariner murmured, barely a whisper even if they were alone in her room.
“You know I promised Rutherford I would help him this evening.” She almost missed his reply. She hated it when he left. The only thing he seemed to leave behind with her was an ache in her chest.
Boimler didn’t want to leave either, but he had promised. He could do favours for two of his friends in one evening. They were equal in status after all, so why shouldn’t they have equal priority? He’d made the plans with Rutherford first, and only fit in time with Mariner because…because…because he couldn’t resist another opportunity to feel like they were something more.
Mariner almost felt like whining, but pulled it back before the tone could leave her lips. “But that’s engineering! We could stay here, cuddle and watch a movie-”, she ran a finger down his bare chest for emphasis, “-we might not even have to bother putting our clothes back on between now and the end of the movie.”
She really didn’t want him to go. She wanted her best friend to stay with her so he could make her laugh, drink with her, and touch her ever so well. Every second spent with him made her feel like she was special.
His eyes were open now, locked on hers. “Tell me you love me…tell me you love me and I’ll do anything you want. I promise.”
Mariner’s blood ran cold. Not this. She couldn’t do this. Everything was perfect now, why did he have to do this now? She thought they were closer than ever. The closest of friends, who did everything together ( everything ). Best friends stayed together. Partners who loved each other that way ended so often in tragedy. It was better to just keep things simple.
Mariner’s perfect body tensing and the slight widening of her eyes sent a dagger through Boimler’s heart. Again. He didn’t know why he’d bothered to say it. She always turned him down, and it always hurt the worst just after they’d been together physically. He didn’t know why she didn’t want to call him hers. Then they could go on dates ( official ones ), move in together ( every night ), and let everyone see just how much they meant to each other without having to hide it ( did they hide it well? ). They could be so much together.
He couldn’t bear it. They were so close together yet so far apart. Boimler rolled onto his feet, taking deep breaths in an effort to quell his reddening face. This turned into a jerk up to fully standing as Mariner touched his back, the creaking of the bed telling him she had sat up too.
“Brad, you know I…that is that…you…please stay…” Mariner stumbled over her words, voice catching in her throat.
“Just don’t, Mariner. I don’t know what possessed me to try again.” That came out more bitterly than Boimler had intended. He didn’t turn around. Every time he looked at her - that face, those eyes, that beauty - his willpower crumbled and he wanted to get as close to her as she would let him. Stupid heart. That’s why he was here again in the first place.
She was silent as he got dressed and walked out into the corridor. Mariner’s hands played with the blanket still half laying over her. This was fine. He’d be back. ( Not soon enough ). She should shower and get dressed, then go and bother her Mum on the bridge, or Tendi at the bar. But she just didn’t have it in her at the moment. She just grabbed her teddy and hugged it tight to her chest, telling herself that this was for the best. (She would normally hide her teddy, but felt she didn’t have to with Boimler). She just stared at the white wall straight ahead. Just keep breathing. It’s for the best.
Boimler stumbled through the corridors, avoiding eye contact with anyone he came across and hoping they didn’t greet him, as he didn’t think he could greet them back at the moment. He just wanted to curl up into a little ball and cry. The reason why this time had hit particularly hard tried to surface at the back of his mind, but he violently shoved it back down. He didn’t need to be a wreck in the middle of the hallway.
Rutherford was there when he lurched through the door of their shared room. Boimler had briefly considered hiding in a storage closet instead and staying there for the night, but he was a man of his word and had said he would help Rutherford, and so he would. He wasn’t sure if standing over the other man with dead eyes and balled fists qualified as helping, but at least he was there in body if not in spirit.
Rutherford didn’t seem to think so. His mismatched eyes were wide as he stared up from the desk he was sat at, hands reduced to rare motionlessness. Boimler guessed he was having his vitals inspected but also didn’t care. Go ahead. See if that implant can read a broken heart.
He remained still as Rutherford stood up. “Buddy? You okay there?”
Boimler didn’t respond.
“Do you want a hug?”
Boimler held his arms out.
Rutherford wrapped him up tightly. Boimler didn’t mind the slight smell of burning or the oil that was now getting on his clothes. In fact, it was probably doing him some good to cover up how he already smelled - he forgot to take a fucking shower before coming back. Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
He could feel himself crying into Rutherford’s shoulders now. Rutherford just held on more firmly in response, creating a feedback loop of crying and squeezing. But he didn’t want to do anything else. Rutherford was so solid and warm and comforting. ( But it just wasn’t the same as holding Mariner. )
Rutherford gently walked them both over to sit on the lower bunk bed. He kept his arm around Boimler as they sat, letting him lean against his side. “What’s up? I’m sure we can get through this.”
Boimler’s tongue felt too heavy. He just couldn’t respond.
“I’ll help you with whatever you need. We don’t have to do anything tonight. I’ll get us some food and we can just chill here.”
The words still wouldn’t come out.
“Do you want a boys night, or shall I call Tendi and Mar-”
“MARINER DOESN’T WANT ME. Not…not like I want her.” The words burst out like the water from a dam breaking. Fresh tears accompanied them.
“What?”
It was too late to stop it all now. “She acts like she loves me, but makes it clear we’re just friends. We spend all our time together, we eat meals together, we sleep together, have sex, watch movies, and laugh. Oh, we laugh so much. I don’t connect with anyone in the same way as I do with her. I want to spend every second of my life connected to her, forever. So we can tell everyone. Maybe even have a family together. But she. Doesn’t. Want. That. She just wants me to be her best friend. Her stupid, stupid best friend.”
It kept spilling out. He told Rutherford everything. About how he and Mariner had spent the last six months as more than friends after he’d finally kissed her one night at the bar when everyone else had left. She’d been carding her fingers through his hair as he leant against her, so he turned, and then that night was perfect. Until the next morning when she’d said she didn’t want things to change and that they should just stay best friends.
He’d said okay, sure, that’s fine. He could live with that. But then it happened again - she put her hand on his cheek after a tough away mission and pulled him to her room. And again - when he told her she looked so beautiful as they watched the stars out the window together. And again. And again. And again.
It led to so many more moments where they could enjoy each other's company - he hadn’t thought that was even possible, they were already so close before. Yet it happened. Bit by bit he felt more and more certain there was no one else who could compare for him, not in this way. But she didn’t want it to change, and he couldn’t bear to end what they already had. He tried, sure, but it couldn’t do it, and back around they went.
“That must be really hard.” Boimler almost jumped out of his skin at the sound of Tendi’s voice from his other side. When had she got there? He didn’t really care that she was. She was a good friend. He put out his free hand and she took it gently.
“What changed?” She asked. Boimler breathed heavily into Rutherford’s shoulder for a few seconds. It stretched to over a minute as the three friends sat in silence. Then Boimler slowly pulled himself away to grab something from his bunk and passed it to Tendi.
She turned the small box over in her hands as Boimler leant back into Rutherford. It was dusky coloured, much like the interior when she opened it. Like a curious cat she dipped one hand in. It came out surrounded by a silver chain. She kept lifting her hand. At the end of the chain hung a ring. It was a contrasting golden colour, with red streaming through it. Rutherford and Tendi didn’t say anything as they gazed at it.
Boimler was looking too. “I know it’s silly. And it’s not what it looks like. Last time we were planetside I was on my own and spotted this. I just thought it was so perfect. She will…would…love it. I know we don’t tend to wear rings anymore because of what we do, hence the necklace - it’s long enough to easily hide beneath a uniform. I know we’re not even dating, but I just saw it and…well…it’s perfect for her. Some part of me wants to believe one day she’d want it from me. I think that’s why today hit so hard when she didn’t say she wanted more.”
“It’s beautiful, Brad.” Tendi said softly.
Rutherford’s fingers rubbed up and down his arm, anchoring him here. “I’m sorry pal. Is there anything we can do to help?”
“I don’t think so. I don’t even know what to say really. I’m just so sad. I don’t see how this ends, just that it keeps going and going. I don’t know how much more I can take.”
“And you can’t…stop?”
“Look at her, Tendi. Listen to her laugh. No, I can’t stop. I already tried.” His voice sounded bitter even to him.
“We’re here for you, Brad. Anything you need, we’re here. Talking seems to have really helped for you though, and Migleemo owes me a favour. Why don’t you and Rutherford head over there now? I’ll catch you up later I’ve got…somewhere I need to be.”
“Yeah…yeah, I think I need that. Thank you, Tendi.” He gave her a small smile. She returned it as she stood and walked out of the doors.
“Want me to come with you?” Rutherford asked after a few seconds.
“That would be great, Sam.” He picked up Rutherford’s hand and stood up, pulling the other man with him. The solid feel of this friend’s hand was a stabilising presence as they walked together towards the councillor's office.
Mariner had managed to get up and get ready, but not much more than that really. She couldn’t stay in her room any longer ( it still smelled like him and she couldn’t stand that ) so instead she prowled the empty corridors where no one was likely to be working, dragging one finger along the white walls.
The walls didn’t bring her any answers. She didn’t know why Brad had decided to act this way today. They’d just been doing the same thing that they always did. It had been great, then he had to go and ask her to tell him she loved him. Of course she did! She loved all her friends. ( You know that’s not what he meant. ) She didn’t want to think about it anymore. She just wanted to go back to normal, curl up, and watch a movie. So she continued to stare blankly ahead and walk on mechanically.
That was until of course she was roughly shoved into a side room and out of the seemingly empty corridor. She toppled into a load of boxes and slipped ungracefully to the floor. Tendi appeared and stood over her, looking like she’d just found out Mariner had single handedly gotten the entire science division removed from Starfleet.
“Get the hell up.”
“Tendi?”
“It’s not a fair fight if you’re down on the floor. Get up.”
“You want to…fight me?” Mariner still hadn’t risen. Tendi was one of the few people she thought could absolutely kick her ass if she needed to. Or wanted to.
“Yes, because I don’t think you’re going to listen properly or process any of your goddamn emotions if I just talk at you.”
Mariner’s defense was half hearted at best. “I can talk about things!”
Tendi leaned in. “Bullshit,” she paced back a couple of steps, then turned to face her again. “The only thing you’re good at? Running away from things.”
Logically, Mariner knew that Tendi was saying this to get a rise out of her. Mariner however was not a vulcan, nor had she probably had quite enough therapy, so this time she shot to her feet. “What the fuck is wrong with you, Tendi?”
“It’s what's wrong with you that’s the problem!”
The problem Mariner now had was a possible broken nose. It was definitely bleeding either way. She at least had the sense to put her guard up and block the next punch. “I haven’t done anything to you! Lately! I think!”
“Yeah, of course, cause when we fuck you always remember to tell me how much you love me afterwards.” The tail part of this sentence cut off slightly as Tendi took a foot to the ribs.
“Excuse me??”
“I know what you’ve been doing to Boimler!” Mariner’s forearms were sure to be bruised in the morning from the battering they were taking.
“He told you about us??”
“The only information he added was that you weren’t actually dating him, just screwing with his head!” Green blood dribbled from Tendi’s upper arm where she’d been punted into a box.
“I am not! We have a…thing going! It’s none of your business!” She shoved Tendi’s grapple attempt off her arm.
“Oh really? Then why has he just spent half an hour sobbing into Rutherford’s shoulder?” The last word was punctuated by kicking the back of Mariner’s knee and shoving her to the ground. She’d have probably fallen anyway, Tendi’s last words had hit her like a ton of bricks. Boimler had been crying? Over her? Sometimes he’d seemed kinda bummed after her not saying…that…after they had sex, but she’d never seen him cry about it.
“He was crying?”
“Sobbing!”
“I…I didn’t realise.”
“How?!” Tendi didn’t hit her again, but spread her arms out like she was asking the world’s most obvious question.
Mariner hung her head. She guessed…she guessed she had been trying to avoid the subject and just pretend everything was okay. Which was apparently a lot easier for her than for him. Fuck. It made sense that he didn’t say anything either…he knew her well enough that he would be sure she would never deliberately torture him quite like this and would have tried to pull away. The opposite of what he wanted.
Tendi sighed. “Look…I won’t tell you what to do about this. But you have to do something - this is killing him, and he can’t end it. The way I see it, you have two choices…well three, but the third one isn't an option any longer, and you need to pick one of them. But I swear to Q, we’d better all stay best friends after this. I don’t want to lose either of you.”
A pause.
“Mariner…he loves you so much. And from what I’ve seen, I think you love him too. Do something about it - I never pegged you for a coward.”
Tendi met her eyes for a couple of seconds which seemed to stretch into infinity. She wordlessly tossed a bag Mariner hadn’t noticed before onto her lap before walking out the door. Mariner poked it with something that in a person who hadn’t just been kicked in the head might have been curiosity - it was a first aid kit. Of course it was a first aid kit. Only Tendi would break her nose then immediately pass over the tools to patch it up again.
The Orion was right of course. Mariner absolutely wouldn’t have listened if she’d tried to have a normal conversation with her. The pain in her nose gave way to shame as she realised Brad was probably feeling a similar pain, if more internal. Did she love him? What counted as love anyway? She wasn’t sure she could answer that cleanly.
She did know she had to be sure. She had to be, cause Brad wasn’t the type to mess around, and she wasn’t going to mess him around anymore. She had been frankly astonished when they’d started this friends with benefits thing they had going, it really didn’t seem like his style. He liked women like Barb, who he could bring flowers and chocolates to, and be all sappy and romantic with.
( Isn’t that what he wants to have with you, really? Wouldn’t you like that? )
Mariner didn’t know. It was all so confusing. Tendi was right about one thing however - they were going to stay best friends. She was absolutely certain of this, she knew it in her bones, with every fibre of her being. Because that not happening was unthinkable, and so not worth even considering.
That just left her to sit her in the shadows and stir things in her mind until she sorted out what to do. Damn, she felt too sober for this.
Boimler’s session with Dr Migleemo was very useful. Whatever Brad had thought about him previously, the man - bird? - really was a competent counsellor and kind individual. He had listened without judgment to Boimler’s entire story, nodding and sympathising at all the appropriate points. Boimler had then asked him what he thought.
The large avian had taken his time to respond. Brad had deflated when he’d essentially said that Brad couldn’t do much more than he was already doing in the way of physical actions, and now had to do some work internally. Brad briefly considered diving out the door to avoid this, but shook the thought out of his head. Migleemo was only trying to help.
He had, however, had one suggestion which could help. He could get Boimler transferred onto the opposite shift schedule if he wanted. Then he wouldn’t have to leave his friends or his home, but would get the space he apparently desperately needed. He could still see Mariner, and Tendi and Rutherford, but mostly Mariner, at other times, they just wouldn’t be together all day every day. He didn’t want to live without her, but he couldn’t keep living like this either.
He wasn’t even sure he could manage the schedule change from his friends to be honest. So he told Migleemo he’d sleep on it and left, with a promise to return in a week for another chat. For now, he could wander the corridors with his own thoughts. The joy.
Luckily for him, starships were only so big. He walked directly into Ransom’s chest as the other man rounded a corner. Good thing Ransom was a superb catch with a fast reaction time or he would have bounced off straight onto his ass.
“Woah there, Lieutenant!” Ransom set him back onto his feet with a grin. “Where’s the fire?”
“Oh, um, thank you, Sir! No fire, just got things on my mind is all.” Boimler did his best to seem like these things were “what to have for dinner”, or “what should I wear on my date next week”, rather than “how in Starfleet am I going to manage to pull away enough from my amazing best friend to keep that relationship in place but not the too-close one we have right now where I love her but she doesn’t love me back”.
Ransom didn’t seem to notice anything wrong. “That’s great to hear! I’m a player down for an away mission. We’re heading out now. You in?”
Now, Boimler was pretty sure that it wasn’t advised to head straight out on a potentially dangerous away mission straight after having your soul wrung out like a wet towel in therapy. However the key word there was “advised”. This seemed like an excellent distraction for a few hours while still being productive. “I’m in! Brief me on the way!”
“Fantastic!” Ransom gave Boimler an enthusiastic pat on the back. “Okay, here’s the plan…”
Boimler let Ransom pull him along, hands wildly gesticulating as he explained how they were going to not die in the fiery hellhole they were apparently heading down to. He could understand why they wanted to try and pull a number of refugees from there, but why hadn’t they left earlier? And hell, why did some splinter groups want to stay?
Mariner wasn’t sure how many hours she’d been sat by herself in a random side room before she heard the sounds of controlled chaos that indicated an emergency of some kind was taking place. Sticking her head out the door she saw blue shirts all running in the same direction, the others colours moving more sedately. A medical emergency then. Interesting, but she wasn’t a qualified medic and so probably wouldn’t be that useful anyhow. It was time to go and find Brad and apologise for being such a jackass to him anyhow. He deserved that, even if she didn’t know anything else.
His room? Empty. Warp core? Nada. Bar? Empty of Boimlers. The usual places checked, she called on the computer. “Computer, where’s Lieutenant Boimler?”
“Lieutenant Boimler is not on this ship.”
“What?”
“Lieutenant Boimler is not on this ship.”
This was a problem Mariner hadn’t seen coming. Time to check on any away missions that had gone out recently then. She hoped if he had been dumb enough to run out there in an emotional state ( like you never did that ) then at least the away mission had been something like “who can count the most puppies on the planet of cuddly puppies”. If it was, she had to make a stop down there too.
It was not, it was very much not. This planet had lived up to the brief from Ransom. The good thing was, it was very distracting trying not to die in a lake of lava so the mission had served the purpose Boimler wanted really. It kind of made sense for a fire planet, but good grief why did they have to have fire based weaponry? That’s how the lava wasn’t just on the floor.
Instead it was fucking everywhere. Turns out those few people who didn’t want to leave didn’t want anyone else to leave either, the society of the planet wouldn’t be able to operate as it currently did with so few left. They didn’t really care to find out that Starfleet had offered to take everyone who wanted to leave off world, and so was now making a concerted effort to convince everyone to stay. They didn’t really seem to care if they stayed as living beings or as corpses though. Boimler really hated those people who thought if they couldn’t have something no one could (life, in this case).
This left Starfleet having to try and keep most of the population safe and still heading for the transports while simultaneously taking fire from the rest. It also meant recovering anyone who the splinter groups had managed to trap in a desperate effort to keep them planetside. Boimler had already taken a hit to the shoulder, but then again so had a lot of the away team. If they’d known there were this many people or it was going to be this complicated they’d have pulled in more ships and more help, which meant this team had to do the job of about three people each. If they didn’t, this would only likely devolve into a much bigger problem as the population headed back into the cave system criss crossing the planet to engage in civil war.
The damn caves were just his problem at the minute. He was scrambling to pull out one of the natives from the entrance to one which had been half destroyed. “Come on! You can do this! Try one more time!”
He had locked both his hands around their outstretched arms, which luckily had a number of divots in them perfect for maintaining a grip around. The divots were everywhere in their otherwise humanoid bodies luckily - easy for the rescue team to grab and carry if needed. The native being winced. “We need to lift up that boulder!”
There was no way in hell Boimler could lift that much weight by himself. Conveniently…
“Ransom!” He called. No response. “JACK!”
The commander finally noticed them and sprinted over. He got to work trying to heave upwards, and luckily his rippling biceps weren’t just for show. Inch by inch, the boulder blocking half the available space started to shift. Every second was agonising, but soon there was a gap that the native’s shoulders could conceivably fit through. Boimler locked his fingers again and pulled and pulled and…and…
And then-
Then-
Then a blinding shot of pain down his leg. Shifting the boulder had clearly messed with the structural integrity of the cave, meaning rocks started tumbling everywhere. To his credit, he appeared to have thrown his charge clear even if he himself was now pinned by the ankle. Ransom was nowhere to be seen.
Of course the most recent away mission had been to a planet which was full of fire.
“Why would you let him go there?” Mariner seethed at her mother.
“Because he is a competent Lieutenant in Starfleet.” Carol raised an eyebrow at the odd statement.
“But he wasn’t- he had just-” Mariner couldn’t really articulate why she didn’t think he should have gone. Especially to her mum.
“Are you keeping something from me, Beckett?”
“No! No I just…really need to talk to him. When are the away team due back?”
The captain frowned. “I think they’re all back now. Kayshon reported in as Ransom couldn’t do it for some reason. Something about a rockfall I think? Can’t believe it wasn’t fire based injuries. I would check on sickbay myself, but all medical personnel were called so I wanted them to concentrate on their jobs. Lots of burns to treat.”
This information did not quell Mariner’s worries in the slightest. “Computer, where’s Lieutenant Boimler?”
“Lieutenant Boimler is in sickbay.”
Not good. The entire away team was probably in sickbay though, what with all the fire. Still, her feet were somehow now powering her more swiftly than normal towards sickbay.
“Just don’t get in the way, Beckett! Medical was your lowest score at the Academy!”
Thanks for yelling that down the corridor, Mum, she thought to herself as she darted into a turbolift.
She shuffled from foot to foot nervously as it moved. Of course Boimler had to go and get himself put in sickbay when she had something important to talk to him about. She willed the lift to move faster so she could contain the anxiety licking at the back of her brain.
When it arrived on the correct floor, the first thing she heard was yelling.
“Sir! You need to stop immediately and let me attend to your leg!
“I’m fine! You’re needed back in sickbay, it’s chaos in there! I can last a couple more hours.”
“Your ankle is essentially toothpaste!”
Mariner was startled to see that the conversation was taking place between Ransom and T’Lyn. She wasn’t sure she’d ever heard the other woman sound this close to exasperation. “What the hell happened to you?”
Both of them froze at the sound of her voice, looking first at her and then at each other. That reaction did nothing to quell her anxiety. “What?”
Mariner was aware vulcans were touch telepaths, but that apparently did nothing for them in the time honoured human tradition of trying to have a conversation with just your body language about a third person who was also present. T’Lyn just stared at Ransom as he tried to gesture to her subtly. She eventually gave up on that futile conversation and turned back to Mariner. “The Commander was caught in a rockfall whilst on an away mission.”
“I’m sorry to hear that…” Mariner replied, eyes narrowing. “Does that have anything to do with me?”
T’Lyn continued. “This is by far the less severe injury from the event. Lieutenant Boimler is in surgery for critical wounding presently.”
Mariner stared at her for a second. She was sure something had to be wrong with the artificial gravity, as the floor was definitely shifting beneath her feet. She took off towards sickbay proper at a run.
Boimler was working to pull his leg free, but it was just so hard to concentrate through the pain. Every time he moved it, another stab of lightning appeared behind his eyes. At this point he probably would have been happy to just cut the damn thing off and have Doc grow him a new one, if only he could find anything to cut it off with. Not that it was easy to see at this point, with the smoke filling the air. He couldn’t even be sure what was burning.
“Help!” Boimler called out, figuring it was best to shout while he still had some air. “Is anyone there?”
No answer came. That froze his blood a bit more - where was the rest of the away team? For that matter, where was anyone? All he could hear was burning. There should have been rushing footsteps, tense voices called out commands, and the distinctive humm of teleportation beams. He thought he saw something move in the distance, but that was too small to be a human anyway.
The smoke burned like acid in his throat. Communicator! Boimler tapped it. “Boimler to anyone, do you read me?”
The only answer was the sound of something else collapsing. Fuck. He tugged at this leg again, harder. Or was it the same? He wasn’t sure anymore. His leg felt heavier than he remembered it being before.
Even hauling with his whole bodyweight, arms and remaining leg didn’t shift it. The Academy had provided courses on how not to panic in a desperate situation. This is what he tried to remind the tears in the corners of his eyes. Trying to crawl away frantically wasn’t helping at all. Nothing was. Nothing.
The smoke was so dense now. It was all he could taste, the acid in the air and his lungs. He hoped everyone else had managed to get out safe at least. At least it would just be him. He just wished he’d been able to say goodbye to his friends. Boimler lay his head on the ground where it was slightly cooler, and let his aching muscles relax. Just the chance to say goodbye to the crew, to Tendi, to Rutherford, and especially to-
“BRAD!”
Mariner?
“Please, you have to wake up.” Mariner whispered.
The fact that sickbay was so busy was the only reason Mariner had made it as far as she did. Blue shirts ran everywhere attending to every manner of injury. She only really cared about one injury in the room. Boimler’s injuries were severe. Crush injuries to the chest, extensive head wounds too. She could hear all sorts of machines beeping around them, not keeping any kind of rhythm. Screen flashed with colours moving in and out of focus.
She didn’t look at them though. She was on her knees at the side of the bed, out of the way but otherwise useless. She had pressed her face into the side of Boimler’s, talking into the ear which didn’t have blood dripping out of it. He felt so cold. He had been so warm just a few hours ago, how could this have happened. She should have done better. She should have made him stay.
“You can’t give up. You have never given up on anything in your life.”
She could hear the medics moving around her shouting out instructions to each other, but the only thing she registered was vitals dropping . No, no, no, no.
“Not on anything...not…not even on me.”
The numbers didn’t steady.
“So don’t you DARE start now.”
It was Mariner! She was stood on the open ramp of a shuttle, one hand gripping onto a rope as she leant towards him with the other outstretched. She looked so majestic, the wind whipped up from the shuttle playing with her hair and the backing light giving her an angelic appearance.
For just a second, hope ran through him again. Summoning the remaining strength he had, he lifted his right arm to reach back for her. But she was just too far.
She couldn’t suffer with him like this.
“Beckett, you have to go…it’s too late…”
“No!”
“No!”
She could hear Westlake’s voice above her somewhere, almost like it was coming from a dream. “Cognitive activity is declining. Try again!”
New drugs went in and nurses moved around. Mariner felt sick. Why wasn’t it working? Why wasn’t he coming back to her?
She murmured into his ear, now crying softly. “I’ve got you. I’m not letting go.”
He couldn’t die. She wouldn’t know what to do without him. He left for the Titan for just a little while and straight away she was losing her mind. Death was a whole lot longer than that. Even if there was some kind of afterlife for them to meet in, Mariner couldn’t wait that long. She felt certain it would break her.
And then she knew.
Her brain finally recognised what had always been there, but she had refused to admit on a conscious level. She wasn’t scared of it anymore.
Even though he’d told her to go Boimler still strained his arm out towards her. Their fingertips were almost brushing. Mariner’s face twisted as her far hand slid on the rope tether to the shuttle. Her eyes stayed scrunched closed for a second, wrinkling up her nose like when she laughed, until she finally opened them.
He stared into their soft brown depths. It would be a nice last thing to see.
Mariner opened her mouth. Of course, she could never let him have the last word.
“Don’t you get it? I love you, I always have! So please, even if it’s just this once, stay!”
His breath caught. She loves me?
“Stay. You promised me you’d stay.”
One hand gripped his shoulder gently. Her other hand was squeezing a post of the bed like she was trying to bend the metal. She couldn’t even hear the sounds of the machines anymore, just her tears echoing as they hit the floor.
“You love me?”
She wouldn’t have heard if he hadn’t been the only thing in the world she was paying attention to. She shot straight to her feet from her knees, a maneuver which she would certainly regret in the morning. She now leant over him, shouldering a nurse out of the way in the process. “What did you say?”
“You love me?”
His eyes were only half open, but he was certainly looking at her. Mariner didn’t think she had ever seen a more beautiful sight in her entire life. She laughed in relief, like the weight of the world had lifted off her chest. “You’re such an idiot.”
Then she leant down and kissed him softly.
Now that she could breathe again she could notice the sounds around her as she drew back, leaving one hand on the side of Boimler’s neck just to check he was still there. The violent beeping around them had calmed to a regular pace and now only a couple of nurses could be seen in the immediate vicinity of her peripheral vision.
Boimler managed to lift a hand to brush her face. “I didn’t want to leave you again. I don’t ever want that.”
“You’re mine, Brad. You don’t get to leave me now.”
“Never, Beckett.”
She could feel him trying to pull her face towards him, so she obliged. That was, until a shoe hit her squarely in the ribs.
The shoe turned out to belong to Dr T’Ana. “I cannot believe I have to say this, but do not french patients when they are on the operating table! ”
The one bare paw didn’t seem to put her off as she quickly made her checks on Boimler. “Mariner, you can have your boytoy back when I’m done with him. Right now, get the hell outta my sickbay.”
Mariner bit back a snappy retort and looked at Boimler instead. He gave her a weak smile. “Go. I’ll wait for you here. Not going to lie, I’d kind of hoped for a more romantic venue for this whole thing though.”
Mariner could fix that. “Boims, this is not our first date. I’ll plan that while you recover, then we’re going to have a romantic as fuck time.”
“Please don’t put me back in sickbay straight away.”
“No promises!”