Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

You had a lot to live up to, Your mother was THE Courier Six. The one that was shot in the head near a small town in the Mojave wasteland and rose from her grave to track down the fucker that Shot her in the head for a Poker chip that some man wanted. She made the Mojave a better place. Giving the desert Independents from the New California Republic and keeping it out of the Bulls Maw. She helped track down Legion patrols and killed the fuckers.

Your “Father” was another Courier. He was someone that knew of your mother before her run in with the Checkered man. He was from a conquered tribe that the Legion took over. He left the Legion to help settle the Divide from a Weapon of mass destruction.

You knew he wasn’t your father. Not your real one anyway. You got your mothers pale skin and her Dark hair. You also possessed Icy blue eyes. You were not his. Your Sisters were his. Having his kinky hair that would hold the braids that showed their history. Your hair would not. They had darker skin, and those Chocolate eyes. They were kind.

You lived in Zion with both your mother and “Father”. Your twin Sisters. Veronica and Lily. Your momma said they were named after friends she made while on her travels in the Mojave. You lived in one of the old hotels that were here before the war. Living in the middle of Dead horse and Sorrows camps. Daniel and Joshua would have your Family over for feasts after good hunts or harvests that the land had to offer.

To many, this place was a paradise. To you it was a prison. You were 17 years old and all eyes were on you. From your much younger sisters to your mother, to Joshua and Daniel, to the men from each camp. You were wanting to flee Zion, and go to the City of Sin that your mother would speak of. Her old friends to the gambling. You wanted it all. You wanted to spread your own wings and wander like how your mother and “father” did.

A quick knock at your door had your thoughts fleeing your mind.

“Yes?” you answered back, hoping to satisfy anyone who was waiting for an answer.

“(Y/N), please come out, we have people over, and Dinner will be ready in a few minutes.”

Your mother, the feared Courier Six, The Angel of Death, is making or probably burning Big horn.

“Ok momma, I’ll be out in a minute.” You answered back, putting away your Jornal that she had given you, you get yourself off your bed, stretching your body. Laying on your stomach to write was a bad habit.

“And Please wash up dear.” She added to her command before turning away from the door.

“Yes momma.” You sighed. You wanted out. You needed out.

You made your way to the bathroom, closing the door behind you. While the sink didn’t work the bath and the Toilet did. You looked at yourself in the mirror. Your blue eyes looked back, complemented by your high cheekbones. Your hand found the Drawer that was under the sink. Taking out a hair brush. You worked at the slight tangles that made their way into your long hair. You didn’t even bother to put it up when you were finished. Letting it cascade down your back and other your shoulders. Showing off your silky hair.

It was your one control here.

You looked at the pitcher that sat on the sink’s counter. Finding a clean rag that hung on the wall on a rack. The water had long past gone cold. Usually someone heats up water for you and your Sisters to use. The pitcher was half empty now, discarded rags were left on the floor. You hated those kids. They were spoiled rotten. You would have gotten your ass beat if you did anything like that.

You left them on the floor. You grabbed the pitcher, pouring the water on to the rag. You started cleaning off the sweat that was there when you were engrossed in your writing. The cool water soothed your hot skin. You hung your rag back up before starting to pour what remained in the pitcher on your hands, washing away any dirt or lead that had gotten on to them.

When you were done you set the empty pitcher down back where it sat before. You patted your wet skin with a clean dry towel. You left the bathroom, heading to the dining area. The noise was already too much. People talking, forks on glass plates, you wanted to do nothing more than your turn around and retreat to your room.

“Look, (Y/N) had now blessed us with her presents.” Waking Cloud, a Sorrows huntress had said. She meant well but you were in no mood to deal with any teasing from anyone this evening.

The wrapped man as well as his Mormon brother had turned around in their chairs to see you, Daniel had a visible kind smile on his face.

“As quiet as a Stalking huntress, you have to get it from someone.” Joshua had said. Your blood boiled, you knew it wasn’t from your momma, was he just playing with you? Or was he dangling a hint over your head. There wasn’t anyway He was your father. Right?

Your thoughts were spinning in your head, you went to your usual spot at the rather long table, sitting you next to your mommas still empty spot and next to waking Cloud. Momma was still plating everyones meals. As well as cooing to a fussing 5 year old Veronica.

You hated when they cried. Spoiled little shits. You put your elbows on the table, covering your face. The fucking screams are driving your mad. You could feel rage build up, being fed just by the screams of a toddler. You could feel your fingers twitch. You just needed her to SHUT UP!

Chapter Text

You could feel eyes on you. You didn’t want to take your hands away from your face. Nor did you want to open your eyes.

“(Y/N), What did you just say?”

Your could feel your mother’s rage, it almost matched yours.

“I-I-I didn’t mean to,” you tried to say.

“Don’t give me that, Ya’know what? I’m getting really tired of your shit, I really am (Y/N).” Your Father said, his deep voice rattled you to your core, you could remember how he would punish you as a child, hitting, slapping, making you stand outside when the distant sound of the zion predators started to wake up for the night.

Your Rage started to come back, as if it ever left. You used your arms, pushing yourself up and away from the table. The words of hate bubbled in your throat. It needed to get out.

“Why don’t you beat those little fucks like how you did to me?” You yelled meeting his eyes. His were steeled, harsh and hard. He didn’t see you as one of his children, he never did. But right now they are filled with nothing but hate.

Nothing could keep you from speaking what you feel, not the shocked looks from the others at the table, Joshua especially, he looked at you like one of those red skirts that would find their way into the canyon.

“Oh but I know why you always treated me differently, because I’m not yours. You hate me because it only shows Mom was someone else’s before you came around.” Your words struck everyone. Daniel and Waking cloud physically moved back.

“(y/n), Take that back, please,” Your mother’s voice, she was as calm as she could be, but her body language gave her away. She had one hand grabbing her other arm at the elbow, she didn’t know what to do. Coddle her first born or her husband.

You felt defeated, you loved your mother, just not him. You sat back down at your seat, but you didn’t want this to end. You needed to bite your tongue even if its only for a tiny bit. Only until Joshua, Daniel and Waking Cloud go back to their camps. You didn’t need to do this here.

Your sister’s were quiet for once, but they kept their eyes on you. Even when their dinner was served in front of them they only picked at it.

The night went on as Daniel broke the silence by telling stories of the past. How the Great Courier Six helped them defend their home from the white legs. Joshua would chime in telling everyone how lucky they were that she had happen to take a Caravan guard role when she did.

Your mother only beamed at the praise from the men. It made you sick. The way she preened herself over that, how she would blush and would tell Daniel to stop, even though it was nothing but a want from her for him to keep going.

Your sister’s started to yawn, rubbing their eyes.

“Oh,” your mother started, “are my pretty girls tired?” It made you sick. The girls nodded in unison.

“I want to sleep Momma.” Lily said, she opened the one eye that wasn't being rubbed by her hand.

Both the Courier and Ulysses took a child in their arms, excusing themselves they took the littles down the hall, to their room.

The dining area was finally quiet, albeit still a little awkward from your out bust. Your mother nor Ulysses had came back yet, the girls were probably fussing about not being able to say goodbye to the guests.

“Are these rage episodes a new thing or no?” Daniel was the one this time to get out of your head.

“You would also be pissed off if you were constantly blamed for things, when you see the same people that raised you not discipline the same way they did to you. I do everything that is asked of me but all I want to know is the truth,” You let all your frustrations out, and they listened. This is all that you wanted.

“Why do I get treated different? Why does my mother look at me with so much hate sometimes?”

Joshua cut it to your little rant.

“No she doesn’t, she looks at you like how she looks at the babies.” You let out a laugh at his words.

“Would you like me to show you?” You offered to show the audience your mother’s full meltdowns over you just staying a few words.

The three just shared looks with each other.

“Please show us,” Waking Cloud said, she looked unbelieving in your words. As a mother herself she had have her own children make up stories about others before. This is nothing new to her. To her this was just her own 5 Children, the 3 from her late husband not wanting anything to do with her new husband and 2 children from him. She also knew that sometimes the child was telling the truth.

You heard footsteps, they were returning from the Girl’s room. Your mother sat back down at her spot. Returning to her meal. The air was thick with tension that you have created. Your parents were still pissed at you and the other party of 3 were waiting for the show that you promised to them.

You took a deep breath in from your nose before turning your head to your Mom. You steeled your heart, you knew what was going to come, the yelling the screaming, your father wanting to kick you out.

“Can you tell another story from your time in the wasteland?” Your voice was one of velvet, any other parent would have been proud of your voice, a rare talent to have in this age. You have been told by the Native here that you had a pretty voice, like a cool breeze on a hot muggy day.

“Just stop (y/n).” Your father said, he had a glare that ran across his eyes. “Why do you do this to us?” He was being kind today.

Your mother however, turned pale, her fork stopped halfway to her mouth. She set the fork down.

Joshua’s head tilted.

“You are just like him, do you know that?” your mother growled, she shook her head, refusing to turn her head and look at you.

“What do you mean?” You kept your voice schooled, calm. If they wanted a show you would give them one.

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“You little fucking monster.”

This was new. She had never called you that before. Usually you would have been sent away, or told to go outside, maybe she was also putting on a show.

Good.

They needed to see this.

Your mother snapped her head to look at you. Her eyes were full of tears, hate, fear. All this because of you. All you did was ask a question.

You could hear Daniel suck in air. Otherwise the others were silent. They just watched the story in front of them unfold.

“LEAVE, NOW.”

You have, however, heard this song and dance before. She will throw her fit then come begging you to come back inside. This happens everytime.

You got up without a word, leaving the Dining room and going out the door.

Zion’s night sky was gorgeous however. The stars dotted the inky blanket that was the sky. Not a cloud in sight. This was a good night to be kicked from the house for the night. You started to walk. You didn’t really know where to but the ground wanted you to walk. It was a pull. Like you were made to go the distance that the world gave to you.

The yaoi gua were quiet tonight, no buzzing cazadores either. This world you lived in belonged to you, and only you.

You made your way to a babbling waterway. Joshua was right, this was a heaven on earth if everyone's stories were true about the cruelty of the wastes. Your feet sunk into the sand of the river bed as you stood close to the edge, you could make out the small fish that came close to the red sand bed, eating the small bug larvae that lived their.

You took a step into the water, the fish dispersing, not wanting to get eaten or stepped on. The water wasn’t very deep here, even with the recent rains that have slightly flooded the canyon, you had taken this route so many times you knew it like the back of your hand now.

The sediment at the bottom was slicker and squishier than normal, you just needed to cross this then 2 or so creeks then you would cross an old bridge. You needed to go their.

As you walked the red sand and dust, you would keep your senses sharp, A hungry animal would be able to stalk you for miles without making a noise. A human could do that too.

The deadhorse’s are known for being stealthy, some of the Sorrows also had “stalkers” that would wait for a prey to laydown for the night before striking.

A few pebbles falling had your head whipping to the side of the noise, A Human outline had been following you. You turn your head back to your goal. If they were asked to follow you then they can watch you leave Zion. You were so close, you have already come across the next stream, crossing it wasn’t an issue for you. It was smaller than the first one.

“(Y/N), where are you going?” Joshua’s voice rang out, bouncing off the high canyon walls. Of course they sent him. They knew you respected him, maybe they thought he could be able to coaks you back.

“I’m leaving, I can’t take this shit anymore-.”

“No, you are not, you aren’t ready to go. You didn’t even bring a weapon or armor. How far did you think you were going to get?” He questioned, getting ever so closer to you. You could have turned away and ran. How far would you get from the burned man? Would he just let you go if you did?

“You don’t even know what’s waiting for you in the Mojave; A you just want to leave like that? What are you thinking?” His lecture had you rolling your eyes.

“Better than staying here,” You were able to keep your composter, it wasn’t that hard. The wind was your friend, the nip of cold kept your feelings in check, the sounds of the lands helped too. Just focus on those, and nothing more, and the words of others can’t get at you.

“And what happens if someone does that to you when you are in the mojave? Are you just going to take everything and go to the new place that you think is better? After the Mojave then what? The Capital? The Commonwealth?”

“I wouldn’t have to take shit from others there, and yeah if you don’t like a place either you change it for your own good or you leave. That's what Mom did, right? That’s what she did here didn’t she?” You turned to leave, the bridge was so close now, you were wasting your time here talking with Joshua.

“(y/n), Don’t go, your mother would be lost without you.” He pleaded, he was now closely following you, if he wanted to he could grab your shoulder and turn you around but he didn’t. No, Joshua was too kind to do that. He wasn’t like Ulysses. “Who is going to help her with your sisters? Who is going to teach them how to be a woman?”

Those words disgusted you, is that all you were here for? A nanny?

“Why would I teach them those things? I didn’t make them.” Your remark was quick. “And you saw for yourself, I don’t like kids.”

“I saw a lot of things tonight, none of which I am happy of, but leaving isn’t the answer that you are looking for,” He took a moment to think. He knew the situation was delicut and didn’t want to say the wrong thing.

“Why don’t we find you a new place to live here in Zion, so you can have your own space, and somewhere to go after you are done with your parents for the day.”

“Funny you think I would ever see them again.”

Chapter Text

The both of you had come across the bridge, it was old, swaying to and fro in the wind. The wood on the Planks have been replaced by the traveling caravans, the natives here and the Mormons more times than what you could count.

The rope itself would be the next to be replaced, it would need to happen, or the next Happy Trails Caravan will not be so happy when a brahmin falls to its death, with all their needed supplies.

The wood groaned under Joshua’s and your’s weight. You could see the cave where your Mother passed through all those years ago. You wonder if she was pregnant with you when she came here. You reached the cave entrance. Zion’s night was coming to an end, the song birds sung. The sun started to rine over the Canyon walls. The cave was still dark. That was your way out, through the darkness and to the shining lights of the Vegas Strip. The Casinos. You stopped your pursuit.

Would you be able to traverse in complete darkness of an unknown cave. Sure you could do it in the other caves around Zion but you knew what was behind every corner, every turn. Your Mother already went threw them and disarmed any and all the traps there. In this cave, how many of the dead rotted, lost in the forgotten corners of the abyss? How far would you have to go? You didn’t have any food nor water with you.

“Change of heart?” Joshua was strewn with his works. “It’s not as easy as picking up and going now is it?” His voice pissed you off, this cockness his know it all attitude towards everything. “Now, do you want to take me up on my offer? We can find you something to live in away from your parents.”

You signed, Admitting defeat. Your pride wouldn’t let you turn to face him but you let your eyes close, trying to imagine what it will be like to live here for a little longer. The thought of having to host those stupid dinners, the Sorrows and Dead Horses checking up on you all the time. Your parents coming over looking for an excuse to be up your ass.

“Come on now, Little Courier, Let’s go.” Joshua said turning away from you, Walking slowly, waiting for you to follow him, like how your Mother did a time or two. You did. Following closely behind the burned man. The day break didn’t last long, even with the high walls of the canyon. Soon the Gecko’s and the Cazadors will be reawakened, the sun’s heat will warm them back up. Making them hungry after a night of cold.

“There is an abandoned park ranger around here, it’s small, but you really don’t need much for your first camp.” His pace stayed the same, Even when he crossed a fast moving stream

He could have easily caught up with you, his was much taller than you, one if his strides is 3 of yours. Maybe it was an old war tactic, be a looming presence over your victim until they lay exhausted in the hot desert sand.

You shivered.

“You know I was like you when I was younger, I wanted to do nothing more than to leave new canaan. I knew that there was so much more than the church or the people around me.” Joshua took a breath, “But now, as I’m older, I would like to do nothing more than to go back home. I Know times are tough between you and your Mother, and you think that she hates you, I remember her coming here, heavily pregnant with you, not knowing what to do next.”

“She was a fighter, a myth in the mojave that people would leave offerings to in hope to get her attention for help. She was not a Mother, a caretaker, but she learned. With the help of Daniel, Waking Cloud and Star Dance.”

“Not you?” You questioned, your eyebrow quirking upwards.

“I babysat a time or two, but tiny baby hands always know where to pinch.”

You smiled, shaking your head.

“No Ulysses?”

“That was before his time here. You already know that's not your Father so I have no shame in telling you that, He only really came here after you were 4 or so. Your Mother was a single mom with you, but she had a village to lean on when you would keep her up all night.” He turned his head over his shoulder to look at you, a few wrinkles by is eye told you he was smiling. A good memory to him.

The two of you had finally reached the Ranger Station, It was higher than what you thought. A caged storage space sat in the bottom. It looked like nothing more than empty wooden boxes.

“Come now.” Joshua’s voice snapped you out of your thoughts. He started to make is way up the stairs of the building. The inside was a mess, books and bottles littered the floor. A bed sat in the corner. A couch in the other and a small office desk of some kind with a rather intact chair.

You sat on the old bed, the springs chirped at your weight.

“It's not much,” Joshua said, turning the chair around to face you, sitting on it, “But it's a nice first home. Storage, hunting and fishing grounds, some gathering locations. And if you ever need us we are not far.”

“Thank you, Joshua.”

“You are very welcome my dear.”

The both of you sat in silence for a few moments. Waiting for the other to speak.

“Why does she act like that?” Your question broke the silence. Joshua took a second to answer, maybe he was thinking. Did he even know?

“Your father is a man known as Vulpes Inculta. He is one of Caesar's spies, which is known as a Frumentarii.