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I could say I never dare
To think about you in that way, but
I would be lying
It was only in quiet moments that ENTP let himself wallow in what-if’s. What-if’s about the man next to him. His best friend, or perhaps more. He didn’t know. The lines had gotten so blurred.
ESTP looked so peaceful when he slept, a stark contrast to when those beautiful blue eyes were open. During waking hours, he was always running around somewhere with that trademark grin of his, loud and obnoxious in the most endearing way. The charm, the exuberance, it oozed off of him.
But here, in his bed, he was silent except for the occasional snore. Even though his bleached hair was sticking up in twenty directions and he was drooling a little, all ENTP could focus on was the curve of his cheek, the fan of his eyelashes over smooth brown skin. The soft breaths he let out when all his walls were down, an arm curled around ENTP instinctively.
Was this love?
He’d never considered the idea before. The sheer longing seemed like it.
But…love was when ESFP would run out in the middle of the night to comfort INFP. When INTP would look at ISTJ with those soft eyes of his like the other had hung all the stars in the sky. When ENFP would drive halfway across the city just to get INTJ her favorite brand of coffee.
What he and ESTP had wasn’t even close to love. There were no hushed confessions, no lingering touches. Only fleeting moments - stumbling into each other’s space, pushing, pulling. Never staying long enough to figure out what it meant.
Yet sometimes, when the lights were dim and the world was still, ENTP thought about what it would be like if they had something else.
.
And I pretend I’m happy for you
When you find some dude to take home
But I won’t deny that
ENTP wondered if it really mattered what label they had. He was always going on about society’s social constructs, after all. Why did it matter if what they had wasn’t what you’d put on the cover of a Valentine’s Day card?
And yet, he was afraid.
Everyone else had already left, one by one. Their hearts taken, their special smiles reserved for lovers. It was just the two of them now, and what guarantee was there, really, that this would last long? After all, ENTP wasn’t stupid. Reckless, sure, cynical, maybe. But not stupid. He knew things didn't last forever, no matter how eternal they seemed.
The people around him were proof of that. INFP and ESFP had each other now, completely wrapped up in their own orbit. INTP and ISTJ had settled into something so steady it was almost intimidating. ENFP hadn’t even shown her face in a week because she was so busy wooing INTJ.
ENTP wasn’t angry about it, or bitter. They deserved to be happy. But when he looked at them, all he saw were goodbyes. Friendships faded into the background in favor of love.
And when he looked at ESTP, he wondered: how long did they have before he was saying goodbye, too?
.
In the midst of the crowds
In the shapes of the clouds
I don’t see nobody but you
ENTP's brain was loud. Always had been. It was like having a browser in his mind - half of the tabs playing music, some flashing error messages, and at least three running deep-dive Wikipedia pages about topics he didn’t even remember clicking on. He liked it that way, though. Thrived on the chaos, because sitting still meant getting restless.
Maybe that was why he hadn't even realized how somewhere, somehow, ESTP had slipped in.
In hindsight, it should’ve been more obvious. The texts, the calls, the fact that his contact was always at the top of ENTP’s list. The way he could show up unannounced, and ENTP wouldn’t even blink - just shift over to make space like it was the most natural thing in the world.
When had that even started? At some point, ESTP had just become background noise. A program running on autopilot, a song ENTP knew by heart before he even realized he was listening. It didn’t matter what day or time it was, or how stupid the reason. ESTP would always be there.
ENTP didn’t know what to make of that.
.
In my rose-tinted dreams
Wrinkled silk on my sheets
I don’t see nobody but you
What had started off as a mistake, a moment of desperation, had spiraled into something more. Something out of control, if ENTP was being honest. And yet, wasn’t that the beauty of it?
It wasn’t always urgent, wasn’t always fevered hands and stolen breaths. Sometimes it was slow, languid, creeping into ENTP’s bones before he even realized it was happening. The rare quiet would linger in the little space between them, heavy with unspoken words.
ESTP’s fingers would absentmindedly brush over ENTP’s skin, tracing little shapes that neither would acknowledge in the morning. His cheek would rest a little too comfortably on ENTP’s shoulder, the faintest of a sigh escaping his lips. It wasn’t a confession, not really. But it was enough to make ENTP wonder.
And wonder was dangerous.
Because if he thought too hard, he’d have to admit this wasn’t just an accident they both kept making. The way ESTP fit so perfectly in his arms, the way ENTP would automatically reach out to pull him closer - it meant something.
.
Boy, you got me hooked onto something
Who could say that they saw us coming?
Tell me
Do you feel the love?
Looking back, ENTP almost had to laugh.
He’d always been the one to be invested in relationships, to pride himself in accurately predicting the trajectories of their lives. He had called INTP and ISTJ getting together before either of them even realized they liked each other, had bet ENFP twenty bucks that ESFP would eventually cave and confess to INFP first. He had even predicted INTJ would find herself tangled up with ENFP despite insisting for years that she was too busy for something as foolish as love.
Yet, somehow…somehow he’d missed this .
He’d been so busy watching everyone else’s lives falling into place that he never noticed the signs in his own. And wasn’t that the biggest irony?
.
Spend a summer or a lifetime with me
Let me take you to the place of your dreams
Tell me
Do you feel the love?
Minutes, hours, days followed those quiet moments of realization. Physically, things were the same. The world still clicked into place when ESTP laughed; the hours still melted away when they were together.
Yet - yet it was different. There was a new layer on things, a lens ENTP had never noticed before. The looks that lingered a little too long, the words tucked into half-smiles. Once he knew what was going on, it was impossible to ignore. Funny how things could change without really changing at all.
He wondered if ESTP felt it too. And then he wondered if it even mattered. Maybe it didn’t. Maybe this was just another thing that existed between them, messy but oh-so-perfect. Maybe for now, he could wish for a fantasy. Pretend, just for a little while, that it would last forever - even when he knew they’d have to face the aftermath eventually.