Archive of Our Own

Hanbin doesn’t remember the last time anyone has come knocking on his door.

Well, that’s not entirely true. He had a fresh batch of blood bags delivered just last week.

But that’s precisely why it doesn’t make sense that the doorbell is ringing now. There are no more deliveries scheduled and he doesn’t typically get impromptu visitors out here in the middle of the woods.

The doorbell rings again as he contemplates who on Earth it could be, so he figures he might as well answer it. If anything, whoever it is should be the one scared of him instead of the other way around, him being a vampire and all.

Hanbin doesn’t know what he expected when he opened the door, but it wasn’t this.

In front of him is a boy a little shorter than him with rosy cheeks, likely from the cold winds outside, but with a smile warm enough to stand against them nonetheless. Hanbin can’t really feel warmth anymore since he was turned, but he wonders about if he still could, if that smile would feel as much like a ray of sunshine as it looks.

“Hi!” the boy greets cheerfully.

“H-hi,” Hanbin answers, his voice coming out slightly croaky. He hasn’t really had to talk to anyone in a while.

“I recently moved into the nearby village and I wanted to bake cookies for everyone to introduce myself and say hello. My name’s Seok Matthew!”

“Oh, that’s very kind of you, Matthew-ssi. Thank you. I’m Hanbin.”

He hopes it doesn’t come off as strange or rude to hide his surname when Matthew has offered him his. Still, Jiwoong taught him a long time ago that it was better not to share such things, just in case anyone got a little too curious and starting looking into ancestry and family trees. It’s unlikely, but on the off chance that they found a lead, it probably wouldn’t take much to figure out that Hanbin shouldn’t be alive—he kind of isn’t anyway.

Lost in his thoughts, Hanbin doesn’t realize that he definitely is being rude by keeping his visitor waiting in his doorway.

The boy shivers at a particularly strong gust of wind. “It’s kinda freezing out here though. If it’s not too much trouble, could I come in for a bit? Just until the wind dies down a little?”

And despite what people tend to say about his kind, Hanbin is not cruel. He was once human too so although he can no longer feel the icy chill on his skin, he knows he can’t turn him away, especially when it shows no signs of letting up.

But that does raise another concern.

Hanbin moves aside to let Matthew in, closing the door behind him, but he’s not sure how much use it’ll be. He doesn’t actually have heating in here, after all. As a vampire living here by himself, he doesn’t really need it.

“Sorry, this house is really old, so the heating doesn’t really work,” he says—it’s the best excuse he can come up with on the spot. “You can stay for as long as you want, but I’m not sure how much help it will be.”

“Oh my god, it looked old from the outside, but I didn’t realize it was that old,” Matthew comments. Then, his eyes widen in alarm and his hands come up to cover his mouth. “Sorry! I didn’t mean to call your house old. It’s very nice, like it has a cool antique vibe?”

Hanbin finds himself laughing, his cheekbones stretching wide, calling upon facial muscles that really don’t get much exercise at all these days.

“It’s okay, none taken.”

“How are you surviving the winter with no heat though? I have a space heater at home. Do you want to borrow it until it gets fixed?”

Hanbin blinks a few times, taken aback. Not only has this stranger just come to his door to offer him homemade cookies, but now he’s concerned for his wellbeing and casually offering a heater on top of it. They only met no more than five minutes ago and he’s already treating Hanbin so kindly, like a friend.

It’s jarring. It’s been a long time since Hanbin has had a friend nearby.

“N-no, it’s fine. I don’t get cold easily.” Correction: he doesn’t get cold at all. The vampire venom running through his veins has dulled those senses almost entirely.

“I mean, I’d say I’m pretty good with cold too, but it’s the middle of winter! The temperature is below freezing!” As if on cue, the wind outside howls aggressively, shaking the poor trees to their core.

“I have a lot of blankets,” Hanbin tries to reason. “Oh, in fact, let me get you some!”

He sits Matthew down on the couch and runs to the closet to retrieve a large pile of blankets, all in different styles and colors. Their purpose for now is for warmth rather than fashion, but he doesn’t think it will hurt to let his guest choose a favorite regardless.

The house is old and Hanbin can’t do much real remodeling with it, but he likes to change up the aesthetics of whatever he can every now and then. It gets too boring keeping the same look for too long.

He plops the pile next to Matthew onto the couch. “Here, take whichever one or as many as you’d like.”

“Oh, thank you, Hanbin-ssi. You didn’t have to.”

“Just call me ‘hyung.’ There’s no use being so formal when you’ve already invited yourself into my home on our first meeting,” Hanbin teases.

Matthew’s cheeks seem to color from embarrassment, or maybe it’s still left over from the outside chill. Either way, it’s kind of cute.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude! I can go!” He stands abruptly, but somehow wraps himself further in a tangle of blankets while doing so.

“I’m only kidding. Stay, please,” Hanbin assures, gesturing for him to sit back down before he trips.

“Are you sure?”

He nods, offering what he thinks to be a reassuring smile. It’s been so long since he’s had company like this that the motions feel a bit awkward. “I don’t get many visitors here,” he admits. “It’s nice.”

Matthew smiles back at him. “I don’t really have any friends here yet. Maybe we can be friends?”

“Sure, of course,” Hanbin answers despite his better judgement.

He’s always been warned about staying too close to humans, but now a chance at companionship has literally come knocking at his door, he can’t bring himself to care. Even in just these few minutes, Hanbin knows that he can’t go back to the lonely and miserable life he was living before.

“But by the way,” Matthew says, “Why do you assume you’re the hyung?”

Hanbin chuckles. Obviously, he can’t say the real answer. “I just had a feeling.”

“Hey, I could be older!” Matthew insists. But the way he’s pouting and still wrapped up in a little blanket burrito isn’t really helping his case. “I’m twenty-five.”

“Twenty-six,” Hanbin answers. It’s technically not a complete lie. Physically at least, he is twenty-six; he has been since the day he was turned.

“I guess you are older then,” Matthew sighs, sounding just the slightest bit sulky about it.

“Is that really such a bad thing?” Hanbin teases.

“It’s not bad, it’s just that at the company I was working at, everyone made me feel so young,” he says. “I was surrounded by people who were older and they would always nag me and act like I didn’t know what I was doing just because I was a few years younger. I didn’t actually grow up here either, so my Korean isn’t the best. One time I accidentally made a mistake and used banmal and one of my coworkers nearly tore me to shreds for it—it was terrifying.”

It’s been a while since he’s been in a setting with so many humans. Some vampires do like to attribute age to superiority in a similar way, but once you’ve lived for long enough, all those things start to feel insignificant. He tries to think back to what it was like when he was still human, to empathize with Matthew’s frustrations.

“I’m sorry, they don’t sound like very nice people. I promise I don’t care nearly as much about that kind of stuff,” Hanbin says.

“Thanks. Sorry, I didn’t mean to trauma dump on you all of a sudden.”

“It’s okay. Honestly, it gets boring here by myself. I wouldn’t mind hearing more of your stories, good or bad.”

Matthew smiles at him. “I should probably be getting home soon, but I promise I’ll be back with more stories. And more cookies too, if you’d like.”

Hanbin doesn’t remember the last time he’s actually eaten human food, but he nods along regardless. “I’d love that.”

Hanbin finds that the cookies Matthew baked are delicious.

It’s not that he can’t eat human food, but he just doesn’t see much point in it anymore. Blood is the only thing his body really needs and Hanbin has never been much of a cook, so any attempts at making food just seem like a waste of time and money—not that he’s particularly short on either of those, but still.

Besides, people often say that Korean people’s love for garlic runs in their blood and though Hanbin may not have a lot of that blood left, there’s still a bit of it coursing through his veins alongside the vampire venom. He hates that he can’t eat it anymore and all attempts to make any foods he craves from his past taste bland and unsatisfying without it.

Like with a lot of other things since turning, Hanbin simply gave up on trying after a while.

Now though, he finds himself with an online shopping cart full of groceries to be delivered to his door. He doesn’t get any fresh produce for now, but stocks up on rice and some canned foods and other pantry staples.

He doesn’t plan on cooking anytime soon, but he figures he should at least make it look like he does in case Matthew comes around again. He adds a few bags of snacks to the cart as well, just in case the human gets hungry when he comes around.

Hanbin even goes outside to collect some firewood. He hasn’t used the fancy old fireplace a single time since inheriting this mansion from Jiwoong, but he knows the blankets can only do so much and he doesn’t want Matthew to freeze next time.

This is all operating on the assumption that he’ll come back at all though.

Maybe it’d be better if he didn’t. Hanbin had gotten used to his slow, uneventful life here in the peaceful quiet on the outskirts of town and he knows that trying to live amongst humans is never a good idea though.

This is just one human though. Surely, it can’t be too bad.

Hanbin remembers when he still lived in the bustling city, his home before he was turned.

Going against Jiwoong’s advice, he had tried to masquerade as a human for as long as he could, a part of him still in denial about his turning. But as the years passed and the signs of aging started to show on everyone else but him, he couldn’t really keep up the facade any longer. He’d had no choice but to leave.

Jiwoong had offered him a place in his coven, but despite how welcoming they all were when he’d met them, Hanbin never felt quite right there.

Still, Jiwoong was reluctant to leave him completely on his own, so he’d offered him this old mansion that he said he had outgrown instead. Hanbin thinks it’s because Jiwoong feels partly responsible for the way things turned out, though he really doesn’t need to and even then, he’s done more than enough to make up for it.

Despite how long ago it was, Hanbin remembers the night he was attacked like it was yesterday. He had been on a late night run to the convenience store because he had a sudden craving for ice cream that simply couldn’t have waited until the next day. He was always so good about self-discipline and restraining those whims, but something about that day made him cave—it’s like he was destined for this fate.

Hanbin has learned that bites don’t always hurt, that they can actually be pleasurable sometimes, but that wasn’t the case for him—his was excruciatingly painful. The vampire that attacked him was starved and uncaring.

Jiwoong is a much older vampire who had happened to witness the attack. It might come as a shock to some, but there is such a thing as vampire ethics, though not all vampires choose to abide by the same code. But Jiwoong’s been around for long enough that he doesn’t have much patience for those who don’t. When he’d sensed what was going on, he’d stepped in immediately, but by then it was already too late.

His timing was comically bad.

There’s a possibility that if Jiwoong had been a moment earlier, Hanbin would’ve still had enough human blood left in him to fully recover. If he had come later, the vampire likely would’ve sucked him dry, replacing his blood fully with venom, which is how all vampires are turned.

Somehow, Jiwoong managed to pull the vampire off right when he had drained him exactly halfway, leaving an equal amount of human blood and vampire venom in his veins.

He’s effectively still a vampire, just not a very good one. His supposed supernaturally enhanced senses and strength, while impressive for a human, are nowhere near those of a normal vampire. He still needs to drink blood, but his remaining human blood still rejects it, making him feel the slightest bit queasy when he feeds, even now.

He exists in a weird in-between state, which is why he decided to move here to be alone instead of try and fit in somewhere he clearly didn’t belong.

Of course, he doesn’t blame Jiwoong for it at all, though he suspects Jiwoong blames himself. His old friend comes to visit and check in on him every few years, considered pretty frequent in vampire terms, and Hanbin is always grateful for the company.

But right now, he’s hoping for different company.

It’s only been a few days since Matthew first stopped by, but Hanbin has spent every day since then wondering if he’ll be back anytime soon. Today, he’s already lit the fireplace in anticipation so Matthew won’t be too cold if he does happen to drop by.

He doesn’t even know what Matthew does for a living or why he decided to move to this small village in the middle of nowhere, so he really doesn’t have many clues for when he’ll be free enough to show up again, if he ever will.

But Hanbin’s lived plenty of decades without much to look forward to, so in a way, it’s also kind of nice. He wakes up to a feeling of excitement at the potential of seeing him again instead of the usual existential dread that comes hand in hand with having lived for so long.

Exactly one week after Matthew arrives at his doorstep the first time, Hanbin hears the ring of the doorbell chime once more.

He nearly trips over his own feet scrambling to answer it.

“Hey,” Hanbin greets, trying not to let his excitement be too obvious. “You came back.”

“Of course, hyung,” Matthew says, like it was a given. “We’re friends.”

“Come in, come in. It’s cold outside,” he says, practically pulling Matthew in. “I lit the fireplace this time, so it’s not as bad.”

Matthew laughs at him. “You had a fireplace the whole time and instead you just let yourself live in subzero conditions?”

“I guess I just got used to it,” Hanbin shrugs. “It wasn’t until you came over that I realized this probably isn’t a normal way to live.”

He had genuinely forgotten how humans were meant to live. Maybe he had forgotten how to really live at all.

“Well, then I’m glad I moved here in time to save you from becoming a popsicle.”

“I’m glad you moved here too,” Hanbin says, though for an entirely different reason. There’s something about Matthew that he can’t quite put into words, but all he knows is that it’s making him feel things he hasn’t felt in a long time.

“Oh, I’m not sure if you’ll like it, but I brought banana bread today,” Matthew says, digging around in his bag for it.

“The cookies you brought last time were delicious. Thank you again.”

“I started working part-time at the little bakery in the town, so there’s more where this came from,” he explains.

While Hanbin technically can still digest human food just fine, he wonders if this sudden increase in sugar intake will have any effects on him. Maybe he’ll call Jiwoong at some point to ask if he knows anything on the topic.

He doesn’t actually know the bakery Matthew is referring to either because he never really leaves the mansion, but he doesn’t want to raise suspicion about why that is, so he doesn’t share that part.

“How is working at the bakery?” he asks. “Do you like it?”

“It’s fun!” Matthew answers, perking up a little. “I’m really lucky they hired me considering I moved here without much of a plan. Even though rent is way cheaper here than in the city, there was only so long I could’ve lasted on savings alone.”

“Can I ask why you decided to move here?”

“Honestly, I’m not quite sure myself. My grandparents used to live in this town, but I only ever visited once when I was too young to remember. I just really needed a change of pace and to get away from things for a while. The city, my job, the people there, it just didn’t seem to fit me.”

“That makes sense,” Hanbin says. While he can’t really share most of the details, “I think I was in a similar boat. This is a good place to come when you don’t know where else to go.”

“How’d you end up here, Hanbin-hyung?”

“I used to live in the city too, a good friend of mine still does. But otherwise, I don’t think I really fit in with anyone there and I was tired of pretending to be something I wasn’t. I happened to, uh, inherit this place and it felt like a good idea. When I’m alone, I don’t have to pretend.”

He isn’t surrounded by reminders of what he used to be or what he’s supposed be. Hiding away from both humans and vampires has proven to be a much easier way to pass the days, even if a bit boring.

“I think I kinda understand,” Matthew says. “I grew up in Canada, but my family moved here when I was in middle school. At this point, I’ve spent almost as many years here as back in Canada, but it still feels like I don’t really belong. My accent never fully went away and even if I’ve gotten a lot better, people can tell right away. For a while, I actually thought about moving back to Canada instead of coming here, but I visited last summer and I realized I couldn’t do that either. I’ve gotten so used to life here that I felt out of place there too. It’s like I have a foot in both worlds, but neither of them want me because I can’t play either part quite well enough for them.”

Hanbin wants so badly to tell Matthew that he completely gets it, that he’s gone through the exact same thing, but there’s no way to explain it without giving away who he is—what he is.

“It’s hard, feeling trapped between two identities,” Hanbin eventually says, knowing he can’t elaborate any further than that and hoping it’s enough anyway.

Matthew smiles back at him. “It’s nice having someone who gets it. I think moving here might have been exactly what I needed.”

“I feel the same,” Hanbin says. He wonders if it’s obvious that he’s also talking about Matthew’s move here rather than his own.

Matthew tells him more stories from his first week working at the bakery and the customers faces who he’s slowly starting to recognize while Hanbin just sits and listens intently. He’s never bothered to learn anything about the people in the town because he feared they would want to learn more about him in return and that always comes with risks.

Matthew has been different though.

All he did was knock on Hanbin’s door, but that alone also somehow knocked down all of the precautionary walls that Hanbin had built to keep his identity safe. Even knowing the risks, he can’t bring himself to push him away like he’s done with so many others.

In fact, sitting next to him on the couch, in front of the fireplace that’s been lit for the first time in years and a pantry now full of human food that he has no intention of eating himself, Hanbin thinks Matthew has already gotten dangerously close.

And yet, he can’t bring himself to care. Instead, he brews a pot of tea and invites him to stay longer.

Hanbin realized a long time ago that time flows differently for vampires than it does for humans. When your lifespan is so much longer, even a decade doesn’t seem like that significant an amount of time anymore. Years pass like months, and months pass like days.

But when Matthew comes around, things start to slow.

Before, weeks could pass in the blink of an eye. There was never anything eventful happening, so Hanbin would go through the motions of each day without thinking much of it and time would simply pass him by without him ever realizing.

Now, he spends his days texting Matthew when the human has downtime at work. He’ll come visit the mansion at least once a week, always bringing some type of pastry along with him, though that part is never what Hanbin looks forward to the most.

His days that used to feel so empty suddenly feel full. Instead of the monotonous life that he had gotten so used to, Hanbin feels excited when Matthew asks to come over, disappointed on days that he doesn’t, but regardless, he’s remembering what it’s like to feel anything at all.

Matthew didn’t have work at the bakery today, but ever since the first time when he showed up at Hanbin’s door, he refuses to come empty-handed, no matter how many times over the past couple of weeks that Hanbin has insisted it isn’t necessary.

Today, he shows up with a bottle of wine.

“I didn’t know if you liked to drink, but I didn’t know what else to bring.”

“I keep telling you, you don’t have to bring anything,” Hanbin says. “All you need to bring is yourself. That’s already more than enough.”

Matthew laughs brightly at that, kicking his shoes off at the door and throwing his coat over the edge of the couch. “Where’d you learn lines like that, hyung?”

Hanbin doesn’t really get what’s so funny about it. “I’m serious. You’re all I need.”

Matthew looks at him for a long moment and Hanbin suddenly feels strangely exposed under his gaze. He turns to the kitchen to bring out two wine glasses to escape it.

There’s rarely ever silence between the two because Matthew’s chatter often fills it. But right now, there’s just the sound of the light clinking of the glasses as Hanbin sets them down on the coffee table in front of the couch and the wine as it pours out.

When he finishes filling both glasses, he picks them both up and offers the other to Matthew.

“Cheers,” he says, clinking them together and taking a sip as Matthew does the same.

Hanbin doesn’t remember the last time he drank, but he knows to be careful. The exact science behind it doesn’t make any sense to him, but somehow alcohol is absorbed more quickly through vampire venom than normal blood. In other words, he’s much more of a lightweight as a vampire than he ever was as a human.

“How was your day, hyung?” Matthew asks, like he always does even though Hanbin’s answer is never particularly interesting.

“It’s better now that you’re here.”

Matthew laughs again. “You’re on a roll with these lines today. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were trying to charm me.”

And Hanbin has only had a sip of wine, but again, alcohol in vampire bodies works fast. The words slip out before he can think better of it.

“Maybe I am.”

Something in Matthew’s eyes shifts and he sets his wine glass down to turn towards Hanbin.

“Do you really mean that, hyung?”

He does. He hadn’t meant to ever reveal it out of fear of ruining their friendship, the one good thing that’s happened to him in as long as he can remember. It was easy enough, considering he accepted long ago that he’d probably never again receive a luxury like this—a chance at love.

And yet, here he is, feeling things that he hasn’t felt in ages, that he didn’t think he could ever feel again.

Hanbin is scared of what Matthew will think, but he also doesn’t want to lie to Matthew, at least not more than he already has.

“Yeah, I do. Matthew, I like you. More than I thought was possible.” His voice is shaky as he speaks. “I like you so much that it scares me.”

For a few terrifying seconds, Matthew doesn’t say anything. Realistically, it’s only a brief moment, but it feels slower than decades Hanbin has lived through.

Then, Matthew suddenly shifts on the couch. He leans closer to Hanbin, close enough that if Hanbin just slightly moved his head, their lips would meet.

So that’s what he does.

The last time Hanbin kissed someone feels like it was a lifetime ago. It was a lifetime ago, back when he had a real life instead of whatever it is he has now.

But none of that matters.

Kissing Matthew feels like being reborn.

Not in the way that the venom and blood in his veins had churned uncontrollably through his body when he was first turned, the way everything throbbed painfully as his entire being was forcibly mutated into something new.

No, far from it.

As Matthew’s lips press against his, Hanbin feels alive again.

There’s a warmth that blossoms from within his chest, a spark where Matthew’s fingertips brush against his skin. After so many years of cold and numbness, the sensations are overwhelming yet addictive.

Eventually, Matthew breaks away first, panting heavily. “Wait, hyung, we need to breathe,” he laughs.

Hanbin had forgotten for a moment that humans need oxygen. If not for that, he thinks he probably could’ve continued kissing Matthew forever. He thinks even if he were still human, he’d still be tempted to do the same.

“Oh, and I like you too, Hanbin-hyung,” Matthew says with a cheeky grin. “If that wasn’t made clear.”

“You do?”

“Well, yeah. Duh. I kissed you back, didn’t I? Hanbin-hyung, do you really think I go around kissing just anyone?”

“I’d hope not.”

“What would you hope for, then?”

“I’d hope that it’s only me. And that you’d kiss me again now.”

Matthew moves so that he’s fully straddling Hanbin’s lap, meeting his eyes with a playful smirk. “I think I can make that happen.”

Matthew starts coming by more often after that. Weekly visits suddenly become daily visits.

He also starts calling Hanbin his boyfriend and Hanbin tries not to feel so giddy about it each and every time. (He tries, but he does not succeed. Each time, he’s jumping up and down excitedly in his head.)

Everything would be perfect except for the fact that it’s also getting increasingly more difficult to hide the fact that he’s a vampire.

After the first time they’d fallen into bed together, Matthew had commented on how cold his touch was. Hanbin had rambled out an excuse about always having had poor circulation with icy cold extremities as an unfortunate result. He’d apologized profusely because he’s certain it can’t be a pleasant feeling to have cold hands running along your body, but Matthew had just laughed it off.

“Honestly, it’s fine, hyung,” he said. “Actually, it’s kind of hot. Like, not temperature hot—sexy hot. You could say it’s like built-in temperature play.” A pause as he seemed to actually consider that thought. “Maybe we should try that for real sometime.”

Hanbin doesn’t even remember what he had spluttered out in response to that.

Regardless, dating Matthew has been great.

Hanbin has found that Matthew looks especially beautiful when he sleeps. The features on his face soften as he lies still, expression calm and peaceful even as loud snores break through the quiet of the night.

Hanbin doesn’t mind though. It’s not like he actually needs to sleep anyway, so he’s instead taken to watching over Matthew on the nights he stays over. He’ll watch the rise and fall of his chest like it’s his favorite movie with his breaths and occasional snore as the soundtrack.

Of course, when he hears Matthew start to stir, he immediately closes his eyes and pretends to be sleeping just as peacefully. He’d hate for Matthew to catch him staring and think him creepy for watching him sleep.

Although that should probably be the least of his worries.

If Matthew finds out what he really is, he won’t stop at just finding him creepy.

Sometimes Hanbin thinks about how Matthew might react if he were to discover the truth, which emotion would reign supreme—fear, disgust, hurt, betrayal, the list goes on.

He wonders if he’d tell anyone, like his coworkers at the bakery or the customers he’s befriended while working there. There’s always the possibility of them teaming up against him, storming over here with weapons loaded to get rid of him.

But honestly, that’s not really what Hanbin is afraid of.

He could be forced out of this mansion and left with nowhere to go. He could be attacked by a swarm of scared and angry townspeople. It wouldn’t be pleasant, by any means, but he can still easily stomach the thought.

What he can’t bear to even consider is what it’d feel like to lose Matthew.

To never be able to see him again? For Matthew to be the one to hold a blade against his throat?

He can’t even handle the mere thought of it.

And that’s why Hanbin has been extra careful. He’s stocked up on extra human food for the times Matthew wants to come over for dinner. He makes sure his blood bag deliveries are always scheduled during Matthew’s work shifts and that he properly conceals and hides them away in a secret compartment that he’d managed to attach in the back of the fridge.

The more time Matthew spends at the mansion, the happier Hanbin is, but the more complicated it becomes to hide his secret too.

But Hanbin knows the dangers, is haunted by them every single day, so he just becomes even more careful. He knows even one tiny slip-up could ruin everything, and yet—

One day, it happens.

Hanbin had heard Matthew’s alarm ring this morning, felt the weight of his body disappear from the mattress, and watched him get dressed. He’d even planted a quick goodbye kiss on Hanbin’s forehead as he left for work.

He was supposed to be working the whole day. Hanbin knows this because he triple checks the schedule every time Matthew sends it to him so that he doesn’t make a mistake. He doesn’t know how this could’ve happened.

Between his blood bag delivery being delayed this month combined with Matthew receiving a few days off from work and choosing to spend all of them with Hanbin, he hasn’t found the time to feed for a few days, much longer than he would’ve liked.

He’d considered sneaking away in the middle of the night a few times, but Matthew always clings onto him in his sleep and Hanbin never has the heart to pry him off, nor does he want to risk accidentally waking Matthew in the process.

Once Matthew leaves in the morning, Hanbin even waits at least until he’ll already have made it to the bakery, just in case he realized he forgot something and turned back. When he checks his phone and there aren’t any panicked messages about anything of the sort, Hanbin finally lets himself be at ease.

He stumbles downstairs to the fridge to dig out one of his blood bags, immediately sinking his fangs into it. Even though he still hates the taste, he can’t deny the fact that he’s been hungry.

In fact, he’s so focused on relishing his meal and the way it immediately restores his dwindling energy, that he doesn’t hear the sound of the door opening once more. He doesn’t hear Matthew’s footsteps approach the kitchen.

It’s not until it’s already too late that Hanbin’s ears apparently decide to start picking up sound again.

“H-Hanbin-hyung?” Matthew’s voice is shaky with disbelief.

When Hanbin finally looks up, there’s still trails of blood dripping down his chin from how messily he’d bit into the bag—his fangs are still fully out on display.

Matthew stares at him with eyes wide in shock and all Hanbin can do is stare back at him in dismay.

It’s over. Everything is over.

Hanbin has to find a way to fix this, but he has no clue how.

“Matthew, Seokmae, please. I—I can explain.” Except he can’t. No matter how he thinks about it, there’s no way he can come up with any feasible explanation for the sight Matthew has just witnessed.

Matthew hasn’t spoken a single word since the hesitant call of his name. Hanbin doesn’t know if he should be grateful or scared.

He’s glad for the moments of peace that are surely just the precursor to Matthew screaming in fear, perhaps yelling curses at him, for tricking him, for hiding the monster that he is.

He’s scared because he’s certain that those are the only things that could possibly come next.

Then, muttered under his breath, “Oh my god, vampires are real. My boyfriend’s a vampire.”

It’s a surprisingly neutral first comment, but he’s clearly still processing. Hanbin is sure that the end can’t be far now, so he scrambles for something, anything, to say to push it farther away.

“I’m so sorry, Matthew. You have to trust that I would never harm you, I swear to you. I—I know you must hate me for hiding what I am, you must hate me for what I am, but I promise that it was never my intention to hurt you in any way. Please, just hear me out, just—”

“Hanbin-hyung,” Matthew calls, interrupting him.

Hanbin squeezes his eyes shut, a futile attempt to brace himself for the wrath he’s surely about to receive.

“Can I see your fangs?”

Hanbin’s eyes shoot back open just to see Matthew gazing at him curiously.

“W-what?” is all he manages to say, jaw hanging slightly open in disbelief.

Matthew simply takes a step closer, carefully avoiding the small mess on the floor from the blood bag that had fallen from Hanbin’s grasp in his panic. He looks straight at Hanbin, more specifically at his mouth.

“Woahh, they are real. Can I touch them?”

“Matthew, what?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. That’s probably a weird or rude thing to ask.”

Hanbin’s head is reeling. He can’t make sense of this at all.

Meanwhile, Matthew seems to be having the opposite experience.

“So this is why you’re always so cold!” he exclaims, the first eureka moment of the night, but certainly not the last.

After another look at Hanbin’s face, “I can’t believe I didn’t notice how pale you were, but it’s just always so dark in here. Oh! Light sensitivity, of course.”

A groan and then, “Oh my god, wait, I really should’ve known when you told me you were allergic to garlic. How did I miss that?”

When Matthew runs out of epiphanies about ways Hanbin nearly gave himself away, he switches to a line of questioning that Hanbin never could’ve predicted.

“Does blood come in flavors? Like, do they make mint chocolate flavored blood bags? Where do you even get them from—is there a vampire supermarket or something?” he asks in quick succession, voicing the questions as soon as they pop into his mind. “Oh, but hyung, I’ve seen you eat human food. How does that work?”

Hanbin ignores all of the questions to finally ask one of his own. “Matthew… you’re not… scared?”

Matthew blinks, pausing for a moment. “Well, I’m kinda shocked, yeah. But if your plan was to kill me, then you could’ve easily done that on day one. Also, you’re my boyfriend and I know you better than that. Hyung, you couldn’t even hurt a fly.”

“I could kill you in an instant.” Hanbin doesn’t know why he says it because it’s really not helping his case that he’s not a threat, but he’s just so taken aback by the accusation that he, a feared creature of the night, wouldn’t be able to handle a tiny pest.

Matthew has the audacity to roll his eyes at him. “I mean, sure, you could. But you won’t.” He says it so casually and yet there’s a strong confidence behind his words. “Like, I could strip naked, run outside, and start rolling around on the ground, but I’m not gonna do that because that’d be insane.”

Hanbin wants to laugh at the ridiculousness of the example, but what escapes him isn’t a laugh, but rather a sob. Before he knows it, tears are fully streaming down his face.

“Hanbin-hyung, what’s wrong?” Matthew asks, quickly coming over to wipe his tears. “Also, I didn’t realize vampires could cry? You still have tear ducts?”

“Vampires aren’t—” A sniffle. “—that different—” Another. “—from normal humans, just—” Hanbin does his best to give a crash course on vampire biology, but it’s proving to be difficult while tears are still actively streaming down his face.

“Shhh, it’s okay, hyung,” Matthew says, holding him close and gently patting the back of his head to soothe him.

It’s not until a few minutes later when Matthew manages to calm him down enough to become coherent again, sitting him down on the couch so they can actually talk.

“Okay, so let’s recap,” Matthew starts. “After I left, I realized I forgot that a coworker had asked me to switch shifts for today, so I came straight back here. Then, I found you in the kitchen drinking blood.”

“I don’t understand how you can be so nonchalant about this. I thought you’d be terrified of me or hate me or both.” The corners of his eyes start to grow wet again. “I—I was so sure that you’d run, that you’d leave me. I was terrified.”

“I mean, I was definitely caught off guard when I first saw you. A small part of me still kinda thinks I was hallucinating it. But I could never hate you, Hanbin-hyung.” A small, sheepish smile. “I—I think I love you.”

“Even if I’m not human?”

“That doesn’t mean anything. You’re still you.”

And that’s all Hanbin can really take before tears start to fall down his face once more.

“I—I love you too. So, so much.”

Matthew smiles at him, but the expression on his face quickly turns conflicted. Hanbin feels worry and dread creep up on him yet again, but then—

“Hyung, I really wanna kiss you, but there’s blood all over you and I don’t think that’s sanitary.”

“I—oh, I’m sorry,” Hanbin says, realizing what a mess he must look like, covered in a mess of tears and blood. This isn’t really how he would’ve liked to exchange “I love you”s for the first time. “L-let me go get cleaned up.”

“And then you’ll kiss me?” Matthew looks up at him expectantly.

“Yeah,” he breathes out in a mix of relief and wonder and love for the man in front of him. There’s still so much to discuss and he’s sure Matthew has about a million questions he wants answered, but all of that can wait. “First, I’ll kiss you.”

Hanbin lets Matthew finish up cooking dinner as he sets the table, taking out two wine glasses.

For Matthew, he opens a new bottle of red wine. For himself, he carefully empties out the contents of a blood bag.

Even after Matthew had learned the truth, Hanbin had continued to avoid feeding in front of him out of fear that it might weird him out or make him uncomfortable. It was only when Matthew had asked him about it and reassured him that he didn’t mind that Hanbin finally relented.

Still, he doesn’t think the look of a blood bag is particularly appetizing to a human and so he’d come up with the idea of pouring his meals into wine glasses as an attempt at camouflage.

“You upgraded from juice pouches to fancy wine glasses,” Matthew had teased the first time he watched Hanbin do so.

He’s just finished setting up the glasses when Matthew calls for his attention.

“Hyung, do you want a bite today? I left out the garlic anyway, just in case.”

“You didn’t have to do that just for me, Seokmae. You know I don’t actually need to eat.”

“It’s fine, it still tastes good, I promise,” Matthew says. “So what will it be?”

Hanbin sighs, because as much as he protests, he really does enjoy the taste of Matthew’s cooking and can never turn it down when he offers; he’s sure that Matthew knows this too, which is why he always makes sure to exclude the garlic from his recipes no matter how many times Hanbin tells him it’s unnecessary.

“I’ll just have a small bowl then. Thank you.”

Matthew smiles triumphantly as he scoops a steaming ladle of kimchi jjigae for Hanbin. “It’s perfect for a cold winter’s day like today. Although I guess that doesn’t matter much for you either.”

Hanbin chuckles, suddenly thinking back to how quickly time seems to have flown by. “The first time you came here was in the winter too. Can you believe it’s been over a year since then?”

Matthew comes to take a seat next to him, as he always does. Even though the table is large enough to seat at least ten, to match the size of the mansion, they only ever use one of the corners. Still, even this is an improvement considering Hanbin never used to use the table at all before Matthew started coming.

Matthew shakes his head. “Time has flown by so quickly since I met you. The days used to drag on and it felt like I was stuck in place.” He finds Hanbin’s hand to interlock their fingers, smiling up at him. “You’re the reason time started moving forward again.”

“It’s funny, I think I’m the opposite,” Hanbin says, smiling fondly when Matthew’s head tilts curiously. “For a vampire, a year of your lifespan is probably like a day to a human. With nothing to look forward to, the years raced by me without anything ever changing. But then you showed up at my door and suddenly I had something to be excited about each day. For a long time, a day was such a tiny, insignificant thing to me, but because of you, I’ve been able to savor each and every one.”

A hint of surprise flashes across Matthew’s face. “You rarely ever talk about things like that.”

“Like what?”

“What being a vampire is like,” Matthew answers, then pouting a little, “And you never wanna answer my questions.”

“That’s because all of your questions these days are about how accurate human-made vampire movies are,” Hanbin points out with a laugh. “To which the answer is almost always ‘not at all.’ Besides, I feel like you should know most of those answers already considering you’ve lived with me for at least six months now.”

“Well, maybe you’re hiding something from me and that’s why you never talk about it.”

Matthew doesn’t seem to be genuinely upset over the matter, but Hanbin can tell from the slight tremble in his voice that it is something that’s been at least a little on his mind.

“I promise I’m not purposely hiding anything from you,” he reassures. His gaze drops from Matthew’s eyes to their intertwined fingers, the stark contrast between Matthew’s healthy complexion against his sickly, pale skin. “It’s just that sometimes I don’t like to think too hard about what I really am. I’m beyond grateful that I met you now, but sometimes I also wish I had met you when I was still human instead.”

Matthew’s expression immediately softens. “Hanbin-hyung, you know I love you, vampire or not, right? I love you for you.”

“I know, I know. But you can’t deny that it complicates some things.”

“It also comes with fun perks.”

“Like what?” Hanbin laughs in slight disbelief. “Maybe in the summer when you used me as your personal icepack, but now that it’s colder again, I’m sure it can’t be very comfortable to snuggle up against a human-shaped popsicle.”

“That’s why we had the heater properly installed though,” Matthew argues. “Now, we can crank the temperature up high and cuddle as much as we want.”

“Okay, okay, fine,” Hanbin admits defeat, knowing Matthew won’t give in anytime soon. “You should eat before your food gets cold.”

So Matthew happily digs in while Hanbin does his best to drink his daily dose of blood, ultimately chasing it down with a bite of Matthew’s home-cooked stew.

Matthew helps himself to a second bowl of rice and Hanbin just smiles fondly at the sight of his cheeks stuffed full with food.

When Matthew is here, Hanbin somehow feels that everything will be okay. He really wishes the days could just go on like this forever.

Forever lasts a few more months before their perfect little life together starts to fall apart. More accurately, Hanbin starts to fall apart.

Hanbin’s been noticing for the past few weeks that the blood has been getting harder to swallow, but he didn’t think much of it at first. Since the day he was turned, he’s always been a bit of a fraud of a vampire, hating the taste of blood—something he very much considered to be a curse, considering he also can’t live without it.

Today though, it reaches an extreme. He finishes about half a glass before he suddenly finds himself doubled over on the ground in pain, trying to cough out the remains of the taste in his mouth.

“Hanbin-hyung!” Matthew yells out in worry, quickly coming over to his side. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“I—I don’t know. It’s like my body won’t let me drink at all, I haven’t been able to feed since four days ago,” Hanbin explains. “It’s never reacted quite as violently as this though. Sorry for scaring you.”

“Don’t apologize, hyung. I just wish there was something I could do to help,” Matthew says, gently running a hand through Hanbin’s hair as he gently cradles his head in his lap.

Eventually, when the strange ache in his body subsides a bit, Hanbin lets Matthew help him over to the couch so they can sit more comfortably.

“But if it’s already been four days, you definitely can’t skip another day, right?” Matthew asks, brow furrowed deeply in concern.

Hanbin brings a hand to Matthew’s forehead as if gently smoothing out the creases in his worried expression will make the worries go away along with them.

“Maybe I drank too fast. I’ll try to take another sip in a bit. Don’t worry too much about me, I’ll be fine.”

Matthew shakes his head, unconvinced. “Is there something wrong with the blood bags? Are they expired?”

“This is a brand new batch, they should still be good for a long while.”

“What if they gave you bad ones? Is there like, a vampire lawyer or a vampire court that we should be taking this to? Oh! Is there a vampire doctor we can visit?”

Hanbin chuckles weakly, still not completely recovered from the aftereffects. “Matthew, it’s not like we have a whole underground vampire society with an equivalent for every job in human society. Vampires aren’t even supposed to need doctors, I’m just—not a normal vampire.”

“Still, there has to be something we can do,” Matthew pleads. Then, his head shoots up as he seems to have an idea. “Hanbin-hyung, you should feed from me.”

“What?”

It’s been a while since Matthew has brought it up. He used to offer frequently towards the beginning, when he’d first found out Hanbin’s true identity.

Hanbin’s pretty sure he only wanted to because the human movies always portray it as something borderline sexual. In a way, they aren’t completely wrong either.

When he’d spent some time living with Jiwoong’s coven, there were a number of humans who would come by every so often, having volunteered to be fed from. Hanbin was reluctant due to his own painful experience of how he was bitten when he was turned, but Jiwoong encouraged him to at least give it a try. Ultimately, he did end up trying it once, one of the more regular volunteers having offered it to him.

His name was Zhang Hao, Hanbin learned that night, though he had seen him plenty of times before that too, just as a nameless face who often lingered in Jiwoong’s room. He’d asked him, before they started, why he chose to keep coming back.

“Don’t worry, Jiwoong always makes sure to repay us for our troubles,” he’d answered with a suggestive smirk. Hanbin knows that if he were still physically capable, he would’ve blushed like a tomato at that.

Nothing ended up happening between him and Hao because Hanbin had taken as little blood as possible and stopped it before it could get very far, but he’s fairly certain he saw Hao heading in the direction of Jiwoong’s room rather than the front door afterwards, so he’s sure Hao ended up getting his fair share of “repayment” regardless.

Hanbin did have to admit that the fresh blood went down a lot easier than the blood bags, but he couldn’t shake the fear of accidentally hurting the human, accidentally taking even a drop too much and condemning him to a fate like his. Jiwoong assured him that it wasn’t possible, that to take the amount of blood needed to turn someone, it’d have to be intentional or he’d have to be starving, but Hanbin was paranoid nonetheless.

Now, that same fear is amplified tenfold. Because this isn’t just any human, this is Matthew.

“No,” he tells him firmly. “I won’t risk hurting you.” The fact that he hasn’t fed for a few days makes it even more dangerous, he reminds himself. He knows that when Jiwoong said “starving,” he was referring to something much more severe than a few days without food, something more like the feral monster that had originally attacked Hanbin, but he doesn’t want to take any chances.

“But hyung, we have to try something,” Matthew says, desperate to change his mind.

“I told you, I’ll try later tonight, when my stomach has settled a bit more.”

“It’ll just be the same thing again,” Matthew argues. “You said it’s been happening for days. You can order new blood bags to see if this batch is the problem, but it’ll take too long. In the meantime, I’m your only option.”

“I—Matthew, I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

“You said other vampires feed safely from humans all the time.”

“Yeah, key word: all the time. They’re practiced, I’m not. And if I make a mistake, you’ll be the one to suffer.”

“But Hanbin-hyung, I trust you.”

“Well, maybe I don’t trust me.”

“Then, just trust me!” Matthew shouts, clasping Hanbin’s hands tightly in his. “Trust that I know my limits and that I’ll push you off if it’s too much.”

“What if you’re not able to?”

“I’m strong!” he huffs, offended that Hanbin would ever doubt that.

“I’m not arguing that. You’re very strong for a human,” Hanbin says, “ But I’m a vampire, I have supernatural strength.”

“Yeah, but you’re weakened right now and I’ve been consistently working out every single day. I could take you.”

“Seokmae, please—”

“I’m serious! Let’s arm wrestle right now, I’ll prove it!”

“Matthew, I just wouldn’t be able to bear seeing you hurting if anything went wrong,” Hanbin pleads.

Matthew’s expression twists into something pained. “Then, how do you think I feel right now seeing you like this?” he asks, voice trembling. “How do you think I feel when you’re hurting and you won’t even accept the one thing I can offer to help you?”

“M-Matthew…”

“Hanbin-hyung, please. Just let me at least try to help you.” There are tears that threaten to fall at the corners of his eyes and Hanbin is quick to wipe away at them.

He can’t stand to see Matthew like this, upset because of him.

“Fine,” he finally agrees. “But you have to promise me that you’ll tell me the second it starts to be painful. You can’t try to act tough or hold back—you have to push me off with all your strength.”

“Okay, I promise.”

Hanbin draws in a shaky breath. “Okay, then. I—I’ll just get right to it then.”

Matthew nods. “H-how do you want me, hyung?”

“Just stay sitting like this, I think it’ll be easier for you to push me off if anything goes wrong,” he says as he moves to straddle Matthew’s lap.

He can’t help but be a little distracted by the memories of all the other times they’ve been in this position and he’s sure the same thoughts are running through Matthew’s head too if the way his cheeks are tinted pink is anything to go by.

But he quickly pulls himself together. Hanbin has to make sure he’s completely in control here, so that he doesn’t mess this up. He can’t allow for any distractions.

He slowly buries his head in the crevice of Matthew’s neck. “Are you sure this is okay?” he asks one last time.

Matthew shivers at the breath against his neck, but still sounds confident when he answers, “yes.”

So before he can talk himself out of it again, Hanbin lets his fangs sink into the tender flesh. Matthew lets out an initial squeak of surprise at which Hanbin almost pulls away immediately, but Matthew’s hands wrapped around him keep him from retreating.

He licks at the area, hoping to quickly soothe the initial sting because the traces of venom in his saliva are meant to have that effect. When Matthew’s little whines start shifting into drawn out moans, Hanbin decides to try sinking his fangs back in. This time, the noise Matthew lets out sounds a lot less like pain and a lot more like pleasure.

It urges him to continue, barely even interested in feeding anymore, but rather on the delicious sounds escaping his boyfriend underneath him. Hanbin becomes just as hungry for his cute little reactions as for the blood.

Hanbin also notes that his body doesn’t seem to be reacting the way it had been to the blood bags at all. He feels strength returning to him almost immediately as he continues to lap up every last drop that spills from Matthew’s neck.

Hanbin eventually pulls away when he’s gotten his fill and he’s greeted with the sight of Matthew panting and breathless underneath him.

“Are you okay?” he asks, worried.

Matthew nods, but he still looks slightly dazed.

Hanbin tries to remove himself from Matthew’s lap, but in the process, can’t help but notice that Matthew is rock hard underneath him. Matthew lets out a small whimper as Hanbin accidentally brushes against him as he shifts their positions.

With his strength coming back to him, he easily scoops Matthew up into his arms and carries him straight to the bedroom.

Hanbin doesn’t end up ordering more blood bags because Matthew is insistent that his own fresh blood is far superior anyway.

Matthew admittedly sleeps a little bit more and eats about twice as much ever since Hanbin started feeding regularly from him, but he otherwise seems completely fine, so Hanbin goes along with it too.

It works for a few months before the same problems start to resurface once more.

Matthew’s tired, so Hanbin only plans to take a small sip from his wrist instead of a full meal anyway, but as the first drop hits his tongue, he knows something must be wrong.

A familiar pain runs through his body, the same way it would with the blood bags a few months ago.

“Hanbin-hyung?” Matthew calls, alarmed when Hanbin suddenly pulls away, wincing in pain.

“I-I’ll be fine,” he manages to choke out.

“You’re clearly not!” Matthew says, eventually helping him to the bed so he can lie down. “I thought the problem was the blood bags, I thought we fixed it.”

Matthew sits on the edge of the bed next to him and Hanbin squeezes his hand reassuringly.

Though he doesn’t know how much reassurance he can really offer. Hanbin doesn’t know exactly what’s happening to him, but he knows it can’t be good.

He’d always wondered if the strange circumstances of his turning would have any further consequences. He’s always been physically weaker than other vampires, so he has wondered in the past if it meant he might not live for as long as them either—if he, unlike them, still retained some semblance of mortality.

“I don’t know if this is something that can be fixed, Matthew-yah,” he says gently. “I’ve told you before, right? That I’m not quite a normal vampire. That my transformation went a little bit wrong.”

“But still, there has to be something we can do!” he insists, desperately clinging onto the hope of it.

“I have a friend who I can call who might know more,” Hanbin says, mostly just to appease him. Part of him suspects that the most Jiwoong will be able to tell him is that he doesn’t have much time left, but he chooses not to voice that part.

If this really is the end, he’s grateful that the universe at least had enough mercy to send him Matthew at the end of his life that has definitely already run longer than it should’ve—at least his last moments won’t have to be completely alone, the way he’s spent most of his time as a vampire.

He does think it cruel, however, that despite how many extra years he’s already gotten, he can’t steal just a few decades more to be with Matthew until his end. He doesn’t want to have to leave Matthew alone, to cause him sadness in any way.

But Hanbin is sure that with Matthew’s charm, he’ll have no problem eventually finding someone new, someone who’s human and who will be a much better fit for him. He hopes he finds that person soon, so he won’t have to be upset for too long. (Although, a smaller more selfish part of him hopes it won’t be too soon, that he won’t forget Hanbin quite so easily.)

Regardless, when he calls Jiwoong to explain the situation, he assures him that he’ll be there as soon as possible, which happens to be the next day.

“How do you feel, Hanbin-ah?” Jiwoong asks, though Hanbin’s pretty sure he can get the gist of it from how he looks right now.

“Like death.”

“Well, you are a vampire,” Jiwoong jokes.

“Ha ha, very funny.”

“So do you think you can fix him?” Matthew chimes in suddenly.

This time Hanbin laughs for real. “Matthew, I told you—Jiwoong-hyung is older and knows more about these things than me, but that doesn’t mean he magically has the solution to everything.”

“Maybe not everything, but I might actually have a theory about what’s going on with you,” Jiwoong admits.

Hanbin’s jaw falls open in shock as Matthew immediately latches onto his arm in anticipation.

“I’ve been looking into it ever since you were turned.”

Hanbin can only stare at him in disbelief. “That was literal ages ago.”

Jiwoong grants him a sheepish grin. “Sorry, it took me a while. Vampire history is pretty extensively documented but also very thoroughly hidden to keep it away from humans. They’re too nosy.” A slight nod towards Matthew, “No offense.”

“None taken. If you can fix Hanbin-hyung, then you can insult humankind all you want.”

Jiwoong chuckles at that, turning to Hanbin with a brief aside, “I like this one. Definitely keep him.”

“I’d love to, but that depends on whether or not we can figure out what’s wrong with me.”

“Ah yes, getting back to that, I can’t be completely sure because it’s so rare that I could only find a few accounts of it ever happening, but I think it’s possible that you’re becoming human again.”

“I’m what?” Hanbin says. He can’t believe it.

“Again, I’m not entirely sure. But what you told me does line up with the bit of research I could find. Your body is starting to reject blood because your human side is trying to take over, but the vampire venom can’t fully purge itself on its own either.”

“Well, what am I supposed to do then?”

“So that’s the thing. I only found one written account of it, which is why I didn’t want to say anything to you quite yet, but there’s a vampire—well, apparently, former vampire—who drank a tea brewed from nightshade and hawthorn and was able to reverse the transformation.”

“B-but hyung, isn’t that instant death for a normal vampire?”

Jiwoong winces. “Yeah, that’s why I was hoping to find more research to back it up before I told you. And why I can’t actually help you prepare it.”

“I can!” Matthew says. “I’m human, so I should be able to do it, right?”

“Yeah, I can probably help you source everything too, I’d just rather not be anywhere near it,” he says with a shudder. “But again, I have to warn you that it could be dangerous. I—I don’t know if it really will work or…”

Even without him finishing the sentence, they can all guess what he means. But still, “I don’t have much of a choice though, do I?”

Jiwoong sighs. “If it’s progressed to the point where you can’t feed at all, then probably not.”

Matthew suddenly grabs his hand, squeezing it so hard he’s sure it’d be borderline painful if he were human. “Hanbin-hyung…”

“It’ll be okay, Matthew-yah,” he comforts. “No matter what happens, you’ll be okay.”

Matthew shakes his head. “We’ll be okay. I’ll make sure of it.”

“Okay,” he answers with a fond smile. He’s always liked Matthew’s confidence.

Hanbin tosses and turns in bed for what feels like an eternity. He feels like he’s dying all over again.

And yet, that in and of itself, is a sign that he’s alive. Not just in a weirdly half-alive state like he has been the past few decades.

He can feel it in the way that every cell in his body throbs with pain as its very nature is changed, as it returns to what it once was long ago. There’s no more venom running through his veins, preserving his undead state. He’s truly, fully alive.

His body is sticky with sweat and everything aches; he feels terrible.

But he’s missed this. He’s missed feeling.

As a vampire, every single sensation felt so dull and muted. The venom had made his body numb to any sickness, and with it, numb to the joy and relief that comes with recovery.

Today, he lies in bed, miserable, with Matthew gently wiping the sweat from his forehead and tucking him into the blankets.

Tomorrow, well, he’s not quite sure yet, but he’s certain of one thing: Matthew will still be by his side.

That fact alone makes Hanbin feel ready to face another lifetime.