Chapter Text
It was a good day. No problems had arose, Adrian hadn't cried all day and Lisa was going to be done with her lab work soon so they could spend some time together. Vlad almost sighed in happiness, until…
“What's up you fangy bastard!—what the fuck.”
Vlad’s sigh turned from relaxing to annoyed. He glanced up from his 8 month old son who was cuddled up into a small ball, toying with a stuffed animal that was easily his own size. The vampire spotted the skeletal figure wearing a robe that barely covered his upper body but completely draped his lower part. “Death. I would appreciate it if you didn't swear in front of my newborn.”
“Your newborn? You gave birth?”
Vlad’s eye twitched. “My wife did.”
“You have a wife?!”
“You were present at our wedding!”
“Oh! Right, right.” Death nodded, though he didn't exactly have a face to convey expressions, Vlad huffed, “You don't remember, do you?”
“Nope!” His voice dripped with glee as he approached the tiny bundle in the bassinet. “I didn't even think you could do that anymore.”
“Do what?”
“You know, ejaculate.” Death shrugged and at the vampire's sputtering, he added. “I thought when you came, fucking smoke came out or something.”
“I am not that old, you bastard!” Vlad hissed.
“Which woman did you fuck to birth this thing?” He waved vaguely at Adrian and the vampire seethed.
“My wife's name is Lisa. And this thing is my son, Adrian.”
“You're so fucked up, so why does your son look like a fucking cherub?”
Vlad scoffed again and rolled his eyes, “He takes after his mother.”
“Well thank fuck for that.” Death said.
“Screw you!” Vlad cursed, “and stop swearing in front my son!”
“Why the fuck not? It's not like the thing can understand me.”
“It's a he.”
“Yeah, whatever.” Death waved him off, “So he's half vampire right?”
“Yes…” Vlad had a suspicion that the skeletal figure wasn't exactly about to ask a relevant or sincere question.
“Well, can he withstand the sun?”
The vampire was surprised that the man—or creature?— actually asked a proper question instead of making fun of him or his first born. Vlad paused for a second but did continue, “We haven't checked yet.”
“Why not?”
“Because Adrian’s not even an year old!” He clicked his tongue and glanced at the closed window, if he thought really hard, he could picture the sunlight pouring inside. “Lisa and I were wondering the same thing, about his abilities and resistance. However, we decided it would be best to wait until he was at least-” Vlad's explaination was cut off by his son’s squealing.
He whipped his head around to find Death standing in front of an open window, dangling his newborn by gripping the cloth at his back, out in the sunlight. “Look, he can withstand the sun.”
The vampire nearly screamed but managed to control it, only choking out, “Give, him to me.”
The skeletal figure shrugged one shoulder again and threw Adrian to Vlad. His vampiric reflexes made it easier to catch his baby but his heart almost came out of his mouth. “What the fuck is wrong with you.” His voice oddly pitched up.
“Your baby seems to be having fun.” Which was annoying because he was right. Adrian was giggling happily in his father's shaking arms, his laughter calmed the vampire a little but he still glared at the careless man in front of him.
“What was that stunt?!”
“You said you-”
“What if Adrian hadn't been able to withstand the sun? What would you have done then?” The vampire hissed again.
“That would be pretty unlikely,” He did that super annoying shrug again, “And what do you mean what I would've done. You would have made another!”
“‘made another,’” Vlad mocked the man. “He's not lunch; that if it got destroyed, I would've made another!” At Death's ignorance, he added with a cheeky smile, “Imagine how Lisa would react if our son was harmed by a pile of bones that can be easily knocked over.”
Vlad made sure to remind him of his first time meeting Lisa, when she was so startled by a skeleton suddenly showing up, she threw a flower pot and nearly dismantled Death.
Death huffed and sputtered. Good, it felt good to knock him down a few pegs. And it was no surprise that of all people, his wife managed to fuck him up.
…
“Hellooooo Draccy!” Death slammed the door open. He could easily teleport inside the room but chose to willingly damage the vampire's property instead.
“Why are you here again? You usually don't show up until it's been a good few year.”
“Boo hoo bitch.” The skeletal figure looked around to spot something. “Where's your lemon drop looking ass kid?”
“His name is-”
“Yeah yeah Adriana or whatever-”
“Adrian. Adriana is a girl's name.” Vlad clarified, a little curious about the man’s arrival.
“Gender means little to me, where's the baby?” He went straight to the point.
“Could you…not be a skeleton when handling my son? It could hurt him.” Which was probably not a good thing to say because Death proceeded to laugh at him for the next 10 minutes. But he did listen at the end. Taking the shape of a young man, around 25 years age, with sickly pale skin and short, white slicked back hair. His robes changed to a black outfit and cape to fit his new body better.
Vlad, though still hesitant, handed the man his 13 month old son. Death held the blond baby by his sides, letting him dangle in the air. The vampire huffed and helped the man fix his stance. “Lisa said we have to support his head.”
“Why?”
“Because otherwise it screws up their posture forever, human babies are very delicate.”
“Very weak more like.” The white haired man held Adrian properly and looked at him. In fact, he stared at him for a long time while the dhampir stared back with lurid golden eyes. “Why are his eyes this colour? Your wife has blue eyes and you had green eyes when you were human.”
“We…aren't sure.” It was true. They had tried to figure out the reason for their son's odd but beautiful eye colour, but it didn't work out.
“Hmm.” Death pursued his lips and stared at the child again.
…
“Death’s here again?” Vlad questioned his wife who merely nodded and sipped her tea. “Why?”
“He wanted to meet Adrian.” She gave a simple explanation.
“I…see.” The vampire gave a slow nod. “He came over 3 months ago as well.”
“So you've said before.” Lisa said, “I asked him to watch Adrian while I made tea.” She picked up the cup and saucer as if to show him the proof.
“I'll check on them.” Vlad told his wife and sauntered to the playroom outside. He tried his best to not seem hurried because to be perfectly honest, he was worried that Death might harm his son in some way. Not intentionally, but still harm him.
He opened the door to the playroom expecting the worst but saw something entirely different. Adrian was on the floor on his back, hands and leg kicking the air while he was giggling uncontrollably. Death was in his white haired man form again, dangling a string with stars attached to them over the baby. It also had small bells attached to the string which made jingling noise as the stars moved.
It suddenly made sense why Lisa had allowed the man to take care of their son. He guessed it was her motherly intuition that allowed her to tell who was safe or not. Either that or she was just too good at reading people’s motives. Perhaps it was a little bit of both.
“Don't hand it over, he'll eat it.” Vlad mused.
“I know, I'm not stupid.” He huffed and Adrian let out a high pitched laugh when the stars and bells got a little close to him.
“What is that thing?” The vampire pointed at the toy.
“Ehh, children like shiny things and bells so I figured I'd give the honeybee kid a toy with these things.” He twisted the toy which made it spin. “Tie it to his cradle higher than he can't reach.”
“I know. I'm not stupid.” Vlad mimicked back and smirked at Death's eye roll.
…
“-so then Ariel sacrificed herself to save the prince’s life and turned to seafoam.”
“Aba?” Adrian babbled as he looked up at the white haired man.
“Yes. For the stupid prince.” Death nodded, agreeing with the baby in his lap.
“Sapa.”
“Who the fuck is sapa?” He frowned.
“Snapa!” Adrian insisted.
The white haired man frowned and thumbed through the pages of the book he was holding. “Hmm,” He looked at the tales and blinked. “Do you mean Snow white?”
“Snapa!” The child babbled again, more unhappy this time. It seemed that he hadn't recognised the name.
“Well there is no other princess name that starts with ‘S’ and ‘n’!” Death exclaimed, equally agitated.
Adrian’s face turned to that of frustration as he furiously jabbed his fingers—all of them—at one of the princesses. Upon close inspection, it was Rapunzel.
“You idiotic child, Rapunzel doesn't start with ‘S’.” Death huffed and laughed.
“Ahwa.” The dhampir responded.
“It’s about a girl who was locked up in a tower by a crazy lady, obsessed with youth, who kidnapped her as a baby.” Death explained, “The girl, Rapunzel, had reaaaaally long blonde hair and it was magic.” He emphasised the ‘really’ part, “The Lady who locked her up in the tower used Rapunzel’s magic to keep herself forever young. Kinda like your bitch ass dad.”
Adrian looked up at the man again, with big golden eyes. “Pa?”
“Yes, your bitchass papa indeed.” The white haired man nodded and looked back at the book. “The crazy lady told Rapunzel she was her mother and didn't let her out of the tower, telling her shit like the outside world was dangerous and stuff.”
“Obow.”
“I mean she wasn't wrong. Rapunzel tried to escape with…another dude…” Death frowned, “and then she died. What's up with these women dying because of guys?”
“Perhaps you should read the better ending version to my son?” Lisa said from the door. “The grim tales might be a little harsh, no?”
“He's fine, Lisa. He has to learn the truth of the world soon anyway.”
“I'm pretty sure that's going to be a long time until that's necessary.” Lisa smiled and approached the duo sitting on the armchair. “Hello, my sunflower.” She greeted her son and cooed when he smiled wide.
“Alright, so before I was rudely interrupted,” Death pointedly glanced at the woman, who snorted, and said, “Never give your life up for a man, butterscotch kid.” He told the dhampir.
“Gawpa.” He got the response.
“It's always a bad idea.” The man said seriously and Lisa giggled into her palm, making him frown. “What's so funny, woman?”
“You speak to Adrian as if he understands you.” She chuckled.
“Doesn't he?” He frowned.
“No,” Lisa controlled her laughter, “He's barely two years old, of course he can't.”
Death stared at her and then at Adrian, realisation dawning on his face. “Is that why he's been ignoring what I say?” He scoffed, “I thought Adrian was just a jerk.”
At that, Lisa just couldn't stop her laughter.
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