Chapter Text
It happens. He realizes. Hansol is starting to be distant again. It is a constant cycle that has just transformed since debut. Seungkwan thought it was getting better. He thought Hansol wouldn't do this again. But like clockwork, here he is crying in his bed, wondering what he did wrong.
It shouldn't be this hard talking to his best friend. He shouldn't have to worry about the things he should say to someone he is “supposedly” close to. He shouldn't be struggling to keep a conversation going when the other person is so adamant about not reciprocating.
But he is. He's tired.
He's tired of being the one constantly reaching out. He's tired of getting asked, “How’s Vernon doing,” when he himself doesn't even know. It's embarrassing for him always trying to make something up on the spot for others. “Oh he's been busy, but he's doing good”, he’ll respond because it's vague enough for others to believe and just enough to not get questioned. He's able to change the topic after that and continue fooling others, pretending he's still Hansol’s best friend.
It hurts how inconsistent Hansol is. Seungkwan wishes things were different. He wants Hansol to be there for him, not just for the cameras or for the fans, but for him. He wishes Hansol would just choose to cut him out of his life completely (at least as much as he can within Seventeen), or actually try at forming a healthy relationship with him. Seungkwan knows, however, that he’ll never have either and that Hansol will continue stringing him along.
Hansol constantly gives him false hope. He gives him a false sense of security just to tear it away from him the next day. It hurts him so much having to pretend that he’s okay, but he can’t tell the members. They would end up picking sides and he doesn’t want Hansol to deal with that. So he pretends. He pretends he's fine. He makes jokes about the situation at his expense when the members start getting worried. They let it slide, waiting for Seungkwan to open up to them willingly.
He wonders if Hansol even realizes how much he's hiding. He's just so tired of this ambiguous relationship. Seungkwan has finally reached his breaking point. After so many years of catering himself to Hansol's wants and needs, he can't take it anymore. He feels like he's lost a part of himself during this process, so after a lot of suffering, he realizes it's time to move on.
Some of the members start being nosy. Two months have passed since Seungkwan last spoke to Hansol in private. By this point, Seungkwan would be whining to Chan or Soonyoung on how Hansol hasn't spoken to him, and in turn make plans on how to reach out to him. The problem this time is, he doesn’t. Seungkwan gives no indication that the current situation bothers him and this causes the members to become confused.
Seungkwan acts the same as always. Dynamics aren't changed because of this and his persona in Seventeen goes unaffected, so the members start to wonder if they should even bring it up. Seungkwan starts hanging out with his friends outside of Seventeen, Soobin, being the most prominent one.
~
The one that changes is Hansol. He starts getting restless, lashing out at anyone in his path. He stays in the studio cooped up, the members have to remind him to eat. Seventeen starts getting worried again trying to figure out how to fix things without relying on Seungkwan to do it.
Joshua tries first.
“Are you okay,” he asks softly, trying to be cautious and not cause any discomfort.
“Why wouldn’t I be,” answers Hansol with a controlled expression on his face.
“I don’t know, you just don’t seem like yourself lately,” answers Joshua. “We all want to help you, but the members and I don’t understand what’s happening. We’re all worried about you.”
“Not all of you,” mutters Hansol under his breath. “Look, can you please just leave, I really need to focus on this song and I don’t want you or anyone else bothering me.”
Joshua sighs, “I'm going to be blunt with you. This isn't healthy. You need to talk to someone. You aren’t even eating properly. Are you not even worried about how this could affect you mentally and physically? At least take the fans into consideration, they wouldn’t want to see you like this.”
“Fuck you. Go worry about someone else, maybe someone like Seungkwan. If word gets around that he’s fucking around with some dude from TXT that could ruin our image, and I dont think our fans would want to see that”, replied Hansol sarcastically.
“Is that what this is about,” asked Joshua, shaking his head. “Are you serious? You're acting this childish over something that you caused of your own volition.”
“Get the fuck out, Joshua. I already told you I’m busy and I don’t need to answer you,” Hansol yells as he’s ushering Joshua outside.
“Fine dude, whatever, I just wanted to make sure you were okay. We all care about you and we want you to be happy. Come talk to us when you're ready,” states Joshua as he's walking away.
A couple of other members try after that, Seungcheol, Minghao, Chan, Jihoon, but none of them are able to get through to him. That's when Hansol realizes the only person he wants to come talk to him is Seungkwan. Whether that be platonic or romantic, he hasn't decided yet, but he knows he needs Seungkwan.
~
Seungkwan feels it. He doesn't know what happened but something changed. It starts with the stares from Vernon. They feel almost longingly. Seungkwan chooses to ignore it because why would Vernon start looking at him now. Seungkwan catches him looking at him through the mirrors during dance practice. Vernon blushes and looks down shyly. This confuses Seungkwan even more but lets it pass as typical Vernon behavior.
Then he’s trailing behind him like a lost puppy. During interviews, Vernon will go out of his way to get a seat next to Seungkwan. If there is no space he’ll ask one of the members to move. When they're at award shows and Soobin comes up to him to say hi, Vernon is right behind him. Later, Soobin will ask if he accidentally offended Vernon, and Seungkwan will come up with an excuse about how he just had a bad day.
Another example and the most shocking by far, is Vernon trying to talk to him in private. Usually they keep up appearances in front of fans and cameras, but they have not had a conversation behind closed doors in half a year.
It’s awkward. Seungkwan can see Vernon trying to keep the conversation going, but he honestly couldn't care less. He doesn't understand why Vernon is trying so hard all of a sudden. He’s not sure how he’s supposed to respond to Vernon anymore, so he makes up an excuse to leave and continues on with his day. He happens to miss the hurt expression on Vernons face.