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All of class 2A understood two very absolute, unspoken truths: the first, was that they had to get uncomfortably familiar with death very quickly in order to be a hero; and the second, was that nightmares were inevitable.
Katsuki's nightmares got so bad, he stopped sleeping at night. Because anytime he was alone, in the dark confines of his dorm, he was reminded of that crippling, isolating loneliness he had experienced when he…
So, he stopped sleeping at night. He was now falling asleep when the sun was just starting to peak. Because it was safer, in the daylight. More people were awake in case anything were to happen to him.
The school was more than accommodating, allowing Katsuki to make up his morning classes at night, so he could still get his eight hours of restless sleep.
He guessed that was their way of an apology, or penance, for everything he’s endured since getting into UA. Either way, he didn’t care. He got what he wanted, what he needed to be a hero without wearing himself down to the bone. And with so much extra training to accommodate for his reconstructed heart, the monitor registering the stress on the organ, having to modify his attacks and emotions just to save himself from a lecture from any given member of their class if they heard the monitor blare even once, he needed the time to recover after his classes.
He had a solid four or so hours every night, into the very early morning, where he could study, or cook, or clean. His friends had tried to stay up with him, the first few nights of this change.
Kirishima, Kaminari, Mina, and Sero were all snoring within the hour. and, he couldn’t blame them, after studying and training all day. Izuku and IcyHot lasted longer, but he insisted he was fine, urging them to give up and go to bed already.
Izuku just insisted with a tired smile that Kacchan needed company every other night.
A compromise, and one that Katsuki was more than willing to make (though he’d never admit it). They started out with the boring stuff: studying, cleaning, cooking (with all of his spare morning time, Katsuki started making bento boxes for all of 2A, every day).
But then sometimes they sparred, and sometimes izuku insisted that katsuki try to just relax. Reluctantly, he listened. And Izuku shared parts of himself Katsuki had never seen before: his music, his favorite movies, his favorite books, his favorite dumb youtube videos, his favorite video games.
And it was… refreshing to be reminded of the multifaceted nature of people. His chest started to ache a bit whenever it was a night he forced Izuku to sleep on his normal schedule. He often ignored it, because he knew Izuku needed his rest.
(That didn’t make him miss him less).
One night, as Katsuki was making some katsudon, one earbud in as he listened to a playlist Izuku made for him, he heard, “KACCHAAN!” screamed at the top of Izuku’s lungs.
Katsuki panicked for only a millisecond, dropping the ingredients onto the floor, his eyes widening as flashbacks shot across his vision. The last time he had heard Izuku cry out his name like that, like something precious had been lost, like he was grieving something horrible, was when…
Katsuki ran to Izuku's dorm, heart hammering painfully in his chest.
“KACCHAAAN!” He sounded like he was sobbing. Katsuki may or may not have used his quirk to blast himself closer, faster, he had to be so much faster...
His eyes were wide once he slid Izuku’s door open, his senses alert as he assumed his fighting stance (in his… sweatpants and sweater) as he prepared for whatever fresh hell was awaiting him in Izuku’s room. but, he didn’t expect to find Izuku… in his bed. sheets thrown off of him, sweat glistening along his bare chest which was… heaving, like it was hard to breathe. Izuku’s eyes were closed, his brows furrowed painfully, his hands were fisting the fitted sheet so tight, his knuckles whitened.
Oh. He’s having a nightmare. Katsuki's heart was still racing as he approached the greenette. His mind and training blanked, and he was suddenly unable to recall the proper procedure for someone in such a state of unconscious distress. Wake them? Don’t wake them?
He couldn’t… leave Izuku, like this. Before he could think about it more, he brushed his knuckles so gently along Izuku's cheek, the scar there, while his other hand pushed his bangs out of his face.
“Izuku?” he breathed out, his voice so small and hushed, terrified to startle Izuku more. Izuku’s brows relaxed from their angry appearance, to one of worry.
But he still hadn’t woken up.
“Hey, I’m here, ‘zuku, I’m here you just have to wake up for me.” His voice was so sweet, and soothing, and gentle. Unlike any tone anyone has ever heard from him before. A softness he reserved only for Izuku. Katsuki stroked his thumb along the other’s damp cheek, “C’mon, come to the me here, not the one in your head,” he pleaded quietly, a small pout on his face as he tried to push away the roiling guilt and sadness and regret he felt at being the reason behind Izuku’s distress. If he had just been faster, stronger…
Izuku slowly opened his eyes, wasting very little time to catch Kacchan's wrist in his hand (a reflex, and a normal one at that if someone is touching you and you know you went to sleep alone). Once Izuku realized it was Kacchan, he blushed, and loosened his grip (but didn’t let go).
“Kacchan? What are you—? How did you—?”
Katsuki's cheeks heated, and he looked down shyly, “You were having a nightmare. You… screamed my name, just like you did when my…”
Understanding dawned on Izuku's features, “When your heart stopped,” he finished in a murmur, knowing how sensitive and vulnerable the subject was, of what happened.
The silence bloomed and rooted between them for a while, with neither of them moving. Katsuki only managed to nod before he forced himself to meet Izuku's gaze.
“I don't… want you to suffer because of me anymore,” he forced the words out, “just because I failed doesn’t mean you failed. You’ve… never failed me,” now even the tips of his ears were pink. Izuku's expression softened, and he sat up slowly in his bed. Without thinking, he cupped Katsuki's face in his hands, his thumb absentmindedly stroking the scar that matched his own as he forced the other to look at him (and becoming breathless when those red eyes started searching his own green).
“You've never failed me, either,” he whispered. “I don't suffer because of you. I have… so much regret, Kacchan, but it isn’t because of you, it’s because of me.”
Katsuki's heart was definitely threatening to thump out of his chest, his phone giving him a soft warning vibration regarding his heart monitor as Izuku held his face so carefully, and spoke to him so gently. Even still, his brows furrowed in confusion.
“What do you regret?”
A beat of silence.
“Not saving you,” Izuku answered slowly, tears in his eyes, “I should always save you, and I will always regret that I didn't.” The blonde’s eyes widened at his words, his face bright with awe, and wonder, and something else neither of them could quite describe at the moment.
Katsuki leaned into the hands holding his face, tears spilling onto his cheeks and onto Izuku’s hands. He even leaned forward, so that their foreheads were touching.
“Stupid… can’t you see? You’ve been saving me this whole damn time—it’s, it’s my turn to catch up to you, to win to save for you. Let me save you too… please?”
And they sit like that for a while, and they talk for a bit, and they stay physically close, and they confess some… things. Until eventually, Izuku is holding Kacchan as he sleeps.
And before Izuku drifts back off to sleep, he can’t help but smile.
Because the moon is up, and Kacchan is sleeping peacefully.