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He didn't know how it happened. He didn't know why it happened. All he knew was it did - some how, some way - happen.
Maybe he was cursed. Bewitched, even. Maybe he went through a wrong portal somewhere that took him to an alternate universe. Maybe the universe was just playing jokes on him. Maybe the oaf and detective spiked one of his drinks again.
Maybe he was crazy.
Probably.
Crazy in love.
With the ferry-girl.
Internally cursing himself, Hiei hurled the empty glass of alcohol over his shoulder in some random direction and shot up from the bar stool he was currently occupying. Today was the day. With the liquid courage that he shouldn't even need flowing through his veins (seriously though, he doesn't need this pathetic excuse for courage which he already has because he would never stoop so low as to need help finding it - but it helps), he would finally begin to woo Botan.
It's not even like he wanted to do it. Because really, he didn't. He had no desire to be romantic or love a woman. He didn't have a single romantic bone in his very, very unromantic body. Romance is for the birds. Or something like that. Last he checked, he was a demon. Not a bird.
But he was going to do it anyway. Because despite the fact that he really did not want to admit it, he apparently had a heart. And it was beating.
For Botan.
Somehow.
He had given up trying to understand it a long time ago. He had even given up hiding it and denying it. Now he was going to give up his pride for that ridiculous woman too.
Deciding not to mull upon it any longer (he had already spent hour upon hour, days upon days, and months upon months thinking about it), Hiei walked out the door of the busy bar in the Human World, not bothering to pay the bill. Not like he cared.
Taking a breath of the putrid human-y air once outside, he pulled a crumpled yellow paper out of his pocket. He stared down at it as people walked by in a huff, annoyed by Hiei ruining the flow of traffic along the sidewalk. He paid the useless bags of flesh no mind, for in his calloused hand was the key to all of his plans.
When the detective had finally pulled the truth out of him during an unfortunate night of intoxication amidst another Demon World Tournament, Yusuke, Kurama, and the oaf had banded together to come up with a plan so amazing - so great - that there was no way Botan could ever deny him. Since he was hopeless (a sinking ship) in the ways of romance without them, he did them the favor of allowing them to mentor him. The self-proclaimed Kuwa Love Guru made the bold claim that Botan was the kind of girl that deserved more than a man who couldn’t show her how he felt. She deserved public displays of affection. To be whispered sweet nothings. To be wined and dined. Love letters and serenades. To be swept off her feet, for her heart to skip a beat. To give her butterflies, a tender surprise, and smoldering eyes. Hiei didn’t think he could do any of those things. They all sounded way out of the realm of possibility for him. But the other two heartily agreed, and ergo, on the only paper available to them that night (a sticky note in Kuwabara’s pocket), they drunkenly formed the plan; hereby dubbed by Kurama, The Carefully Crafted Five Step Plan for Public Displays of Affection (or CCFSPfPDoA as Hiei liked to call it).
His precious sticky.
He scowled down at the words on it.
Carefully Crafted Five Step Plan for Public Displays of Affection:
1. Flowers
2. Chocolate
3. Poetry
4. Grand Gesture
5. Confession
Bunching his hands (and the small, sad note with his CCFSPfPDoA) into his pockets, he walked down the street towards his dreaded destination. He knew Botan would be in this world today. His sister was throwing one of her usual get-togethers at the temple. He didn't want to go, but Kurama had convinced him that today would be the perfect day to finally kick the ferry girl off her feet. Or maybe it was swipe. Or sweep. Grunting to himself, he took off into a sprint towards the temple. He didn't know these stupid human phrases.
It didn't take very long for him to get to the forest outside of the temple with his demonic speed, and he made sure to stop at the field he had embarrassingly scoped out ahead of time. It was full of flowers. Disgustingly cute, colorful flowers. Hiei didn't know much about romance (he never needed romance to kill anyone or rob anyone), but he did know that women considered flowers romantic. Scrunching his nose at the ‘pleasant’ scent sweeping across the clearing in the light summer breeze, he spent a miserable ten minutes looking for the right ones.
CCFSPfPDoA
Step 1. Flowers
How annoying. Why did women even care about flowers? Did the ferry girl even like flowers? He probably should have checked. Whatever. The ferry girl loved all of this pathetic sappy stuff. She would like flowers.
Grabbing a bunch of pink and blue ones, he smirked to himself over his small mission accomplished and took his time walking the rest of the way to the temple. The closer he actually got, the more he realized he really, really wasn’t looking forward to beginning his five steps. Hiei didn’t make grand gestures for love. Especially not in front of others. But apparently he was crazy (in love - confirmed earlier) so this is how his life would be now.
According to the detective: long walks on the beach (time that could be better spent training). Riding off into the sunset (he didn’t own a horse but he could steal one). Showering her with his affection (he still wasn’t quite sure how throwing her into a pond would make her happy but customs differ from world to world, so he didn’t question it).
Grunting as he reached the steps to the temple, he cut his train of thought there. He could be unlucky enough to worry about that later. Right now, he had a woman to win. And if all else fails, he could probably just kidnap her. But she probably wouldn’t like that so that method would only be employed as a last resort.
Right.
She was easy to spot. Her too perfect cerulean hair and gaudy pink kimono stood out like a sore thumb amongst the others. Like a beacon, it called to him. Her shrill, high-pitched laughter washed over him like a favorite song. Her bright, white smile burned into him with the strength of a thousand suns.
She was the apple of his pie. Or was it eye? Either way, it was the worst.
Grinding his teeth, Hiei marched up to her - ignoring the rest of the group who looked on in a gripping silence - and refused to falter when her amethyst eyes honed in on him. They widened when he stopped just short of her. He shot his hand straight out, pushing the bouquet of pinks and blues into her chest.
“Oh! …For me?”
The ferry-girl looked around and from side to side before peeking back down at the flowers. She cautiously took them from his hand and held them limply at her breast. She was clearly confused. He looked at her. She blinked. There was a cough from somewhere in their audience.
This was not going to plan. This was the part where she was supposed to be swooning by now.
Say something, woman.
“Hiei,” she began slowly (the sound of his name from her lips did something terrible to his insides), “did you take these from one of Kurama’s gardens?”
He blanked. He’d never partaken in courtship before, but he was mostly sure it wasn’t supposed to feel so stifling. He shifted awkwardly on his feet while she swallowed inaudibly in an effort to think of what to say. He tried so very hard not to be distracted by the hollow of her throat.
“It’s just that,” she started again, snapping him back to attention as she reluctantly brought the flowers to eye level with a grimace, “the roots are still on.”
The ferry-girl gently shook the flowers and the many clumps of dirt that were hanging from the roots shimmied to the ground. The tiny black bugs that had been hiding in the soil scattered up the stem in the disturbance. Botan squealed and loosened her grip, the flowers with bugs falling away, leaving her with a single pink bloom in hand.
Hiei had not accounted for her aversion to small insects.
His fists tightened when the fool and detective could be heard snorting in the background. Grinding his teeth again, he continued ignoring them. He knew that this venture would forever be a stain on his legacy but he had chosen to go through with it anyway - he would not hesitate now. Not in front of those idiots.
Opening his mouth to actually use that liquid courage from earlier and say something meaningful (anything at all) he was met by a squeaky “Achoo!” as the petals of the last flower in her hand scattered in a whirlwind of pink around him.
The idiot detective and idiot oaf started cackling. The fox tried to hide his smile. Botan ran inside to avoid his wrath and the girls quickly followed suit. Walking away with what dignity he had left, he ignored the jeers of “Hey Shrimp, next time you get a girl flowers maybe you wanna make sure she’s not allergic to them!” and “Or that they’re not crawling with bugs!”.
Cursed romance. He didn’t ask for this. Him and romance weren’t meant to be in the same sentence. The same realm. The same planet. No matter - he would move on to step two.
CCFSPfPDoA
Step 2. Chocolate
Hiei had found out from the detective, who had heard from the oaf, who was told by the oaf’s sister that Spirit World’s most bubbly guide for the dead would be having a ‘sleep over’ at the Kuwabara household tonight. He hadn’t known what a sleep over was supposed to be, but that was easily remedied by a look into the elder Kuwabara’s mind with the Jagan. She was hosting the other three women for movies and popcorn this evening. This would be his next opportunity to make a fool of himself for the ferry-girl after the flower incident a week ago.
Bugs and allergies to what Kurama informed him was ‘pollen’ had been a miscalculation on his part. This time, he was prepared. Human World chocolate didn’t contain bugs and he’d seen the ferry-girl indulge in it on occasion as he kept a (Jagan) eye on her (it wasn’t stalking), so he knew she wasn’t allergic to it. Running his thumb over his yellow sticky, he left the tree he’d perched in and began step 2. All he needed to do now was acquire the chocolate.
Leaving the park, he flitted around the city until he found what he was looking for. He leaned against a building that was directly across the street from a chocolate shop. The shop was done up with ribbons and bows of all colors, filled with heart-shaped boxes of delectable confections. It was perfect for her (he despised it). Initially he was just going to rob the place blind, but a better opportunity presented itself in the form of a woman and small child walking out of the shop with a loud ‘ding!’ from the door.
A feral grin formed on his lips. Stealing candy from a baby? This would be even better than he thought.
The human female yapped away at the phone in her hand, not paying attention to the box of sweets she left in the child’s care. Hiei waited patiently for the perfect moment; and at last, when she looked away at some meaningless sign or another, he chose that moment to strike. Flickering to the other side of the street, he snatched the red box from the child. It blinked in surprise, and he took a moment to give it a twisted smirk before flickering away again, watching in silent satisfaction as it began to cry and the mother frantically tried to calm it.
“Hn.”
Let that be a valuable lesson, little one. The weak are merely prey for the predators in this world. Hiei had no qualms being the one to deliver this message. His own predator came in the form of a peppy ferry-girl and it had been a hard learned truth. Even the strongest among demons could be rendered vulnerable by that maddening emotion humans called love.
Speaking of peppy wolves in sheep’s clothing, he looked down at the newly acquired package. With this in hand, it was time to head to the slightly less annoying Kuwabara sibling’s ‘sleep over’. He took off, jetting from rooftop to rooftop with ease. The lights from windows were mere blurs as he passed by. Time was at a stand-still until he formed outside the windowsill of the Kuwabara apartment. The world was doused in a rush of sound once again, voices coming from inside washed over him as he looked in through the glass. One in particular stood out against the others.
The ferry-girl was giggling, holding an array of playing cards while seated in a circle with the other girls. Each woman was dressed in various colors and styles of pajamas - all looking as absurd as the next. Botan sported a set of curlers in her bangs to match her pink, over-sized pajama shirt (it had kitten faces across the chest and it was downright ugly if you asked him). She victoriously shoved a card up in the air and cheered as the others groaned at the loss of whatever game they were playing. The heart that he recently surrendered to stuttered at the unadulterated joy on her face. This must be what the oaf was talking about when he mentioned hearts skipping beats. Hiei had imagined loved-up humans hopping along and holding hands in some weird mating ritual, but the irregular thudding in his chest made more sense.
Clutching the red box in his hand, he opened the window to slip inside, deciding to dive right in to his next humiliation. The girls jumped from their seats at the unexpected intrusion - Botan had even materialized her favorite bat to fight off whatever threat had shown up now. He scoffed at the thought of being beaten by such a flimsy weapon, and she let it disappear into the void when she realized who had come through the window.
“Hiei! You gave us quite the scare,” she said, holding her hand over her heart to slow its rapid pace (he could relate). “What are you doing here?”
This time, he would say something. This time, he wouldn’t stand there awkwardly and let the moment pass him by. This time, she would understand what he was trying to do. This time, he would make her understand.
“Hn.”
She sweat-dropped.
Okay, maybe not.
The detective’s woman laid a hand on the oaf’s sister’s shoulder. “Is everything okay? Did something happen to Yusuke again?”
Before he could even begin to address his presence, the elder Kuwabara graced him with a knowing look. “Everything’s fine, Keiko. Why don’t you, me, and Yukina go get that popcorn started for the movie?”
“Are you sure?”
“Very. Come on,” she ordered, and the women shuffled out of the room. They didn't go far, however, because three heads appeared in the doorway, ready for the scene to unfold. His superior demon hearing picked up on their whispers and simpering, and upon noticing his glare they backed out of his line of sight (but not too much that they couldn't witness the action).
That left just him and the ferry-girl in the living room.
“Why is everyone acting so odd lately?” Botan murmured when all of her friends ditched her to leave her with the fire demon. She shook her head before giving him her full attention. “You’re being weird too. Explain yourself, mister!”
She pointed an accusing finger at him and he resisted the overwhelming urge bite it. Instead, he held out the heart-shaped box of chocolates. When she didn’t take it immediately, he nudged it into the hand she had used to point at him.
“Take it,” Hiei managed to strangle out (progress).
The ferry-girl gripped the offering, pulling it towards her and flipping it over in her hands to inspect it. “Oh, you shouldn’t have.” She let out a strained chuckle as she untied the yellow bow around it.
His palms were beginning to sweat. Why was showing affection this difficult? Harder, even, than any number of battles he’d fought in the past. Waiting for her response - waiting for her rejection - was a battle all of its own.
Love really is a battlefield.
He would conquer this just as he had conquered all of the opponents who came before her. He would - he would…
Just as he was beginning to hype himself up for a sure victory, her eyes narrowed significantly as she came across a tag on the box.
“For my darling Hiro-chan,” she recited from the label before rounding on him with an intense glare that was meant to tear him to shreds (he was quite unfazed). “Hiei… did you seriously steal candy from a baby?!”
He shrugged. “And? It’s yours now.”
“When I said you shouldn’t have, I was just saying that. But you really shouldn’t have!” At his empty, unrepentant stare she huffed and shoved the chocolates back into his arms. “Give those back to that child immediately!”
No more words were exchanged as she stormed into the kitchen with the other girls. Yukina peeked around the corner with a worried eye and he pretended not to notice as he ripped the lid off the box. With a petulant growl he stuffed one of the sweets into the side of his mouth and chewed. The dulcet flavors of the silky cocoa erupted on his tongue.
Her loss.
CCFSPfPDoA
Step 3. Poetry
Hiei was now 0 for 2 with his CCFSPfPDoA. It had been a full week since his last attempt and he had heard nothing from the ferry-girl. He was beginning to have serious doubts about the validity of the guide the spirit detective team had made for him. And, honestly, what did he expect? Letting the oaf advise him on any matter whatsoever could only ever end in disaster. The detective was a dumpster fire at the mercy of a human harpy since childhood and only knew how to incite her wrath. And Kurama? He liked to believe he was still the ‘Casanova’ (he learned the meaning of that on the unfortunate night of intoxication amidst another Demon World Tournament) that Youko was in his prime. He was not. Maybe with humans. Maybe.
Anyway.
He further crumpled the yellow sticky in his pocket. Perhaps it was time he looked elsewhere for courting tactics. Jumping down from his favored tree in Genkai’s forest, he made his way to the only person besides Mukuro or Kurama that he would ever swallow his pride in front of to obtain real assistance on the matter. Walking up the steps of the temple, he was met with a keen smile from the ice apparition.
“Yukina.”
“I’ve been waiting for you, Brother.” She gestured for him to follow her inside.
She led him to a traditional tea setting between two floor pillows. She knelt down and poured the steaming drink for each of them, handing him a teacup to sip from. The ice maiden worked and drank in silence, letting the cheerful chirping of the birds outside and the minty tea endeavor to calm their minds. She sighed contentedly once finished.
“You were expecting me,” he commented when the time felt right.
Yukina smiled but still said nothing, allowing him to lead the conversation. Unfortunately, he had no idea how to talk about things like love and romance and ferry-girls so instead he pulled the precious sticky from his pocket and unwrinkled it for her. She looked it over in thoughtful examination.
“For Botan?”
(His sister truly was a treasure. Her intuition was boundless. He never had to explain himself to her; she always just knew. The best thing he ever did was reveal his identity to her.)
He nodded. “It’s not working.”
“I believe these are good ideas.”
So the problem wasn’t the CCFSPfPDoA, the problem was the execution. Which still left him at square one because he had done exactly what it said on the sticky. His frustration began to mount. He knew he wasn’t cut out for this feelings crap yet he made a fool of himself anyway. It was all for nothing. Why did he let those idiots convince him that he needed to do this?
“You’re on step 3?”
He nodded again, pulled from his angry spiral. “I don’t know any poems.”
“Kazuma read me a poem once. I won’t ever forget the words.” She fondly looked into the distance, as if she was hearing it all over again.
“Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet,
And so are you.”
He tuned out the rest of the poem, trying to keep the bile at bay. These are the things he had to say to get that air-headed woman to fall madly in love with him? He would not. He could not. He absolutely refused. It just wasn’t worth it.
As he began to stand to make a quick escape, Yukina took his hand and pressed the sticky to his palm. “To be sincere, use your own words.”
He dipped his head at her and made for the exit, pocketing his precious.
Alright. He could make it his own.
Over the next few days he painstakingly worked at his own version of the Love Loon’s poem. He had ‘borrowed’ a notebook from Kurama’s home and spent all of his free time (so all day, every day) concocting his masterpiece; crossing out, erasing, and replacing words until it felt just right. Finally, on the third day, it seemed as if his true feelings were on paper. He gave himself a mental pat on the back for a job well done. If the ferry-girl wasn’t kicked off her feet this time it would simply be a crime against passion.
Tapping in to the powers of his Jagan, he allowed his third eye to open. He found her easily, chatting and gossiping amongst her fellow reapers in what appeared to be a break room in Spirit World.
“Time’s up, ladies!” she pronounced in her usual sunny tone while checking the watch on her wrist. “My next soul is due to be escorted in fifteen minutes.”
At the chorus of goodbyes from the other ferry-girls as Botan noted the location in her Bingo Book, he closed the Jagan. He would meet her there.
Making his way haphazardly towards the spot her next soul (victim) would die in, he soon found her floating on her oar, just above a car accident on a busy street. He thumbed his precious sticky for good luck as he walked over to the scene. Her soul to collect was a man in his early twenties, still attempting to text his girlfriend who was breaking up with him despite floating invisibly in midair. He rolled his eyes - typical human - before hopping up onto a nearby branch. The man became hysterical when his text wouldn’t send, and the bluette was finally able to get his attention with a wave and a “Yoo-hoo!” to explain his circumstances to him. She endured the man’s panic attack with style and grace, but Hiei wasn’t interested in sticking around for more of the human’s hysteria.
“Woman.”
At his gruff voice, Botan blinked and turned away from the human spirit. Looking around for the fire demon, she cocked her head to the side when she spotted him in the tree. “Oh, dear. What are you doing at this car accident, Hiei? Surely you’re not hurt?”
“Tch, human heaps of scrap metal are no match for me.”
Her soft giggle into the sleeve of her kimono set his insides aflame. This was already going better than step 1 and 2.
“Of course not. I just wasn’t expecting you. What’s the occasion?”
Looking between the two of them with an incredulous frown on his face, the man cocked his thumb at Hiei. “Is he even supposed to be here?”
“Now, now, Mister…” Botan paused as she checked her book for the man’s name, “Sato. Hiei is involved in Spirit World business from time to time, as well as a good friend of mine. Let’s hear what he has to say, shall we?”
“Hn.” He shot the man a smug smirk.
"Well?" Botan gazed at him with an expectant smile, and he nearly shook his head to clear his thoughts. Damn feelings. He pulled the notebook with his poem out of his midnight-colored cloak and flipped to the correct page. The ferry-girl did a horrid job of trying to hide the fact that she was attempting to catch a glimpse of all the crossed out words on each slice of parchment. He cleared his throat and set his shoulders as he balanced on the branch, holding the notebook in front of his face and preparing to recite his written word.
“Wait, aren’t you supposed to be helping me?” The shit-for-brains soul interrupted, earning a promise-of-second-death glare from Hiei.
The ferry-girl waved him off. “Shush now, Mister Sato. Let the adults chat for a mo.”
He used to imagine that curiosity was her cause of death in her past life. Somehow it was becoming more charming than a turn-off.
“But-“
Hiei was this close to incinerating that guy’s soul from all three realms. “Interfere and it will be the last thing you do.”
“Bro-“ The man tried again but was cut off by a loud ‘shhhh’ from Botan.
Hiei cleared his throat once again, reading slowly and monotonously from the page (he couldn’t give the impression that he spent days working on this for her).
“Blood is red,
Your hair is blue,
You cast a spell,
I can’t escape you.”
He glanced at Botan, gauging her reaction before continuing.
“Oh… err… how, um, sweet?” She managed, blindsided by the fire demon reciting (not very good) poetry.
“Your smile’s a trap,
Your laughter’s a snare,
You talk too much,
It drives me spare.”
Her eye twitched. He considered this a sign that he'd rendered her speechless in her undying need for him. Right? Right.
“You can’t be serious.” Shit-for-brains soul deadpanned.
Her eye twitched again.
Okay. Hiei was beginning to doubt that this would have the intended effect on the ferry-girl, but out of pure spite for the man he would finish this poem even if it killed him. He would deal with the consequences, come what may.
“A witch’s charm,
A trap in disguise,
Now I’m cursed,
By your pink eyes.”
Botan said nothing; she stared absently at the world around them. Shock seemed to have settled in deep. Hiei was once again left to struggle with the weight of her possible rejection. Shit-for-brains soul was busy laughing and holding his sides in midair, floating aimlessly in his mirth. He grit his teeth at the prospect of being laughed at while wooing this enchantress for a second time, but reminded himself that Shit-for-brains had died while attempting to text his girlfriend who was breaking up with him. Karma.
“Did you just- …did you just accuse me of being a witch?” The ferry-girl finally hissed, breaking out of her stupor.
“Frankly, I’m not sure how else this could have happened.” He answered without a single regret.
Apparently that was the wrong thing to say. Botan snapped her Bingo Book closed and grabbed Sato by the collar, seething loudly with “Oh, how dare he!” and “The nerve of him!” and “I’ll show you a witch!” as she hastily flew towards the puffy clouds above them, as far away from Hiei as she could get. Shit-for-brains soul gave him a smarmy salute in the distance.
Make that 0 for 3.
CCFSPfPDoA
Step 4. Grand Gesture
Hiei was taking blows lately. Blows to his ego. Blows to his heart. Blows to his soul. None of the good kind of blows. He was in a perpetual state of misery all in the name of romance. He was starting to get, dare he say it, desperate. This next step would be the last before the grand finale confession. He had to get this step right or else he would be forced to resort to kidnapping. Kidnapping always got messy.
(Desperation was not a good look on him.)
But as the days went by, he did, indeed, grow increasingly desperate. The fire demon was at a loss. For the life of him, he could not come up with a single grand gesture to win Botan's heart. Hiei was not in the business of grand gestures. Or small gestures. Or gestures of any kind, really. The only gestures he knew were: steal, berate, maim, and kill. And he preferred to stay in those lanes.
In his desperation, he found himself wandering aimlessly through towns in Human World. He was looking for inspiration - except inspiration from humans was predictably lacking. He had been searching for a glimmer of hope, but after a long day of disappointments, his hopes were diminishing at an alarming rate. Ready to give up until the next time he could put up with this world for an extended period of time, he was perusing his last line of establishments. It was late in the night and most buildings were shuttered up with the lights off. The street he was currently walking on was abandoned save for his own shadow. There was nothing to illuminate the concrete path, but curiously enough there was a faint glow flickering from inside a property ahead. Like a moth to a flame, he let his feet lead him to the glare of a single TV playing behind a shop window.
And suddenly, as if he was blessed by Koenma above, the answer to all of his problems played out in front of him on the little screen.
Hiei looked back and forth between the words Grand Gesture on his precious yellow sticky and the random mob of people flooding the scene of the medical TV show. They danced jubilantly; arms in the air, singing about walking 500 miles and then 1,000 miles to be at some poor bastard's door*. When the dance ended (thank everything that is unholy) the man proposed to his lover. She said yes. He stopped watching there. He didnt need to see any more, because now... now he'd unearthed the elusive inspiration he'd been searching for all along.
A 'flash mob'. This? This he could do. If women loved tender surprises, he would give her the ultimate one.
He wasted no time in coming up with a simple yet effective plan before locating the ferry-girl via Jagan. She was curled up in a lounge chair on her bedroom balcony in Spirit World, sipping her favorite mango bubble tea and reading a book. The timing was impeccable. She was free to be captivated by Hiei's abundant wooing efforts right this second. Equipped with the knowledge of portal positions from his patrols for Mukuro, he roamed effortlessly into Spirit World territory (and by roam, what he really meant was that he flagrantly broke in - but that was neither here nor there).
Entering the palace, he stalked the halls for future minions. Ogres took one look at him and fled at the malevolent grin on his face, tossing documents in the air in their attempts to escape. Chaos ensued as panic set in. It was perfection. Opening his evil eye, it glowed red and purple with gleeful utilization when peons became slaves to his will. Hiei laughed cruelly as each ogre was added to his Army of Devotion.
With his army in tow, he walked towards the gardens below Botan's balcony. He stood directly in the middle of the grass and foliage, echoes of ogres marching behind him startling her from her book as he looked up at her. He need only wait a moment; she ran to the edge of the marble balcony, the white curtains billowing behind her with the moon illuminating her face likening her to a celestial. A deity who held all the power in this game for two. Oh, he really was bewitched.
"What in the three worlds is going on right now?" Botan's jaw dropped when she saw the collection of Spirit World employees behind him.
"A performance." Hiei replied with a little flare, holding his arms out as he mentally ordered his little monkeys to dance. His servants dutifully tried to form into the shape of a heart around the garden.
The ferry-girl watched aghast as the ogres marched into a lopsided heart, or what she thought was possibly a heart, before they all began dancing in what could only be described as an unorganized spectacle. Each ogre was doing something utterly different from the next - one up front was attempting a macarena, a few on the sides were doing the robot, she wasn't sure exactly what kind of shimmy George was doing in the back, one was doing a ballet pirouet, another was doing the chachacha, and others a line dance and electric slide, just to name a few. She was helpless except to be witness to Hiei's conduction of this mad production as if he were the ring leader of a freak circus. When they began to chant her name like zombies, it just became c-r-e-e-p-y.
She had to put an end of this. Waving her hands frantically, she tried to get Hiei's attention. Immediately the ogres stopped dancing. They stood up straight, awaiting their next instructions. The fire demon left them to jump up to her balcony, standing on the rails next to her hands.
"Did you enslave all of these people?" Botan asked, her hands gripping the railing in front of her.
"Yes, isn't it great?"
"Hiei! How could you?"
"It wasn't hard. Ogres are far too simpleminded to resist the Jagan." He looked back at his army with pride.
"That's not what I meant!"
When it became clear she was actually quite displeased with the whole display, he cut the link between the Jagan and the Army of Devotion. They did not have time to discuss it further, however, because the screams that predictably began to echo over the courtyard were overpowered only by the sounds of alarms blaring. Red flashing lights spun around and around the palace, a spotlight instantly covering their balcony.
CCFSPfPDoA
Step 5. Confession
Well, he’d ended up getting hauled off to Spirit World jail for that one.
Truly it wasn't that big of a deal. This wouldn't be the first or the last time he would come to blows with the SDF and Hiei was no stranger to the cold of a jail cell. The two weeks he'd been occupying this prison was nothing to him in the grand scheme of things. No; none of that was the problem. The real problem was that he was learning what it meant to be lovesick - and that was a prison all of its own.
Hiei felt the forlorn pull of longing as he stared down at his now dirty, crumpled sticky. The edges had torn and the black ink was fading. It was the perfect representation of his hopes and dreams (gag) of romancing the ferry-girl. None of it would come to fruition. He had failed magnificently. And no kidnapping would be performed from SW Prison Cell 16.
Tch.
Who needs love, anyway? It was a mere distraction. A hurdle to overcome. An embarassment. Relationships between demons and spirits could never work out. He was better off. And so was she, without being shackled to a criminal.
He tossed the crumpled CCFSPfPDoA to the other side of his cell on principle.
Useless.
The thought of setting it on fire crossed his mind, and it was a rather persuasive thought, but the ruckus of the other prisoners jeering pulled his notice. A guard was surely coming, but they had just eaten a few hours ago. The only other reason the SDF came down here was to add more prisoners. He glanced at the hall in front of his cell to see what unlucky degenerate was the next to grace unoccupied SW Prison Cell 19.
The click of boots signalled that the officer was about to pass by, but instead of walking past to deposit a prisoner, the guard stopped in front of SW Prison Cell 16; his own. Eyes roving over the interloper, the fire demon nearly barked out a laugh at who had shown up. Botan - the apple of his pie, the bane of his existence - stood in front of his cell donned in a SDF uniform and hat (to presumably hide her hair but it did not). A baton and taser were attached to her hips to round out the look. Her expressive, amethyst eyes sparkled when she realized she'd found him. If he hadn't been lounging on the floor, he was sure that gaze would bring him to his knees.
"Fancy meeting you here, SW Prisoner 16." A mischevious smile broke out on her face.
Getting up from the floor, he walked over to the bars of his cell. "What do you think you're doing, Woman?"
The idiot would get herself fired. Or worse, arrested. And he couldn't rely on that toddler prince to keep her safe. She shouldn't be here. Even less so, surrounded by the leers and heckling of the other prisoners.
"Why, I’m busting you out, of course.” Botan dimpled, jiggling a chain of keys in front of her face and ignoring the taunts coming from the rest of the cells.
His throat tightened with an emotion he couldn't place, but it was one that was associated with only her. "Why would you do that?" he rasped out.
"Well you can't properly court me while you're in here, can you, silly?" She said as if it were nothing, biting her lip as she struggled to try each key in the lock to open his cell door.
He shook his head. The woman was crazy. And so was he. For her.
"You knew." He spoke it like an accusation.
The outlaws in the other cells began to quiet down around them, becoming interested in the drama happening right before their very eyes. A fellow criminal, one of their own, was being broken out by a faux SDF officer - by his amour. This was juicy. This was unprecedented. This they could get behind.
Botan clicked her tongue as she tried another key. "Not at first. Not until that dreadful poem."
(How dare she insult that work of art.)
He grabbed her hand through the bars, stopping her, searching her eyes. He had to know. He couldn't get his hopes up if she wasn't actually accepting his feelings for her. He had to know she was here for him and not out of some odd sense of guilt or responsibility she felt for him being imprisoned again.
"I realized that you were going through such great lengths to get my attention." She smiled at him timidly. "Nobody has ever done anything like that for me before, you see. Why me?"
She turned the key with his hand around her wrist, and it clicked faintly. The cell door unlocked as they searched each other's eyes. He dropped his calloused hand from her soft skin and they keys jingled as she pulled them out of the lock, kicking the door ajar.
She had the keys to his cell and the keys to his heart. As the door opened, he recognized the moment for what it was. Now was his only opportunity for step 5 and he wouldn't squander it this time. As they stood on opposite sides of the divide -demon and ferry-girl, jailbird and jailbreaker, enchantee and enchantress - he would make her understand.
"You know I'm not the type to waste words. Why you? I don't know how exactly it began. At first I thought you cursed me..."
Botan pouted, and he didn't want to disappoint her. He was determined to see this through. "I've spent years trying to get rid of my feelings for you. I can't. So what I can tell you is this: You make me want more than just the life of a soldier and criminal. You make me want to be a romantic idiot. Public displays of affection? I'll do that. Whispering sweet nothings? I'll learn it. Wining and dining? Easy. Love letters and serenades? Already halfway there. I'll kick you off your feet. I'll make your heart skip a beat. I can give you butterflies, a tender surprise, and smoldering eyes if that's what you need. You cannot fathom the depths I would go to for you - which includes making a fool of myself in front of everyone."
The bluette smiled brilliantly, wiping at the corner of her eye where a glistening tear began to form. She stepped over the threshold of the open cell and into the cage with him. He pulled her against him and when she pressed her palm to his cheek the scent of flowers (peonies, he knew this flower) overwhelmed his senses. She overwhelmed his senses. Holding her like this was worth every moment of torture he endured for the CCFSPfPDoA.
"Just promise me you won’t possess any more ogres."
“….”
He wouldn't lie.
"We'll work on that," she whispered, bringing her other hand up so as to cup both of his cheeks, and brushing her lips against his so innocently; so sweetly.
Yes, he would suffer a million humiliations for just a single second of this Heaven.
Before he could have the pleasure of savoring her lips on his, the lowlifes in the surrounding cells erupted in a loud applause and she pulled away with bright cheeks. He breathed out a small laugh meant only for her. She'd forgotten they had an audience. It only endeared her to him more.
He learned he was fated, in fact, for interruptions to the best moment of his life; for when he went to lean in for a second kiss, the alarms in the palace started blaring again.
"I think that's our cue." The ferry-girl frowned, looking up at the blinking red lights.
He nodded and they pulled apart. He wouldn't let her get caught. As they began to move out of his cell, something small and yellow in the corner caught his eye.
His precious.
It had served him well but it was time to leave it behind.
Botan started to run ahead and he easily caught up with her by SW Prison Cell 12, tossing her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. He smirked when she began kicking her legs to get loose. Breaking out of jail together wasn't that bad. Maybe they could do it again sometime.
“Hey! Let me down!”
“You’re head over heels for me now.”
“That’s not a literal statement, Hiei!”
Oh.
Oh well.
He didn’t bother listening to a word she squawked out from that point on. He patted the ample backside next to his face, while she pounded on his back so that he would drop her. But now that he had her, he would never let her go.
He ran them to the exit, and as he opened the door the inmates in SW Prison Cells 1 and 2 pressed their faces to the bars.
"Hey! What about us?"
"Hn. What about you?"
And with that, he carried Botan through the door and away from the jail, away from the angry inmates rattling their cages and screaming their profanities.
Maybe romance wasn't all that bad (ha, yeah right).