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Satoru tried to pay attention to her girlfriends’ conversation, she really did, but she had stopped listening a while ago. She was too nervous to focus on anything but the pounding of her heart and the shaking of her hands. Clenching them into fists to make it less noticeable, she nodded along to some story about a cute squirrel Mayu had seen, forcing a smile for good measure.
The three of them were sitting at the table just outside Iroha’s house, chatting about everything and nothing at the same time. It hadn’t been long since Mayu had been included in their relationship, but it all felt natural. Easy. Of course, they still blushed furiously whenever their hands would brush or whenever they kissed, but honestly, she still did that with Iroha despite their two year anniversary coming along soon. Would Satoru ever stop feeling the butterflies?
Being with them was so comfortable, she felt like she could tell them anything.
But if so, why was she petrified when thinking of their reactions? Maybe this was all a bad idea and she should choose another day to tell them.
She wished she had Daifuku with her. He always knew how to calm her down.
“Satoru-kun, are you okay?” Iroha’s kind voice was what brought her out of her conflicting thoughts. “You haven’t said anything in a while.”
Satoru inadvertently winced at the honorific, but otherwise was able to stay somewhat composed. “I’m alright, it’s just…” She immediately regretted adding anything to it, now she had to say something and she just wasn’t ready.
She saw Mayu carefully study her expression, making her start to sweat bullets under her calculating gaze. “You’re awfully pale, too,” She observed softly, brows furrowed in obvious concern.
Lowering her head, Satoru took a deep breath and tried not to panic. “I…”
She only looked up when she felt Iroha take hold of her hand, squeezing it gently. She gave her a tender smile, uneasy but willing to listen. “You know you can always tell us if there’s something bothering you, right?”
“But if you just want us to distract you and cuddle, that’s fine, too,” Mayu added with sympathy, looking up at her through her eyelashes.
Satoru let out a deep, shaky breath. She wanted so badly to take on Mayu’s offer, but it felt wrong to do so. Like she was lying to them by keeping it a secret for longer. Right then, she made a decision.
She cleared her throat, and before she could have second thoughts, she blurted out: “I think I’m a girl.”
Silence.
At least Iroha hadn’t let go of her hand, which must have meant something. Still, as the seconds ticked by, Satoru only felt herself having more and more difficulty to breathe. Tears stung at her eyes, but she blinked them back.
“Um,” Iroha started slowly, and the uncertainty in her tone made Satoru feel as if she was moments away from suffocating. “That… That makes you transgender, right?”
Satoru simply nodded, closing her eyes and waiting for the rejection that would likely come.
“Satoru-kun… I need you to breathe, okay?” Mayu said seriously, lightly tilting her chin upwards. When had she gotten in front of her?
Without thinking about it, Satoru followed the request, inhaling deeply through her nose.
“Yes, that’s it,” There was a smile on Mayu’s face, she could tell by her voice. The other girl took Satoru’s free hand, the one that wasn’t holding Iroha’s, and placed it just above her own stomach. “Can you follow what I’m doing? In and out.”
She did as she was asked, focusing hard on the movements she felt from Mayu’s breathing. Every time she copied her, she felt her the weight on her head grow lighter, and the tightness on her chest loosen. Until finally, she could properly breathe again without help.
Retracting her hand with a mumbled apology, Satoru decided to open her eyes again.
There they were, the loves of her life, gazing at her with so much affection it almost made her breathless all over again. Mayu’s face still held a smile, but Iroha was gnawing on her bottom lip nervously.
“I’m sorry! I’m so terrible at this,” She bowed slightly, tightening the grip on her hand, so much so that it hurt a little. “I didn’t mean to make you nervous, I just wasn’t sure what to say.”
Mayu leaned in conspiratorially, palm beside her mouth as though to hide what she was saying from onlookers. “You had to see how she reacted when I told her I was bisexual. I almost had a panic attack right then and there.”
A surprised chuckle burst out of Satoru, until it turned into full-blown laughter. She felt newfound tears starting to gather. She was surprised to feel Iroha’s hand delicately tracing the skin beneath her eyelids, wiping away the moisture.
“Hey,” Iroha murmured, sending her a gentle smile. “Can I try again?”
Despite the fact that her heart felt like it was bursting out of her chest, Satoru gave her a faint smile back. “Sure.”
“Sato... Wait, is there another name you’d prefer to go by?” Iroha inquired, and Satoru was so surprised by the question that her mouth fell agape for a few seconds in which she didn’t answer.
“Satoru is fine,” Her voice came out choked up, but neither of them seemed to care.
“Then, Satoru-chan,” She said tentatively, looking at Satoru for her reaction. She didn’t know what face she made, but it seemed to be enough to reassure Iroha that she didn’t mind the suffix. “I like you for the person you are. If that person is a girl, then I guess I’m in love with two girls instead of one like I previously thought.”
Mayu nodded along, her grin bright and loving. “As Iroha-chan said, what we want is for you to be happy and comfortable. And being a girl makes you happiest, right?” Satoru nodded, still stupefied. “Then that’s that.”
A soft sound escaped Satoru, something like a sob. In a sudden movement, she was being pulled into a warm hug by the two loveliest people she knew. She clung to the embrace like a lifeline, this time not stifling any of her tears.
“Thank you…” She said, voice barely above a whisper. “Thank you for being so accepting of this. Accepting of me.”
“Of course,” Iroha replied, rubbing tiny circles on her back.
Mayu hid her face on the crook of Satoru’s neck, and the wetness she felt made it clear that Mayu had started crying too. “We love you so much, Satoru-chan.”
The simple mention of the new honorific made Satoru choke on a giddy giggle, warmth spreading throughout her whole body. “I love you, too.”