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The flickerings of the first wave of his heat started to eat at Jisung’s abdomen. He laid in bed whining to no avail. He knew he was alone. There would be no relief during this heat, no support either. He tried to settle into his nest that smelled too much like himself and prayed for sleep, knowing he wasn’t going to get any rest later. After a few minutes, his body was still tense and he knew he needed something to help him relax or this was only going to get worse. He had something, but he didn’t want to give his omega false hope.
After a particularly painful cramp, he caved and grabbed the hoodie that he’d hidden in the back of his closet, breathing in the deep woodsy scent. He purred faintly and felt tears wet his cheeks, the dichotomy of the primal comfort and emotional turmoil ever-present.
With the fever inside him raging, he tossed and turned in bed, not wanting to give into his needs just yet. It was only going to get worse if he did something during the first wave. He heard a faint knock on the door and groaned. Felix knew his code. He didn’t have to get up to let the other omega in, so why was he knocking? The knocking started up again and he whined.
Jisung slowly rolled out of bed and made his way to the front door of his apartment. He grumbled the whole way about how Felix was a dick for making him move in this state.
He threw the door open fully expecting to see the omega, so when it wasn’t Felix, his heart dropped to his stomach and he suddenly felt cold amidst the raging fever of his heat. He stood mouth agape as he stared at the alpha on the other side of the doorway.
“Why are you here?” Jisung backed away from the door, trying to pull back his scent, knowing it was pointless.
Minho stayed in the hallway. “You asked me to help with your heat?”
“That was before…” Jisung sighed. “You don’t have to be here.”
“Can I come inside so we don’t get every alpha in the building at your door?”
Jisung frowned. “You said you couldn’t.” He ignored the question.
“I know I said I couldn’t help you. But as much as it’s going to hurt me, knowing you would be here alone and in pain would have hurt worse.”
Jisung could feel his heart racing and his omega was screaming for the alpha.
“Jisung, I won’t come in if you don’t want me here, but you have to give me an answer.” Minho gestured to the door.
“Please,” Jisung whimpered, kind of pathetically. He swallowed and cleared his throat. “Come in, please.”
“You’re okay with this? You know what me being here means?” Minho clarified.
“Yes, I know. Please come in. I need-” he stopped before further embarrassing himself.
Minho picked up the grocery bags that he placed on the ground when he was waiting for Jisung to open the door. Of course he brought food for them. That’s just the kind of alpha he is. Jisung couldn’t help but feel like he didn’t deserve this treatment.
“You feeling okay?” Minho placed the bags on the kitchen counter and made haste putting the refrigerated items away.
Jisung chewed on his bottom lip and shook his head. Pulling his hands into the sweatshirt he was wearing to try to hide, he finally remembered what sweatshirt he had on and he felt his cheeks redden. “Sorry for keeping this.”
“Don’t be embarrassed. I’m glad you could find comfort in it.” Minho finished putting the groceries away. “Did your heat just start?” Jisung nodded. “What do you need?”
“I just want you to hold me,” Jisung could feel the tears pool in his eyes.
Minho’s face softened. “Of course. Is your nest set up?”
“Yeah,” he led the way to the bedroom. The bedroom that they used to share, the nest that they used to share. Their nest. It almost felt silly, but he knew he had to say it, “You’re allowed in the nest, obviously.”
“Thank you for permission.” He could hear the smile in the alpha’s voice and feel the squeeze in his heart as he opened the door to the room.
The two silently climbed into bed, staring at each other, waiting for someone to make the first move. Eventually, Minho opened his arms and Jisung scooted forward to tuck into the alpha’s chest. Minho wrapped his arms around the omega. Jisung breathed in the comforting scent of the alpha and he could feel his omega relaxing.
“Thank you,” Jisung spoke on the verge of crying.
Minho moved a comforting hand up and down Jisung’s back. “Of course, get some rest now.”
Jisung could feel his tears spilling over and he knew Minho could feel the wetness through his light tee shirt. The alpha didn’t say anything, just silently putting out more comforting pheromones.
“When were you going to tell me?” Minho snapped the second he entered the apartment.
Jisung jumped at the sudden argument. “Tell you what?”
“That we were just a means to an end. That our relationship was all fake so you would have good content to write songs with.” Minho took a breath, letting a few tears fall. “Just end it, right now. Get it over with.”
Jisung shook his head, “I wasn’t going to-”
“Don’t lie to me, please,” Minho begged.
Jisung sighed. “Yes, that was how I felt in the beginning of our relationship.” He admitted and Minho recoiled in pain. “That’s how I've started all of my past relationships, selfishly. But after about two months of dating you, I knew you were different.”
Minho rolled his eyes and laughed humorlessly, “Yeah right. You probably say that to every alpha.”
“No,” Jisung felt the tears sting his eyes. “My past relationships have all been different. I’ve never made it past five months. Hyung, we’ve almost been together for a year. Do you think I’m that cruel?”
“I feel like I don’t know who you are right now.”
“Don’t say that, Jagiya.” Jisung felt the tears spill.
Minho shook his head. “Don’t call me that.” He paced in front of the door. “I don’t know what to believe. I feel like everything we’ve been through is a lie.”
“It’s not, I promise you, Minho-hyung. I swear.” He wasn’t above begging for the love of his life. “Please believe me.”
Minho was silent for a while, clearly lost in thought. “I need some time.” The alpha finally decided.
“Then take your stuff,” Jisung surprised himself with his response.
Minho looked at him, shocked. “Jisung-”
“No, Hyung. If you can’t believe that I’ve been honest about my feelings for the last ten months then we're done. We’re never going to be able to move on from this.”
“Let’s just sleep on it,” Minho tried to be the voice of reason.
“Just go, Hyung. I’ll leave your stuff by the door and you can come pick it up sometime during the week.” He wiped his eyes. Holding in his sobs until the alpha was gone.
“Okay, I’m sorry Jisung,” Minho sighed, closing the door behind him.
The second the door closed, the floodgates opened and Jisung sobbed. He struggled for breath between his hyperventilating and crying. He knew it was all his fault, but how could Minho not believe him? At some point, he moved to the bedroom to cry himself to sleep in their–his–bed that smelled like Minho.
“Hey hey,” Minho shook him awake. “Don’t cry. I’m here.”
Jisung finally woke up, remembering what happened last night and why Minho was back in his bed, in their nest. He swallowed more sobs that threatened to come up. “Min, I’m so sorry.”
“Shhh,” the alpha pulled him closer. “Bad dream?”
“I shouldn’t have kicked you out that night.” Jisung’s throat felt like knives, holding back all the cries.
“Ahh, reliving reality, the worst kind of nightmare,” Minho sounded like he knew from experience. The alpha continued to soothe him, putting out comfort pheromones and rubbing his back. Jisung’s omega felt so pliant in Minho’s arms.
Jisung whimpered. “I miss you so much.”
Minho hummed in agreement. “I miss you too. When you asked if I could help with your heat, I initially didn’t answer because I had to reign my alpha in.”
“But then you said no,” Jisung frowned, pulling away to look at the alpha.
Minho nodded. “I didn’t think I could emotionally do this.”
“You don’t have to. Seriously, if you can’t do this, I understand. Felix was going to come over today anyway.” It killed Jisung to say this but in the moment, while he was coherent, he needed Minho to know that he wasn’t obligated to be here. No matter how much his omega hated hearing him say it out loud.
“You think I could leave you here? My alpha would tear me apart.”
He hated how his omega preened at the alpha’s confession. Jisung sighed. “Hyung, this isn’t healthy. For us or our wolves.”
“Yeah, we need to talk,” Minho tucked a stray lock of hair behind Jisung’s ear and he felt electricity flow from the alpha’s fingertips down his spine.
“What’s there to talk about?” Jisung sat up to face the alpha and shrugged. “You don’t trust me anymore.”
“That’s not true,” the alpha frowned, trying to piece together his thoughts. “I was faced with information that made me question our relationship and it wasn’t fair of me to come in accusing you of anything. We should have had a calm mature conversation. I’m sorry for my reaction.”
Jisung nodded along, agreeing. “Yeah , we should have. And I shouldn’t have told you to get your stuff. I jumped to ending it all instead of letting you take the time to think about everything. I’m sorry.”
“So let’s talk about it now?” The alpha suggested.
“Can we get some coffee first?” he fought a yawn and rubbed sleep from his eyes.
“Yeah Sungie,” Minho smiled at him and he hated to admit the butterflies that the nickname set off in his stomach. He followed the alpha out of the bedroom, fighting a smile the whole way. Once in the kitchen, Minho pulled two mugs from the cabinet above the coffee machine. “Sit please. I can make your coffee.” He set to work getting the milk and cream out of the fridge. “Want some breakfast too?”
“Oh, um yeah, probably,” Jisung mumbled. He watched the alpha and chewed on his bottom lip. He missed the mundane normalcy of having Minho in his apartment.
“Want anything in particular?” Minho looked back at the omega and smiled.
Jisung shook his head. “No, maybe something light, my stomach isn’t the best right now.”
“Sure, b-” Minho stopped and cleared his throat, turning back to the fridge to pull out some fruit. He then moved to the pantry to find the instant oatmeal.
He finished making Jisung’s coffee and passed him the warm mug. “Let me know if it’s good.”
“It’s always good,” Jisung mumbled. He put his hands on the mug to warm them up. During his heat, when the fever wasn’t raging through his body, he would get extremely cold. He took a sip and he could feel the warmth of the coffee throughout his whole body.
Minho put the bowl of oatmeal in the microwave and went to the living room. Jisung was too tired to follow his movements. Minho returned a moment later and laid a blanket around the omega’s shoulders. He put a plate of fresh cut fruit in front of him. Jisung could feel the love in these little gestures and he could cry. It felt like they were falling back into their normal routine, but they couldn’t. Not yet. They needed to talk about what happened.
“Minho-hyung, you can ask me anything,” Jisung opened the floor to talk.
Minho placed the bowls of oatmeal on the counter and he returned with his coffee. “Is it true that you started our relationship to end it?”
Jisung played with his spoon for a bit, feeling guilty about why he approached Minho in the first place. “Yes.”
“And you did this for something to base your music off of?”
“Yes.”
“When did your motives change?”
“About two or three months in.”
“What changed your mind?”
Jisung smiled, remembering the moment he knew his future was with Minho. “Channie-hyung joked that my love songs had never sounded so sincere and I had to take a step back. I revisited some of my old love songs and he was right. So then I looked inward and realized how different our relationship was. I stopped thinking about the made up timeline in my head and started thinking about an actual future with you.”
“And you wanted that future with me?”
“We were looking at apartments, Minho-hyung. If I was going to end it, why would I tie myself to a lease with you? I wanted that future with you.” Jisung tried to read Minho but needed the verbal validation. “Did you want that future with me?”
“Of course I did. I wanted it the minute I met you. My alpha had never felt so sure about an omega before.”
The two continued eating in silence. The flickering flames of heat started rearing its head mid-meal. Jisung knew his scent was affecting Minho, watching as the alpha gripped the spoon a bit tighter.
“You done?” Minho asked, breaking some of the tension after he heard Jisung’s spoon scrape the bowl for the fourth time.
“Mhmm,” he smiled up at the alpha. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” Minho turned to wash the bowls in the sink.
Jisung shifted in his seat and the friction it created sent his arousal to an all time high. He was suddenly feeling too warm. He took the blanket off with a whine.
“Oh, Ja- Jisung. Do you need me?” The alpha turned around at the sink.
Jisung chewed on his bottom lip and nodded. “Bedroom. Please?”
The second wave of his heat was fast approaching and he could feel his mind clouding over. His omega was quickly taking hold and he was becoming less coherent every second.
“It’s coming on that fast?” Minho was a little shocked.
“Alpha,” he whined.
He let Minho guide him to his bedroom and the last thing he remembered was being laid on the bed. His last lucid thought was about how good Minho was to him and how good his hands felt.
Jisung walked into the dance studio to see his best friend Felix. They had plans to get lunch together and he was early wrapping up in the studio.
He peeked in the window before entering.
“Jisungie!” Felix beamed. “We were just finishing up. Perfect timing.”
“Oh awesome,” he smiled at the other omegas. “Hyunjinnie are you coming to eat too?”
“I don’t know…” he looked to Jisung to ask a silent question.
“Changbin is still in the studio.”
“Then probably not,” he laughed.
Felix laughed with him and shook his head. “You’re hopeless.”
Jisung glanced around the room and saw a new face. “Who’s this?”
“What? Are you looking for someone to write more love songs about?” Felix teased.
“I haven’t written a break up song in a minute, the fans are in need.” He reasoned.
“Slow your roll, Sungie. You’ll eat this one alive.” Hyunjin laughed.
Felix shook his head. “Nah, Minho-hyung is different. He could give Sungie a run for his money.”
“You think so?” Hyunjin asked and Felix nodded. “We could bet on it?” He held a hand out to shake.
Felix shook his hand, “You’re on.”
He didn’t stick around long enough to pay attention to the details of their bet. He crossed the practice room to approach the new alpha instead.
“Hi, you’re new here,” Jisung smiled at the stranger. “I’m Jisung, I’m one of the soloists and producers here, good friends with those two.” He motioned to the two omegas still arguing about their supposed bet.
“Oh hello,” the alpha smiled warmly at him, the woodsy scent was overwhelming since they just finished practice, but it was lovely. “I’m Minho. I’m still in my training period but I’ll be one of the choreographers.”
“Are you from around here?” Jisung asked, actually wanting to know more about the alpha.
Minho nodded, “Yeah I was with another company for a bit. Glad I chose to switch to this one.”
“Oh yeah? Why’s that?” Jisung smirked and put out extra pheromones.
Minho leaned in, “Because I got to meet you.”
Jisung could feel his head start to spin. “Did you want to go to lunch with me and Felix?”
“Ahh, I’d love to but I can’t. I have a lot of silly tests to pass so I can actually get to do my job.” Minho frowned a bit, and Jisung would do anything to make him smile again. “I’d love to take you out sometime, though.”
“I might take you up on that.” Jisung waited for him to get his phone. “You want my number or something?”
“I know where to find you,” the alpha shot back and for a second Jisung thought Felix might be right. This alpha might be the end of him.
“Let’s go Sungie,” Felix called from across the room. Jisung took one last look at the alpha and turned to leave with his friend. “See you later Hyunjinnie. Don’t practice too hard, Minho-hyung.” Felix called.
“Bye Minho-hyung,” Jisung sing-songed.
Jisung came back to his body laying against another body. He groaned and, when lifting his arm up to rub his face, suddenly realized he was in water. He gasped, jumping to full lucidity, a little nervous as to why he was in water.
A hand snaked around his torso and landed on his chest, calming him down. “We’re in the tub, Sungie.”
“Oh, oh my gosh,” Jisung released a deep breath, letting his head fall back to Minho’s shoulder.
Minho chuckled and he could feel the laughter through his back. “Sorry, I thought I had more time before you came back.”
“S’okay, it’s nice.” Jisung smiled. “How bad was it?”
“Not bad at all, you know you never have to worry about that with me.”
“I know, I just wasn’t sure with all the confusion between us if my omega would be difficult.” Jisung used to be insecure about his heats, coming from past relationships where he was told he was too needy, too intense, too much. He hadn’t had those thoughts in a while, not since being with Minho.
“You were fine. Your omega is like puddy in my hands, Sungie.” The alpha lowly growled in his chest and Jisung purred in response.
“How long have we been in the bath?” Jisung wondered out loud, feeling the beginnings of pruney fingers.
“Not that long. Why? You ready to get out?” Minho asked.
His stomach growled and they both laughed. “Yeah, maybe.”
“Stand up and I’ll get us towels.” Minho patted Jisung’s thigh. The omega stood, letting the water drip off of him. Minho stood and carefully stepped out of the tub onto the bath mat. He then grabbed Jisung’s towel and returned to the omega to wrap him in the towel.
Jisung shivered a bit. “Thank you.”
“Why are you thanking me? Now you’re cold,” he laughed and wrapped himself in his own towel. “Let’s go warm you up and get you food, huh?”
Jisung nodded and carefully stepped out of the tub. His body was sore and he felt very tired. He knew he needed to eat but he just wanted to get warm and take a nap. But he also wanted to make the most of the seemingly finite time he had with Minho.
Minho quickly dried himself and left the bathroom to get them clothes. He returned in no time with sweatpants and a sweatshirt. Of course the sweatshirt was the one he had kept from the alpha. He put the clothes on and immediately felt warm.
“Food?” Minho asked.
“Yes please.” He followed the alpha out of the bathroom. “I can handle something more now.”
Minho nodded. He started pulling ingredients out of the fridge and he turned to look at the omega. “Go rest, you look exhausted.”
“I don’t want to waste our time together.” Jisung’s body betrayed him by yawning.
Minho’s eyes softened, “Jagiya.” Jisung felt butterflies in his stomach and warmth all over his body at the nickname. “I’m not going anywhere. You’ll still have me when this is all over.”
“Really?”
“After our discussion earlier, don’t you think I trust you?”
Jisung shrugged, “I was hopeful, but I wasn’t sure. I won’t let you walk away again.” The two moved toward each other. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” Minho pulled the omega in for a hug. “I never stopped, even when my trust faltered, I never stopped loving you. That’s why leaving was so hard.”
“I’ll never give you a reason to leave again,” Jisung choked out.
Minho pulled away and held the omega’s face in his hands. “Can I kiss you?”
“Yes,” Jisung leaned in and met Minho’s mouth. They kissed slow and lazy, enjoying and taking in the moment. They knew they didn't need to rush.
Minho pulled away, stroking a thumb against the omega’s cheek. “Now go rest on the couch and I’ll make us some dinner.” The alpha leaned in and pecked his nose.
“Okay,” Jisung reluctantly pulled away. He gathered his blanket from the floor that he left after breakfast and made his way to the couch. He snuggled into the warmth of the blanket and the comfort of the sounds coming from the kitchen. As much as he tried to fight it, he slowly drifted off to sleep.
Jisung was definitely more excited to be here than Minho was, but that’s what made the day special for him. The fact that the alpha suggested this for a birthday gift was a surprise in itself.
“Ready?” Minho asked after he purchased their tickets.
Jisung nodded, smiling like a child. He held his hand out and the alpha took it immediately. “Yes, I’ve been waiting for this all week.”
The two entered through the turnstiles. Jisung was looking around, taking everything in, walking slowly, reading all the information cards, and searching for the creatures mentioned. He was at peace, the sounds of water and tank filters filled the room. Coming here on a school day was a genius idea.
“Wow hyung, these are huge!” He exclaimed happily, bounding over to the tank of Gars.
“Yeah they are pretty big.” The alpha agreed, walking up slowly. “They look like they should be extinct.”
“Well yeah,” Jisung pointed at the information card he was currently reading. “They’re from the Late Jurassic period.”
“And yet here they are still, withstanding the test of time,” Minho responded.
They wandered through the tanks, looking at all the fresh water fish and aquatic creatures. After seeing all that floor had to offer, they descended a set of stairs, the text on the walls telling them they were “going deeper” into the ocean. He could smell the nervousness in Minho’s scent as they entered the tunnel. Fish, manta rays, and sharks all around them.
“Hey, you okay?” he glanced at the alpha. The blue hue on his face made him look ethereal.
He pulled his gaze away from the water and looked at Jisung. It took a few seconds before a smile shone on his face. “Yeah, Jagiya. I’m okay.” He held his hand out for Jisung to take. He could see the alpha visibly relax at the contact.
The two made their way through the tunnel to a large room with a floor to ceiling observation tank. There were a few steps across from the tank to sit and watch the fish swim by. Jisung led them to the steps to sit. His eyes darted all over the tank, spotting different fish and pointing them out to the alpha.
“And that one is a shark ray, but they’re not really sharks. They’re technically guitar fish,” he pointed to the fish near the bottom. “And that is a-” He stopped glancing over to see the alpha only looking at him. “Hyung you’re not looking at the fish,” he laughed and lightly pushed the alpha’s chest.
“Sorry, Sungie,” he laughed and tore his gaze away from the omega. “Which one were you saying wasn’t really a shark?”
After a while of Jisung pointing out more fish, they decided to keep going. They still had to go through the tanks with the deepest deep sea creatures. Jisung again led the way. He could feel the eyes of the alpha on him as he looked around at dark water.
“You seem so at peace,” he observed, coming up to hug the omega from behind.
Jisung hummed in agreement. “Yeah, I don’t know. The quiet of the water kind of drowns out all the thoughts in my head.”
They had only been together for a few months. He didn’t need to get into all the details of his mental health just yet. But the way the alpha held him a little tighter said that he understood his unspoken words.
In the quiet and loneliness of the simulated ocean floor, Jisung felt so warm and seen. The heaviness of the ocean suddenly felt like nothing compared to the feeling in his chest. He couldn’t quite name it. He turned around to face Minho, the alpha’s hands still around him.
“Thanks for this,” he smiled up at the alpha. “I know you said you’re not a big fan of water.”
Minho’s gaze softened and he pecked the omega on the nose. “You know what they say about doing things for the people you care about.”
“Yeah, but still,” Jisung leaned in and kissed the alpha. “You didn’t have to. So thanks.”
He turned again to look around at the tanks of water and Minho returned to holding him a bit tighter, grounding him a bit more.
Suddenly, under the weight of this unknown feeling, he came to the realization that this is what love was.