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How Strange It Is To Be Anything At All

Summary:

Aaron is absolutely freaking out over Vivian's attachment to him, so he goes to the only person he can think of.

Erin.

Notes:

HIIII okay so this one is also technically unfinished cs I cannot finish anything. BUT it is pretty much done. it just needs like, another paragraph or two I cannot write right now. this has been slowly added to like a paragraph at a time every two months for the past like year and a half. but I love them so much. I miss them everyday

Also, I thought it would be ironic to gift this fic to my sister, who gifted her fic of the same fandom (the first fic EVER) to me. so here's the gift back. I expect a full refund.

Work Text:

Aaron was gay. It wasn't a new revelation, he’d been suspecting it for awhile now – no straight guy rewatches Rocky that many times – but meeting Hunter solidified it. Or, really, the stutter of his heartbeat when he looked him in the eye and said “But I really came to see you, man!” did.

Despite spending plenty of time thinking about it, he never told his mom he was even questioning his sexuality. Not when he came home with a handful of notes on valentines day, not when she pushed him to get a pretty barista's number, and definitely not when he stared past said barista to check out the cute boy in line.

Even with the prior knowledge of girls falling for him, if there's one thing Aaron wasn't expecting, it was Vivian. The girl who had locked eyes with him once and then decided he was definitely her soulmate. Her confidence was kind of admirable. He tried to reject her a few times, but she was just as stubborn as Hunter. Never once thrown off the path to her ‘true love.’ He was just glad she hadn't shown up in his closet yet.

He tried to put up with it for a while. Most boys would probably be ecstatic at a girl showing this much interest in him, so pretended he was too. That lasted about three weeks before it was just plain uncomfortable.

One off comments about her liking him? Sure. Easy. Calling him her ‘new hunky boyfriend’ in front of at least 100 people after knowing him for barely five minutes? Oookay. Weird, yeah, but nothing he couldn't deal with. And then came her random unnecessary touches, staring him down every second they were in a room together, looking past anything he believed just because she thought he looked good, and all the other ways she treated him as if he wasn't a real person. It was borderline terrifying in a way.

He wasn’t completely sure he wasn't just overreacting, but after lying on his bed and thinking about it for a while, he decided he needed a second opinion.

His first thought was, of course, his mom. He went to her about everything so it made sense, but he couldn't just drop this load on her while they were still adjusting to this new life. She was stressed enough as it was, she didn't need to balance Aarons problems on top of that.

His next thought was Natasha. Despite being five years younger and occasionally an actual spawn from hell, she was blunt and told him as it was. She would be a great option, she’d listen and believe everything he said, but he couldn't be sure she wouldn't try to solve the problem herself. (see: violence and crude language towards Vivian) That knocked her off the list pretty fast.

Hunter was no good because Aaron didn’t trust himself not to slip up, and he wasn't close enough with Chuck to consider him for more than five seconds. He was left with one option. He wasn’t sure he liked it very much.

This was how he ended up outside Erins bedroom door at one in the morning, reciting his poorly made script in his head. He took in a breath, then knocked.

“Yeah?” Erin called out almost immediately, her voice muffled slightly by the rock music she was playing – how she could listen to that so late into the night? He had no idea. It made the house less lonely though, so he counted it as a plus.

Aaron ran a hand through his hair, twisting a few strands between his finger tips. “Can I come in?” This time his only response was Bon Jovi. He debated on turning around and acting like he never even knocked when the door swung open.

Erin just stood there, staring him down like she couldn't place where he came from. Eventually, she spoke again. “Aaron? What d’ya need?” She cocked her head like a dog in a way he’d typically make fun of her for, but he understood the confusion this time around. It was fairly uncommon for either of them to show up at the other's bedroom. They usually just talked in the Funky Jam-Pad™ or throughout the day. He honestly forgot she even had a bedroom sometimes.

He grasped at the ends of his hair absentmindedly before muttering out an unnecessarily quiet, “Can we talk?” She stared at him again as if trying to decode him, before nodding and stepping to the side. He stepped into the room hesitantly, and made a b-line for her bed. He looked around.

Her bedroom walls were a lot like her side of the music room, an unorganized-organized chaos of posters. Joan Jett, Stevie Nicks, Bikini Kill, Blondie, you name it. He was 90% sure she had a Wham! one stuffed behind her dresser. No one could resist George Michael.

The click of the door shutting pulled him out of his thoughts, and his gaze dropped down to his hands. He knew, realistically, that there was nothing to be afraid of. It was just Erin. If anything, she’d be the one to get uncomfortable by all this feelings-talk. He’d be fine.

She grabbed her desk chair and wheeled it over, sitting it close enough to where he sat on the bed that their knees touched. It was a welcome presence, it helped ground his wandering mind to the present.

They sat in silence for a few minutes. He never looked up, but he could feel her eyes on him. He sunk into the bed a little more. Erin broke the silence after a while. He was surprised she lasted so long, honestly.

“Are you okay?” Her voice was softer than he thinks hes ever heard it. It makes him feel worse. “You’re kind of freaking me out here.” Aaron let out an airy sound at that, his voice caught somewhere between a laugh and a sigh.

He nodded. “Its-yeah. No, uh yeah. I’m good. Sorry. I just..” He closed his eyes for a second and ran his hand across his face. God, his psuedo-script really wasn't helping here.

When he opened his eyes again, Erin was looking straight at him. Her face was patient and completely judgement free. He wasn't quite sure how she did it. She gestured for him to continue.

“So, Vivian. Y’know how she’s like…I don't know. All over me?” Erin nodded again. “Well I, honestly, really hate it. I’ve been trying, okay? Like I promise, I was trying to put up with it, but it's just getting too weird. I know she means well, and I know I should like her attention but it's just.. She keeps grabbing me, and she talks about me as if I’m just some kind of doll. I really don't want to upset you, and I know it's taken a while for you to even kind of like me, but she won't take no for an answer and I don't know what to do but I just can't. I’m sorry.”

He hadn’t realised he was getting so worked up about this till he heard his voice shake at the end. He ran a hand across his face once more, not even daring to look back at Erin. He shoved his hands back into his lap and was about to excuse himself, already mumbling out another apology when she placed a hand on his knee. Stopping him. Grounding him.

“Aaron.” He was expecting her to be angry with him, but her voice was laced with concern. He stilled, but didnt even think about responding. His voice would be a dead give away. “It’s okay. Don’t apologise. There's nothing to apologise for.” He barely suppressed a scoff at that. He could think of at least four things off the top of his head.

She drummed her fingers on his knee, “Aaron.” Her voice, though still concerned, was firmer this time. He risked looking up. “I'm glad you came to me, okay? I'll talk to her. I know she's…alot.”

Aaron nodded slightly, the tension in his shoulders easing. “You're not,, mad?” He was expecting something more. Maybe a little screaming, some convincing about how Vivian was right and he was the outcast, a slammed door. Y'know. Something normal. Not acceptance and reassurance. He was lost.

She scoffed disbelievingly at that, “Why would I be mad?” Aaron shrugged lamely at that, playing with the ends of his sleeves. His eyes were back in his hands.

“I.. I don't know. I mean, she's your best friend. And it's not, like, a bad thing. I mean I'm supposed to like having a girls attention, right? I don't know why I'm so,, bleh about it.”

Erin tapped his knees again, harder this time. He looked up.

Her voice was firm, as if there was no room for disagreement. “Aaron, you're expressing a boundary. If you're uncomfortable, it is a bad thing. If you don't like it, you don't like it. You don't have to make it okay because you think you have to. That's so… not punk rock of you.”

Aaron let out a startled laugh at the end, the change in vibe heavy. God, maybe he shouldn't have doubted Erin's ability to talk about feelings. She was damn good at this.

Aaron paused for a second, giving himself a second to fully connect his thoughts before speaking, “It's so weird. Because realistically, I know that. I do. I know it's fine to be uncomfortable. But it's like there's something in my head convincing me it's not. I think it's,, I don't know. I feel so lost.”

Erin leaned back in her chair at this, bringing her arms up to cross them across her chest. They sat in silence for a second before she looked back at him, coming up with her own hypothesis.

“Do you think, and this isn't a dig at you, it's because you're so much of a people pleaser? Like, do you think it's because you don't want her to be upset with you? Cause right now she likes you – a little too much – but in your head too much is better than not at all?”

She said it so casually, but Aaron felt as if something finally clicked in place. Judging by the expression she was giving him, she knew it as well.

“Yep. Clocked it. That's right, who's the best therapist ever?” She was trying to lighten the mood, and Aaron appreciated it, but he was still overcoming this revelation. He had a feeling he would be for a while. But at least he had his sister to walk him though it.